All Comments on 'Faithlful'

The story wasn't as good. Still, it wasn't bad and I gave you a full marks for the better writing.

I agree with the anonymous before me about the writing. This was good. Now, nice story, but you still don't get to play Destiny on my PS4 until you get rid of all those extra commas.

The title contains a typo because fate could not handle the irony.

Life affirming. It feels so good to be reminded that goodness still occupies a part of human character. Knocks me out of my cynicism until I hear the next man against man horror story. Thanks for the reaffirmation. And thanks, as always, for sharing your gift.

This is kind of similar to the plot of one of my favorite movies , Castaway.

In that the husband was reported dead , and upon his ultimate return , found his wife had remarried and had children. To me , that is a very perplexing conundrum , in that , he simply moved on . In your story , it ends happier for the husband .

What would one do ?

It's a scenario that truly does make one ponder. And for that

5 *'s

An interesting tale. Something can could have only happened in the horror of war. It could have ended badly except for the bravery and honesty that was showed toward each other. Glad I read this.

Five Stars

even curses from the ether gods. TK U MLJ LV NV

It must be me. To use second World War as backdrop and refuse to weave that epic time into just another " did or didn't she.cheat is stupifyingly lazy. The narrator had been around the world , done excruciating POW time and pretty much has a fistful of ribbons to matter on about. This could have been so much better.

Loved the romance, the notoriety of the Maitland girls, the drama of the war action ... and then coming home to find Gracie.

Great little story, and thats the problem for me .... I wanted more.

5 * from me.

Damn, you're good!

The whole prostitution thing in the late 30's is difficult to swallow: I mean rival gangs shooting up a club? Really? They still talk about the Valentines Day massacre and that was 4 or 5 guys getting whacked.

That was back in the 1770's. He'd left what was then Hampshire County, Virginia and gone out across the Ohio River on a long hunting expedition, and was captured by the Indians. He finally escaped after three years and came home, to find he'd been given up for dead, his wife had remarried, and his children were calling another man "Father."

His story didn't have a pretty ending. He was persuaded to grant his wife a "Bill of Divorcement," and he sort of disappears out of the historical record after that point. His wife, (who was Barbara Decker, the oldest child of my 7th-great-grandfather John Decker,) and her new husband John Colvin eventually moved to Kentucky. Some of their descendants were living one county north of me when I lived outside of Clarksville, Tennessee.

Your tale has a happier outcome, and is told with sensitivity and compassion. I could say I gave it five stars, but the truth is that you earned every one of them. Damned good job.

I realize that it is in our nature to wonder about how something, like these stories, could be better, some things just need to be judged for what they are rather than what we might like them to have been. Could the author have delved deeper into the war experience? Sure, of course. But that wasn't what the story was about and ultimately would have just been filler. Todd172 gave us the information pertinent to the telling of the story between John and Jenny, and I thought he conveyed Jenny's difficulties extremely well. I have no doubt she would have remained completely faithful were it not for the telegram. She needed emotional and physical support and Mark was there to provide it, but only because of John's absence (and supposed death) and for no other reason.

There were several changes from when I last read it, and they improved it, and I at least didn't notice any edits, LOL.

I can explain the typo in the title. This was originally called "Faithless" and when Todd was deleting the "less" he obviously forgot the last backspace!

He was dead for three years so you can't blame her but a friends wife to me is off limits even when he dies. He could be there for her and be a best friend like she is a guy and not fuck her. To me it's like pissing on your friends grave but I'm glad she ran right back to him. I'm not sure I could've but he knew she was a prostitute in her past so her having sex partners wasn't as important to him . I'm not as strong minded as him when it comes to my girl having a slut in the past and I really don't want to know any of the guys ,that's for sure

War is Hell for those in the fighting and those loved ones at home. I am not sure which has it worse - but in some ways I think it is the loved ones at home. Those at home are in familiar area and have reminders of those away ALL the time (and temptations). While in military you go from extremes of busy (scared shit-less busy to busy work) to completely bored (watching rain drops fall and grass grow) but in a different place - not familiar (many temptations). It is why writing mail and notes are so powerful for both those home and away! Sadly why so many in military lose there girlfriends and wives - don't know statistics but if regular divorce is 50% or higher, military would be 75% or a lot higher are my thoughts!

Still good story about the best and strongest generation of American history. Sadly do not see much strength (character) coming from the current generation(s) seem really weak! I hope I am wrong!?

Please keep writing and I will keep reading!

I thought that all the components that made up the whole were each nicely handled.

This definitely belongs in this category, ignore the anon that only gets off on pathetic cuck stories.

There have been hundreds of repeats (if not thousands) of this tale in history - not all of them end as well. Thank you for giving us characters with such depth in such a short tale.

5/5

it was pretty bland. There was no tension when he returned and no story about how the war changed him, or her. He left, he came back and the friend politely stepped aside. Few men have wives, or friends, that understanding and reasonable. It just seems like a story needs tension, a foil, a bad guy, something unsavory to get the juices flowing. This was all sweet and gentle. It was "nice".

Okay, it was a 4.5,

Kind of like HDK put forth, this read like a historical piece instead of a ... story. Which it sort of ... was.

Still, very good stuff.

The story is a "5" in my mind, not because of the story itself, but because of your talents for weaving words together. Still, war is a hard thing and to have gotten that telegram and be as damaged as she was........I really could not blame either one of them for coming together.

I do wish the moderator would do something about trolls like anon who brags about the fact the computer will accept a -2.

To the anondiot who gave it a 2 plus a rambling tirade about the rating system. Give it your lowest rating then come comment without saying why? You're a moron and ten times worse than anyone you thrashed out in your comment.

This was one of the few stories that starts at the end then explains how life got to that moment that I actually enjoyed. It was told like a life story where details about the "journey" were superfluous to the point trying to be made. It was told as it should have been and done in the manner that it would have been shared by "Jenny" herself. I can appreciate that a whole lot more than forcing irrelevant details into a story that didn't need it through the imagination of someone who didn't actually live it. That likely took self-restraint.

Where have we heard that name in LW before? (clue, in that one the cheating wife's married name was Maitland)

Beautiful story. John would have been declared missing in action until after the war and at least seven years missing in those days before a court would have declared him dead. I am satisfied with this though as the war dept made many mistakes like this.

This could have been built into one of the all time greats, at 10 or so Lit pages, instead of being just a hurried summary of a story.

What is the dramatic core, here? Star-crossed lovers, torn apart, with one believed to be dead. He returns to find his wife with his best friend....and a baby.

HSo there is jealousy, sadness, and uncertainty. What happened? What are her feelings? Will she...CAN she just abandon the father of her new baby? Has her love been altered by having gone through the full grieving process? What will the best friend do, torn between losing his child and doing the right thing for our main character? What will each of these character's be left to live with, in the end?

These are the questions that we should be given time to worry over. They should guide the conflict of the story, and they should not all have the best case scenario for an answer. In fact, for at least one of them, the answer should cause serious problems that our hero has to overcome in some way.

Instead, here, they are all dispelled and dismissed in rapid-fire fashion, by an unconcerned narrator (the best friend offers to move away? The main character has no trouble accepting the other child?), leaving just an outline for a story that could have been great.

Well written and plotted. Nice story. Keep going, you are doing very well. By the way, if you catch something like a typo in the title, all you have to do is fix it and resubmit as a new story with "Edit" in the title line and the site will replace it. Very nice job, full marks from me.

I can accept the reconciliation simply because Jenny didn't cheat. As far as she knew, and was told, John was dead.

As I said, nice change of pace and 5 stars.

Thank you for writing and looking forward to your next story.

That's all I have to say. Wow.

Todd172, I always look forward to seeing another story posted by you. You never disappoint.

This Unoriginalist gives the best comments and critiques of anyone on this site. He was able to clearly state what I fumbled with. I would urge all writers to always consider his critiques. They are thoughtful, honest, concise and very well stated.

I'm a product of a story very simular to this. Only difference is Vietnam not ww2.

I haven't been around long, but I've never seen a comment by the "Unoriginalist" that was at all complimentary to a story or an author. It's always about whet the author could, or should, have done. Real critics do reviews of stories they enjoy, as well as those they don't. "You should have done this and written that," is the mark of an armchair critic, not some oracle. HDK, did you not make a comment on SBrooks' story, decrying SBrooks doing the same thing you now praise the "Unoriginalist" for doing? You've earned the right to say whatever you like, but you don't get to play both sides. Well, you do, but I'm calling you on it.

"So many readers ask "What happened next?" and want everything spelled out. Short stories are a glimpse in time, and like life, have no true ending until death."

That's what you said, and yet, here the "Unoriginalist" is, calling for that very thing you said should be called for and you say he's on the money. Which is it?

Some of us are here to provide encouragement and helpful advice to our fellow writers. Kimi is here to be a cheerleader for her besties and an attack dog for anyone who dares to write a single critical word about any of them. She is, by far, the most critical (and boorishly rude) reader on this site, but only if the author isn't a member of her little clubhouse. To be so critical while never having written a single word herself is quite extraordinary.

"The mainland girls" bit was overdone, and served little purpose, likewise the skittery Jenny, seemed unduly exaggerated too. All in all many of the story elements were great ideas, but belabored to an extrems which weakened the story. Making the characters too sweet and soo nice means they aren't very real. That said I enjoyed the story

if you feel I am a hypocrite, I admit it's not out of the realm of possibility. I fear a debate on my character, or lack of same, would be one sided as I have nothing to gain, and very little to defend.

This story had the potential to introduce all kinds of issues with the husband lost for 3 years, declared dead, and then he returns. In the story, it was like an ice cream party, and all was well. UO (it's so hard to type unoriginlist) made some very valid, thoughtful comments. He didn't say he hated the end of the story or wanted it different. He felt the journey to reach the ending could have been much more complicated and it would have been a far better story, although he stated it much more clearly. Totally honest, thoughtful comments are a compliment, and help a writer. Cheerleaders are great to have, but meaningful observations are more helpful in the long run. Todd is obviously very talented. He will get even better. Considering UO's thoughts will only help him grow to his impressive potential.

I enjoyed it. Of course it could have been longer, going a bit more in-depth, however, I still enjoyed it.

Sorry to see a few haters.

I don't recall anyone addressing you. That's just hilarious. You, provide encouragement? Yeah, you're here to give encouragement to the "cheating is great" authors you hope to recruit to your holy war. Give advice? On what; the proper preparation and consumptions of cream pies? You can't write, just look at your pitiful little library, so it can't be writing advice. That would imply some knowledge of how to do it. You're here to recruit and take cheap shots at better writers. That's what you do.

You give me too much credit. I'm friendly to the decent. You just don't happen to be among that number. Since you're the number three douche on the site, you get the middle finger.

HDK, if I was rude, I apologize. I don't think it's rude to disagree with you. Maybe I'm wrong.

Oh, Joe, what makes you think I've never written a word? Unlike you, I actually get paid to write. Maybe I'll actually post a story, just to give you an opportunity to vent some of that inner humiliation you feel about having that tiny weenie. Then, I could have the pleasure of deleting your comment.

Now, it's time for your little pink pill. Don't worry, you'll feel better and Mommy will make you a nice cup of tea in a bit. There, isn't that better?

In most cases I could see what you mean in your critique. I've read your comments before, and though not always in agreement I could see where you were coming from.

This story I am taking as Todd said it was, a retelling of a story told to him by "Jenny".

With using that as my basis, I accept the story as told, because he was being true to "Jenny" in retelling her story, instead of this just being the normal fiction posted.

HDK, I agree with paying attention to TheUnoriginalist's comments, but that does not mean that the writers must take the advice or that the advice is good for a particular story.

I'm just a reader, but I think that being true to the story is the most important thing. I feel that Todd accomplished that in spades.

Did I hurt your feelings? I'm sorry. When you return to your empty apartment tonight, have a glass of wine, pet your cat(s), and you'll feel better.

I'm only the number three douche? Shit! I need to try harder!

Sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but the only people who think there is a "war" requiring recruitment are you and all the silly adolescents who sit at your virtual high school cafeteria table. No one else cares about your little "us against them" campaign. I simply enjoy hearing the little attack dog bark. Good girl!

I look forward to seeing your genius (and professional!) creativity here on this site should you ever decide to share your gift with us lowly denizens of this amateur erotic website.

For the most part, I have always found the Unoriginalist' s comments spot on and helpful. I don't feel that a person doesn't have to tell you how great you are in order to be a valid commenter. In fact, I often look for the critiques when I post a story. I appreciate the compliments, but the critiques are far more helpful. Any author would be better served taking his comments to heart.

Agree or disagree, no one called for anyone to tell you "how great you are." No one, at least not me, said that negative critiques are not helpful. My point was that when you only make negative critiques, you're not helpful. "Fag cuck shit!" is a critique. It's not helpful. Read book reviews or movie reviews. The pros never critique what's not there, they critique what is there. A critique tells you what you did well, or poorly, with what you wrote, not what you didn't write. Telling an author they "should" have written something differently, is not critique, but presumption. If all you give are "thumbs down" critiques, you are not a critic, but a complainer, and people give you no credibility.

Most authors would appreciate knowing how this paragraph should be rearranged, how the punctuation in this sentence was misplaced, how this bit of dialog could be worded differently. Very few enjoy a general "You should have done better," comment. When HDK says the story should be written this way, He has the library to back it up. He knows how to do it and does it on a consistent basis. He also gives out thumbs up reviews on well written stories. That's a legitimate critic. That's all I was saying. Do you think positive critiques can't be helpful?

War does not always change the character of those combatants who serve.

The friendship of the two males survived the chaos of war and the "mistaked death of her husband", and the "life saving involvement" of her husbands friend. on the "return to life" of the narrator who must now confront what has occurred, there only 2 choices, neither of which require jealousy, revenge, payback or any of the normal dribble demanded by commentors ot "self styles critics" of this story.

He either resumes his position and responsibilities of moves on as was pointed out in the Castaway comment. I prefer this ending as it shows an understanding and mature and secure relationship between all parties.

I put this above the summer of "42" anyday... Love at its highest level, and good storytelling...5 * anyday

felt you were rude to me. I do find your "apology" a bit rude, now that you mention it. As you well know, an apology offered with a snide remark, a qualification, or some other little dig is not an apology. It is actually the opposite. My comment on another story seemed hypocritical to you. It is not being rude to tell me that. That is being honest, and I accepted it. Suggesting that I feel that those that disagree with me are rude, is in fact, a somewhat rude statement. I have no quarrel with anyone here, (except that guy from dearbornmt@yahoo.com and the one that knows I'm a cuck fag Brit), but I will express my opinion on stories. If people dislike my opinion, or any of my stories, I'm fine with that. We do not have to please each other, and often, we do not. That's okay. We need to embrace it. This is a place where we can be totally honest. We can attack each other if we choose, but how does that help anything? I do enjoy your comments.

No, you didn't say I was rude. That was someone else. I wasn't trying to be. Not to you, at least. You're British? Huh, here I thought you were from PA. That explains it. Sorry, big brother, I'll shut up now.

"Fag cuck shit" is not a critique. Negative critiques are ones about what a story lacks. We all know which comments are critiques and which are just trolling.

Furthermore, Unoriginalist never, ever leaves a comment like that. He has always left comments about what he finds wrong with a story. At least in my opinion. He very rarely leaves praise, but that's ok. It doesn't make him any less insightful.

If you disagree, that's fine.

"Fag cuck shit," is a critique. It means, this is disgusting shit that should be in fetish. Don't pollute this hub with it. Of course, cuckmore is the queen of cucks, so he likes all that shit.

HDK, LSD, Unoriginalist et al: If this was my story, if it was truly

fiction, I'd have certainly been happy to deliberately create more tension.

And I certainly don't mind writing violent battle sequences of any type. I

thought about it. But as one comment said, this isn't so much a story as a

little piece of history. The whole story was whispered to me in about 10

minutes, more or less, as I helped a very elderly woman move a few

belongings into a rest home. Her daily medical treatments had reached the

point where her family simply couldn't perform them. She only told me so

that someone would know what type of man her husband had been; to first

accept her past and then forgive her the weakness she felt she had after he

was declared dead.

I changed some details to protect privacy. I changed her escape from club,

because the real incident is too easily found. I changed some details of

her husband's service but he really was mistakenly listed as dead by the

Navy, a not uncommon occurrence during World War Two.

He seems to have done amazing this by his medals, but even she had no details.

She still had the scars on her wrist, although it wasn't from a cord cutter.

Judging by those scars she was really trying. Her hand didn't even work

well because of the damage.

It isn't my story to change and she's long passed on. I had to change some

details and make up the conversations, but otherwise tried to keep it pretty

much straight. Still, this is the perfect place for it: she wanted

somebody to know the story and now literally thousands of people do.

Thanks,

Todd172

You are simply relating a tale as told to you. You just may be the first writer to be sincere when you say you are telling a "true story" in an erotic site, especially in the Loving Wives category. It really was a great little yarn. The point some of us made, and it was valid, was that you could have taken this as an outline and run with it. Maybe the lady felt that her husband, his friend, her kids, and the family dog were all fine with the way the situation developed. Maybe this was the truth as she remembered it. Maybe it was spot on to reality. But just maybe there was a deeper story in there that she didn't tell you. Writers, and especially very good writers like yourself, can seize a grain of truth and create a masterpiece of intrigue and deception. This had the makings. Just sayin'.

I've read and reviewed multiple stories of yours with pleasure. Thank you so much for sharing those. Color me usually very inspired and a tinge jealous after reading one of your submissions. It's rare of me to write overt diss reviews because I'm a frustrated writer myself and can attest to difficulty of producing a lucid, suspenseful and amusing story from the creative ether.

So why my paragraph long hissy fit ? Mainly because I'm a history buff ....nerd. These characters had such rich resumes on their life profile and you chose ( as is your right ) to focus on such a narrow spectrum tailor made for Loving Wives alcolytes. For those people - you delivered in spades . Kudos.

For geeks like me , it's as if you took me to Disneyland , shelled five bucks out for solitary selfie with Snow White and then said " OK that's enough fun kids , time to go home. ." You didn't want to embroider events . I get it . But based on your sterling past stories and aforementioned epic setting so rife with possibility - I felt I got the nickel tour. Well that's five cents more then I paid for this story , so shame on me and my expectations.

Bottom line : more reason for me to keep hacking at my opus so one day I can be in the arena and faceoff with the Lions err critics as you already have.

There must be a story somewhere in all the warring comments.....Just needs a writer!

As to the story I enjoyed it. The tension element was served in the getting her back from the terrible place she was in and bringing her back to life.

I think Mark was disposed of a little too easily at the end. Loving someone and having a child is an awful impediment to walking away like a good little boy. I don't buy it.

But you've managed to serve up a stream of stories that capture my interest and show original plots. 4*

Mark walked away like a "good little boy" because he truly love these people, and could/would never hurt them more than he already had.

Remember, the built a house on the property so that he could still be involved in his child's life.

Some are so sick, they give "Anonymous" a bad name. This story was great. These people were my parents age, and I'm sure that several sailors, soldiers and marines were mistakenly listed as dead, that weren't. The living have to move on, much as our pioneer ancestors did when their loved ones died in the wilderness. Thank you for this glimpse into the tragedies and near tragedies that WW II caused, and the recounting of the courage that those left behind had to exhibit to survive, and the courage that I'm sure many of those returning also chose to give loved ones who may have strayed during their absence.

You tell their joy and you tell their pain better than most.

As always, ignore the sick and damaged people full of hate and rage who log on only to lick their chops as they read about some woman being punished.

Well told and heart warming. The lead in wasn't very promising, but the development was compelling and beautiful. I would have expected my best friend to do the same!

It felt like it could have been twice as long . Could have had more details of the coupling of the parties involved.

If it helps any, I feel your pain as a history buff. I was itching to chase into the jungle war, but it didn't feel right and I've learned not to force things. My MA is in Military History, for what it's worth and I am working slowly on a Civil War piece called The Fury based on a message I found during research. It's from Rosecrans' Provost discussing a Hellion named Mary who the General ordered released to her home county in "the hope and expectation" that Union troops there would shoot her. Given my fondness for headstrong women, I don't have a choice but to write it. It'll be awhile as I have two Shack stories I'm trying to get done - Howard's (Behind Blue Eyes) and Spooky's (Nodody).

Few if any of us here are really pro authors. We don't do it to make money, but to amuse ourselves and please others. There are too many knockers who have never done anything productive here ( and one might suspect in their entire lives), but the reality is I suppose that we entertain them as much as we do our supporters. Not sure quite how we square that? Keep writing please Todd 'cos this was a great story, and the flurry of comments prove that. (I gave it 5 * by the way)

Firstly, well done Mr. Todd. I for one enjoyed being led down the garden path by the misleading start to the story. Refreshing story about three decent people. Also appreciated the lack of 'padding'.

@ Kimi. I too have found the unoriginalist's comments very helpful at times. Of course, if you follow all his advice, then you end up writing a story that he will like, but not necessarily the one you wanted to write. Same as all the constructive commentators.

On length. I too get many comments along the lines of, 'It wasn't long enough'. What i think they mean is, 'make the good ones longer'. I have no idea which my good ones are until readers tell me. I find popularity harder to pick than a broken nose. So I don't know which ones to pad out.

And for that she needs to be punished in the worst way! Obviously she already has experience as a whore. Make money with her!

And his so-called friend is his worst enemy. He needs to die!

Keep on posting your consistantly well written stories.

Who reads this and cslls her a cheating whore is either illiterate or incapable of understanding.There were plenty of cases like this,guy's presumed dead where the spouse eventually finds someone else,it happened,it was a cruel truth of war. Jenny was enotional fragile,but when she had Grace John was officially KIA. Yet she took the judgement of narrow minded,small town biddies and refused to marry again BC of her love for John.I know there are a lot of cruel,stupud,emotionally stunted people in this world,and the ones calling Jenny names are of that bunch.

Well written,bittersweet tale,gave it a 5.

I liked the story, the characters, even if it has some issues not totally believable in the characters behavior like: the relationship between the friend and the wife...They lived together for 4 years, had a child and were just friends (even knowing she was a widow?)? Not likely...When her husband showed alive, she should have felt cut in the middle...What would happen if they had married? After all the husband was legally dead...But the situation is emotionally heavy and being so this deserves a 4*

to what's already been said. Clearly 5*, though. Thanks.

Life has it;s struggles and, life is good because of the ups and down. Really good story

Five stars. Beautifully written. Tight storyline. Excellent stuff!

What a simple nice read. Unfortunately, there were too many stories like this from that war.

I appreciate it, it helps. All of the comments help; I've never deleted one and don't plan to. UO, HDK, I do understand your input, and, other than my previous comments on the nature of the story, I have to add that long stories aren't my style.

Although, as I told Kimmi a while back, one could argue that I have no style.

Still, it seems I'm wired to write shaped charges, not epics. My Shack series is more of a daisy chain of charges than one long tale.

As far as the Anon-cuck comments go, I can't complain too loudly, I was given fair warning on this story. There are those who regret that Sati is outlawed, can't do much about that. Either way, even those help more than they think.

Kimmi1990 : I think I'm starting to grow on you. I've been equated to a rash before....

Still, don't get your hopes up that this marks a permanent change in my writing style, it just suits the story I was told. I'll be back to fragments in no time. As to the extra commas, I bought an extra box and have to use them up before they go bad....

Have extra paragraph breaks and ellipses on hand too. ;-)

Give Mom a hug for me.

Todd172

Touching, meaningful, redemptive and loving. This was literature and not just a story. You should find a screen writer and have it turned into a movie script. It belongs on the big screen, it really is that powerful. I tip my hat to you.

Very enjoyable, so close to Castaway, the main plot, and as a true story I see where you could not lengthen it much. Surely more angst on the part of the narrator when he retunred home would have kept the dramatic tension up, but if that is not the way the old lady told the tale, then you have to keep true. But sure would have liked to see the story after you had interviewed the husband, that would have given us additional insights into his thinking and character, and I am sure added tension.

5*

Great story! Really enjoyable!!

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing.

it's always a pleasure to read your work. great job and thank you.

He could hardly interview the husband as he had been dead nearly 20 years!

Unless you want to turn this into a ghost story, LOL!

With any war there will always be those who go missing, presumed dead, yet turn out to be alive. It's understandable that some of the spouses remarry only to find that their husband or wife are still alive. It would take a special kind of person to accept a spouse back, or a child that resulted from a marriage, or relationship, that happened from such an error on the part of the military.

IT happens! A real story with nobody intentionally hurt or taken advantage of. First 5 in a long time.

Anon: yes, you are indeed the only sad bag of skin that objects to stories like this. As with one issue voters, the only thing you seem to be able to focus on is anything that resembles cuckoldry. I guess we know where you woman went off to, and how bitter you are. Just suck it and stop trolling the site and spewing drivel.

On to the story. Very touching- I was prepared for a faithless wife plot, but got something more noble than that. Thank you for another well-written offering. Now, as far as the other Maitless women, that could be an interesting series of stories for sure...

Well now...

I've been thinking about commenting in this forum. I have scaled back, for a number of reasons.

My reasons for posting are generally two - comments to the author, if they either do something I particularly appreciate or something I think was a misstep, or if I think the comment section is drifting in a direction that is destructive to the implicit community we create. This is clearly a comment of the second kind.

I interject these days in the first kind of situation rarely - I'm not that good of a writer, and can only relate what my reactions are... I found DTI's characters a bit unrealistic, for example, but when he tried a more realistic rendition I found the situation so mundane as to be a bit boring.

So, I phrase my comments on story as suggestions.

I do think UO and some of the other more literate (i.e. not "fag-cuck-shit") comments can be a bit dogmatic at times - there are many ways to skin the compose-story cat. But, that is less annoying than the constant prepubescent noise from the peanut gallery. The peanut gallery can, and is, ignored... which is fair since they ignore the rest of us. The more serious comments do respond to useful response.

Other than that, I don't need to be the first comment on a story, or the first with an idea... and so I wait a bit until the more responsible members of the community have their say, and maybe add a bit if I see a point.

This is a case in point. I kinda like the characters represented by the more serious comments - and I am concerned when they are involved in personality clashes. Honestly, we like the whole lot of you - we might disagree, perhaps, but if we found y'all just peanut gallery, we wouldn't care to put words on page.

Really.

YMMV

Green-something

Sad but also uplifting in the way that it shows the endurance, kindness and understanding of regular people. As always very well written and my only criticism is that I would have liked to hear more about John's time in the jungle. The fact that it is true gives it that much more depth.

I really dislike cuckold stories but this is not a cuckold story and I cannot understand why other commenters think so.

You wrote a good story, a warm story, and you secured some worthwhile suggestions we can all benefit from.

I gave it a five.

I will add...

You told a good story, an American story, and with all due respect to HDK, added tension wasn't needed.

Thanks,

Jedd Clampett

No, during WW2 it did not take 7 years MIA for the govt. to declare a serviceman dead.

The only people that think marriage lasts beyond death are Mormons.(sp?)

I'm to Goddamned primal! I probably would have beat the shit out of Mark and then called it even but he never would have walked right again. Motherfucker!!!

Fascinating people, lots of food for thought. I admit that when I read it, my thought was, that it was a lovely minature and it would make a fine novel if you wished to turn it into a fictional version of a historical event.

I find the comments from Kimi1990 and Hardaysknight concerning the Unoriginalist’s comments intriguing and insightful. Personally, I like succinct stories. I have wrote my entire career starting with technical manuals. Then getting into business consulting, The mantra of consultative and technical writing is to be exact and succinct, (that's usually true of historical works also). Never take 10 pages to write what can be said in 2. Yes, Todd172 could of fleshed it out in the ways suggested by Unoriginalist. Yes some people would liked it better, but his suggestions may not of made it better for some of us bottom line folks. Neither Kimi not HDK are wrong It is just a matter of perspective.

The History writer

I guess Mark makes the least sense. How come he never found a woman before he became John's place holder with Jenny? And why would that happen now that he has a daughter with Jenny, who never loved him enough to marry him? Looks to me like Mark is the real tragic figure in this story. The other mystery is why did John go back to serve in the Navy? Surely by this point he totally understood Jenny, and what his absence and likely death would do to her mentally and emotionally. Was he legally required to return to service? So that part made no sense.

As to the overall plot, it left me feeling incomplete. Which I can't explain since I think you covered all the open questions very well. Jenny and John are back, and Mark is on the sidelines interacting as a third wheel till, what? He finally finds the love of his life? He already has, and her name is Jenny. I guess that is what feels incomplete and unsettled.

Mark may someday marry a woman and have more children, but he will never be complete. And that tension will always be there. I think how they all coped and coexisted over the years would be an even more compelling story.

But thank you for this one. It was good.

I think this was testament to how strong a marriage and a friendship can be.

I think till mark had a child, he realized what he was missing.

He didn't GO back into service, he was called into service.

I don't buy Unoriginalist’s assertion that Jenny had to have a gut wrenching internal debate about her feeling for either men. She loved John, but Mark helped her survive until John returned. She would not marry him. Also, this story didn't need more length, but I'd love to see you write something longer. Not maybe as long as Harddaysknight's epic. though. :)

I don't have a problem with what a lot of people do, I can accept Mark stepping in and out, etc. More showing and less telling would be nice, but that will evolve in time.

I do, however, have a problem with the setting. There was no lead in to this being set in the 40s before "The Pearl". And it really doesn't jive with Jenny's back ground. Possible, sure, but hard to swallow coming so late in the story.

Over all, however, a good piece.

others have made comments stated more eloquent than I could, so I will just say, well done. The writing was good without too much flowery prose. The best stories don't need overly detailed setups or words that would look better on a canvas than on a page. Five stars.

Well written story.

If true, I'm confident she did NOT mean to be remembered on an erotic site.

Are you trying, or have you tried a literary journal or university abstract ?

AMerryman

The minimalist treatment this story got is fodder for great debate. I am wondering why it wasn't told from the Maitland girl's point of view. It could also have been told from the perspective of the offspring.

The survival ordeal of the Phillipines is a book unto its own not to mention the time leading up to that.

I appreciated Todd explaining a little more about the "gang violence" that brought her back and again there is at least a chapter in that.

This is a feast disguised as an appetizer but it was tasty and even affirming. 5*

I can understand your points about what makes for the best stories. Lord knows you and many of the other authors commenting on this story are absolutely great story tellers. How about asking Todd172 to okay your creation of a story based on this story. I for one think, even if fictionalized, you would create a fabulous tale I have no doubt.

The following is for some of the anon detractors...

I like and can relate to This story of Todd's. All my adult life has been spent with the US Military in one form or the other. I have an engineering degree but my love is history and my knowledge of such was at university level before I was 14. My areas of concentration were military, military tactics, US and our Western movement, and Kansas state history. Kansas because I grew up in north central and south central parts of the state. Both areas of Kansas are quite rural once you are away from the Wichita metro area. It's a completely different world.

My father was the youngest of 13 children in a north central Kansas farming family. My Grandfather passed away during the Great Depression and was born in the 1870s. I say this because even today there are areas in Kansas that remain exactly like the area and people in pre-WW2 southern Indiana (Todd's story). People did and still behave like Mark, John, and specially Jenny. Personal honor and integrity still mean something to some. I found this story to be great in its simplicity. I hope that others can too. Not every story needs a high level of strife or angst to be a good one.

Thanks Todd172

I don't know what stake you have in this. I can tell you that it is possible to get John's wartime and peace time records including the citations for any ribbons and medals. That is if you are interested in knowing. This is public information for the most part.

re:

The other mystery is why did John go back to serve in the Navy? Surely by this point he totally understood Jenny, and what his absence and likely death would do to her mentally and emotionally. Was he legally required to return to service? So that part made no sense.

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Yes, he was legally required to go back.

He had voluntarily joined and served a four year enlistment, which comes with a term in the inactive reserves.

The reserves are a trained force for immediate need such as when the country was attacked at Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7th 1941

In war not going when the reserves are called up is a felony.

He would have still been away from her while serving his sentence in the Federal prison at Leavenworth, KS.

He was an honorable man, not doing his duty was not an option.

I am struggling to remember exactly when the mandatory Individual Ready Reserve (IRR) programs began for the US Military branches. I am however certain it was after the Second World War. The program you appear to be referencing is the Individual Ready Reserve and is a part of the overall Ready Reserve system first put into law on January 1, 1953. From the date we can infer this program came about from lessons learned during the Korean War.

10 USC E (or Title 10 Subtitle E Untited States Code) concerns the federal reserve forces as well as the Inactive National Guard reserve personnel.

I think the IRR began during the Vietnam era.

I believe that patriotism was the only motivator in bringing all the released and retired soldiers, airmen, sailors, and Marines back to duty after Pearl Harbor. I doubt the US Mail was used for individual contacts During the panic, confusion, and stress of starting up the US wide mobilization effort that was made. Senior officer grades that had retired or resigned their commissions were in fact personally asked to return by the War Department. The oldest being a 74 year old Navy Commodore. If again, I remember correctly.

I am glad you have more imagination writing yours than you did reading his.

Yours are great they way you flesh them out, his was fine as a sparser version than you all would have written.

It was pretty easy to figure out there was a whole hell of a lot of tension, conflict, and turmoil for all three of them. OldBearSwitch.

Todd, you rocked it DAWG !

Feels a bit like the whole plot was constructed to excuse Jenny being unfaithful, the moral of this story seems to be to stay away from damaged birds.

Her being suicidal isn't quite enough to make it all honky dory that she slept with, and had a child, with his best friend, if Mark had been a good friend, he would have comforted her without using his dick, and maybe gotten her a bit of therapy instead.

Any sensible man definitely wouldn't have had Mark live so close by.

Every thing was set up to let the whore b a whore once again...hmm

She cant hold for her son her husband only reminder ? N then spread her dlutty legs for his best friend...who instead of being a best friend betrayed him..if it was me I'll shoot them right there...n take my son n move away...Or just take my son move away...telling her once a whore always a whore...and his best friend to go to hell...he the worst friend ever live on earth...

She was a widow in her mind. Mark was a friend. Two people mourning a death took quite a while to get together. The tale was one of trial, love, and redemption. Obvious by the ending.

I got scolded a few weeks back for trying to get the word out to folks ( like myself ) who only peruse LW category . But this time I'm doing it on one of the Authors own stories that will get the word out.

Trust me , you really do want to go over there and read this latest Todd172 classic ! The Guy is simply a great storyteller.