All Comments on 'Fate'

Very yummy indeed... Thank you!

Not a bad little story and quite well written. However, it was spoiled for me by a lot of unnecessary repetition. It seems that in almost every paragraph (or every other paragraph) Dorian is referred to as "the butch woman" or "the old dyke". You established in the first paragraph that she is butch and more or less confirmed this with a physical description of her and the way she dresses. There was really no need to keep repeating it. As for "the old dyke", well, from where I'm standing 47 is far from old, almost a child in fact. And when Dorian first goes down on Eden, you refer to the younger woman as a "poor girl". Most would say she was a very lucky girl.

I know these points are a bit nit-picky but to keep describing your main character with the same two expressions, over and over again, becomes tiresome. I did quite like the story; I would have liked it a lot more without all the repetition.

I absolutely love this story. Five starts is an insult because Fate deserves a constellation all its own. You were already the unquestioned high priestess of shower scenes and this one only adds to your legacy.

thank you for this sweet romance . i love happy romantic endings

In response to the critical points made by another reader - respectfully done which is a literotica rarity - I would like to disagree on a couple of points, only because I came back to read this wonderful story again and have no problem talking about the tale when I saw another comment. This is definitely not meant to argue but instead discuss. The author's hangout on this site used to serve that purpose but it got taken over by nasties.

47 is not old unless you're a 20 year old woman. Perhaps older might have been another word to use but in the context of the characters it is fine whereas elderly or senior would have been poor, and that leads me to my other issue with the criticism, the use of the words dyke and butch when Dorian is involved.

In a book length novel it would be overkill, but in a short story where you need to introduce the readers to the characters quickly, there is little time to really get the readers to get to know and figure out who is who. The alternative - like using the woman's name over and over again instead of the key descriptor - is in my mind more grating repetitively than mixing in Dorian/butch/dyke. By the end of the story I knew who the butch/femme characters were without having to check back in the story. That might be more a case of my mental limitations since I have 100's of character names bouncing around my brain.

One again, I am definitely not a writer although I play one here, and I love that people comment on stories because it's the only payback writers get.

Thanks everyone for the feedback!

I appreciate the constructive feedback about the repitition. It was a thing pointed out in Frigid, and it is something I really do need to work on avoiding. And I am very happy that readers have otherwise found this enjoyable.

I agree with Maonaigh. It wasn't necessary to keep saying the butch woman and old dyke.

It was a beautiful May/December romance. Hopefully they're in it for the long haul.

I have to admit I'm a sucker for a good damsel in distress story, particularly when it has a happy ending.

Why do you have to refer to Dorian as "the old dyke" over and over? 47 isn't old. It ruined the story for me.

Very good story, even with the repetitions.

Love it when two people find each other so intimately ! Agree with other commenters that term "old dyke" is inappropriate and detracts from the overall theme & impact of this very erotic tale.

I liked the way it is written , the shy being Dorian st the beginning. But I don’t agree calling old to a person of 45 or 47. You must be very young but don’t call middle aged to someone like that. I am 53 and I don’t feel old or middle aged. Probably biased but...

So good and down to earth. Lovely story. There maybe hope for me yet! Come on FATE!

Really a great read. You give Dorian a little softness and vulnerability that suit her perfectly. Thanks for another great story!

baby