Dark as Daylight Ch. 06

"You know that would never happen to me Payne."

"I'm only asking, because half of the locking mechanism is sitting on the floor out here. I could put it on the door, and you could put the other half on your side, and we could open the door together so you could have dinner while it's hot. Don't be a weenie, and put your pride before a good hot meal."

"Okay, put your half of the mechanism in."

"Do you mean you can stick your wee little finger, and press it against the wee little latch and open up the door Dycke?"

"No I can't, because there is no light in here?"

"I love you Even Luck. I'll see you after dinner Dycke, and then maybe I'll help you open the door."

"When did you say you wanted me to start working on the spacecraft again?"

"That's not fair, and you know it."

"Put your half in the door now, or that spacecraft won't be done until your 90 years old."

"Your namesake is going to shrivel up and die before it gets in me again."

"Talk about not being fair."

"My half is in the door."

"Mine is also, but the door will not open."

"Dad, would you give me a hand here. We're having a problem with this door again."

"One day you two were going to change this handle."

"Dad, this is a new handle."

"Dycke put your part in the door, and I'll try to line up mine to make sure they mesh."

"There you go Dycke, both prongs one straight in. I'm going to open it from my side."

Piker Temple pushed down on the lever, and attempted to open the door. It didn't move.

"Dycke, push down on your side, I'll push down on mine, and will both try to open the door. On the count of three:1-2-3-Now."

They both tried to open the door and nothing happened.

Payne stood there laughing at them.

Her father asked, "Did you glue this door closed?"

"It's a wonderful thought dad, but I didn't do it this time."

Chad yelled to his son, "Dycke, why don't I push a screwdriver through that little slot in the slide mechanism, and push it forward. That should open it, right?"

"That's correct dad. The screwdrivers are in the spare bedroom."

***************

"Well that's the third one that broke, what the hell is going on with this door?"

"So help me God, Payne, if you glued this door shut I'm going to take your airplane away."

"I didn't do anything to the door, I swear it. Let me see who's on guard at the door, maybe he can help us."

***************

"Michael, could you give us a hand inside for a moment?"

"Absolutely, what do you need?"

"Dycke is stuck in the bathroom, because both parts of the handles came off, and the lights inside the bathroom for some reason are not working. Could you try to open it for us?"

"Sure thing."

Michael put one hand on the lever, and one hand on the center of the door, and pushed. The door opened.

Piker and Chad looked at him for a moment and then Chad asked, "How did you do that?"

"Sometimes bathroom doors swell because of all the moisture they absorb. All I did was push in the center of the door to give the edges a chance to get some air in there. When I pushed down on the lever, I let up on the pressure in the middle, and the door opened. It's just science."

Chad said, "I'm a damned architect and I didn't know that."

Michael replied, "I bet you every carpenter knows it."

Dycke asked, "What do I do to have this door fixed?"

"I can do that for you if you want. I have a Plainer at home. I'll bring it in, and take 1/16th of an inch off the top, and 1/8th of an inch off the side. There goes your problem. I wouldn't use that bathroom again, until you do get it fixed."

"I'm going to leave the fixture on the vanity to make sure no one uses it. Thank you Michael, when do you think you can do it?"

"I can be here at 2:30 PM tomorrow, because my shift doesn't start until 4 PM. It will take me 45 minutes to do it, as long as you have a vacuum I can use to clean up the mess and then allow me to change into my suit."

"What will it cost?"

"Is $200 okay with you?"

"$1000 is just fine.

"That's way too much money Mister Schneider."

"Michael if you had not been standing outside the door, the fire department would've had to come here and break it down. I would have had to buy a new door, and paid someone to paint it. Trust me, I'm getting off cheap."

"Thank you Mister Schneider, I'll be here tomorrow at 2:30 PM."

*************

Payne yelled, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to start seeing Doctor Russell regularly. I'm almost ready to hang Dycke over the railing for what he accused me of doing to the bathroom door, but before I do that, I thought I would give the good doctor another go-round."

"If you're not ready to hang Dycke dear; I can always lend you your father?"

"No mom, if you want daddy dead, all you have to do is become pregnant."

There was a thud in the living room.

"Get up Pike, I'm not getting pregnant; at least not by you."

*****************

24. Orion

Covered in white garments from head to toe, leaving only their faces visible, Richard, Holden, Patrick, Doctor Oyster, and several engineers from NASA entered the clean room.

Orion lay in its cradle awaiting its chance to fly into space, and reach the red planet. Designed to sit atop the new Space Launch System super rocket, it looked tiny compared to the Good Luck 1. Designed to carry up to six people, it was definitely going to be cramped inside.

As the engineers from NASA explained how it would be mated to the crew quarters, and science module, the boys looked at each other, and knew intrinsically it would not work in space.

Holden said, "Doctor Oyster, you better explain to these people this is going to fall apart entering the Mars atmosphere, and kill the four people Gordon saved by reworking the systems inside Orion."

Oyster didn't see the problem, so he danced around it.

"Instead of me telling them where the problem is, why don't you do for them what Gordon did for me. Write up a visual program and show them what happens. Give them several options to try and save their ship, and when they can't, they will ask you how to do it?"

"They are not going to like what they see."

"If it saves four people, I don't care if everyone in NASA doesn't like what they see."

Patrick asked, "Disregarding all its faults, which we may or may not be able to fix, can we put my sister's engines on this thing?"

Holden said 'NO', while Richard said 'YES.'

The war was on. The two boys had to be separated before blood was drawn in the clean room.

Rod and William Junior saw what was happening on the television monitor, and ran to the entrance to the clean room. When the boys were carried out, there was hell to pay.

Rod grabbed Richard's arm and pulled him to an empty office. Holden started swinging at William, which was a mistake. He wound up unconscious on the floor after one smooth chop to his neck. William picked him up, carried him into the same office Rod was in, and threw his victim on the desk.

"Did you kill him?"

"No, but I don't believe he'll take another swing at me for a while."

The new administrator of NASA walked in. "What the hell got into those two? I've never seen them act like that before."

Rod said, "I believe it's the first time in their history they disagreed with one another. Holden said it was not possible to put the engines on, and Richard said it was. Holden's pride was hurt and he reacted like a child, which he is."

Holden yelled, "I am not a child."

"Then why did you act like one?"

"My idiot brother told me I was wrong. He was wrong, telling me I was wrong. I am never wrong."

Richard said, "If it was not for my architectural genius, you wouldn't know where to put your hand to wipe your ass."

Holden launched himself at his brother, but missed hitting himself on the corner of the desk. He wasn't hurt badly, but he cried like a baby.

Patrick said, "Didn't I just hear someone say 'I am not a child.' It sure sounds like a child is crying in this room."

"Go fuck yourself Pat."

"Possibly when I grow older, but I'm not there yet."

"Rod, do you hear penis envy creeping into the conversation, between an 11-year-old, and a 16-year-old boy?"

"I can't believe it starts this young. I heard of one that made me feel like a pygmy. I never bragged again."

"What are we going to do with these two?"

"I believe it's very simple. We are going to put them at two different computer terminals and have them prove their point. The loser fights me. You did enjoy fighting me, didn't you Holden?"

"Yes I did, until I didn't know what happened to me."

"The three of you have to learn to defend yourselves. Patrick got a warning. I'm taking it one step further. I want the both of you to take defensive lessons that are going to hurt you much more than it's going to hurt your teachers. You must learn, and you must learn fast. Whoever the people are that are trying to destroy our work are moving extremely fast towards their goal. We cannot protect the three of you 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There will be times someone may be able to slip through our net. You must be able to protect yourself until help arrives. It may be 30 seconds; it may be a minute. During that time, it will be up to you to stay alive."

"Does it mean I'll be able to fight against that asshole brother of mine?"

"Do you mean your 15-year-old brother, who outweighs you by 20 pounds, and who is taller than you are by about 6 inches. Do you mean that brother?"

"Yes, that's the brother I'm talking about."

"Oh yes, you will be able to fight him quite frequently. Afterwards, it will take you two hours to get yourself out of the pretzel he's going to turn you into."

"Bullshit, I'm faster than he is. He'll never know which way I'm coming from."

"You better hope you're right, because if you're not, you are going to be in a lot of pain."

"I can take pain."

"Sure you can; you ran into the corner of the desk, and cried like a baby."

"Fuck you."

"Watch your language boy, or you will be eating a bar of lye soap, bit by bit, instead of using your computer, byte by byte."

Holden had a smart reply ready for William, but the words would not come out of his mouth. Somehow he knew if he used those words, this man would be true to his word. He had no desire to eat soap, so he used the magic words.

"I apologize for using irregular language. It will not happen again."

William almost laughed at the apology, because of Holden's use of words. He was very smart, almost too smart, so he decided to get even with him.

"Let's get these two to computer terminals to see if either one of them knows what they are talking about. That was not the use of irregular language, Holden. It was vile and abusive language, and I will not allow you, or any member of this family to use it. Are we on the same page now, BOY?"

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes sir."

"Try again, do you know my name?"

"Yes Mister Zabo."

"What is this man's name?"

"That's Rod."

"Try again."

"That's Mister Laver."

"You will not use the familiar, with anyone who is in charge of you; except your agents. They want you to feel comfortable with them. However, anyone, from Mister Laver, to the man who shines your shoes, you will now refer to properly. Due to your genius, you have been given too much liberty; that ends today. From the top of the totem pole, you have just been placed at the bottom. Everyone else is above you, until you reach 21 years old. At that time, you may start using the familiar again. If you break this rule, your trainers will become extremely upset with you, and your training will become much harsher. I don't believe you will like that at all.

Go to your terminals, and get started. Don't leave them until you are finished. If you need something to eat or drink, or go tinkle, raise your hand and someone will come to you.

Mister Administrator shall we see your new office?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Mister Zabo. Where is it?"

"I have no idea. Let's ask someone who works here."

***************

Five hours later Holden completed his task. He was very unhappy with himself, but he did not show it. His brother was right; it could be done. The modifications would be extensive, but not to the capsule itself. The crew quarters, and the science lab were the problems, but he believed Mister Schneider would be able to work his magic around them. He stopped thinking and laughed at himself. He just called 'Dycke' by his proper name, Mister Schneider. Had Mister Zabo's warning sunk in so soon? Was it possible?"

Nearly 3 hours later Richard was finished.

"What the hell took you so long, I thought you died in that chair."

Holden received a smack on the back of his head from William.

"What the hell was that for?"

"He received another smack on the back of his head, but this time it was from Rod.

"What am I doing wrong?"

"Think about what you said to your brother when he finished."

"I asked him what the hell took him so long."

Rod hit him again.

"What am I doing wrong?"

William asked him to think about his language.

"Oh shit!" Instinctively he raised his arms to protect his head. He looked at William who smiled at him. He looked at Rod who was smiling at him, and put his hands down. That's when Patrick hit him.

"Stop it already, I understand what I did wrong. I will work on it."

Patrick said, "It took you long enough."

"Okay I'm a little dense in this area, but I will try to use the English language a little differently."

"Doctor Oyster asked for a visual representation of what would happen if the current design of Orion attempted a landing as it is. I did that.

Then I made my changes to the design. I put in the magnetic engines where they would work properly. It took a little more time than you did by adding 1 and 1 together and coming up with 3 ½."

Before anything could happen between them, Patrick yelled, "Sit down, both of you."

"Holden you said it would not work. Run your projections up on the screen, and prove it."

"Pat, it can be done. I have to check with Mister Schneider about some serious modifications to the crew quarters and the science lab, but my numbers tell me it can be done."

"Richard keep your mouth shut, because if you start gloating, you'll find my fist in it."

"Let's see your numbers and your reasoning behind them."

Holden started his program.

"As you can see, we leave Orion as is, but it's covered by a large perspex dome so the crew can see outside, and have light come inside. The only metal part of the capsule that remains exposed to the remainder of the three sections is the hatch connecting them. It covers Orion for the 1-hour trip to Mars to keep anything from hitting the capsule from the front, or sides.

The real magic has to come from Mister Schneider, because Orion is made of metal, and that will interfere with my sister's engines. He is going to have to find a way to put a buffer between the three parts that make up Orion, and the area we put the Magnetic Engines, the helium, and the nuclear engine. The man is a genius with the long line carbon filaments, and I know he can do it. That's why I believe it can be done."

Richard stood up and applauded his brother.

Holden thought Richard was mocking him, and was ready to cross the table to kill him, until Richard said, "It's about time you came over to my way of thinking. Watch my video and learn from the changes I made to the initial design. It would look better on a larger screen, but I guess this will do."

Pat said, "They have a larger screen in the auditorium;

why don't we go there?"

"It works for me."

****************

Before he started his program, Richard qualified it.

"I did it this way, because I didn't want to show real people dying. I didn't want to mock anyone's hard work on the SLS program. However, the numbers and the projections speak for themselves."

On the huge screen came a picture of the SLS rocket, surrounded by its huge gantry. Sitting atop it was the three stage Orion capsule. The main capsule sitting atop the crew quarters, which sat atop the science lab. You could hear excited talking in the background, coming from launch control.

In a building far away from the launch pad, they were getting ready to dress astronauts. Four Minions walked into the room, jumping up and down, as they were happy to finally be going into space.

Two 6-foot tall men were assigned to each Minion. One man opened the space suit, the other picked up the Minion, turned him upside down, and dumped him in unceremoniously. They zipped up the bottom of the suit, leaving only his little dangling feet exposed.

They covered those with his space boots, and zippered those to his spacesuit. They used contact cement to seal the two parts together.

They were carried out to the bus, which sped at 140 miles an hour to the launch ramp, because they were running late. When the bus came to a screeching halt, the four Minions were plastered against the front windshield.

They were carried to the elevator, which rose to the top, at terminal velocity, which found that our intrepid heroes, flat as pancakes, lying on the elevator floor. Each was re-inflated, using an air hose, just prior to getting into the capsule. As the main door was closed and sealed, you can see the Minions fighting over there seating arrangements.

As they finally settled down, they pushed a blue button, which started a high pressure vacuum, which was located beneath their seats. It sucked them down until there was no air between their bottoms, and the seat itself. The logic behind this was, 'If your ass wasn't going anywhere, neither were you.' It also saved money on those irritating belts that held their tiny arms to their bodies."

Mission control said, "The computers now have control of the launch sequence. There is one minute left in the countdown."

"5-4-3-2-1-Lift-Off."

"Nothing happened. The engines did not ignite. The computers were working overtime. There were green lights across the board.

However, Nothing Happened.

The flight director yelled, "Shut it down, shut it down."

The computer director yelled, "The computers will not reply."

Suddenly, from the very back of the control room, a very junior computer specialist started laughing.

His director screamed. "What the fuck are you laughing about?"

"Sir, if you check your landline's between the SLS computer, and our internal computer, you will find that the two computers are having phone sex."

"You are out of your fucking mind."

"Take a look for yourself Sir; I didn't believe it at first."

The director brought the system up on his screen and saw what the lovebirds were doing. He tried to intervene using his terminal, but it was immediately turned off. Apparently they did not wish to be disturbed.

3 minutes and 12 seconds after launch time, the big SLS rocket belched 5 plumes of smoke, all its engines fired at once, and launched into the air on its mission to Mars.

The computer at mission control started blinking its lights all over the computer boards. The areas around the keyboards became hot, nearly too hot to touch. Within 1 minute and 32 seconds everything returned to normal.

The flight director turned to the computer specialists and asked, "Would someone tell me what the heck just happened?"

The junior computer specialist said, "Apparently Sir, the computer on board the rocket is a boy, and the computer in here is a girl. When they both orgasmed, they went about their business properly."

The Flight Director said, "If one word of what you said gets out to the press, we will all be in the funny farm for life."

Alarms woke up the sleeping astronauts to advise them they were about to enter Mars orbit. They cleaned up the internal portions of the spacecraft, putting their tennis rackets, ping-pong balls, and assorted and sundry other items away for their descent onto the red planet. The computer said everything was in order, and it was time for them to slow Orion down. They turned the spacecraft around 180°, and fired the retro rockets. Everything was right on profile as they fired the rockets again slowing down even further. They could feel the difference as they entered the thin Martian atmosphere.