Daughter of the Witcher Ch. 06

"I have met my first Kurtadam idiot," Koten seethed, "I didn't know that there were any." His hand went higher until the other male stood on his toes looking up while Koten's arm was extended upward fully to hold him there.

"I will now hear your apology," he fumed between his teeth, "and you will tell me again what you will do to Natan, and if I do not like what I hear this time since it had better be nothing, then I will kill you and learn what the punishment here is for murder afterward."

There were only gurgling sounds from the other one's throat.

"Near enough," Koten said as he whipped is hand away and the taller beast fell in a heap.

"Now get up and go. If it is ever told to me that Natan has even seen you in the distance and felt nervous, I will hunt you down. Natan is mine, as long as he wishes to be."

The other one left holding his head.

Petra chuckled as she put her arm around Natan's waist.

"Someone is feeling possessive," Jenna grinned.

Natan stood speechless. "But, ... but we have not done anything. He looks at me as though he would not touch me for all the gold ...."

Petra shrugged, "Try him today. If something comes of it, then we will all tell him together this night of what he must do next if he wants us three."

The sisters stepped away and left by the doorway back to the stairs. Natan stood alone the next second.

As Koten turned around, he saw Natan and he groaned, looking down in embarrassment.

"I did not know that you were -- "

"I know," Natan nodded, "I did not know that this would happen either.

Why did you say what you did? You said that I am yours."

Before Koten could show the way that he felt even worse now, Natan's shyness showed even quicker and he looked down, only his fur concealing his blush.

"Thank you for that, since it is a nice thought to me, I suppose, but, ..."

He looked up then, "Well it is hardly true, is it?"

Koten rolled his eyes, regretting even getting out of bed this morning.

"I said it to get that stone-headed oaf off your back," the young witcher said -- regretting even his reply now that he saw how it might be taken. "You're a prince here, for pity's sake. I would think that it ought to buy you something, such as the choice of who and when and why you might become involved with someone.

I guess that I was also standing up for someone in this pack thing of ours, though it hasn't really started yet. I just thought that it was expected of me."

He exhaled heavily, "I'm sorry that you heard it. I did not want to imply that you belonged to me, but for an idiot such as that my options were limited, since I speak your language so poorly. I just wanted him to get the idea that you are not available to him, and if it meant that I had to hint that you were mine, I hoped that someone so primitive in the way that he sees things would understand it."

"Brontahn is rather primitive," Natan said, "We hadn't gotten very far anyway. As soon as he began to TELL me what I would do, I grew , ... nervous, as you said to him. That was a very good choice for a word there, Koten. I might try to seem worldly, I guess, but it is closer to the truth to say that I have little experience with males -- as much as I am drawn to them.

Anyway, thank you for what you did, though I imagine that you did not see your own peril. Brontahn is very strong; much, much stronger than a human can ever be. He could have easily killed you, and then the guilt would have been mine to wear. You were very brave for me. I have little courage most often."

Koten smiled at that and Natan was instantly confused by it.

"Courage is not something that one has, like a weapon that one might own which can be picked up to use," Koten smiled, "It is something that one finds and does not know what it is at the time. In the moment -- if one has the need or the fear that someone close is about to come to harm, the courage comes in the blink of an eye -- only one does not see it as that name then. To the person at the time, it is disguised as desperation.

Have you ever seen a cornered mouse, Natan?

I can say that if you ever do, you will see courage in abundance in a creature who wishes only for a clear path to run and sees it blocked.

You ought to give me a small amount of credit, my friend. I guessed at his strength and I do not think that it took a lot of bravery. I do have a few ways to make my point. A piece of firewood thrown from behind him so that it hit his stone-hard head was a good way to open the discussion, I thought."

Natan's jaw dropped, "But I was watching from above," he pointed, "When I came down, I saw him on the ground and you had not moved."

Koten grinned, "Nevertheless, I threw it from behind him."

Natan spun around, feeling the tap on his shoulder. When he looked behind himself, he saw Koten standing there with a smile. He turned back and there was no one where Koten stood a second before.

"So you -- " he stared back and forth, "you were in front of him, then behind him, then - "

"You make me dizzy," Koten laughed, "but I see that you are getting it." He stepped away to grab his shirt, feeling the cold now.

Natan was chuckling as well, "Come then, before I get dizzy from it as well. I've brought you something."

Natan led Koten to the door of the gatehouse, "Inside with you. I cannot say the same as you. I have seen many human idiots, but you still have a little time to put your shirt on before you get sick, so there is a chance yet for you to avoid my list."

There was even less wind in the gatehouse once the door was closed and there was only the small amount of daylight coming in through the window above them.

Natan unwrapped a small package. He removed a piece of whatever it was and he held it out to Koten.

"It is nothing more than some venison, smoked in a way that I have learned."

He shrugged, "You might like it. That is my hope, anyway. This lot turned out to be not too dry."

Koten nodded and he tried chewing on the piece. His eyebrows rose after only a moment. "This -- this is very good, much better than anything that I can -- "

He looked up and his thought died on his lips.

Natan stood leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. It was the first time that Koten had seen him in the guise of a human and his mouth fell open. Koten had never considered that a male of any kind might appear to him as beautiful in any way, since no one ever had, really. But seeing Natan there with nothing on had an effect and it surprised Koten.

Natan was a slim youth to his eyes, full of natural grace and though Koten still didn't understand the concept of love with another male, he did feel the pull, since Natan was the most attractive male that he'd ever seen.

"You like me better this way?" Natan asked, chuckling, "Your eyes tell the tale plainly."

Koten shook his head, "Yes, - I mean, no, I -- "

His face showed his frustration and he let out a sigh. "Yes I do," he said, "I admit it. I do not think that I could help it. But in truth, I do like to see you the other way as well. You are very attractive to me and I do not understand it. Like this, it was just such a shock to feel it."

Natan nodded, "Then perhaps you ought not to try so hard to understand. I find you so attractive as well, but it does neither of us any good with you there looking like that doe the other day. I think that if I reached out to touch you with one finger the way that you touched her, the result could easily be the same."

Koten shook his head, "I am confused at how I feel. But that is not what I wish to say. I've been thinking of things a lot lately, this whole mating thing begins to bother me for many reasons. I decided that to accept what is laid before me as though you were a condition of the whole was very stupid, more so than that fool who was outside. I have the idea from somewhere that to accept all of it fully and completely would be the easiest thing but there is more than only that.

While I have been struggling over all of it, I came to know that you did not want it either, but you have seen something in me to change your mind. If that is so, then I have made things even worse by not seeming to care. I am sorry for that, because it is not true."

"You have shown that you do care in only the past little while in what you did for me," Natan said, "but I understand what you mean to say. It tells me that you have no real experience with another male either."

"True," Koten smirked, "very true. I even pushed the strangeness of it away from my mind once to think of it and I knew at once that I would not even know where to begin."

"It doesn't matter, Koten," Natan said, "I think that we can both admit that there is something here, though you seem to have more trouble with it than I."

Natan considered a moment and then he pulled himself away from the wall and stepped closer to Koten.

While Koten stared a little, Natan pulled open the still-undone shirt, put his arms around Koten's thick and powerful neck and pulled himself against him.

He looked up after a second as Koten looked into the same light amber eyes as the others who loved him.

"I am beginning to see just what it is that my sisters see in you."

And with the smallest sort of smile, Natan kissed Koten.

The first touch startled them both but the second lasted a long while. Natan drew himself against Koten even more and Koten's arms reached out to hold Natan.

When they drew apart, things had changed a little for them. Natan kissed Koten's cheek and he smiled up. "Thank you for that. I would want your friendship for now and I would be happy with that. I see how you are confused. Your mind tells you one thing, and yet I feel that your body cries out another."

He chuckled once, "It is enough for me for now, to feel how you grow aroused against me. I am not free from the effect either."

Koten nodded, "I can feel it -- and why are we whispering?"

Natan shrugged, "We could shout it out loud if you wish. Does this never happen to human males? Is that what troubles you?"

"It happens, I guess," Koten replied, "I think that it must, and I also think that it is usually kept hidden when it does."

"Then let us hide it and try to grow a friendship instead," Natan smiled, "Though I would be happy to have kisses like that at any time. What else bothers you? I see that there is more and it is not about me, is it?"

Koten shook his head, "I do not understand why this all must be. I think that it would be so much easier -- if it is even possible -- for me to have the problem of choosing one of your fine sisters. Yet it seems that there is to be no such choice for me. I must take all, and it is not what I am comfortable with.

Natan, where I am from, it can be enough trouble to find one girl -- well, or boy, now that we stand here this way -- and manage that. To be faced with three who seem so smitten with me, ... It is more than I can grasp. Why must it be so?"

"To give the best chance at making whelps," Natan said, "as I have told you."

Koten shook his head, "Look, as I am, I cannot give any to them. We are different."

Natan nodded for a moment and then he reached to touch Koten's cheek and ear with his thumb, his eyes watching as he did it. "We have a way to make you into a Kurtadam."

"I know it," Koten said, "But no one ever tells me how and what I would gain or lose by it."

"You would become one of us, and after a month or so, your seed could make whelps and not little humans, but I do not know much more of it than that. Nothing of any detail, anyway."

He seemed to lose himself for a moment and he kissed Koten once or twice more, "I could ask so that I learn of it and then I could tell you better, if you like. I would be happy to do it for you."

"Please do then, if you would" Koten said, "I need to know more before I say one way or the other. Is that the only reason? I see that the way that I give seed now is not what they would want, yet I do not know what the desired way is. I can only do it in one manner."

Natan sighed, "It does not matter to me at all how you do it, Koten, but I think that they have a hope that after you are a Kurtadam, you will give seed like one -- that is, several smaller gushes over a little time. As a human, it comes all at once. I think that is the difficulty.

There is another thing," he said, still whispering, "You would wed at some point, if it goes well. My kind would not accept a royal consort who is not a Kurtadam. That is not my own view. I like you in the way that you are."

The kisses and the embraces lasted a while longer and then both admitted that they felt the cold. Natan became a fur-covered beast once more and Koten closed his shirt. They parted shortly afterward and Koten got back to work.

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Before Koten was brought to the door of Petra's chamber, Natan hurried to his side.

"I must speak with you, friend, I have learned the way that it is to be done to make you one of us. Let us go somewhere more private. I do not think that you will be pleased."

Koten nodded and followed Natan to a smaller room.

After the door was closed, Natan told what he knew.

"Bitten?" Koten repeated after he'd heard it all. "I must be bitten?"

Natan nodded, "Something comes to you from our mouths. The wound must reach to your blood and there will be a scar which lasts your life long. Even with fur over it, all will know that you were once a human.

It gets worse, Koten. You will grow ill from it. From what was told to me by one of the council, there will be great pain. It has not been done here since we came, but where we once lived it was done now and then.

There will be no change to the way that you give seed. You will never be able to give it to Petra and Jenna in the way that they wish. And that is if you live."

"If I live?" the witcher asked, in some disbelief.

Natan nodded, "I am sorry, but most humans die from it, and sadly, it is not an easy death, as I was told."

Koten thought a moment, "Odds," he said, "Give me the chances, if you know of them."

Natan drew a long breath, looking clearly unhappy, "I was told that seven of ten perish."

Koten stood thunderstruck.

"Please, Koten, " Natan pleaded, "Do not accept. You can refuse, though Petra especially will be displeased.

Look, I care for you, but I would be happier to know that you still live than to watch you die like that. You must refuse it."

Koten saw that Natan was upset enough over it to have to try to say it without tears.

He looked off, seeming to be gazing right through the wall for a long moment.

"It is unfortunate that they might be displeased," he said, "I wonder if I could keep my displeasure from my face as I die."

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The meeting was not a pleasant one after that.

Jenna was in tears.

Petra was almost in a rage.

As he expected, Koten did get to hear the famous 'if you really loved me' argument. Koten's reply was much quieter.

"I think that if it meant your life if I failed," he said, "Then I would already give my life for you or Jenna and I have already fought to keep Natan from something that he did not want and was afraid of.

But you ask me to as much as lay my life down against long odds so that your people could see me look as they do. My seed would come the way that it does now, sorry to disappoint you in that regard.

So what is left is that I would likely die badly so that you could bear the whelps of a changed man if I lived.

"We love you!" Petra cried to him, but Koten shook his head sadly.

"You ask something which I would never ask of either of you. Because I love you.

Find yourselves a Kurtadam husband," he said, "I have struggled too long to learn the ways of my people. There are over eighty of you.

I know of only two other of what I am."

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Margit was upset at first until he had a chance to explain it to her. Her outlook changed then and she apologized. Well she had only one son.

Gunnar heard of it and nodded in his usual way, saying only that he was pleased that Koten had learned of it before.

Koten took a set of rooms then and he stayed there alone for a time, a very unhappy man.

The only bright spot in it were the occasional visits by Natan, who was unhappy himself, caring for the feelings of his sisters and also caring for his friend.

"Look what I have brought," he smiled as much as he could one day, "A jug of our brandy!"

"Is it strong?" Koten asked from his seat be the fire, "I think I need to be drunk."

"Strong enough for that, easily," his friend grinned, and the two of them proceeded to try to drown the difficulties.

"Petra is thinking of giving up her portion of ruling here," Natan said in a serious moment, "She says that to do that would let her find you and she hopes to love with you as you are and not as one of us. She says that she knows that she was wrong now. The trouble is Jenna.

Jenna has said that she would welcome it, so that she could become queen by herself. She forgets about me in her plans." He laughed as a thought came to him, "I think that our failed plans might end with plots and hatred."

He looked over at Koten, who sat staring into the flames of the fire, "Would you go back to Petra?"

Koten shook his head, "She might have grown less loud by now, Natan, but I have had far less evil things and curses heaped upon my head by people who were trying to kill me at the time. It is the same now as it was then. I would never say half of what she said to me even if I were twice as angry with her, ... or something like that, I think.

Most people do not think of it this way, but my father told me once that one should think of hard words in the same way that one would think of arrows. It is not possible to call them back.

One can apologize, but the damage is done by then and there is no ointment for the hurts caused."

They continued to share the brandy back and forth and eventually, Koten fell silent. Natan continued to stare into the fire for a time after that, but eventually, he helped Koten to his bed.

Very early the next morning and still a ways from the dawn, Koten awoke and looked at the ceiling, thinking of what he'd heard said of Petra and wishing that he could undo so many things. But at last, he decided that he couldn't and then he noticed the weight of the arm across his chest.

He looked over and saw that Natan was in the bed with him and was asleep.

He thought about that for a time and wondered what had happened between them, if anything.

He only knew that he had no real idea about it and after a long thought, he turned over and pulled the covers up over Natan, who woke then and smiled at him.

"I don't know," Koten said, "and right now I don't care much either." He kissed Natan softly and then he went back to sleep.

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When they woke up later that morning, Natan was in a mischievous mood.

He saw Koten working at trying to revive the remains of the fire and he watched for a time, admiring that body, even as Koten knelt shivering on the carpet.

"Are you cold?" he asked and Koten nodded but made no answer, not wanting to hear the chattering of his own teeth.

"Come back to bed when you are done and I'll warm you up," he offered.

Koten shook his head and again said nothing.

"It is the least that I can do," Natan groaned as he stretched lazily for a moment, "You were such a kind and attentive lover to me last night that I have the want to do anything for you."

"You can keep quiet, for a start," Koten growled, "We did nothing last night."

"I know it," Natan smiled a little sadly, "but I can have my dreams. I cannot imagine you as anything but the finest sort of lover to me."