Dreams Ch. 05

With their arrival, the party shifted into high gear. Ruefully, neither could drink because of the cocktail of medications they were on. For one, without their spleens, they each needed to take precautionary doses of antibiotics to prevent unwanted infections from reaching vital parts of their body, particularly while they remained vulnerable in their healing phases.

Nonetheless, the rest of us made up for it. I hadn't seen Fran for five days. I knelt beside her and asked, "What can I get you?"

Fran gave me a sideways look with a kooky grin; "You can get me a long, hard cock. I so need to get laid, and Dave wasn't at all cooperative in the hospital ... nor were any of the cute interns they seemed to like to parade through our room. I'm desperate!"

"Can you do that?" I asked, really wondering just how fragile she was.

A voice from behind me said, "Oh, yes. Even the doctor cleared her for her daily romps – might be good for her if they're not too strenuous at first." I turned and Annie Myette stood behind me holding a glass of red wine with a huge smile on her face.

I said to both of them, but mainly to Fran, "I'll fix you up. It's pretty easy to get laid around this place – even for the handicapped."

Tara knelt beside Fran on the other side of her chair, "Yep, I got laid by two different guys the day I got home from the hospital. Greatest therapy for a broken arm and concussion I've ever known." She kissed Fran on the cheek.

Annie's eyebrows went up almost past her hairline. She turned to me and asked almost in a whisper, "I know you guys all live together, but ... do you ... are you all intimate?" She gestured to the entire room.

I nodded and said, "It's a long explanation that hinges on the word 'Polyamory.' Do you know what it means?"

"From the roots of the word it would be when a group of men and women all love each other."

I said, "That's the case here. We're really into each other. We call ourselves an intentional family. We chose to be here with each other. About twenty of us are in our family now, not everyone here at the party. Many of these folks are coworkers or neighbors just here for the welcome home party."

Annie probed, "And you're all ... physical ... with each other?"

"Yes, but the guys are heterosexual. We don't have any gays yet, but we're not averse to the idea. For what it's worth, all the women in the circle have decided that being bisexual doubles our chances for a date on Saturday night."

Annie laughed at my attempt at humor, but probed deeper, "And there's no jealousy between you? I would think that would be the insidious result of a family so large."

I gave her my comments on jealousy – that it's a learned response to specific social situations, and that you can unlearn it. I also talked about replacing jealousy with 'compersion,' the buzzword becoming popular in polyamorous groups as the antithesis of jealousy.

Annie listened, until a couple down the road from us stopped next to us to bid Fran goodbye, and wish her a speedy healing process. We bid them goodnight and continued to stand in our small circle. Tom joined us too.

Annie said, "From the time Fran and Dave were in the hospital, they were never alone. One of you was always there. Were all those people part of your family?"

I thought of who'd been up in Brattleboro on 'hospital duty' before I answered her question: "Yes, I think every one of us was up there at least a couple of times."

Annie said, "But there were people up there that were much younger ... and much older, even near retirement age. I remember talking with Greg and Linda on one of their visits, and then Kate and a friend of hers named Arrow."

"Love doesn't care about age – it cares about emotion, and compassion, hope, and our ability to see our own inner beauty as well as that same inner wonder in each other. We each give love away without condition because it comes back to us ten fold or more." I explained more about the unpinning philosophy of our union.

Annie looked around at all the smiling faces in the room. Bill was standing holding hands with Tara as they talked to some neighbors; Mar had her whole body nestled against Peter as they chatted with some of our electricians working on all our remodeling; Walt had an arm draped loosely over Debbie's shoulder even though she was a generation older, as the pair talked with some of Fran's coworkers. There were other shows of affection around the room.

I saw tears form in Annie's eyes. She looked at Fran and me, as we sat in front of her. She said, "Got any more room in your family?"

Fran and I both just said, "Yes," at the same time.

I stood and embraced Annie. I said, "Why don't you hang around this weekend and see what it's like. It'll be a special time because Dave and Fran are finally home with us. Think about what you just asked, and we'll talk more." I thought for a moment and added, "And one more thing, you might be shocked; we're pretty open about our sexuality and love making."

Fran said, "I thought that would bother me, given how I was raised and all. Actually, I find it refreshing to throw out all those old behavior norms and just indulge myself. Sometimes I feel so wanton, but in the end it always feels right and wonderful." She laughed.

Tom added in a guarded tone, "There are several incestuous relationships here and there in the family too. They're breaking old rules in favor of love. I hope those won't put you off either. We have just about every combination you can think of on that account."

Annie's head spun to me, "Oh, yes, isn't Josh your brother?"

"Yes," I said. "From time to time, he's also my lover, and so is the girlfriend he introduced to the circle that you know – Tara."

Annie said, "That might take me some time to get used to."

Tom pointed out Bill, Debbie, Kate, and Beth, the latter two living with us in the house, while their parents still live in their established home, yet frequently come to be with us as active family members. He also pointed out Mar and Walt, another brother-sister pair in our circle, although Walt prefers to live in the city.

Annie asked a series of other questions about how we lived together, taking it down a level from the brief conversations we'd had at the hospital. She was surprised at how organized the family was, even incorporating to buy and manage the house. She was further surprised to discover that Arrow was a new family member that Kate, Bill's daughter, had brought into the group, and that Bill was our contractor also doing all the renovations on the house. We explained how Tara had arranged for all the kitchen appliances at the hotel she worked at would become part of our new kitchen before too long.

Peter joined our circle, sliding in next to Fran. He asked, "Darling, I've missed you so. Are you still on the 'non-participating' list?"

Fran grinned and shook her head.

Peter said, "Would I upset the balance of this conversation if I took Fran away for a long while. Plus, someone told me she's supposed to get to sleep pretty soon too." He smiled wolfishly at all of us.

Fran just said, "Take me. I'm yours ... and you better know I'm horny and you have to be gentle – very very gentle." Annie nodded to reaffirm Fran's words.

Peter promised to honor all feelings, emotions, and physical limitations. He wheeled Fran away from us. We all caught a glimpse of Peter carrying Fran upstairs to his room. Fran had her head on his shoulder and her good arm around his neck. The casts on the other arm and both legs weighed her down.

Annie just stared at the stairs long after the couple had left. I saw another tear form in her eye. She turned back to me and said, "He really loves her."

I nodded.

Annie added, "When he was at the hospital, he'd sleep sitting in a chair with his head on her bed holding her hand. It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen."

I said, "We all love her, and Dave too." I looked across the room. Dave was immersed in deep conversation with a couple of the contractors and their wives. I knew he was happy to be at home, but he had a new look – one that I knew we'd all have to work on. I loved him so, and hoped I'd get to make love to him soon.

I asked Annie, "Can Dave ... make love? Is he in good enough shape physically?" I looked longingly across the room.

Annie laughed and said, "The meds he's on will probably impact his performance. I'll arrange for some Cialis or Viagra or something that'll help him while he's still working with the painkillers. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

She paused and said, "As you might expect, the bigger problem will likely be the mental anguish about the loss of his leg. Amputees go into denial for a month or two after the loss, and then they get angry and depressed about it. He's probably about to enter the second stage. From my chats with him I could tell he was in a state of self-denial about his loss. The depression can last a long time and often holds people back from using a prosthesis and from getting back to some semblance of a normal life.

A few people came by to thank us for the party before they left. That started a rush, and pretty soon the only people left in the house were family members and Annie. A group of us swept through the house collecting cocktail glasses, plates, food, and such, and putting everything away or getting it washed up. Annie helped, and was amazed at how fast the place became a gracious home again rather than the well-used party palace it had been a half-hour earlier.

I asked Annie as I was washing some of the party platters, "Will you stay over with us?"

Before she could answer, Tom slipped up behind her and put his arms around her. He said, "I hope you'll stay over. I was sort of hoping you might spend more time with me tonight."

Annie gave a bright smile: "I've been thinking of all you said. Yes, I'd be delighted to stay ... even for the weekend. I've got to see my sister for a short visit sometime, but other than that I'm yours."

Tom picked the dishtowel from her hands and said, "Then come with me. I need to show you the upstairs." The pair walked away as I put the last platter in the dish drainer. I also heard Tom volunteering to drive into the city with her the next day to see her sister.

Dave and Tara were talking, when I walked up. I went and kissed him, and asked, "Have you been spoken for tonight?"

We both looked at Tara. She said, "Oh, I was going to join with Arrow tonight. We haven't really had any intimate time together, although we've talked a lot and gotten to know each other. I thought it was time to join with him." She looked around the room for the young man. I heard his voice coming from the living room along with Mar and Josh's, and Tara sashayed away in their direction.

Dave said in a somewhat glum voice, "I guess you win the cripple."

On an impulse I decided to use some reverse psychology. I said in a cheery tone, "Oh, yes, I love to give sympathy fucks – do it all the time. Come on sailor." I got behind his chair and pushed him towards the sunroom that had been made over into a bedroom.

Dave was silent for a while, and then asked, "Why'd you say that?"

I said in an instructional tone, "You know. You're going to get angry about life and everything in it, and bounce back and forth between that and depression or feeling sorry for yourself. Well, my job – and the rest of the family – will be to keep that from happening too much. You'll be allowed a little self pity every now and then, but you have to come back to us the way you were."

"But I lost a leg – a whole FUCKING leg."

"So what? Life's a bitch; now get on with it. In more spiritual terms, you've been thrown a problem for the rest of this life. You're supposed to learn something from it, teach someone else something about it, and end up enlightened. As I said, I'm here to help make that happen." I paused and added, "Now, how can I help you get ready for bed, Lover?"

Dave said, "I can't make love ... don't feel like it. Haven't been hard since the accident."

In a softer tone than I had seconds earlier I said, "I know, it's your meds. Annie said she'd get some other drugs that'll help work around those. Tonight we'll just cuddle. When you've healed more there'll be plenty of time to play. You may not think so, but we all still love you."

"I have to wear my body armor for eight more weeks. I'm not even huggable."

"That's all right. Now, don't you need some help changing the dressing on your stump?"

Dave looked shocked that I'd offered so readily. Annie had prepared me and also instructed me in how to care for his wound as it healed. I'd seen her do it once in the hospital. Later, when he got a prosthesis it would get abraded a lot at first and probably hurt more than it did now, much of which was false pain from a limb no longer there.

Dave allowed me to help him undress and get into a nightshirt. I cleaned his stump, noting the slight swelling and stitches still evident from the surgery. He sat with his eyes closed and his lips pursed as though this was the worst imaginable situation to endure. After a trip to the bathroom, I helped him get into the queen-size bed.

I went and did my own ablutions, and then came back to the sunroom. Dave was feigning sleep. I slid in next to him and wrapped my arms about him, enduring the body brace he had to wear for another couple of months as well as the cast on one arm. I kissed him on the back of the neck.

"I'm not pleasant to be with," He said authoritatively as he turned his head away from me. He was forced by his brace to sleep on his back. I was sympathetic for sure; I couldn't imagine the discomfort he must be feeling with a missing leg, a leg cast on the good one, and an arm cast where we broke his left arm.

"Oh, David Wescott, you are pleasant to be with if I love you, and I do love you. Now be quiet, go the sleep, and think how much you're loved. Every day you're healing and getting better. Tomorrow's an exciting new day, and I'll help you face it. We all will – the whole family."

*

Duke flew up again the following weekend to be with family. Somehow, he'd managed to yet again schedule a week of work in the city. He'd been around so much since I'd picked him up in a bar in the city he too had become a family member. Consequently, he usually slept at the house when he in town.

Duke also talked to Dave about emerging depression and self-pity. His best buddy from high school had gone to Iraq, been the victim of an IED, and was living happily with his family on only one leg. I think his pep talks helped, but it was hard to tell if any of us were having effect. Dave snapped at us, often talked about moving out and going back on his own, and once or twice even wished he'd been killed in the car accident rather than survived without his left leg.

I'd insisted that Duke get familiar with some of the other women in the group at bedtime. He seemed too focused on me, and I wanted to see him less possessive. I told him so, and so he enthusiastically threw himself into the project. The weekend after Dave came home, Duke and Kate spent the weekend together, even going out for a romantic candlelit dinner at one of the city's finest venues.

A few weeks after that, Duke came back to work on the house before he spent a few days in the city. Nights, he spent with Linda. During the day, he finished up priming some of the wallboard in one of the new bedrooms that Bill was putting together for the family. I'd been doing trim in the room and cutting in around the woodwork.

Duke asked in a serious tone, "Ariel, I know what I'm about to ask may sound silly coming from a divorced guy my age, but how do you define love."

I laughed; we were in that kind of mood or at least we had been. I responded, "There have been whole books – volumes – written about that subject since the beginning of time."

I looked at Duke, and he gave me the kind of look that I knew meant 'Please be serious and answer my question." I nodded to show I would start to think deeply about an answer.

I began, "Well, I assume you mean romantic love, rather than filial love or parental love or brotherly love.:

Duke nodded and said in his Texas drawl, "Yep." Somehow that became a three-syllable response.

"Love means I feel deep affection for someone, usually with romantic and sexual feelings involved. I want to spend time with that person, I find everything they say fascinating, I have empathy with them, and I want for their happiness even going out of my way to do things that I think will promote that feeling for them."

Duke asked, "You love everyone in the house. When we're together do you wish you were with someone else?"

"No, I wish the someone else were with us."

Duke looked puzzled.

"Let me explain. A couple of weeks ago you spent the weekend with Kate. I love Kate, and I love you. To me, it was a weekend of joy because the two of you found each other. Instead of sitting around angry that either or both of you had gone off without me, I felt just the opposite – joy and hope for your own interaction with each other. It's called 'Compersion' – it may be newest and best word in the dictionary."

Duke asked, "What'd you do that weekend?"

I thought a moment, thinking back in time; "I think I spent one day with Dave, trying to coax him out of his depression, and that Sunday with Peter. It was our turn to shop, but we also spent the night together."

"Did you think of me at all during that time?"

"Yes, in fact I did. Peter and I both talked about you and Kate – just what I said before: we hoped you were having a fun time together."

Duke looked like I was missing his point.

I asked, "What did you want me to be doing? Missing you? Missing Kate? Feeling lonely? Feeling jealous? I don't think that way – I might of a few years ago, in fact, I know I would have. Now I think in broader terms."

"What do you mean?"

"I think outside the meme of the heterosexual, monogamous, exclusive, wedded, family unit with two point one children. Put that aside, it's all brainwashing from the religious sects and the media to sell you a bigger car. Instead ask what's really important. Let me ask you that question, what's really important to you?"

Duke said, "To love and be loved."

"By one person or many?"

"One person is nice, and many people is wonderful."

"What's the fundamental message of the Bible and Christianity?"

"Love – unconditional love, brotherly love, ... all kinds."

"So more is better?"

"Yes."

"OK, so here at the house I love you, Kate loves you – she told me, Mar loves you, Dave loves you, Tom loves you, Beth loves you, Linda and Greg love you, ... I could go on."

"I get it, I guess." He paused and went thoughtful on me. I let him think for a moment.

I let a minute go by and tossed him a curve ball: "Duke, suppose you and I had been making out and we were headed for a lovely sexual romp to culminate the love we feel for each other, and then suppose Kate came to your other side and also started to make out with you and evoke the same feelings. What would you do or want to do?"

Duke said quickly, "I'd try to please the two of you ... to take both of you to bed ... to make love with each of you at the same time."

"Because?"

"Because I love both of you."

"And the others in the house?"

"I love them too ... although I still can't see a way to get really intimate with the other guys. I mean I don't mind if they're around, I'm ... just not into guys. I think of all the contact we had that first night we met ... you're gangbang ... but that was different. That was all just lust and raw sex. I really a girl guy."

"I can deal with that, and I love all of them too."

Duke thought of the short journey I'd just taken him on. He lit up briefly; "I think I'm getting it. I just need to hear it a thousand times."