Duty, Honor, Country

"I'm just so...grateful," she said as she wiped away her tears.

"You know how much I enjoy taking care of you, right?" he asked supportively.

"Yes. I know. It's just that, well, no one has ever done anything like this for me before. You know how much I loved Rick, but we never...he never..."

When she started crying he put his other arm around her and held her yet again until she was able to stop.

"I'm such a basket case, huh?" she said as she used her sleeve to wipe her tears.

"Yes, but you're my basket case," he told her sweetly.

As she looked up at him, his smile and his tenderness moved her to the point that she felt...she felt like she'd only felt once before and that was the day she'd fallen in love with Rick. Out of nowhere she wanted him to kiss her more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life with the possible exception of wanting Rick to ask her to marry him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked in a kind way.

"I...I don't know," she said before averting her eyes. "I think my hormones are raging or something."

"Whatever it was, it was nice being looked at like that," he told her tenderly.

He kissed the top of her head, stood up, then said, "Okay. Let's finish this up then maybe go for a walk. What do you say?"

"Sure. That sounds nice," she said now looking at him in a very different way; a way that confused her and also made her feel happy and secure.

For the next two weeks things just seemed...different. Both of them acted virtually the same way. They did the same things and keep up the same routine. But something was definitely different.

It was around that same time that Richard began to slowly change. At first it was very subtle. He didn't laugh as much or smile as often. And then he stopped looking at her for more than a second or two. As the days went by, he seemed almost sullen, and Sarah felt terrible wondering if she might somehow be the cause.

"Richard? Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Oh. Sure. Yeah, everything's just fine," he replied with a quick glance and a faint smile.

She moved closer and put a hand on his forearm causing him to flinch and pull away.

"Something's going on," she said. "If...if my being here is bothering you. If you need me to move in with my parents just..."

"Don't talk like that!" he said raising his voice to her for the first time ever. He didn't yell. He was just so—direct.

"Okay. Sorry," she said feeling sick to her stomach as she realized she'd been looking at him more as...as a kind of...boyfriend than a caretaker or quasi father in law. He obviously not only didn't see her like that, he was somehow irritated with her being there.

The sudden letdown was so severe all she wanted to do was go to her room, get in bed, and curl up into a ball and go to sleep.

"I'm going out for a run," he told her curtly.

"It's not even 30 degrees out there," she said sweetly hoping he'd stay in. He'd been coughing lately and seemed rundown, and that, too, was bothering her. He took her to the doctor regularly but wouldn't go himself.

"Then please be careful, okay?" she said, her heart breaking with sadness as she knew she would have to try and fight off these new feelings she'd been experiencing for several weeks.

That night she heard him coughing heavily. He'd gone on a ten-mile run in the frigid air and she was now deeply concerned.

The following evening he was sitting on the couch still coughing. As Sarah walked by she saw he was wrapped in several blankets and still shivering.

She walked over to him and could see he was sweating profusely and shaking at the same time.

"Will you please let me take you to the ER?" she asked.

"No," he said not looking at her. "I'll be fine."

She put her hand on his forehead and before he pulled away she knew he was burning up.

Without asking, she grabbed his phone, which he didn't password protect, and found the number for his doctor friend.

"Sounds like pneumonia," he said. "If he won't let you bring him here, I can come to the house, but he's going to need care in a hospital."

"Maybe you can talk him into going," Sarah said on the verge of crying. "Can you please try? If anything happens to him I'll..."

"I'll be right there, okay? And between us, we'll get him to the hospital. Just sit down, relax, and try not to worry."

She did sit down but not worrying was impossible. How could she not worry about someone she cared about so much? Someone she loved. Someone she might even be in love with.

When the doctor walked in, Richard was in bad shape. The doctor had an ambulance with him knowing they'd need it. He told the Army medic who drove them to bring in a gurney. They needed three men to get him on it then hung a saline bag as soon as they had him in back of the emergency vehicle.

"I'm coming with you," Sarah said.

"Okay. Just make sure you have ID with you when we go on post," the doctor told her. "I'll get you into the hospital after that."

After an X-ray and then a CAT scan, the diagnosis was confirmed. It was indeed pneumonia and it was in both lungs. Richard was put on a course of very strong antibiotics, and was given codeine for the pain and steroids to keep him from coughing.

"Hey. How do you feel?" Sarah asked as she stood by her bed.

"Pretty wonderful," he said. "Now I know why people do drugs."

When he smiled her spirits soared, and when he reached for her hand she knew she'd cry.

"Hey, what's that all about?" he asked.

"I'm just glad you're gonna be okay. That's all," she told him afraid to tell him the truth.

"Oh, okay. For a minute there I thought you were gonna tell me you loved me," he said with a weak smile.

"I...I already did, remember?" she said as she again dried her eyes.

"I do," he told her.

He tried squeezing her hand then said, "That was the happiest day of my life."

"What?" Sarah asked not sure what he meant.

"I'm pretty loopy right now. I probably shouldn't say anything else," he told her.

"Then get some rest, okay?" she said as she gently touched his face.

He reached up and took her hand then kissed it before trying to smile again.

"I do love you. You know that, right?" he said as his eyes, too heavy to remain open, began to close.

She watched them close then very quietly said, "Yes. At least I hope you do."

Then she leaned down, and certain he was asleep, she kissed him for the first time. It was just a soft, short kiss, but she couldn't keep herself from doing it.

"Get some rest," she said in a whisper. "And I do love you, Richard. Very much."

Her words were so quiet he would have barely heard them had he been awake, but he was deep in sleep as his mind and body fought off the infection ravishing it.

Sarah stayed there beside him the entire night sitting in a chair until a medic offered to bring in a folding cot and a pillow.

"Wow. You guys actually sleep on these things?" she asked after laying down.

"We try," he told her. "When you're tired enough you can sleep anywhere, but these things push it to the limit."

The medic was right. The cot was very uncomfortable, but Sarah was so exhausted she fell asleep listening to the noise of monitors quietly beeping and the sound of Richard's breathing in between. She stirred each time someone came in to check on him, but slept until around 7am when the need to pee forced her out of 'bed'.

She yawned and stretched and washed her face after washing her hands then went to look for a cup of coffee. The OBGYN had assured her once cup a day wouldn't do any harm to her babies, and she was dying for caffeine.

On her way back to his room she noticed the door was partially shut and that the long, blue curtain had been drawn around his bed. She stepped inside then stopped when she heard Richard speaking.

"I'm doing okay, actually. That's for asking, Doc."

"Well, we all think Rick was a hero and while I know that doesn't help, I felt I needed to say it."

There was a short pause before the doctor said, "So how are you doing otherwise?"

"Other than the pneumonia, okay I guess."

"Is there something you want to tell me? It's all covered under doctor-patient confidentiality."

She heard Richard try to laugh, and in spite of the medication, it was followed by a coughing fit.

"I'm okay," he said noncommittally.

"Come on, General. How long have we known one another? Why not get it off your chest? Is it the young lady—Sarah—who's staying with you?"

"Is it that obvious?" Richard replied.

"No, I was just fishing," the doctor/Army colonel told him. "Is caring for her too much? If so, we could get you some..."

"No. It's not that," Richard said.

Sarah felt like there were knots in her stomach as she waited to hear him say something about how he wished she wasn't there. That would be consistent with the way he'd been acting lately. She knew she shouldn't be eavesdropping, but she also couldn't stop listening, so she stood there as quietly as she could holding her cup of coffee.

"What's going on then?"

"I don't know if I can say it out loud," Richard said quietly.

"Doctor-patient confidentiality, remember?"

"I'm damn near ashamed to say this, but I've gotta tell someone," she head him say.

"Then say it. It's just you and me in here, General."

"You know Rick asked her to marry him, right?"

"Sure. You told me that. She's a very beautiful young woman," the doctor said.

"Yes, she is," Richard agreed.

"That can't be it," the doctor said prompting him to continue.

"If she heard me say this, I'd...die," he said.

"Then say it before she gets back."

Sarah couldn't see him, but Richard looked away before saying, "I think I've fallen in love with her."

Sarah nearly gasped but somehow managed to remain quiet.

"I'm with her 24/7 and yes, she's a very beautiful girl. But it's...it's more than that. She's...she's the most amazing woman I've ever met."

"Maybe it's just some kind of infatuation," the doctor suggested. "Some kind of...sympathetic transfer of emotion."

There was a long pause of near silence before Richard said, "I don't think so, Doc. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her."

There was another pause before Richard said, "And the worst part is I know I can't ever tell her how I feel."

"Why not?" the doctor asked. "I know how...awkward...that would be because of Rick, but if that's how you feel, don't you think you should at least try and see if perhaps there's some...reciprocity?"

"Oh, come on! She's not even 30 years old, and she was my son's fiancé, for heaven's sake. No, I could never betray him like that. I have a duty to be loyal to him. So, no way. Not now, not ever."

"Well, I don't envy you, my friend," the doctor said.

"Besides, I'm actually afraid to tell her, and I've never been afraid of anything in my life. She looks up to me as this kind of father figure, and she's also going to be the mother of my grandchildren. I'd destroy all of that if I told her how I feel, and as God is my witness, I won't risk all of that for some unattainable fantasy no matter how real it feels to me. No, no way. Hell, I think the reason I got sick was I've been so despondent my immune system took a nosedive."

"I'm not a psychiatrist, but I know there's a connection between our mental and physical states. We can fix the physical, but you'll have to take care of the mental."

"Right. And I am aware of that, Doc. Look, I'll be okay from now on. I'm just gonna focus on enjoying the part of our relationship I can enjoy, and I'll find some way to bury all the inappropriate feelings and deal with the rest. Inappropriate. That's an understatement. How about sick, twisted, or depraved?"

There was another pause before Richard, "Hey, listen. Thanks, Doc. I can't tell you how much I appreciate having someone to talk to about this. I was going crazy keeping it all bottled up inside of me."

"I'm just happy to know you trust me enough to share something that personal," the doctor told him sincerely. "And again, I don't envy you, General."

Sarah heard the doctor stand up so she slowly back-peddled out of the room. When she heard the sound of the curtain being pulled back, she peeked around the corner then walked in as though she'd just returned.

"Well, look who's wide awake!" she said as cheerfully as she could, unaware her heart was still beating like a drum.

"Speak of the devil and she shall appear," Richard said with a still-weak-but-stronger smile. "We were just talking about you."

Hoping her facial expression wouldn't betray her, Sarah said, "Oh. Is that why my ears are burning?"

The two older men laughed then the doctor said, "I didn't get a chance to ask you last night. How far along are you and how are you feeling?"

She told him she was around 19 weeks then said, "Last night I was scared to death, but suddenly, I'm as happy as I've ever been."

She was talking to the doctor but looking at Richard as both men assumed she was referring to him but up and awake.

The doctor gave her a quick look, glanced over at Richard then said, "Well, that's good. I'm glad you're feeling well. I'm sure you're getting top-notch care, but if we can help in any way, please let us know."

"We will," she said intentionally using the plural form.

The doctor told his friend and patient he'd be back in 6-8 hours, nodded to Sarah, then excused himself.

She walked over to his bed and looked down at the only...other...man she'd ever loved and as she took his hand said, "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Much better now," he told her with his best smile. "Did you sleep? Have you taken your vitamins? Did you..."

She put a finger over his mouth and said, "Shhh. It's my turn to take care of you for a while, okay?"

Still too weak to argue, the large, muscular man who looked small and helpless told her, "Whatever you say."

She went to sit down when he squeezed her hand and said, "I...I had this crazy dream last night."

"Oh? What was it about?"

"Don't laugh, but I dreamed you...kissed me," he said trying to smile to play it off as so much silliness.

Now wondering whether or not really had been asleep, Sarah couldn't help but ask herself if he knew she'd kissed him.

"Yeah, right. In your dreams...General," she said wanting nothing more than to be be able to tell him she had and how badly she wished she could kiss him again.

He released her hand then said, "Something that pleasant would have to be a dream, huh?" before closing his eyes and falling back asleep.

"Or not," Sarah said very quietly before sitting down to sip her now barely-warm coffee.

The next time the doctor came back Richard was feeling much better and his questions all centered around Sarah.

"She needs her pre-natal vitamins and some decent food. Can you have someone take her home so she can shower and sleep in her own bed?"

Sarah stepped in and said, "Oh, no. I'm not leaving here until you do, mister."

The doctor shrugged his shoulders and said, "I can get the pre-natal stuff and some decent food, but there's no way I'm gonna try and get her to leave you."

"Smart man, Doctor," she said with a smile.

She looked at Richard then said sweetly, "Nothing could make me leave this wonderful man's side."

Again, the doctor gave her a look then looked at Richard.

"You know, General, you might be pleasantly surprised if you were to mention what we discussed this morning. I don't think floating a kind of trial balloon would be such a bad idea."

"Watch it, Sawbones," Richard said actually able to smile like his old self again.

Sarah's heart was racing again as she feigned ignorance saying, "Mention what and to whom?"

She looked at Richard then said, "To me?"

"Nah. The doc's been awake too long. He's...delirious," Richard quipped.

"No, the doctor actually slept a full eight hours last night," he said with a smile of his own before telling Richard he could go home the following day if he kept improving.

Sarah made small talk and was happy to see him getting back to his old self. She tried sharing some of the high-quality food the doctor had brought to her but he was having none of it—figuratively and literally.

"Your babies need that nutrition. I can survive on shitty jello for a few more hours."

Sarah laughed happily and said, "You see. That is why I love you."

Richard's smile faded immediately and he quickly turned to check his monitor as though it suddenly needed monitoring itself. Sarah noticed his heart rate increased by ten beats a minute in less than two seconds.

"They need to calibrate their equipment around here," he said as though it was a malfunction.

They sat and watched the news together and that turned into a movie before Richard was finally tired enough to fall asleep.

"When we get home tomorrow, I can finally take care of you again," he told her as he was getting very sleepy.

"No, you will not," she said forcefully. "I will be taking care of you until you're 100% again and no arguing."

She put her hand on his cheek then kissed his forehead.

"Goodnight, Richard," she said sweetly.

"G'night, Sarah," he said as he dozed off.

She sat there next to him for two more hours before trying to lay down on the hard, green, canvas cot again. After an hour she sat up still unable to sleep.

A medic had just been in to check vitals so Sarah stood up and looked at the amount of room there was next to him in the bed and quietly lowered the stainless steel rail then carefully climbed in next to him.

He was sound asleep and didn't notice her snuggle up next to him or drape her arm over his chest. As she lay there listening to him breathe she felt like she could lay there beside him forever. She smiled as she raised up and rested her head on his shoulder before kissing him again while he slept.

"I love you, Richard," she said ever-so quietly.

It was just after 4am when the medic came back to check vitals. He smiled when he saw her laying next to General Callaghan. As he was about to leave the general opened one eye then became aware of his presence and then of Sarah's.

"She's been there all night, sir," the young man told him before quietly walking out.

Her hand was on his chest and Richard was now wide awake and aware that he was feeling much better. He felt Sarah stir and lay very still to avoid waking her. He needed to turn over in the worst way, but remained on his back until he could no longer stand it.

As he turned toward her he saw her eyes open and said, "Well, hello there, beautiful."

"Oh. Oh, my. Richard, I'm...I'm so sorry. The cot was so hard I just..."

"It's okay," he told her quietly. "Please stay. Unless you want to get up, that is."

"No. I...don't want to get up," she said sweetly. "I...this...this is nice."

She did need to use the bathroom, but it could wait—for a while anyway.

She stretched her arm then put it around him as he did the same to her.

"Mmmm. This really is nice," she said again.

Shocked, Richard couldn't believe what was happening underneath the very thin gown he was wearing. There was a sheet and a thin white blanket also separating them, but by the time he was aware of what was going on, he knew that she knew and he was beyond embarrassed.

"Jesus!" he said as he tried to pull back. "I don't even know what to say."

Her heart was thumping as she said, "Just say what you said to the doctor yesterday morning."

Richard pulled back and looked at her as Mr. Happy shrunk back to normal size in record time.

"Sarah. Oh, my God. Please tell me you didn't hear us talking," he said panicked in a way he could never remember feeling.

"I'll never lie to you, Richard," she told him. "I...I did hear. I know I should have left, but I...I couldn't. I just stood there and listened...to every word."

"Sarah, I am so sorry and so horribly embarrassed. I don't even know what to..."