All Comments on 'Dream Drive Ch. 08'

Where are you going with Charles?

When I was readin this chapter, it felt like I wasn't reading about the Charles we have seen so far. He was completely out of character, in my opinion. If I hadn't read the previous chapters and started reading from this point on I would have describe him as an anti-hero not the person who killed one of his friends and turned him into a test subject just so that he could get a new leg and keep up with the competition, is poisoning his own father [even after the explanation I don't sympathize wih him, I would have if we had confronted his father and them killed him brutally, but no, he's being a coward hiding behind calling it mercy], kills off people whi are no longer useful [Rachel's doctor], someone who tried to kill the person who is responsible for his leg [Jackson] just to tie a loose end.

I will never forgive Jackson for not killing Bunta, or even trying to, when he tried to rape Chalky. And also never forgive Charles for killing his and Jackson's friend.

And it looks like the Princess is going to try to reddem him, as if that is going to wash away all the horrible things he has done. Please don't go the Naruto way.

Just sick and tired of Charles, more of Jackson and his growth, please.

Loved Mivra's POV, though. More her please but them Charles will be in it, ugh.

Isn't technology supposed to give birth to monsters, so why didn't Charles prosthetic leg not give birth to one?

But didn't understand how come Charles who has one leg and other one robotic type and being so locked up in room and and high expectation with his father got so much experiences in fight even not playing games, but again you told he has created that suit for fighting may have some simulation experience ,still to create so many skill in hands fighting seems unnatural, like where he was carry dead corpse of soldier as a shield does his carry weight was high enough from start as he didn't invested on them any.

I mean to ask if suppose a fighter from there world enter isis is his starting stats reflects all those his skill or say modifiers he have already, and suppose you can create those new moves/skill/combos too if you have them in there real world if they repeated that moves in isis.

Charles is not rewarding to read about. We already have the generic bad guy in the story ( that collaring mage guy) so what is the point of Charles eating so much space in the story? Anti social, cold blooded bad guy that kills some old lady with 1 hit and then is happy that she gave him some mana ( u know what i mean).

Logical problem. In all games players seem to have EQUAL start. Charles in stock format takes all palace guards on with bare hands. Takes two direct blows from stabbing weapons and then 2 crossbow shots and is all right not even in the warning zone. Fireball to the face? No problem. Its basically one huge rampage bathing him with gore. Also that apparently makes him attractive in the eyes of this goody good princess so that she somehow trusts him while he murders her former people one after the other. What exacly made her stand against her own personal knight to defend this monster? Each blow/kill is unlock for new speciall attack skill so that we can be sure Charles will fast advance from seriall bare handed killer to ultimate human terminator in a matter of 1-2 chapters.

Question. Who of us guys here likes to read about him? As i already said to the autor .. i see that robotic PA of hes as more human and more rewarding to read about. Simply bad guy oversaturation - story is going into not balanced mode. We need more Rachel and stuff

We already had the story on how he got hes robotic leg. That was important to see how our real hero see him. That stuff with taking over another company was a step too far for me. Could have been told later on 2 lined by Charles himself that he just stole waiting to be seel ISIS games from somewhere. Now making him not only clearly superior to all tyhe hardcore veteran players but even more inhuman murderer is not cool all the while eating whole chapter.

@MJSpidey

All I'll say is that his leg was bothering him at the end of the chapter.

@people who haven't been so nice

Guys, there's CONSTRUCTIVE criticism; there's ASKING why the author chose to do something; and then there's ACCUSING the author of having cranial-rectal-inversion, and being unable to tell a story properly.

Which is basically what you've just done.

Maybe choose your words a bit more carefully, hm?

I really liked this story when it first came out, but because the time between chapters seems to be getting longer it's getting harder to keep remember what happened in the previous chapters.

Think I'll wait for the story to be completed before reading anymore.

Wasnt the best. Like reading when it's about Jackson. But I do wanna bring up something I noticed? Charles leg. He said it was getting stiff. Sremember when Jackson brought mechanical stuff to Isis and it turned black??? Might tht be whats happening to hit fake arm/leg?

I don't really like the Charles storyline, and i tend to power through it to get back to Jackson. Now with an entire chapter dedicated to Chares I realize just how unbelievable he is to me as a character. Whether it is the logical falicy of killing a friend for his technology while killing his dad for doing the same to his sister, or being a head of a company that has more sovren power then Russia, or being inexplicably good at martial arts despite being handicapped for much of his life. Charles could survive having one of these traits (and the first one is probably the best) but with all of them and his nihilist badguy burn the world attitude he comes off as hollow.

I hope the next chapter gets back to Jackson, the wedding, Rachel, and the approaching battle. I kind of figured that Charles would be the big bad in a follow-up novel anyways, whether or not it was ever written.

P.S. I do like your story and i tend to only comment on stories i like but feel have miss stepped in some way, but its your story so write it how you want.

I'm undoubtedly going against the stream here with this comment, but I really did enjoy this chapter. Perhaps because I have the (unrealistic?) hope that in the end, maybe Charles sees the light and can make amends if not cease active hostility towards Jackson in order to save Isis/Earth. Charles' earlier actions indeed are unforgivable, but it is a common argument/debate that we are products of our environment. I don't think many share the unique experience of being raised by a father like Charles'. I think the conversation near the end of page 7 is insightful.

@Over_red: Keep it up

i keep thinking charles will join forces and add in rachel so they can complete the main issis quest. would make for a stressed internal group dynamic.

my only question is how long are parts 9 and 10.. there is a lot of story remaining here to be told..

i was thinking this would benefit from followup novels. the premis is definitly worth it!

gj author! (chocolate is good)

haven't seen an author take such good care of the readers before. Normal authors are pretty dedicated but you go above and beyond the call of duty to make your stories available as possible, as soon as possible. 5 stars as always. Superb work. Though I wana gripe with you for pulling my heartstrings into thinking that Charles is going to walk away a good guy in the end. Wouldn't be fair to ruin a good story like you got by being gentle on the readers though ^.^ Best stories are definitely the ones where only complaints are because you making readers feel and they don't like it. Thanks, your work made for a great read in the car.

Who the hell is this guy masquerading as Charles? The moment he opened his mouth in this chapter, he was out of character. I guess that's a good thing as I couldn't stand him before and would just skim through his POV prior to this chapter. I can only surmise I seriously underestimated the scope of your tale. I certainly hope that this is the case, and we have at least ten more chapters to go!

I have been following this since the beginning and the development is superb. I knew Charles was going to come around and if only for his own interest it's oddly his ideal of what's best in that twisted sort of way. Over-Red keep up the great work! And for those of you looking for more he has a published book on Amazon called "Contractor". It's the other projects he mentioned. A sequel I am looking forward to because "Contractor" was a great read, just like "Dream Drive"!

All right how to start this.... Are you idiots? Yes i understand how you can hate Charles he is evil but like so many others you see throughout history he is a complex individual that doesn't see that he is wrong. Hitler also didn't think that he was doing anything wrong, he also thought that he had to change the world and under his leadership his country did, some of it was terrible (like what he did to the Jewish people, or the English nation) but we wouldn't have the 20th century if not for what he did, here is a list of a few examples jet airplanes modern, modern medical treatment, and the computer.

Was he insane? Yes but he had drive and direction and would do anything to accomplish his goal and that is what makes Charles so dangerous he knows that he must do what he is doing and no moral code in the entire world will sway him as he said people will die but they would have died any way he doesn't see the bodies he leaves behind him he sees the perfected (to him) human race all the perfect people in the new world to come.

The bad guys are as important to a story as heroes if not more examples Vader (star wars), the Joker(the dark knight), hell even Michael Mires (Halloween) the story couldn't be told without them and to not read or watch the bad or scary parts is to miss the whole story the author is trying to tell the world is never black and white its shades of gray and if you want a story that paints it as such go read a comic book.... for five year olds.

Now for the people that say he is too power full starting off, i can see where you would think that but he started off as him self like Jackson did and unlike the gamer introvert that Jackson is/was he has been driven to be the best by his father and himself all his life. Combat training fits with his control freak persona and his base states would be higher because he has trained to be better and because he is going to sculpt people into perfection he must be as perfect as he can be. He simply had more for ISIS to work with.

To the Author this is simply the best story i have read in a long time i am getting your other work off amazon cause i simply must have more of your outstanding writing and now to be a bit of a hypocrite what the HELL are you doing becoming a pharmacist (ok i can see that the bills need paid but...) you have a gift don't ever stop writing and please keep your bio updated with any other works you might put out on this site or any other so i can find them please.

I really liked the character development, and the nuance of Charles's character - he believes he is right, while naturally to most readers he is very evil. Fantastic writing, and looking forward to parts 9 and 10!

I once left a comment saying that Charles was evil. I no longer believe that he is entirely evil - just wrong. He was made into something that he had no choice over and he never really had a chance to mingle with people and isolation is a form of mental torture. His father tortured Charles and Rachel to make them what they are now.

I'm loving this story. Keep up the good work.

This is not hate. I love your series and your style of writing, but I had to skip this chapter. It wasn't because of the quality, but because of a charges character. I could barely stand the short parts he was in in the other chapters, but I can't stand an entire chapter focused around him. Once again, this is not hate but my feedback.

I inadvertently came upon this looking for erotica. Thank goodness for that - it is fantastic!

The ideas are huge and it saddens me to think you'll be taking a break from it.

Will chase up your work on Amazon.

Thanks, look forward to reading more.

I don't remember Charles learning about the ability to give power to locals of Isis, maybe you could go back and have him realize that Chaki must be from Isis because Jackson wouldn't have been that protective of somone he met on earth or somthing along those lines? But you are amazing for how consistent this story has been with it's complicated setting; this is the only major story point that I haven't been able to at least see as kind of reasonable in the circumstances you've made

This story has me checking daily for updates, just in case. It's not a new concept, but you have found a new way of telling it that gives it a sense of brilliance that is rarely seen in any modern literature, let alone through an online medium. It's not perfect, but it is a true pleasure to read. Keep up the good work.

This series is one of my favourites, you really manage to capture a feeling of realism in your characters. The only gripe I have is one that has already been aired by others but I feel maybe a little too harshly. Charles lands in Isis, fair enough he may have been doing martial arts training before, even for years. He may be taking that whole rake of supplements and drugs ( which Isis must surely mess with? though I suspect that with your stated academic background in pharmacy this may be a story element that you have well planned out), but still the level of skill he seemingly displays against what we must assume are seasoned / elite combatants (guarding the emperor), may be a little over the top without some explanation or background to what those simulations included.

I had thought you were going in a slightly different direction from one of the lines in the previous chapter where Charles keeps his default appearance. When Jackson first crosses into Isis he appears without taking him clothes or any physical objects, I thought we were going to be treated to Charles landing in Isis missing a leg. That would have led to him having to find a replacement or coping strategy which I would have thought would lead him to magic users more directly.

But given that Charles appears to have super human reflexes in general, apparently due to the drugs, and the robotic leg, I'm postulating that he has further cybernetic enhancement that isn't as directly influenced as Jackson's batteries because it is so closely tied into his biological systems. This would explain his enhanced starting stats in comparison with Jackson, as well as the total disconnect from other people and the attachment to Rachel, as she was probably the one who helped him develop those systems, or he's a total robot with AI that Rachel developed.

Only other gripe is the method by which "Players" are placed into Isis initially, both by location and level of the "tower"

Either way great story, love the characters and your efforts to keep the readers happy.

Hope school doesn't bury you too deep.

Power_Skull1

I love this series, the whole premise throws back to the childish wish of being able to take things from a game into the real world, and all your characters are so well fleshed out.

Previous chapters have left me wanting so bad to hate Charles, but the more we learn about him the more he seems like an anti-hero compared to Jackson's hero. While Jackson seems to just want to improve himself and the people around him, and do it without making a victim of others, or harming anything, Charles is very much of a "means to an end" person, who will do whatever it takes to do what he believes is right.

Another great chapter.

And a fitting entry for Charles I think. All that action, all that power, him facing it all despite close brushes with destruction.

And to think he had to go to another world to find a woman who might understand him....

Is phenomenally crafted by you! So well done! I can really empatize with his ideals and view of the world. Does that make a cold hearted sociopath? Maybe.

Charles is a wonderful character. I love reading about him, maybe even more than Jackson. It still remains to be seen, whether he's a hero or Villian. You people judge him too quickly. He thinks logically, efficiently, without emotion coloring his thought processes. I simply love him.

He's just looking to remake the world into a better place without suffering. Although, I think what his utopia: giving everyone whatever they want, whenever they want, with reasonable population control, is impossible in real life. Economics, the study of scarcity, tells us this much.

Scarcity will always be present, Charles.

Keep up the brilliant work. Bravo Charles!

This is the most unerotic erotica I've read, not that it isn't good but why is it on this site?

Honestly best story on this site, I check on a daily basis for updates and progress. Keep up the great work.Also to the anonymous below me it's probably on this site due to the fact it actually does contain sex scenes, and it's lack of erotica often has more to do with building it in rather than ruining the storyline by forcing it in everywhere.

High priest; you're the shit.

i only come to this site for this story. keep up the good work!

Love it man, interested to see how the story progresses. I thought I would hate reading Charles's story, mostly because he was an ass, but I rather enjoyed it. Awesome story, cant wait for the next chapter.

~happy camper

Ok, I just noticed this story a couple of days ago given the increduriffic ratings it’s gotten. I think I actually started out with it in Ch. 01 but didn’t keep up with it. Having just finished Ch. 08 I can definitely say that’s a big regret. This stuff is fantastic!

Here’s some (hopefully constructive) criticism. Enjoy!

First off, I love your characters. They’re wonderfully layered throughout the story, and you’re incredibly effective in developing them from where we first meet them. I also like that you give a real sense of agency to Jackson. He knows very little about what’s going on and what’s happening but he’s actually doing stuff rather than just waiting for stuff to happen to him.

You also brilliantly fold classic RPG mechanics into building up your characters. As an RPG player you’ve successfully transferred the satisfying nature of levelling up in a game to literature. What could be fiercely boring becomes almost exciting as we learn more of what the protagonist is capable of and get excited for the next “ding!” to see what he can do next. It’s a real credit to you since from envisioning the concept I can see a LOT of ways it could have gone horribly wrong. Seriously, from someone who attempts to write stuff, I’m often sat looking at your writing and thinking “I can’t believe he’s getting away with this!” Very well done.

I also really enjoy the way you mix several genres together with the dystopian near-future meeting the mythological. The fantastical meeting the technological. Again, it’s a lot of balls to keep in the air at once, but you make it look effortless. Your strength of writing good characters really helps ground a lot of it, and the revelations in the setting and the developing mythology of this story are always things I’m excited to hear about.

All that being said, I think you need to take another look at your plot pacing. This is a relatively minor quibble, but I think it’s at the core of the few complaints this story has received.

Side Story: You know what I hate? Writers who say stuff like: “I’m more of a character focused writer.” You know who I mean. They say it in an upper class English accent whilst smoking a pipe and sipping overpriced martini’s. These are the people who think that only children and adults with attention deficit disorder could possibly be interested in stories with interesting plotlines. “Character is everything, darling!”

I want to punch those people in the nose a whole lot.

Anyway, putting aside what I’m sure would be a goldmine in my potential therapy bills, you’re clearly not that bad. It’s just that you do tend to fart-arse-about quite a bit. Go back over your scenes and ask yourself “how is this significantly advancing the overarching plotline” and I’m betting you’ll come up short about 7 times out of 10. Sure, you advance subplots, you develop characters and such. It’s just that we’re 8 chapters in now and as a reader I feel like we haven’t progressed all that much. I don’t really think Jackson is much closer to any tangible overall goal.

To your credit, your meandering about is a hell of a lot more interesting than some published author’s intense action scenes. It’s just that I think that this is why Charles is such a divisive issue in the story. We’re desperate for some plot progression here and especially in earlier chapters Charles’ POV takes away any hope of that happening with Jackson’s storyline. He’s literally a world away. I know that there are links and there’s back story to cover and yes, those are interesting. It’s just that 1: Charles’s adventures in a dystopian future aren’t as compelling as Jackson’s magical, techno, superman, rattock killing adventures in Isis. 2: Every time we have to tune in to Charles we lose any hope of finding out what will happen next in Jackson’s plotline. And dammit I still have very little clue as to what the hell is going on!

I think this is why people are more receptive of Rachel. Firstly, she’s obviously a lot more sympathetic and that certainly adds to her readability. Secondly, she’s a lot closer to Jackson and therefore what’s happening to her is much more interesting because it could reflect more quickly on our main protagonist’s plotline.

So I think if you amped up the plot pacing for Jackson’s story a bit more, then we’d be more forgiving if you were to slow down to change POV’s to Charles. I also think that having Charles now in Isis will help with that, because it doesn’t feel like I’m reading two completely different stories anymore. It’s not that Charles has been a bad character, it’s just that you haven’t successfully laid out his PLOT importance enough in relation to Jackson and that’s the guy who you’ve given me the vested interest in. You’ve given me a lot of their back story and a great character conflict, but show me how that character conflict is going to relate to the plot.

To put it simply: When I’m reading about Jackson, I want to find out what happens next. When I’m reading about Charles I get frustrated because I want to find out what happens next with Jackson.

Anyhoo, hope that whole load of rambling was at least a bit helpful! Keep writing, cuz you’re very good at it!

Reading about Charles entry into Isis, I was initially worried about how it might develop. Seeing him brought over as an 'imported character from the Game of Life' made the most sense I could see.

Jackson came over with his intellect, but was lacking in physical skills. Isis has given him a chance to rapidly advance those.

Charles is not as smart, not as game savvy, but he had been shown to have crafted himself as a heavily combat capable character in the regular world, so having him lose any of that in translation to Isis would have made no sense. If the players were simply avatars, setting everyone starting on an even level would make sense. With players being directly translated to Isis as themselves, there had to be the allowance that they started with different levels of capability. He may have had a prosthetic leg, but his personality would have driven him to push his capabilities to overcome that weakness, and his martial training certainly had to have started far before his accident to toughen himself up.

I was hoping for this chapter to advance Jackson's story, but I can understand taking time to develop Charles in Isis. I don't know if he will storm Vulstedt with a heavy combat suit before it sprouts critters, or move off to search for Rachel first. Will his leg sprout critters, or simply have other issues because it is so tied into his physical form? Whichever way it goes, I expect I will continue to enjoy the interesting world that's been given to us here.

Kudos for another good read. I miss Jackson, but had fun anyway.

Each hero has a rival and a key enemy. Here we began to see the potential in Charles as possibly either and understand how this stage was set for it. Remember this story is not yet over and each amazing chapter leads to a new and different response. I read a lot of stories due to being severely injured. I can say without doubt that this series is the most promising I have read in the last seven years. So I simply say thank you again

who would've thought the author i now hold in the highest regard would be an erotica writer. That says something doesn't it, keep writing Over_Red, we will be with you through this adventure from begginning to end.

After reading a few comments, I just have to say that you do not in "fart-arse around," as another commenter suggested. Character development should be a part of the plot. Honestly, character development itself can serve solely as a plot. The alternative is a bare-bones action story with little depth, not necessarily a bad thing but not something I would personally want to read. Ideally, literature uncovers truths about ourselves and human nature in general. Anyway, you don't need me to tell you that as you clearly understand this and your writing is superb! Also, I desperately need an escape from my life and am eagerly awaiting the next chapter :-)

Good writing, but the plot has no balance at all. It's as if the author simply isn't sure yet himself, making the story itself drag. This is a chapter about two people, the last one had about ten major player. Again, little balance. I suggest you write a story whole next time, not publish each chapter as it is written

After a week of disregarding my 'sleep' schedule I have caught up and have joined the many waiting for the next chapters. Your writing is amazing!

I didn't like this chapter because it didn't continue Jackson's cliffhanger that I was hoping to read. That being said! I loved this chapter, it showed us another part of the world of Isis, fleshed out Charles character decelopment, gave insight to Rachel, among many other things. I personally liked how it stuck with Charles' whole trip to Isis till the end and didn't skip around all over the place. It made the experince feel more personal and defined, rather than bits and peices at a time.

I didn't comment on each chapter because I was eager to continue reading, so I apologize for not providing feedback along the way. Know that not many stories hold my interest like yours has, or makes me want to comment. Keep up the great work, I look forward to reading what happens next!

Come on man I'm in agony here! Where's that next chapter?!? But seriously though, I love your writing, you got mad skills. Keep it up

Eagerly awaiting the next episode of dragon ball!

for continuing your story. I like your writing very much!

Looking forward to read the next chapter!

Just wanted to add constructive criticism. You've once again chosen to highlight skills, essence, etc. with Charles and once again you've skimped on his character generation. He's a genius and terrifyingly logical. He learned all about stats and essence and skills from torturing Gary. So it makes no sense at all that he does not allocate any of his essence to his stats during his massive rampage let alone when he's safe and sound with the Princess in a private room. At a bare minimum he would spend points on vitality (since he doesn't want to die and is suffering substantial injuries with every confrontation) but he'd likely add to STR and AGI as a fighter.

I'm sure some readers and perhaps you as an author regard this critique as a bit nitpicky but if you are going to go down a path of specialization and wish your characters to behave in a manner consistent with their brains and background then you need to do right by them and let them take appropriate actions rather than just what is demanded by the story. If White Bison MC can add essence to his health to save himself in a fight then Charles can as well. Again, fixing this challenge is quite simple and requires little adjustment --> just a few sentences here and there about spending his essence and some other sentences about the resulting impact of those decisions.

I think my largest gripe is that I don't think you planned Charles out all that much. Either that or he's gone off the tracks of your story.

When we're first introduced to him, his character appeared to be a stock 'charming two-faced bad guy', albeit we're looking through the eyes of people who are inclined/have reason to dislike him. But the fact that he's gone from trying to charm some random girl he met near campus into sleeping with him, to having some pseudo-relationship with an android and on to going all terminator after emerging in the ballroom of an emperor has thoroughly pushed my SoD out the window.

He goes from some ridiculously powerful horndog playboy (slight sidetrack: why on earth would Jackson try and provoke someone like him when he knows that his ex-friend is ruthless enough to concoct a plan to kill one of his best friends, all for the sake of what he perceives as the betterment of mankind. Especially if he was trying to avoid attention) to now an even more ridiculously powerful sociopath with a messiah complex.

Somehow it feels like you wanted to add obstacles and plot development, and thus latched onto this character as a means to do so. Need source of conflict and difficulty for Jackson in the real world? Convenient character is conveniently rich and ridiculously powerful. Need some influence in Isis from the 'real world'? Well, we've got this randomly powerful character that has a mysterious prior relationship with Jackson which went sour.

The fact that he's evidently popular with some of your readers, to me appears to be wish-fulfillment, here's some person who's not only rich and powerful, but handsome and incredibly physically talented, not to mention ruthlessly practical yet charming. A sharp contrast to your main character (no doubt not a coincidence) who some find too accommodating, outright weak and not all that talented in terms of combat.

Some might argue that Charles has had character development so it's reasonable for him to have changed from the start. But the fact is that he's not undergone any epiphany beyond having sex with an android and suddenly realizing that she's perfect for him. I'm so much more invested in Jackson (and not just because more time has been spent on him), true he does tend to be a bit of a weakling and there are times where I do wish he's got more pride in himself, but you've already shown that it's a critical character flaw and more importantly, the people around him have recognized it and are working on 'fixing' that aspect of him. The fact that he's actually gotten better and that time and effort has been spent focusing, recognizing and expanding on his flaws are significant reasons as to why I much rather follow Jackson than Charles.

I tried reading the chapter but couldn't continue after page two when it becomes obvious that Charles somehow has more luck than Jackson in this world as well, not to mention also turns out to be incredibly skilled at martial arts (where on earth does he get the time? Didn't he only get his special prosthetic a year or so back? Heck, his balance alone would throw most skills he learned before he lost his leg out of whack) as he takes down multiple trained guards (albeit taking advantage of his gamer body). Somehow he just so happens to appear in front of a disgruntled heir to the throne whose father inexplicably wishes to get rid of, and I don't even need to read ahead to know that he somehow earns her trust and now will help her to win her throne, and in the process probably get into some sort of relationship with her.

Yea, really can't be bothered to follow any of that, unfortunately it seems like Charles is going to continue to be a major side character and I can only hope that things take a permanent turn for the worse for him. Hopefully, Jackson will eventually get his revenge on him and that Charles doesn't get his redemption after being an immoral sociopath, preferably after seeing his entire world crumble around him.

I agree with the commenter below you didnt plan much for charles.

I find his character unbearable. I hope you get back to the main story and just brush upon the rest.

I have loved your work so far and am planning to buy your book but I think Ill be unable to read more of this if you plan no expanding greatly on Charles and somehow plan to redeem him into a good guy...

The best villains are ones that could be, with just a slight change of perspective, he protagonist. But then they have a core belief or axim that just makes them other and somewhat evil. I understand where Charles is coming from but where he is going is horrible. I love him as a character though, refreshingly ruthless.

Really want charles to either get his ass kicked in by jackson, or that he turns out to be a dark night hero

still want rachel to end up with jackson, they fit

Well, is it not bionic or whatever??? Will

The weird-ish crab-creatures pop out of it then?

Also wondered why the monsters did not pop out of the leg that doesnt belong in that world. Cant wait for next chaper.

I love the whole world you have created. I love the style if your writing. Its refreshing to see such quality and planning.

I can't stand the side tracking to poorly thought out evil characters with too much power. The main story arc is fantatic and should be expanded. The parts involving Charles are honestly painful to read and spoil a fantastic series.

I've not read the rest yet, but if more chapters focus solely on Charles I can say I will lose interest. Develop the characters from the beginning and flush out their stories.

Hi Over_Red! I'am totaly baffled. I came to this site to finde some nice stories to wank of. But I found a true sci-fi jewel. Sure, some of those ideas and themes were already written by other famous authors. But you placed them in YOUR own world and enriched them with your own ideas. I would advise you, to publish your novel as a ebook when it's ready. Your story is just great!

There are my exams after a week and I have to say, I decided to read this story at a very bad time.u r ridiculously fantastic man, I haven't read anything with such creativity, precise story plot, and the most important FLAWLESS..KEEP IT MAN, U R DOING A GREAT JOB.

His sections are painful to read. I tend to skim lightly over them to get on to the good characters. I read this entire chapter hoping for the POV to switch. Sadly it didn't happen.

That said I really love this series and hope you continue to flesh out the world!

Allowing character focus to change to often or for to long from the main character detracts from the story. Often times it even eliminates the possibility of entertaining surprises that can be used from the main characters perspective.

The author is clearly developing multiple characters any well written story does this. Some short stories focus on one character but this author has been creative giving us multiple points of view. If you do not like a quality story stop reading and I can give you some stories that I didn't finish because of lack of quality. They also only had one character. So that should greatly interesting you.

Charles' eventual portrayal is much different than what he started in the story as. He seemed to be a sleezeball when he tried to pick up Chaki. It felt like he saw a random attractive girl and tried to spend a night with her. Now he seems much matured and a lot like a typical ideologue with more smarts and resources.

I really don't want to like Charles especially after learning what part he had to play in what happened to weasley. Often from my expriences with fiction when a character who has antagonistic like qualities is given this much time into his perspective and how he sees the world that character becomes more human thus increasing the chance for stuff like redemption or becoming an ally. I really dont want that. Charles is the perfect dickbag you love to hate kinda like cersi or joffery from GOT. More than anything I want charles to face his comeuppance. And the real kicker is this chapter was all charles and while hate seeing him win I enjoyed this entire chapter more than I though I would.

Charles is a murderer and a manipulator but caring the next scene to total strangers.

He is not a gamer but manages to hit an absolute jackpot in few moments into the game. He has all resources in the real world, all game chips and is bonded to a princess in under an hour while he has a true AI that apperently cares for him.

You succeded in turning him into a totaly unreadable character with pages of text that give us no true grasp of him other that he faces no hardships whatsoever and only frustrates me when he appears. I truly loved the start of the story and I know that this text right now is truly pretentious but I didn‘t think it was possible that one character could devalue a story so much.

I'm going to skip ahead and make sure that this evil character suffers and dies... or at least dies. I can't stand how the narration seems to present him as an anti-hero or a principled villain making sacrifices for the greater good. He's evil, through and through. A tyrant who still makes time to be a petty tyrant, with zero self-awareness. He is a personification of everything wrong with the world, and not something redeemable in any way, save through utter loss of self and rebuilding from scratch.

The author shows every sign of giving him an incredibly easy and lucky path forward, and then a quick, free redemption.

This story is so good, i am truly amazed a novel which rivals Star Trek or Dan Brown is on literotica. Man get this published, you'd be stinking rich.

I think that some think that Charles have it easy in both worlds and it's not fair. Me after my third time reading this story, I just realized that everyone appears in a zone of ISIS that reflect the best the kind of place they come from in the real world.

Jackson live in the lowest part of the city with his drug addict mother and gangster going around making the law. So he appears in the rathock cave.

Rachel and Charles are pseudo royalty in there world so they end up one in the lab of a regional leader, in front of him and the other in the middle of a court room with princes and princesses.

Following this logic, his security staff will end up in a castle guards barack or the watch tower of the castle with the guards. Not the city guards that will be where a cops will appear in.

So don't blame the author for a iden twist of his story that make perfect sense.

Well, i really like the story, but i must say that Charles is an asshat, an megalomaniac, and he is insane, using ppl to advance his goal and tosses them away when he can't get more from them, he clearly is an anti-hero/villain.

I wonder if he and Jackson will square off in Isis and how that vould go...

Ugh more POV from a completely unlikable character. I really wish the author would have taken a page out of Orson Scott Card’s series of books and wrote an entire story from the main character’s POV, then write another series from the other characters’s POVS.

Reminds me of a fantasy novel I read decades ago about two brothers. One basically evil the other good and how they grew together anyway as a team. Has everyone forgot about redemption?

Love the story and your writing style. Despise the character. Someone needs to put Charles in a body bag.

While I do hope you return to this story some day, please avoid stringing together so many words focused solely on this arrogant sack of shit.

Making life a bit easier for the villain is understandable. Nine pages about how he's living life with God Mode turned on is off putting.

I'm really enjoying this series of stories, and I know it's going to end too soon and leave me in limbo. There are just too many loose ends to be tied together. As despicable as Charles seems, i think there is plenty of time for his enlightenment and redemption, or utter destruction. Maybe Mivra and Ellesmere will team up to teach him humility, or they'll be shunted aside when his megalomania forces him into an ultimate battle with Jackson and his new people. Rachel is the wildcard.

The story is fun, but I wish the author would be more careful to avoid anacronysms. Medieval castle doors did not have doorknobs. Kitchen maids did not have dressers in their 5x8 ft. rooms; maybe a shelf if they were lucky. I doubt Jackson would be carrying around a sulfer-tipped kitchen match 100 years in the future. Will there still be neon lights 3 generations from now? This city of the future still has too strong a flavor of the 20th century. Other than a few other time-related issues like those and a need for some additional editing (people are "who", not "that"), it's good entertainment.

How did Charles get Isis to recognize him? Nothing was mailed to him... He was not a lottery winner... He must have opened someone else's letter and it just recognised him and not the intended recipient?

I'm not sure the games are bound to people until they actually use them for the first time. I don't see how Emil would be able to do that. Maybe that's the case for the beta test winners, since that's 16 people, and thus a lot more manageable, but for the 5000 copies of Isis distributed at random, I don't see how Emil would bind them to the recipients before they get them

I'm worried that Annoying-chan is going to be MC's second bond. Story seems to be heavily leaning in that direction. Uhg. I really really hope I'm wrong.

A waste of an entire chapter. Charles is an insane piece of shit and ridiculously overpowered. He's almost god-like (satan-like).

I really can't stand Charles. Not after what he did to Jackson and his friend. But I'm sensing a redemption arc coming. He has the making of a good leader. But it's covered by narcissism, inhumanity and other severely undesirable traits. We will see.

He has a luciferian complex. Only I. But amount 10 madmen, all claiming "Only I", which is right? Are any of them right?