All Comments on 'Drugged and Raped Ch. 05'

Rape, kidnapping, fraud, attempted extortion, narcotics charges, false statements to police etc... she would be in jail. Custody of kids taken. The courts would never leave kids with her. This is silly

Not one shred of new happenings, just telling over again the same old tired thing that has been spun to death. I've had enough of this crap. I'm gone.

It’s your story tell it however you like. The pissing and moaning over this free let me stress FREE story is ridiculous. There are thousands of stories on this site go read another if you don’t like it. Looking forward to the next chapter and how you will end this story.

put some meat in it

Getting Stale

You don’t have to be so graphic when explaining a character using the restroom!

Example: I stopped to use the bathroom and then headed out to work. Not disgusting terms like evacuated my bowels, defecate or drained my bladder! Even when describing the after effects the anal rape had on his bathroom usage, let the words flow, not bludgeon. You could have said it much differently. Example: There was finally no sign of blood when I used the bathroom. You lumping chapters together would be a good idea because this one chapter thing is a pain in the a@@ to navigate and a lot of people will stop reading a story because of it. You used the saying, a full proof plan in your story. That is incorrect, it’s actually, a FOOLPROOF plan. You need an editor badly because your word usage, descriptions, etc. are helping to bring down the quality of the story. Good luck!

Many authors don't concern themselves with the consequences of bad behavior. This story does. Keep true to your muse.

Believe it or not, we all read the first chapter. We knew what happened except the falling in love

So the majority of this could have been done with a 'Bev told them what happened that night but neglected to mention the anal rape.'

There is this thing called pacing and padding.

Buddy, if this thing wasn't fully written in advance (which I'm assuming it wasn't because why else would it be dribbling out), then it feels like you're just trolling us now.

How else can you explain a rehash chapter that does basically nothing to advance your (admittedly off the rails) plot except to say that you're doing it to tweak all of us complaining about your story?

And, of course, there's absolutely no way that Bev is not already in jail. No cop would have not arrested her for what she did and the evidence present...no matter what the victim said.

Fucked up

Maybe you dragged a bit in other chapters, but this was a great chapter.

Loved it. Very engaging, moved the plot along nicely.

My main suggestion is to maybe start meshing some of your chapters into one. Some are one page long and could easily be combined for brevity's sake. But this chapter works well as is.

Thanks for writing. It's enjoyable.

"and He would leave until Thomas was present" - Misplaced capital, and shouldn't it be "wouldn't leave"?

Darcy isn't to blame for not getting Bev to stop, but she could have at least walked away and not participated.

"I would have to be the one to check on the boys, pay Darcy, and then walk her home." - Oh! The horror! That certainly deserves what she did.

Why would she "try" to act more like a friend? I can see it happening organically, but TRYING? She's so worried about a rapist, but they're sitting in the park?

"Chuck did have to go out of town for a few days to talk to the car company so we then got a motel room" - Why go to a motel room? I realize she has to tell the whole truth, but I don't think her parents need to hear about the orgasms she was getiing and/or giving!

Typical LW selfishness: Her husband and lover have to be exclusive, but she doesn't. At a minimum, offer to allow Chuck have Darcy, too! Also, of course the husband is supposed to be a mind reader and intuit his wife's dissatisfaction, even though she never says anything. And the usual imbalance of oral sex.

I know the story is for us, but she's being MUCH too explicit to her parents!

"Chuck's refusal to accept any change." - When was he offered any change. Yes, in the past he had always maintained that they had to be exclusive, but had she ever actually made a real offer? Even here, she was only allowing non-exclusivity for HER, of course he would never accept it!

"I now wonder what would have happened if I had just sat Chuck down and discussed my feelings" - Yep! Who knows, if he could have his time with Darcy he would have gone along with Bev being with Darcy.

"have the life that I wanted." - Again, why would a "loving" wife want that life?

I think we pretty much know what happened, do we really need a recap? I know she's telling her parents, but as FD45 says, why not just say, "she told them what she did to me?"

LOL, she couldn't believe that her husband, "the man [she] love[d]" was afraid of her? Who WOULDN'T be?

I realize this was probably written before comments on the earlier parts, but you should have had time to change that bit about the mortgage. You can't force someone to take out a mortgage.

You got the fools, now we just need to keep reading until its April?

Sorry for the short comment, but this whole story is just too stupid to describe with words. Hell, we're all getting an ass fucking.

I'm really having a problem with allowing the children to be in the care of two deranged bitches that drugged and raped Chuck.

Darcy is just as guilty as an accomplice and anyone that is so unhinged as to drug, kidnap and rape someone should never be trusted with kids.

That is a very fatal flaw in an otherwise somewhat interesting tale.

If you had at least taken the children from Bev and Darcy, I would have kept riding with you on this one. I can't tolerate child endangerment and risking the boys with these soulless rapists is too much for me.

I'll finish but Bev and Darcy seriously need to pay for the kidnapping, torture and rape of Chuck and the boys need to be protected.

You are now five chapters in and the only thing new is now her parents know. You still have 12 more chapters?

Facts:

1. You have written 42 pages on Micro Soft Word which is equivalent to a page in a standard paperback novel.

2. You have used 23619 words.

3. Chapter 6 was 12 of those pages and 6716 words. At this rate your story will be 126 pages and 70857 words.

Blackrandel1958 wrote a story called "Finding Flagstaff", it was 71 pages and 32321 words. It had a flow and a story to tell to it. I am not advocating it just using it as a reference. She is a published writer and that is one of her stories. If your intentions are to become a published writer then you should have dropped this all at once in Novels and Novellas.

Your chapters are dropping every two days or so which means they are already at the web site under review, so we will have no choice but to wait (if we stay with you) for another month to find out that this ended up being an RAAC story. Next time you want to write a novel be smart and do it all at one time.

First off, kudos to the author for the original storyline. But frankly, this is why originality is overrated. It's hard to make a plot no one else has ever used into something useful, workable and believable (not to mention the verbosity you need to reduce.)

4 chapters in, and we're still "rehashing" the first page? I'm afraid the apex of the story has already occurred, and we've almost dropped below sea level, yet we still have 75% of the words left to endure. How low can it go? I don't trust you, Author, to pop an energizing twist into the story that would give added life, so there's not enough time in the day to keep reading this.

That's not to say that you suck as a writer. I will give attempt to enjoy any of your future work, when it seems you have a story to tell and the excitement to tell it. But not this. This is dragging out an event that needs to be gotten past and forgotten.

BTW, you'll probably notice that I'm not published. So if any published writers comment on your work, take it to heart above mine.

Personally, I work on my writing skills by taking other good stories and supplementing them with additional scenes, trying to stay faithful to the original author's tone, pacing, vocabulary, and characterizations. As a consequence, I have nothing that I have created--so you're ten times the author I am--but my computer is loaded with some awesomely arousing customized content. (For those nights when it's useful.)

Keep trying.

IRL she would be in jail once the cops have the evidence. Why on earth are the boys still with the rapist? I feel sorry for the babysitter - appears to me that she is being victimized as well. What is hubby waiting for? He supposedly has a hot-shot attorney, but if this attorney is so good, why are the boys not with their father?

Then I see you have several stories that established the mold for this one. You know, one cataclysmic marital event requires lots of pages and words before the offended party will ultimately disregard all evil actions taken by the perpetrator. Reconciliation without repentance. Big bang in chapter one, but no evolution of life in succeeding chapters. In fact, the quality of life and love is never as good in the end as our poor unwitting victim thought it was at the beginning. The silly concept that two vines that stay together eventually will--stay together. Inertia rules. But inertia cannot be transcended nor improved upon. The vines neither separate and grow independenly, nor unite and act as one. They are captive to one another, because they are. How bland.

I can no longer promise to give your future stories a fair chance because I already did that.

And silly me, you've suckered us into 5 chapters already, when I had thought it was only 4.

As an occasional writer and prolific (if not always appreciated!) commenter, I don't think they have anything to do with one another. Siskel and Ebert were two of best film critics, and I don't think either of them ever made a movie.

this would be an excellent point to stop this story

My point was for less experienced writers to prioritize the constructive advice of published authors. As an analytical commenter, my opinion may be spot-on in some particular points--I certainly think so--but I've read lots of advice on here that just doesn't fly on real stories, so as an unpublished author, I assume the same is true of some of mine.

It's terribly easy to poke holes in someone else's masterpiece. Some perceived flaws are not bugs but features; i.e., removing them fundamentally changes the nature of a tale. Fixing those features can end up being more destructive than helpful.

I'm not excusing the thin-skinnedness of writers who cannot take criticism or advice as much as I'm pointing this writer to a friendly soul--you--who was being more helpful than I felt like being.

What the hell kind of wimp would put up with this shit? Ya suck the big one, ya cuck Farmer boy!

Understood. I thought that you were agreeing with those who put down commenters, with comments like, "If you're so great, why haven't YOU written anything!"

This story is a little too unbelievable for my taste. She drugged him and raped him, yet somehow no one has filed charges against her or her lover? No way.

You also say that this story is about 18 chapters long, I'm pretty sure that a decent editor could trim this down to about 4 medium length chapters. A lot of the content is repetitive and I get a nagging feeling that you are going to make this a reconciliation story. No way can the amount of and disrespect that she's shown him be resolved so neatly.

I've read your other works a lot of your wife characters tend to act similar to this one, and most of them face no real consequences. I see bad things coming.

A well told story of the ultimate betrayal and perversion. Was this the final chapter?

deletes his own comments. Good decision.

This story is improving with every chapter, looking forward to the next chapter.

This is not erotica in anyway at this time.

It's basically the opposite of erotica at this point.

The writing is good and engaging but this may not be the correct site for this material.

And it starts as a non-consent, noncon story so it should probably be in that section with other rape/non-con stories. It's not a "loving wives" story for sure.

Hope You follow-up on their tale to see where he go's and does she remain Alone. Does he take her children away from her or does he do the Usual father thing and visit as he can.

Story writing ok but some serious flaws in the story itself

If a hospital does a rape klt test they have to report it to police i googled that so could you have

Once police get involved and gather evidence i doubt they would not act on it in a rape case as you describe especially as a rape kit was done

Would you seriously allow a woman who took part in your rape to care for your kids?

Really ??? Thing about it. Story logic fails right there

I feel your good writing has been let down by poor research even google research lol

You can write so do the little things to really demonstrate your skill

Chapter 6 please I can’t wait for the next few chapters.

This author initially said its a long story with 18 chapters coming and he'd post 2 a day.....we've seen 5 in 2 weeks and now 5 days since the last one. Its a good story line so where are they?

More chapters please I like your story and can’t wait! More!

Sounds like she is a candidate to build her own torture camp. Basically the story is OK if you can read it but I could not live it.

Can see this will not be btb story. He is weak. Should have gotten her thrown in jail and lose everything. By her own admission she drugged him, kidnapped and physically assaulted him leaving injuries, aside from the false allegations. She also physically assaulted the girl, tying her up, biting and bruising. Then she would be up on charges against a minor as, by her own admission, the girl was underage when she started the affair. Passionate smooching could be considered a sexual act. Does not always need cigars.

He could then move on with his kids. He would prob get the little slut babysitter for his own playtoy and still get her babysitting the kids. She is so young and gullible.

She told everything damn. Thanks for sharing.

...I believe she is a good mother and would never harm her children....

LOL...ROTFLOL... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Harryin VA

This is about as crazy as any LW's story posting here. 5 stars.

I know this is a fictional story from someone’s mind, but it’s so unbelievable to the point of being laughable. I don’t think a rapist would willingly confess such details to her parents and lawyer unless in a court of law. What man in his right mind would think that his rapist’s accomplice would be an appropriate babysitter for his children or that his rapist wife is a fit parent? I won’t even get into the issue of police responsibility.

Glad he purchased the mortgage. Miss one payment, dare you!!!

"I believe she is a good mother and would never harm her children."

LMAO. She's a fucking psycho. I mean, she casually raped her husband as an afterthought while framing him to ruin his life. Whatever he thinks he knows about her, he doesn't. Be lucky if she doesn't snap again and drown her kids in the bathtub. With comments like these, it's not too hard to see why she thought she could fuck him over and get away with it.

Got to agree the woman was a psycho. What a stupid plan.

so he would leave his children with a rapist??? wtf

Dumb but I keep reading

Don't know if iv3 commented on this trash before.

You have a talent for writing pages of drivel and utter rubbish. Glad I'm not the only one. Goes to show of this can pass for a story then anyone can write obvious this site.

Harsh? Yes. But then its easy. 0*

And another thing. A good mother? Really? I know its fiction but are you on crack?

There is no "Holding back" evidence of that type of crime. The hospital alone would report it. Whole lot of trouble for the two police officers and his lawyer.

Oye que historia tan mala.... Reiteró, no lo lean,ces horriblemente mala

On the phone every night about the patent,rubbish.