All Comments on 'Des Moines'

Well, that was... satisfying. Well done, Mr. 59. Write another, please. Randi.

Excellent ending!

5

This was different from many LW stories in several ways. The way they completely avoided each other for 3 weeks or so while she was immersed in her affair and fighting with her husband at the same times seems perhaps more realistic than these stories usually are and I don't remember seeing a story quite like that here. That part of the story seemed well done. The scene with the Hotel manager was not plausible, IMO. That kind of thing could easily end a career. The ending in court didn't feel right. I don't think it likely a good prenup supposedly written by a competent lawyer would be completely ignored by a judge. The bit about the destruction of the two marriages of the cheaters needed a lot more development, it felt hurried and just unlikely. Also, the switch to "Tyler Banks" when you meant "Justin Banks" towards the end needs to be corrected it took awhile to figure out what was happening there. Overall I liked the story but IMO it just needs some polish.

That was a great story. I absolutely loved the last paragraph..5stars

Excellent story from one of the best authors on Literotica. Could not stop reading it. 5 big stars

5* story. A good read.

Great story! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Good read. But the prenup would have worked. D

A good story, but one that leaves me somewhat perplexed.

- How does his wife suddenly turn into a selfish, stupid bitch? Since I can't blame this on the affair, which had been going on for several months, I don't understand this change in attitude and behavior at all.

- question for my personal culture: is the procedure for divorcing and separating from one's wife really so "grand spectacle" or is it a literary imagination?

Because it's very bizarre and strange for a person from the old continent. The need for a private detective, the need for more video or photos when you already have proof of infidelity and there's a prenuptial, the obligation to give advice as if you were a child who can't make up your own mind, and above all the need to wait and pretend with your wife for several weeks until she's served....

It all seems so disconcerting.

If this is close to real life, then it demonstrates once again that although we live on the same planet, we all live in different worlds.

The story lacked any real input from Lindsey. It is unclear why she acted as she did, and her portrayal is not entirely consistent. Even intelligent people can often act in a manner that stretches credulity, but still would have been interesting to get deeper into the character of an obviously intelligent wife who did what she did.

My only issue with this story? The only way to run up a $16 bill at Rudy's is if there were 2 people at the table.

Great story!!!

Excellent! One too many Tylers at the end and a few 1st person / 3rd person slips, but a good story. She sure did blame him at every turn.

Very good story, though I think it went a tad overboard on the epilogue. There was also an error in the epilogue where Tyler’s name was incorrectly used a couple of times instead of the scumbag’s. But an entertaining story.

I agree with SDN1955 very good story had me engrossed throughout I just just didn't like the epilogue it was a bit much 4⭐️👍

Very well written and detailed story. Though I did find the epilogue a bit flat and over the top.

For those wanting to know why the wife would do this my explanation would be this is a flaw in her personality or character that makes her obsessively attracted to new flashy things. With that flaw this probably wouldn't have been the first time she cheated.

Loved the restraint the husband showed. Great build-up. thanks for the story. SK742 5*

Loved the tale, but one small problem with it's flow. After Lyn found out she had an STD, and took the medication to cure the infection, there is no way she goes back to Banks and continues to screw him. She knew at that point Banks had given her the STD! So she would have avoided him like the plague. Otherwise a well written story!

I thought the course of the story, the description and the depiction of the wife was accurate.

The epilogue left a slightly bad taste in the mouth. I got the dopamine high but also the wince of shame. Murder for adultery is a bit extreme however loudly the BTB crowd brays for it.

So if we had just left the homicidal sheriff, it would have scored higher with me.

There was the discussion of whether Tyler should let Lyn know about the STD. He did and she got treated, But Tyler had really nothing to say about his “caring” wife not letting HIM know he might have an STD. A missed opportunity. And the vendetta on those two at the end. Really? It kept my attention, however. The local color was pretty accurate, too. Some similarities to my life, but I wish I could have caught them, instead of just being informed of it 4 years after he fact. No hot iron, just cold, cold, cold.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Nice!

I enjoyed the story but your need to prolong the agony meant that the STI issue got dealt with in a way that hurt your plot. And took me out of my suspension of disbelief. The centre of the beam is sagging to breaking point. Why the elaborate ruse to hold it from breaking? The STI is the key; who will require counseling after that? So why support the marriage further for more evidence? Further, she (and her treating physician) is required to report who she has had sex with by law so those folks can be contacted. So it does not make sense to hold off as she knows the jig is up. In fact waiting just makes his claim less convincing to the court. It would have cut two pages from the story that didn’t need to be there.

As always, 5* entertainment from ttt59. Thank you.

Entertaining. Taking so many weeks before having wife served was unnecessary. Why wasn't pre-nup enforced. What happened to the lawsuit against Banks?

Yes, I can’t believe they were still banging each other even though they both had STDs I guess they do deserve each other

Love it, thank you!

"ring her neck"? Like put a collar on her? Or "wring her neck"? Either would have been appropriate. Or maybe you put that and others in there to remind all of us that it was just a story. Doesn't matter, the tale was great.

Something other commenters might not consider is the wife not communicating with the husband at all at thar point and maybe thinking HE was also cheating and gave the std to her. Just a possibility, however slight. The holding off, though, did seem a little unnecessary. However, you did a great job with the emotions at play. I enjoyed it.

5 stars.

This had the making of a very good story right up to the point where he first confirmed that Lynn was cheating. Went downhill quickly after that.

Why would the author spend 3/4 of the story detailing how Tyler spent 3 weeks avoiding contact with his wife, meeting with lawyers and waiting for the PI to get evidence?

Once he left the hickey on her neck they essentially quit talking, they stopped sleeping in the same bed and for the most part she stopped coming home until after he was asleep. Everything from confirming her infidelity to her being served could have been covered in a single paragraph instead of multiple pages. Tedious and sometimes excruciating to read.

Lynn's behavior in the limited interaction between her and Tyler and the way she was described by Tyler seemed like two completely different people.

What was the point of the prenup that gave Tyler 80% of their assets in the case of proven infidelity if the judge just awards a 50/50 split? That made no sense at all.

The "revenge" by the husband of Tyler's boss seemed so out of place and honestly knocked my score down right at the very end.

I really wanted to like this story a lot more than ended up being the case.

"Colonial Silverton" - spell checker bites another ass.

Epilogue was overkill and dropped a point off the scoring for me. Otherwise the story was a standard BTB, with all the usual boxes checked off, but competently enough done.

Decent story most of the way through and I enjoyed it. but you messed up a few things.

First , Justin was a medical student, not a resident. How did he get a residency at that hospital? especially after what the chief of surgeons said ?

next what happened to the prenup giving the cheater 20%? You went to great lengths discussing that throughout the story.

I'll forgive t he name changes throughout the story. Molly became Mary for a while. At the end it was Tyler Banks, not Justin.

I never finished the epilog. It seemed too much of just trying to tie up the loose ends. Particularly the nice of the woman from hotel. alot of that was needless.

AFew more points. As Tyler had his final argument after wife being served, he never mentions her continuing to go fuck Justin at every opportunity. He was supposed to be livid. That whole scene seemed anticlimactic. There was m I re argument about him giving her a hickey and coming on too strong.

a lot of name swapping

@Gamblnluck- great points. I wondered why she kept fucking the Justin after testing positive for Chlamydia. Then when she began talking about how it would be difficult to reconcile, Ty never countered her declarations of love by asking why she never told him that he might have been exposed. Tyler must have been seriously damaged to be in his 30s and not date for 3 years.

A decent story that started off well and degenerated into commonplace BTB nonsense in the end. I hope you do realize that there's a big difference between the Hippocratic oath and a "hypocritic" oath whatever this is... The text would have benefitted from some editing which could have removed the mixing up of names toward the end.

Just fantastic! Thanks.

Thanks for sharing...

Very entertaining read with some pretty good dialog, the ending was a bit farfeatched in comparison to the rest of the storyline

Sorry but this was just crap.

The revenge was illegal compared to adultery which is a moral wrong. And a pre-nup that fights adultery? Why would she sign that and then cheat on him?

Why not just divorce him? Don’t tell me she didn’t think she would be caught, if it was a setup, then why cheat first?

Honestly, this was poorly done and treated Lin like she was retarded.

Other than the name screw ups (Lin went to Lyn less than half a page in, and Justin was called Tyler when *Tyler* was explaining what happened to him after their divorce.) this was a pretty good one. There were a few spelling errors as well, but I can forgive those. The name screw ups, not so much.

There was nowhere near enough story here for the number of words you used to tell it.

Alas, the world is full of empty headed bitches who think only of themselves.

Very good story though a bit long. Some editing could tightened that up without losing anything.

Piqued not peaked

Prostate not prostrate

Hippocratic not hypocritic

Josey Wales not Jose Wales

Way....and I mean WAY too long. Too much fluff. Could have easily been chopped in half. Get an editor.

Very good story but I do have a question... As Tyler had an obligation to inform Lyn of his STD (which he did without letting her know it was him) wasn't she supposed to do the same to him? This is never addressed even though he mentions it in their conversation after she got served. Obviously informing him would've let the cat out of the bag on what she was doing, so I'm assuming it was more important for her to keep that hidden. It felt "skipped over" making me wonder if it was even needed for the story. Just an observation.

There were some parts of the plot that didn't make sense to me and which I thought weren't essential to the story. Some of the more obvious ones were:

1. Justin and Lindsey apparently never let up on their screwing even when she had just had (or begun) antibiotics for chlamydia.

2. After Lindsey was notified of having chlamydia there was no notice of her having it apparently given from her or anyone on her behalf to her husband.

3. Lindsey's character appears to be that of an absolute and utter shrew. It is hard to imagine her making it through courtship without her character being apparent. Also, Lindsey continuing on with Justin after things get difficult at home with Tyler, never considering that he might know or at least start watching, suggests she either was dumber than a pet rock or was ready to dump him anyway, not someone who would say she wanted to continue in the marriage and didn't want a divorce.

Pages 2 to 5 did not add anything to the story. The story was complete in page 1&6 as nothing new exists in the whole crap!,

Incredibly longwinded buildup to an ending that fizzled out. 1*

Good story, screwed up a characters name on the final page. What is the point of a pre jump if it is still 50-50?

The storyline was fairly typical of LW offerings, though perhaps better fleshed out. However, the story read as though the author rushed to submit it without re-reading…or maybe a second reader. There were lots of tiny errors spread throughout, but the name changes were the most unsettling: Lin->Lyn, Molly->Mary, Justin->Tyler. Lots of promise, but that’s it for now.

Call it nit picking but wtf happened to the pre-nup.....according to you he should have gotten an 80-20 split in his favor......poor continuity and makes me think you never re-read your own work. 2 stars

A good story until the epilogue. Made absolutely no sense. Juvenile bullshit. It’s colonel not colonial .

Original and well done.

@franceman The divorce laws are draconian. No idea where they came from, but the drafters had quaffed many draft beverages before drafting. The woman is presumed innocent up to killing her children. "Get out of my house" is perfectly common. The wife got 50% for screwing around. The system is way past due for an overhaul but I'm not in the system and don't know the specifics. It is frequently spectacle and the counseling is confusing. It's good that you asked.

This is formulaic and predictable! On the other hand, it also hits all the points I'm here for! 5 stars! ;-)

Seriously, you haven't explored any seriously underexplored elements of the genre, but you have done a pitch perfect rendition of the classics. I'd urge you to keep everything you've got here and see what else you can use to spice it up:

- Insight from Lynsey would be valuable.

- The involvement of the boss at the end was nice, but it led to the standard "she was cheated on too, he kept cheating and was beaten up"...

Loved this story. Not a big fan of, husband finds out and waits forever to confront her, stories, but this one had all the elements.

There isn't enough from Lyn in terms o her motivation or justification. He should have also raised her belittling of him in the confrontation - the STD was too subtle and what, she found out and still went and bedded the Doctor?

Overall a very good story and well told. One big issue - why bother writing in a prenup that calls for an 80/20 split in case of adultery and then splitting everything 50/50 despite waiting three excruciating weeks to ironclad proof of adultery?

A bit formulaic, of course, but there's only so many ways to tell this story. Going forward you might want to get an editor. I assume "peaked" when you mean "piqued" is an autocomplete error, but using " in as much as" when you mean "because" isn't.

Great story,

You were doing so well until the last nine paragraphs, from a five to a four a shame really so enjoyable till then. Gratuitous violence never gives kudos.

Honestly, I found this incredibly boring. It's literally a 8k story that has been bloated to 20k words. There is way way too much minutiae present that can easily be skipped out of hand without losing any of the plot or character development. The STD scenario isn't realistic. Did you all read the same story as me?

On page three. I had to chuckle at the "prostrate examination." Most exams are standing, though some can be prostrate. Back to the story.

JPB

Nice story

All of that effort and expense [prenup, PI, evidence, etc] for a 50/50 split?

And the ending seemed like a weak [afterthought?] attempt at salvaging a bit of the MC's pride and self-respect.

Much of the story, I liked .... until I didn't.

Great until that epilogue, took it from a 5* to a 3*.

Enjoyed it. Was never quite sure why his legal team needed so much time before serving her?

.

4 ****

A great story! The wrap up needed something different than the usual closing pages found in Loving Wives. I gave you 4 1/2 stars because of the ending, and that rounds up to 5 stars.

Great writing, but very disappointed that a great author like this championed the inane overused plotline of "we've got video evidence of her cheating, but we need to continue watching her for months while you act normal cause its not enough. Evidence..." and followed up with the over the top demeaning of the husband during sex.

That kinda killed it for me. Come on TTT, you are better than that.

Top story, great plot well executed.

Scores a well deserved 5/5

More like this please, you are hitting your straps.

Good luck!!!!

It is also unclear to me - there were so many assurances from the lawyer about the relevance of the marriage contract... So what? Zilch? Why then such large fees, which, as it turned out in the epilogue, so undermined Tyler's financial situation? For the recommendation of a friend of Molly's private detective and sincere ranting about the client's need to control himself and questionable moral support before a confrontation?

Tedious and dumb.

Very good 5 🌟

Lindsay, taking into account her fickle nature, the rapid boredom of anything and the search for something new, literally, having once tried another "novelty" - why was she carried away by a young lover for so long, causing, literally, open disrespect and ignoring her husband? After all, more than four months of vigorous fucking had to somehow dull the feeling of novelty, and if not to adultery in general, then at least in communication with this particular personage.

There have been so many conversations from doctors and lawyers about the need to report a venereal disease within the next 48 hours and the inadmissibility and responsibility for delaying this kind of news - it's just creepy. Is it okay that Lindsay didn't bother to tell her husband anything at all about the fact that he could also be infected?

It was a decent story until the epilogue and that just ruined it. The tired old trope of “my friend is former special forces and can call in favors from all over the country” is just plain bullshit and is only used by ignorant writers with no service history of their own.

Agree with 'franceman', once you've got evidence, why need more? And more and more to 'establish a pattern'? Seemed like an excuse to drag out a story. Well written for the most part, but could have been wrapped up a lot sooner.

The story was okay, I didn't read the epilogue because I was warned. I say the story was just "okay" because there was way, way, way too much extraneous BS. You need to buy yourself a blue pencil and start taking out things that don't move the story along.

Bored to tears with the unnecessary filler and mundane details. This was about 3 pages too long.

3 stars - lots of holes that made no sense

- the worst being the hold up of the divorce documents being served for weeks.

- the slut having sex with the ASSHOLE after being notified by her doctor that she had an STD.

- the last being the spelling of the military rank of 'colonel'.

The epilogue was a waste of time.

He should be able to have her arrested for sexual assault for giving him the STD. Even if that doesn’t go anywhere, he should be able to sue her, separate from the divorce. Her willful negligence caused him bodily harm.

The author made it seem like the MC had a super shark of an attorney, but the lawyer didn’t attack on all fronts available, and dragged things out way too long!

ZK

Once she knew she had an STD, as a medical professional she would have known to tell those who may have been infected, including hubby and lover.

That would have rather changed the ongoing story.

I liked the story and flow from Tyler’s perspective. Well written. There was a big mistake when Tyler was filming inside the room and said it was the Marriott instead of the Hampton Inn, LOL….. Liked the BTB ending. Thought the epilogue was not as good as the story. Went from 5 to 4⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Thanks for writing! Much appreciated.

Longer than it needed to be, which is probably why the mistakes started to creep in such as calling Banks by the MC's first name. I can, however only guess at what was going on in the author's head when he typed the part where Molly served the court papers on Banks and asked him if he was the married skank who was fucking Justin Banks.

So what happened to the prenup?

You have talent. The flow , the descriptions, and the dialog are smooth and believable. Could do with a little more editing. You swapped Tyler's and Justin's names on page 6. A couple malaprops...the one I remember...when you get someone's attention you pique their interest. (French word used in the sport of fencing.) Still gave it a 5.

Wahoo!!! Another great one!!! Finally a story about a real man and how he handles it like a boss. Sorry Cucky boys, take your sluts and move on. So refreshing to have a story husbands can enjoy.

1) This was about twice as long as needed. How much evidence did he need? Then, I don't recall him bring up to her the audio of them making comment on his size. One thing that could have justified the extra material was overlooked.

.

2) When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

Too long, too repetitive

I liked it a lot. It was "mostly" believable with a few gaps. What happened with the prenup that he had to do 50/50 split? Outside of prenups that include custody issues, they usually pass muster in the courts. There was a paragraph at the end where Justin Banks was called Tyler Banks, but after reading it through, I was able to move on. Rating: 4.6

When something is lengthy but very well written, the time passes enjoyably. This was an enjoyable investment of my time. I really loved your plotting. You gave verisimilitude to all the events that went in to what other authors minimize. There is not much difference in the events, but your writing gives them life. Your characterization of Lyn was so well handled. Never did I perceive her as anything other than what she was. You never tricked me to create artificial suspense or demonized her.

4 stars. I'm taking off 0.5 stas for prenup not being upheld (I don't care what happens in real law, this is fiction and the author can choose whatever they want - and if you intended 50/50 outcome, why bother wasting story time and space on ALL the financial discussions and prenup mention beyond early history); and for the fact that they didn't just prevent jerkwad from getting married by informing his then-fiance of the exact circumstances of his past. That was cruelty to poor woman. Additionaly, the idiotic "oh he spent 3 years not dating" trope in LW that I absolutely hate. Nobody is that pathetic.

It's a pity, because otherwise it was a very good LW story, with mild BTB and unfortunately unfulfilled potential of far better BTB.

Masterful story. Awesome ending.

your best so far that I have read. The MC kept his gonads and brain in check. Loved it

Very good, well done.

premisa muy buena

profundidad de los personajes horriblemente mala

diálogos robóticos

no es mas que 2.5 en mi escala

You lost a little with the epilogue, but overall very good.

"Colonial" is not a military rank. "Colonel" is.

The story moved along, although the trope of the suffering husband needing to keep it together while more evidence of what he can already prove is gathered is nonsense legally.

The wife as portrayed is a sociopath. In my experience there would be more of a trail of damage and display of that personality. In my further experience in life there is hardly ever any "revenge" for things like infidelity. Life just goes on, sadly or happily, and people bear what they must.

An average story but at least at the end you threw the dogs a hunk of BTB meat to keep them quiet. You know what is desired by discerning Loving Wives readers. 3 stars for making an honest effort.

Good story, too long and if they proved her adultery, why wasn't the pre-nup enforced giving him a much better split?

Ok story for a btb,but it has problems. Most women, even a psychotic bitch, would be enraged if a lover gave them an std, on various levels. Also, it is obvious that the marriage is in trouble, they barely see each other, talk, etc but she is still going at it w Justin? I can't see too many women doing that,if they have any intention of staying married.

The real problem is we never really see why lin did what she did,it wasn't consistent. The ending implies she lost respect for ty, that she wasn't play acting with Justin, when she married again she calls Tyler a loser for example..yet she wants to stay. I realize this is a btb, but lin makes no sense.

I also get tired of hearing employers who act against the cheaters. Take it from me, even if they had a morals clause they would not act. Why? Fear of lawsuits. Cheating or having sex that violates no laws is not actionable, like sexual harassment.

I agree with others, it could use pruning. When he is going over why she cheated for example, him listing the possibilities then writing paragraphs in response was just a bite. The feelings had proper depth, but other things were just too long.

The epitaph? It was okay, but the army colonel was just too contrived, too cliched. Given the ppl it was likely that Justin would cheat, and lin would marry someone who cheated. Might have been better where Molly had friends & called in a favor or too. Epilog might have been better with lin pov, finally realizing how stupid she had been, what she lost with ty, that she was to blame. Her apologizing to ty would make her at least human , which would also free ty.

A good proof reading was needed

One star reduction for the epilogue. Good story anyway.