All Comments on 'Family Vacation'

MMMMMMM Very good...very enjoyable

Great job for a first time writer! Please continue on!

Really good 1st story, i hope to read more in the future :-)

i didn't finish i stopped when you said the guy on the plane was fingering her this should have been in the nonconsent area keep it loving and consensual or put it in the proper catagory they have the nonconsent area for this reason

I have to agree with the author that the over-riding theme in this story is incest, even if only between adopted siblings. I thought the other passenger assaulting her was a good twist; however, it was predictable because so much detail was given. It might have been better if the fact that another man was on the aisle seat was only disclosed AFTER the assault, it would have been totally unexpected.

Looking forward to Chapter 2.

The guy on the plane served no useful purpose. If this is the first of two or more chapters and he is going to be brought back, then that needs to be indicated by adding 'Chaper 1' to the title. If not, you need to explain why he was in the story. Realistically, he probably wouldn't make a return visit because the police would be waiting at the gate to arrest him. Anyway, you seem to be doing well with your construction and punctuation; no having to go back and re-read it to figure out what you're actually trying to say (as you do in so many stories posted here).

Why do prospective writers refuse to get an editor??? Its not that hard on this site and it makes your stories so much better. Apart from the obvious incorrect grammar and spelling, this was a decent, if short, story.

Thanks for a nice read.

While it may not have been actual incest, it was still a good little story and enjoyable to read. Also it was way hot; especially coming from a nice little Irish girl like yourself. On this site, you will always find people who like to take cheap shots (mostly anonymously). Pay them little heed and continue to submit your stories, There are a lot more of us out here, who appreciate you efforts, than may be readily apparent.

Please continue.

I really enjoyed this. I will look out for your next offering.

Dub

Actually worked well until you added the whore and slut language.

Loved this little short story...5 stars