Driving Jackie Ch. 04

"Jackie, we have to talk. This can't go on."

I got a feeling in the pit of my stomach, almost as though someone had punched me. "Do you want a divorce?" I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

Steve's voice was calm, much more so than it had been for some time. "I don't want a divorce, I love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don't want to lose you. I won't be surprised if you want to divorce me, though."

Steve was sitting on the side of the bed facing away from me. I tried brushing away my tears and then sat up and moved beside him. "I don't want a divorce either. I love you and have wanted you since the first time we met. I just want us to be a family again."

Steve was sitting with his head down and his shoulders slumped as he spoke. "I want that too, but I am afraid."

"What are you afraid of?" I asked.

"I am afraid that I won't be able to take care of you and Davey. It is my responsibility and I am not sure if I can do that in the future. I don't know what to do, only that I have been a disappointment for the past few months."

I put my arm around his shoulder. "You have always done a good job of taking care of us. I know you will always do a good job." I could see a tear starting to form in the corner of his eye.

"I don't know how I can if I don't get my eyesight back. What will I be able to do? How can I do my job of taking care of you two?"

"You have always found a way to do whatever you set your mind to. You are the smartest person I know. I have faith you will be able to overcome any challenge you face. I am not worried about our future if we can get over this rough spot." I said as I tried to sound as convincing as I could.

"Logically, I know you are right, but now this is tougher than anything I have ever had to face. Maybe it is just unknown, but I am still afraid I won't be able to do what you expect me to." Steve whispered, his voice starting to crack.

"I have faith in you. I know you can win here, you just need the proper motivation."

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think the future of our family is motivation enough?" Steve responded.

"I wasn't trying to suggest you don't have enough motivation. I cannot imagine what it is like to be in your situation. I only know that if you think the reward is good enough, you will do what is necessary. Remember the first time we slept together? You wanted to get into my pussy, but I would push you away. You had to work to get in and stay there, but you did it. I guess my pussy was motivation enough for you to work for it and in the end, you did. You could easily have just told me to stop fooling around and let you push in without effort, but you fought for what you wanted. Isn't this just like that, the future of your family is something you will have to fight for."

"I know you are right, Jackie. My logical side can see it all clearly, but the emotional side of me has doubts. Right now, my emotional side seems to be winning."

I pulled him closer to me, "You have always been logical. I know that with a bit of time and consideration, you will be able to figure something out."

Steve sat and thought a minute before speaking again. I thought he had calmed down some with our talk, but suddenly he started crying as he sobbed "You know what scares me the most?" I can't remember your face! I try to imagine what you look like and in my mind all I see is a blur. The edges have faded and there is no detail. I don't want to forget you!"

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't imagine not knowing his face. Was memory that fleeting that 3 months of time could erase my face from his mind? I had no idea the emotional pain he was experiencing. We continued to talk through the night, discussing things we should have resolved long ago. By the time the sun had come up, we had discussed many things and hopefully come to some understanding.

*****

I wish I could say that our talk had resolved all issues and our lives were back to normal but that did not happen. However, we had made a start. We each had insights into the other's concerns and that allowed us to work out issues between us. Steve's eyes were still healing but he had resigned himself to waiting for improvements as they came. We were seeing the eye doctor every month now instead of every 2 weeks and the doctor felt that the progress was good. Steve contacted his employer and made arrangements to come back on a part time basis at first. They worked out accommodations for him so that he could get into the office and contribute without feeling as though they were offering him charity.

I still had to assume more of the responsibilities around the house than I had before his accident, but Steve tried to do more to help me where he could. With him out of the house a couple days a week, he did not always need my attention to entertain him each evening so I got a respite from that task. He had also come to believe that his appearance was not as bad as he had assumed, so going out in public was less of a chore for him.

Davey had also settled down. He thought his foot injuries were the result of his insolence and we did not try to tell him otherwise. I know it was a little dishonest, we never would have hurt him intentionally, but sometimes an omission is not quite the same as a lie. He discovered that he liked school once he put his mind to it. Just like his father, I think he was going to go through at an accelerated pace, but for now we were content to let him learn at his own speed.

*****

Christmas would soon be here and we had an appointment at the eye doctor. 6 months had passed since Steve's accident and we would be seeing the doctor for the last time. He examined Steve and pronounced him healthy and fully recovered.

"Your eyes are about as healed as they will get. They are stable and I don't expect any changes in the future. You have a fair amount of scar tissue and as you know, this interferes with your vision."

We both knew that, particularly Steve. He had been able to regain a portion of his vision, and with the aid of some seriously thick glasses, he could see enough to do what he had to.

The doctor continued "You have several options at this point. We can try to remove some of the scar tissue. This will be a very delicate operation, we would have to cut away small bits of tissue slowly, and then hope the result will offer better vision. The operation would take a couple of hours and then your recovery would be similar to what you have had to experience for the past few months. There is, however, the chance that the operation itself will result in more scar tissue forming after the surgery."

I looked at Steve and he at me, and then I asked "What are the odds that the surgery will be successful?"

"I would say about 90%. I can't say how much better the vision will be, but it likely will be a definite improvement."

I looked at Steve to see if he had any comment, but he was listening and pondering what he had heard.

The doctor then added "There is also the possibility of a corneal transplant. This procedure will involve removing your damaged corneas and replacing them with healthy corneas from a donor. This has become a pretty common operation and you would be a good candidate. I could put you on the list and you probably would have a donor within 6 months or so. This would give you almost perfect vision again. The downside to this is the time waiting for a donor and the possibility of rejection. You would need to take anti rejection meds for life so there are some drawbacks. You can talk about your choices, there is no hurry. However, if you do decide on the transplant, getting your name on the list as soon as possible will get you a donor sooner. Let me know what you decide."

It was Steve's decision since it would affect him the most. I would support him whatever direction he chose. I expected he would thank the doctor then we would leave to discuss the various plusses and minuses.

Steve started "I made a promise to my wife a few months back that I would not spend another night in the hospital away from her. I intend to keep that promise. I can see well enough now with these glasses to function, and most importantly, I can see Jackie's face. I don't need any more than that!"