Desires & Feelings

I wondered if Nick could hear me. I decided I didn't care if he could.

I pushed the toy deeper, 3, 4, 5 inches, past the point where Nick's cock reached, the width of the toy felt like it was splitting me apart and I wondered how my daughter could take this, knowing that we were sharing a sex toy made me feel ashamed, but breaking this taboo also made me feel deliciously naughty and an even louder moan escaped from me as I mentally pictured her naked, fucking herself with this wonderful toy.

As I pushed it deeper, I started pulling it out and then plunging it even deeper, I could hardly breathe as my body started to convulse. When it could go no deeper, I became aware of the buzzing and vibrating, my hips bucked as if they had a mind of their own, I wanted to scream, the colours I saw in my mind had changed to a brilliant white, I didn't think I could keep going, and then the whiteness exploded and I let out a long continuous moan as my wetness flooded the bed, just like it had during my secret dream a few nights ago.

My breathing came in gasps and I left the toy buried in my pussy, the vibrations almost too much to handle as my pussy was enflamed and so sensitive, I laid on the bed, my pussy open to the room and the sweet scent of my pussy hanging in the air, my eyes closed as the refraction continued.

At some point the vibrator eased from my pussy, and it was still buzzing when I awoke at 3:40, cold because I hadn't covered myself up. I turned off the vibrator and crawled under the blankets and fell deep asleep.

I woke up startled, it was still dark outside, I was naked and warm under the sheets, my orgasm last night had turned on a switch inside me. I laid there thinking about the things I needed to do, it was almost overwhelming and I forced myself to relax, it had taken me 40 years to get to this point, some things weren't going to change overnight. However, throwing off the blankets, I knew some things were going to change right away.

I was showering when I heard Nick get up, he never noticed I hadn't slept with him again, "Get used to that buddy-boy," I smiled. This morning as a start I was going to start doing more things for me. Getting dressed, today I borrowed some of my daughter's lingerie and promised myself I would replace it, but instead of wearing some dingy old bra and panties, I wore something that I knew would make me feel sexy all day.

My outer clothes were the same, but I added a bright scarf and a little jewelry with a dash of makeup today. Just a touch of perfume too, and I set out on my day. Nick did not notice, I think I could have sat naked in front of him and unless he felt like sex, he would not notice. No matter.

I was a little disappointed that no one at work even noticed, it wasn't until Paul came out of a meeting, looking a little pale, that he noticed me, and he smiled a tired smile.

I was a little surprised because I had only ever been nasty to him, even when he complimented my necklace, but today I noticed something, maybe a little spark, it was only there for a moment. Later when giving me some paperwork that I had done wrong, he gave it to me when no one was around and whispered, "Laura, you look amazing today," and he was gone.

I was still smiling when Mary came by, "Did you hear what happened to Paul today?"

Still thinking about his comment, I said, "No, what happened," feeling concern for the first time about someone up until just now, I couldn't stand.

"He got a written warning because of your complaints, they raked him over the coals, I hope you are satisfied," and she stormed away.

If he had gotten a written warning, why had he been nice to me?" I wondered. "It would explain why he looked tired," I thought.

Several times during the day, he helped me with problems but we never had a chance to talk, I felt bad, especially because I was realizing more and more that I had misjudged him, and thinking about it, I realized he was just an easy target and I had used him to personify my anger at my life, he had not anything to deserve it.

Over the next few days, I watched Paul in a way I had never noticed before, I didn't realize how blind I had been. He was everywhere, he was polite and respectful, he wasn't doing anything different, I just was noticing what Mary had said. Each day, he found a few minutes several times throughout the day to talk to me, each time I noticed how good I felt afterwards. Small compliments, things that he noticed that no one else did, by the end of the week, I felt incredible about myself and more and more guilty about the way I had treated and blamed him.

On Friday, it turned out that I had the last customer of the day again and we were here late. Almost 90 minutes after the store closed was when I brought Paul the sale to sign off on, it was a nice sale, but everyone else was gone and he looked tired, I was tired.

"That was a nice sale Laura, I was glad to see you get it, you worked hard," he said with an even more tired than normal, but smiling look, "also, you also looked very nice today, I liked the scarf and your perfume, lilac isn't it?"

"Yes," I said a little surprised, even after how things had changed, I still had expected a rebuke because of the warning that he had received at the start of the week, but he was only pleasant and if it was bothering him, I couldn't tell.

"You should get going, Laura, your husband will be worried," he said with real concern.

"Not likely, he will be watching the hockey game with his drunk buddies, I will be lucky if he even notices me come in," I said a little wistfully.

"I can't believe that Laura, he would have to be deaf and blind not to realize what a great person you are, you are really at great sales person, you're smart, you care about what you do, and you are really beautiful, I can't believe he wouldn't notice," he said earnestly.

I was stunned, and I must have looked shocked because he replied, "Oh, sorry, were you offended by that?, I don't want you to think I was coming on too stronger," I could see the worry in his eyes, I had never really noticed them before, they were a deep green colour, almost like turquoise, only seconds had passed, but it seemed like an eternity that I was staring into them.

"No Paul, don't worry, it is kind of nice to hear someone say that, I don't usually hear it at all," I started to say when he interrupted me.

"Laura, trust me you are, we are really lucky to have you on our team, I know the first few weeks were a little rough, but you have come through it all," he smiled and I didn't know what to say.

The silence hung in the room longer than it should have, I thought back to all of the complaints, the way I had felt, and now I didn't feel any of that, I kind of mumbled a" Thank you," and left, gathering my things, but as I left, my mind drifted back to him.

Paul was maybe a little under 6 foot, he looked like about 190 pounds, older but I had no idea how old, in good shape, judging by the way he moved. It was funny, up until the last few days, I never even considered him to be human, much less a man but as I drove home, my thoughts kept returning to him, he just was there on the periphery of my thoughts, not a distraction but not forgotten either.

I was right about the game, Nick and three of his buddies were downstairs and he didn't even notice me until he came up for another round of beers. "Laura, did you have to work late? Sorry we didn't save you any pizza?"

"Don't worry Nick," I was busy doing my yoga in the living room.

Walking past me to the fridge, he slapped my ass and said, "Laura maybe you will get lucky tonight, the boys all were telling what a great ass you have, when the game is over, I'll get rid of them and we can fuck," he kind of slurred.

"Nick, don't worry about it, have fun, I have one of those "headaches" tonight," I lied.

"Okay, I understand, maybe we will have another couple of beers then," and he disappeared into the basement.

I thought about Paul some more, thinking about the way he talked and the way he did things, I realized he was really different than any of the other managers I had ever had before. The way he made me feel about the things I did at work, the way he didn't make me feel dumb for making mistakes, and surprisingly the way he made me feel as a woman. I didn't realize it until I had finished my exercising, but my pussy was wet and my nipples were hard.

"What the fuck," I thought to myself.

I tried to put him out of my mind, I think Paul was married, what was I doing thinking about him like that?

Trying to focus on getting ready for bed, the hockey game had gone into over-time, the image of Paul's hands came to mind and I realized that he did not wear a wedding ring.

Tonight, I wore the granny nightie again and tossed and turned again in bed, Nick's snoring kept me awake, but increasingly my mind kept thinking about Paul. As much as I tried to block the images and wonderings, my mind kept leading me back to imagining him, I wondered about his arms, his legs, the warmth of his body, how it might feel next to mine. It was only when I did that, was I able to fall asleep.

The next morning, I awoke bathed in sweat, partly from the granny nightie, but partly I realized because I had another one of those dreams last night, except this time I knew who it was in the dream.

I shivered at the fleeting memory of those hands wandering all over my body, stroking my hair, caressing my neck and shoulders, the feel of his lips on mine and then on other parts of me. The sensation of his fingertips and lips on my breasts, the subtle touch making circles on my skin, a steady movement which made me scream in my thoughts. The feel of those hands on my lower body, on my ass ...

"Who's Paul?" Nick said groggily has he awoke, stubble on his face, reeking of beer.

"My boss why?"

"Oh ya, he's the guy who made life hard for you, you must really hate him because you kept saying his name over and over again while you slept." Nick said unconcerned and then he climbed out of bed, half his ass hanging out of his boxers. He belched as he left the room. It was hard to think of Nick being even the same species as Paul.

It was a good thing Nick had his back to me, he would have seen my smile and a little bit of blushing. From the wetness between my legs and the little I remembered of the dream; I was excited, more excited than I had dared believe possible.

In everything that had happened, I forgot it was my weekend off, I buried myself in housework, even though only two of us lived here, it seemed as messy as when the kids were here.

It was mid-afternoon when I checked my phone, there was a text from work. I wondered if it was about a customer, but it was a message from Paul, and my heart skipped a beat, he had never texted me before and although it was likely nothing, I loved the excitement that I felt.

"He probably has no idea that you feel anything towards him," I thought, pouring ice water onto my desire, out of a habit that I needed to break.

"Laura, I just wanted you to know, I see how hard you try, and I hope you forgive me for being so hard on you, I don't mean to be, but I guess I can be. Enjoy your weekend and I am really looking forward to seeing you Monday. Paul."

I read it five times before I responded, maybe he was apologizing for having his ass handed to him, but my eyes kept reading the "really" over and over again. I decided Paul wasn't one of those people who watched his ass, he was sincere and he was different.

I laughed to myself, "The only person watching your ass Paul, is me."

I texted back, "Paul, you have nothing to apologize for, you have been really supportive, and I was an ass, I hope you forgive me, and I was really disappointed not to see you today. Laura."

A few seconds later another text came back, "You are quite a woman Laura, you have a sparkle about you that I find intoxicating. Paul"

This time, I didn't wait before replying, "On Monday can I buy you lunch as an apology and I would really like to talk to you in person," I was being forward but I felt bad for all of the whining and bitching, especially now that I saw him so differently.

"It's a date, looking forward to it, and I have been thinking about you," was the response and I felt like a school girl, my feet were barely touching the floor.

I was flushed, and so turned on that I just needed a release, I quickly looked around for Nick and then remembered that he had some errands to run when I looked outside and saw that his car was gone.

I was undoing my shirt before I had even got back inside the house, I felt like I had a fever and my hands were shaking. I kicked my sandals off just instead the door, one came off right by the door and the other got hung up and I ended up kicking it half way across the room.

My shirt came off and I left it lying where it fell, my bra was next and reaching behind myself, I felt the excitement of my breasts being released and the hardness of my nipples as I wrapped the bra around the bannister of our stairs, I paused and wiggled out of my shorts, pulling my panties down at the same time.

I did something I couldn't ever remember doing before and brought my panties up to my face and inhaled my scent and felt the wetness of my juices on my face. I paused for a second and turned into my daughter's room, not careful this time as I grabbed the vibrator, the butt plug, and the lube she kept hidden at the back of the drawer and then headed to my bed.

Snapping the cover off of the lube, I squeezed too hard and a huge glob filled my hand. I spilled some of it on the floor as I coated the plug with it and then took the rest and rubbed it onto my ass. Nick had never played with my ass and I had only a few times after having too much wine, this time I was sober and the sense of being bad was almost overpowering, but instead of reconsidering, I rimmed my asshole, inhaled and ran my index finger against and around my tight opening.

I knew this was really bad, and I knew it felt really good.

My knees buckled and I felt onto the unmade bed, scooting more of my body onto the mattress, I raised my legs up and over my head, exposing my ass to the cool air. Rubbing my lube covered fingers over my small rosebud, I trembled as my first finger plunged deep inside me, not believing what was happening I placed a second finger at the edge, and slowly worked it into my ass as well. My breathing was almost out of control and I could hear a steady stream of moaning and it took several seconds before I realized it was me.

After a few more minutes of slowly stretching myself, I took the plug and withdrawing my fingers and feeling that incredible feeling as they exited my ass, I put the tip of the plug against me. Catching my breath, I slowly pushed the end into me, past the resistance and into my tight ass with the plastic of the plug. My body quivered as inch by inch I was filled up.

Almost coming from just this alone, I took the vibrator in my other hand and flipped it to the low setting and whimpered even louder as I touched the tip to my soaked pussy.

I had never really used a vibrator much in my life, but now with my ass full of the plug and my legs spread wide apart, my inexperience was balanced by the intense desire I had to make myself cum and cum hard. As the vibrator disappeared into me, my thoughts turned to Paul. I imagined it was his cock pushing into my pussy, I could feel his body pushing against mine, my breasts cried out for attention but with one hand on the plug and the other fucking my pussy with the vibrator I could not answer their call.

I leaned over, thinking I might be able to suck my own nipples, but as incredible as they might have been, I just couldn't do it, and I almost screamed.

My frustration was short-lived though, the actions of my hands fucking both of my holes and the thoughts of Paul were too much for my sex starved mind and I exploded with an orgasm and I screamed out loud, I had never done that in my life before. The intensity of this orgasm racked my body for much longer than the tiny orgasms I had previously experienced and my body seemed to alternately buck wildly and be seized rigid the next, "OMG!" I moaned as the waves started to subside and my body went limp. My breathing came in raspy gulps and I could feel my juices dripping onto the sheets.

I knew then what I needed, I had been tolerating Nick for too long, I knew I needed to be fucked by someone who knew what they were doing, I had robbed and denied myself all of my adult life of the pleasure of enjoying sex and now lying naked spreadeagle on the bed, there was no doubt in my mind. "I was going to seduce Paul."

I lay there for several minutes, realizing the ramifications of what I was thinking, doubting myself for wanting that. Then I thought of the pleasure I had just felt for those 20 minutes that I had played with myself, I knew that I had experienced more pleasure in those few minutes than I had gotten in the last 20 years with Nick.

Lost in my thoughts, I never remembered cleaning up the sheets, the lube on the floor, and getting dressed again, albeit without my panties. The simple pressure of my shorts against my tingling and enflamed pussy almost pushed me over the edge again; not to mention how good my stretched ass felt. However, I had to stop when I heard the car door open and close.

Nick was back, and he never even acknowledged me when he saw me, his only response was to ask, why I hadn't got the house cleaning finished yet.

Normally I would have been discouraged about that, not today, he never noticed the wet spot on the front of my shorts where my pussy had been leaking, nor the sweet scent of my sex that lingered in the air.

The rest of the day was spent doing the normal chores, but my mind was lost thinking and daydreaming about Paul, as I mechanically finished the laundry, cleaning, and vacuuming.

I was sitting reading a book later that evening while Nick and his buddies watched another game, my phone buzzed and a message appeared.

"Today wasn't the same without you here, I have been thinking about you all day Laura," I knew it was silly to fall so hard and so quickly for someone only a few days ago I thought I hated, but as much as my logic fought my feelings, logic never stood a chance, my genie was out of the bottle and no amount of anything was going to get it back into it again.

My heart was pounding against my chest as I typed a response, "Thank you, I have missed the feeling that someone cares about where I am and how I am feeling," I started back into my book when the phone buzzed again.

"Laura, you should never feel that way, you are quite a woman, I can't wait to see you on Monday."

I simply responded, "Me too."

That night I told Nick that I was going to sleep in the other room, and he never even questioned it. I stripped naked and for the first time since I was a teenager, I slept in the nude. Paul filled my thoughts as I ran my fingertips all over my body, but disappointingly I was asleep almost immediately after my head hit the pillow.

In my dreams though, because I remembered them so vividly when I awoke, I was walking along a warm beach. The waves crashed against the shore and the sun was setting against the horizon in a vivid display of reds, purples, and oranges. I could feel the warmth of the sea breeze in my hair and I felt a warm hand on my hips and the closeness of a person next to me. His scent washed over me, a combination of motor oil, woodsmoke, and something I can only describe as confidence.

Only one person I knew had that scent, Paul, I had barely noticed in our first meetings, but now laying naked in my daughter's bed, I found I could almost sense it in the air of her room, the dream had been so realistic.