Epiphany Pt. 01

Encouraged Sam went home. Linda was actually home for a change. He wondered to himself if she would be going out later. He didn't voice that question and proceeded to set the table. While supper was still cooking he quickly changed and went out for a walk. It wasn't as long as he wanted but it helped get his heart rate up a little and made him sweat a little also.

Linda was an excellent cook and they enjoyed their meal. Sam didn't have much to talk about over dinner. He was afraid that he would become snide and let Linda know his suspicions. He had to school his every thought, gesture and facial expression so that he didn't lose control.

They had been married almost thirty years. The idea that he had to guard his thoughts and expressions from someone he knew so well and cared for was grating and exhausting. Linda knew that Sam was hiding something. She could read his moods and was concerned. He seemed very preoccupied and worried about something. Sam was successful, though, in not projecting his anger at her betrayal. At this time Linda was still convinced Sam had no clue about her secret love life.

Both were emotionally drained by the end of the meal. Linda went off to the den to complete some work and Sam changed into his swim suit and was soon cooled off and then getting hot again as he swam back and forth in the large pool. He stopped and walked in the shallow end for a bit before swimming again. He was tired after an hour in the pool.

Sam rinsed off and then headed off into the dark for his daily walk. He was back in another hour and found his bride of almost thirty years swimming in the pool. He had to wonder why she couldn't swim with him. It saddened him that their relationship had degenerated until it seemed they were just roommates.

He went in and grabbed a beer and came back out to the patio and sat and watched the only woman he had ever loved as she swam. He contemplated their last few years and wondered 'what if.' Would their life together be different if he had kept his body in better shape? If he had spent a little more time, especially on the weekends, with Linda would they still be close? If he had demanded they spend more time together instead of her getting so involved with her charity work and he with the business would it be different?

Like all questions that depended on a change in behavior long ago it was just a philosophical debate in his mind. You can drive yourself crazy with 'what if' scenarios. All he truly knew is that Linda could have, at any time, told him she was unhappy. They might have then been able to fix things and change their future. Was it too late? Probably.

Linda got out of the pool and came and sat down next to Sam. She dried off with a towel and then accepted a glass of wine. "That was refreshing. We should do this more often."

Sam couldn't resist. "You mean swim or swim separately?"

She actually showed a flash of guilt. "I know. I was working in the office and thinking about you out here swimming and finally realized that I could do that work in the morning. When I got out here you were already gone. I do mean swim together. We could also walk together and reconnect a little. We haven't really even talked together in forever."

Maybe there was hope. Sam knew he shouldn't antagonize Linda and drive her farther away, at least right now. He agreed with her and so they made a date to swim and walk together the next evening. Sam was left with the wild thought about when was she going to meet with Charlie again? The disquieting thought was, "Was this renewed interest in doing things as a couple really because Linda cared or because she is concerned that I might have tumbled onto her relationship with Charlie and it's too soon to have a confrontation?"

They then went in and broke protocol by showering together. Their master shower was large enough for a group of people with multiple shower heads and a programmable system. They didn't even have to touch if they didn't want to. Tonight Linda washed Sam's back and he returned the favor. There was no other touching. When they went to bed they cuddled for a few minutes before falling asleep.

Sam was left with an erection and the disquieting thought that his wife of almost thirty years no longer found him attractive in any way.