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Click hereRachel ran. She rushed out the door and back into the sun. The lovely, wonderful sun. She made it.
She fell to the dirt. She wanted to go back. She wanted to tell Jackson what was wrong. She wanted to stay with him. Just a little while longer. He knew Indiana Jones. He played Final Fantasy. He laughed at a Monty Python reference.
He was nothing like what she thought he'd be - silent and callous, too cool for school, like his avatar in the Hub. He just liked his privacy. She got that. She could understand that.
He gave a shit. No one gave a shit anymore. But he gave a shit. At least about people, he did. How much stronger could he have made himself if he didn't burn all that essence healing her? She saw his essence bar on her HUD - it dropped all the way to nothing, and then he refilled it so he could keep going.
The collar vibrated at her neck. As quickly as possible.
Rachel picked herself off the ground and stumbled through the forest. Her minimap showed her they weren't all that far from where she'd come in. She had to get to her horse. Before Jackson caught up.
Goddammit. She was crying again.
- COMMENTS
RoninMaximusalmost 3 years agoWow brother. Just wow. This chapter really picked things up for me. I feel totally invested now. Great work. Can’t wait to see where this goes. It’s been a while since you’ve posted. I think. Hope all is well and that you start a new project after this one.
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoAgain i am wondering where one would draw the line to being a dick and just pointing out stuff, but asking that question would just be dicking around anyway...
page 1,
"We've proved it back in my world." 'proven' rather than 'proved'
page 4,
"it alone does not love make" i suppose it was meant as 'make (up) love' or 'constitute'
page 5,
"'ifs' and 'might-have-beens'" i'd recommend putting the plural 's'es outside the qoutation marks, it improves readability a little bit
page 6,
"The Chinese housing bubble collapsed, and as they struggled" without comma infront of the 'and' might be better
page 7,
"that he was leaving up at a rapid rate" I suppose it was meant that he was 'leveling up', might have simply been some kind of ~error correction~ program earning its name...
I must say i am horribly amused by all the culture expressed near the end.
MrRubatoabout 7 years agoGreat story, interesting character and leaves me wanting more. The only criticism I would give is that the part where you explained about Jackson's world and the history of it felt a bit like an info dump. Maybe that's just me though.
maddictover 7 years agoTo parallel stories I like that mix. Some old history and new tech, a good combination. I don't know the gaming terms, I have confidence in your ability to drag me alone with you, Tatonga.
Going to the beach, see you all there, ill pick this back up upon my return from the sunlight and blue sky's. Were probably going to be a bit overcast.
Surfs up dudes and dudetts.
