Dazed and Confused

"I don't know what to do," Mandy said. "What do you want me to do?"

"How about go far away?" Bailey said.

"Bailey, please," Mandy said. "You're not helping."

"Helping what?" Bailey asked. "Mom, you just destroyed our family. Do you imagine that either one of us will ever get over what you did?"

"I'm hoping that both of you will get over it," she said. "I made a huge mistake. If you just give me a chance, I'll show you that I won't make another one. Haven't either of you ever made a mistake?"

"Yes," Bailey said. "I had a negative sign instead of a positive sign on my algebra test last week." She looked at me.

"Oh, yes, I've made plenty," I said. "Just last week, I ordered a new SD card for my tablet. I got the wrong size and had to return it." We both looked at Mandy.

"Okay, I get it," she said. "Mistake wasn't a good word. It was worse than that, much, much worse. I was very stupid and I'm so sorry. If you let me, I'll show you how sorry I am."

"Why did you brain the guy?" Bailey asked her. "If you were having second thoughts, why didn't you just ask him to leave?"

Inwardly, I was about to laugh myself to death. I choked it back and looked at Mandy with a quizzical expression.

"I didn't... Cedric must have... What did you do, Cedric?"

"According to the police timetable, I was at work," I told her. "Why are you trying to blame me? Did you have some sort of fight and you decided to clean his clock?"

"Then how do you know... I know you did something, Cedric. You were here! You know what he said. I didn't mean any of that. It was just something he..."

It was getting deep and she didn't want to start anything. "I told you how I know," I told her. "I have surveillance equipment all over the house. Well, there's not any in Bailey's bedroom or the bathrooms. The next time you want someone to "give you that big dick," you might want to use Bailey's room or the bathroom."

"Gross, Dad," Bailey complained. "Mom, you haven't been banging people in my bed, have you?"

"No, of course not," Mandy appeared disgusted. "You don't have any surveillance equipment."

"Au contraire," I said. "I told you, I have Mafia connections and the CIA gives me the latest secret super spy equipment."

"Where is it?" Mandy asked.

"Did you not hear the word 'secret'?" I asked. "I can't show you; you don't have a security clearance."

"Bullshit," Mandy said. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that I was stupid, I got caught and now I have to make it right."

"What was your plan?" I asked.

"I didn't have one," she said. "I didn't think I would get caught. I only did it twice, Cedric. This was going to be the last time."

"Oh, well then," Bailey put in. "Since it was only twice and you didn't think you were going to get caught, that's okay then."

"No, it's not; I was just explaining. It wasn't okay." Mandy said.

"By the way," I had a thought. "How were you planning to convince me that I should believe anything you say?"

"I've never lied to you, Cedric," she said. "We've always been honest with each other."

"Um, well, there are at least two times that I can think of," I said.

She had the decency to blush. "I meant besides that. Do you think I'm a liar?"

"I'm thinking yes," Bailey said.

Mandy looked indignant. "I always tell the..." Evidently, even she knew how ridiculous that sounded. "I'm not a liar," she said. "Okay, I lied to you about this, Cedric. I didn't know what to do. I hoped you wouldn't find out. I've never lied to you about anything else."

"What's your point?" I asked.

"I did something stupid," she said. "It was only twice and when... yesterday was going to be the last time. I'll never do it again."

"So, you were just giving him a goodbye bang?" Bailey said.

"No... yes... you're getting me all confused."

"It doesn't matter how many times," I told her. "It doesn't matter that you were going to stop. All that matters is that you did."

She stared at us with haunted eyes. "If you'd just stop interrupting me and let me explain," she began.

She drew up, mid-leap, as it were, when we both held up our hands.

"I told you I didn't want to hear any 'explanations'," I said. "All I want to hear is what you're going to do."

She sat there with her hands wringing in her lap and started crying again. "I don't know," she wailed. "What do you want me to do?"

"Oh, no, you aren't going to put this on me," I said. "You fucked it up; you fix it."

"I don't know what to do," she sobbed.

"Well, you let me know when you do," I said. "In the meantime, I think you should move your stuff to the guest room. I'd like to ask you to leave, but I can't make you. I don't want you anywhere near me."

She broke down sobbing again. "Please don't make me do that," she begged.

"That is pretty cruel, Dad," Bailey put in. "Have you ever slept in that bed?"

"No," I said. "What's wrong with it?"

"Trust me, it sucks," she said. "I think you must have bought it on sale at 'Broken backs R Us' fifty years ago. I'll go back to my apartment and Mom can have my bed. I don't want to be around here with her, anyway. Don't be banging anyone in my bed, Mom."

Mandy gave her a piteous look. "How can you be so mean to me?"

"Well, I thought you might want to get away from the security cameras for your little afternoon romps," Bailey said. "If you bring some sleazy guy home, you should use the bathroom. You aren't using my bed!"

This was better than standup comedy! I wanted Bailey to stay just to hear her banter. "Come to think of it," I said. "I don't want to be sleeping on the bed in my room either. Jack and all your other studs may have left pecker tracks on it."

"There isn't anyone else!" Mandy was practically shouting. "There was just... Jack, and it will never happen again. I changed the sheets and put down a mattress pad."

She looked at me and I shook my head. "I remember that blood," I told her. "When you bashed him over the head he bled on the mattress, didn't he? You never cut yourself shaving."

She looked guilty. "I cleaned it with bleach," she said. "I didn't hit him either, you..."

"Still, blood is a hazardous waste." I just thought I should mention it. Working at hospitals, you learn stuff like that. "I might get AIDS. I think I'll go check into the Adams."

The Adams was where Mandy had always bugged me to take her for the weekend. She looked at me with stricken eyes.

"You want to give it a shot, baby?" I asked Bailey. "I hear they have a great restaurant; we could hang around the pool, maybe get in the hot tub or sauna, get two bedrooms, drink some wine and watch a movie or something."

"Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" She seemed to like the prospect.

"She isn't old enough to drink," Mandy objected. "We agreed she wouldn't drink until she was 21."

"Yeah, but it will just be in our suite," I said. "She'll be with her old man and I'll watch out for her. Besides, we need to drown our sorrows in the vine."

"Please, Cedric, don't leave," she said. "I should leave, if anyone should. We can't work this out if you're not here."

"Oh, no, you're not going off to stay in some swank hotel while I sleep in the AIDS bed," I said. "No sense in both of us risking our health. I'll go pack a bag."

"I'll wait in my car," Bailey said. "I'm not staying here with slutzilla."

Mandy gave a little wail of dismay, but Bailey and I were both moving. I packed quickly, took enough for a couple of days, and we drove to the Adams. We had a good time. I had a great daughter, I decided. We were both a little down, but the surroundings kept us occupied and we did get a little buzzed on the wine. Bailey was a happy sort of drunk, and her mood was infectious. I had a little trouble falling asleep, and I suspect she did, too, but the wine helped and I felt good in the morning.

We had breakfast and tried to figure something out. "What are you going to do, Dad?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Go see a lawyer, first, I guess."

"Do you think this is something you will get over and stay with her?" she asked.

"I don't think so, baby," I said. "Do you think it's something you would get over?"

"No, but I haven't been married for 23 years. You have a lot invested there."

"I know," I said. "The problem is that 23 years seems to have meant a great deal more to me than to her. When she went after Jack's "big dick," that pretty much told me that I, you, and those 23 years didn't mean as much to her as a couple of rolls in the hay."

She looked sad. "Yeah, I see what you mean. I'm going back to school, Dad. Are you going home?"

"I think I'll stay here tonight," I said. "I'll go back tomorrow night. I'll have to face some music, but it's going to happen sooner or later. I can't run from it forever."

She gave me a big hug and a kiss, and she was gone. I knew I was going to be okay, as long as I had my baby. She had always been my girl, and that wasn't going to change.

When I pulled into the driveway, I breathed deeply for a while, then went to beard the lion in its den, so to speak.

Mandy was sitting at the kitchen table when I walked in. She had plainly not been having a good time. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her hands wrung together. My stomach felt sour, and I went and got myself a glass of milk.

"Cedric, I need..." she began.

I interrupted. "Just stop, Mandy. What could you possibly imagine would make anything about this what you need? Do you imagine that I care about what you need? I need a wife that doesn't fuck men in our bed. Bailey needs a mom she doesn't feel ashamed of, and you want to tell me what you need?"

She began to cry. "I didn't mean it like that," she sobbed. "Of course I know that. What I meant to say is that for me to begin to repair the damage I've done, I... I..." She was struggling not to say, "I need."

"You what?" I asked.

"I have to tell you some things," she said. "I have to try to find out what it is you want me to do."

"I want you to take a drive down to Robinson's office with me tomorrow," I said.

Her face paled even more. "The lawyer's office? Why do you want to go there, Cedric?"

"That's what people do when they get a divorce," I told her.

"I don't want a divorce," she wailed.

"Well, that's odd," I said. "When you fuck other people besides your spouse, that's what usually happens."

"It wasn't 'people'," she protested. "It was just one person, and it only happened twice before you caught me!"

"Why should I believe you?" I asked.

"I don't know," she sounded miserable. "I'm telling the truth, though. I know I made a huge blunder, Cedric. I was weak and stupid. I never intended for this to escalate like it has. Please, Cedric, can't you just talk to me, tell me what I can do to fix this?"

"I can't imagine," I said. "What would I do to fix it with you if you caught me fucking Lauren on our bed?"

"I would probably go down to Robinson's and start the divorce," she said. "I'm hoping you're a bigger person than I am. I know you are. I'm a selfish bitch, I know that, Cedric, but I'm begging for your forgiveness."

"Mandy, I don't know what to say," I told her. "I'm a one-woman kind of guy. My wife has to be a one-man sort of girl. I thought you were. I guess I was wrong."

"No, no, you weren't wrong," she protested. "I just got stupid and used terrible judgment. I'll go to a therapist, Cedric. I'll go to counseling with you. I'll start going to church. Maybe Bailey will let me go with her. I'm very sorry, Cedric. I know that doesn't begin to cover what I've done. Please, just give me a chance."

What the hell? I had 23 years with this woman. I loved her. Although Bailey seemed as if she was on board with whatever I wanted to do, would she lose respect for me if I just kicked her mother to the curb? I didn't know any of the answers.

I looked across at Mandy. She was sitting there with stricken eyes, looking at me like a puppy that has torn up your slippers, and knows he's in trouble.

"Amanda, you screwed the pooch on this one," I said. "I don't know how you're going to convince me that I can trust you again. I don't know how you're going to make me look at you as desirable again. I'm willing to give you a shot, but we'll just have to see how it goes."

Bailey called the next morning, and told me that Mandy had asked to go to church with her the next Sunday. I told her what was going on.

"I'm glad, Dad," she said. "She's a silly bitch, but I love her, and she's my mom. I'm mad as hell at her and I'm not going to get over that for a long time, but I know she loves you and you love her. I'll help any way I can. I love you, Daddy, and I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you, baby," I said, around the huge lump in my throat. "You just worry about you, and I love you, too."

I think we'll work it out. Mandy is a beautiful woman, and I'm sure I'll remember the 23 good years enough to dull the memory of that one horrific day. We'll just have to see what happens. I've sent a message to Google. They need better answers to some common questions.

A man cheats on his girlfriend, Lorraine, with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

Somehow, that just doesn't cut it.