February Sucks - the Mulberrry Tree

"Hey Charles, got your tree. Where do you want it?"

"Morning Luis, please put it just downwards from the hole."

Luis and his helper took over the tractor and used it to hoist the tree off their flatbed truck and onto the ground. They made it look easy.

"Thank you Luis for delivering this so quickly. Please let me know what I owe you and I'll stop by your office later in the week with a check."

"Of course Charles, I didn't even go into the office this morning. Trey and I went straight into the yard to get the truck and this tree for you. I'll text you the amount on Monday when we get back into the office."

After a few more pleasantries, Charles and Jim were left alone again. Now they had a twelve food tree lying on its side, the root bowl covered in canvas looked to be about 4 feet in diameter.

"Let's take a break Jim. I love how quiet it is out here. If you stop and listen all you can hear are some insect sounds and the occasional bird call. You can really hear yourself breathe, hear your heart beat."

Jim allowed himself, forced himself actually, to relax his chest and take some deep cleansing breaths. It did seem that this morning's exertions had lessened the pain. But his mind kept going back to dark thoughts. He wanted revenge, he wanted payback. Lavalliere would pay.

Charles was speaking again, "Helen's father and me planted that tree over there on my first leave from the marines. I was very close to the old man. Like you, my parents were gone by the time I enlisted, and they never met Helen. My mother would have liked her I'm sure. We married just after I enlisted, Helen didn't want to wait until I got my stripes. We were high school sweethearts, and I enlisted when we graduated. Got my diploma, marriage certificate, and shipped out to boot camp all within a month."

"Let's go up to the house and grab some lunch, it must be close to noon."

While they were washing up at the faucet outside the kitchen, Charles' phone pinged. Glancing at it he said, "Linda got home, she's in the shower. Mom says she looks OK, but they'll have a chat before heading up here to join us."

"Dad, I don't know if I can face her right now. I'm still too angry at what she's done. And after seeing those videos of her with Marc, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to touch her ever again."

"Jim, I won't try to tell you what to feel, or how to process this. But I will tell you that you'll get over this betrayal. In my life I've seen a lot of bad things happen to good people, in and out of the service. Hell you don't kill the enemy and not be affected by the experience. It changes you, but you have to compartmentalize it and move forward. You don't bury it so much as put it in a place you can visit occasionally to remind you of what must be done. Most men never have to do that, never get tested in battle, or how you have been tested these last 24 hours.

"But those of us that have appreciate the good in life a bit better. We look at our lives, our families, our children, with a different depth of feeling. It's as if having waded in hell the sunshine is that much more precious.

"You're being tested son; the hardest thing you can deal with is the betrayal by somebody you love. And having it be your wife, that one person who you've given your heart to, who you'd take a bullet for - there isn't a harder test.

"Now I'm not excusing what Linda did, I'm almost as angry as you are with her right now. But consider this; was this literally a one night stand? Did she conspire to cheat on you over time, or did she take advantage of an opportunity to be with a celebrity? Women process these kinds of things differently than men. She probably came home today thinking a hot shower and she'd be ready to get on with the rest of your lives. What was that line from the movie Once Upon a Time in the West? Was it Claudia Cardinale? Oh yea, 'all I'll need will be a tub of boiling water and I'll be exactly what I was before'.

"I don't think that way and I pretty sure you don't either. You wouldn't be agonizing over whether to divorce her and never look back otherwise. But she is your wife, ten years and two beautiful children are not thrown away lightly."

"But why didn't that stop her dad? Why didn't those ten years and the kids prevent her from doing what she did?" Jim was anguished and in so much pain.

"I don't know, and I don't know if she'll ever be able to explain it to you in a way you or I could understand. But here's what I do know, you have to protect your family - your wife and your kids. There has been an assault from outside the walls of your castle that has dealt a mortal wound to all that you've built. That must be dealt with first. I want you to try and focus your thinking on that. Linda might have been weak, and let herself be led astray, but there was another actor in this play. This guy Lavalliere must have worked some magic on her, maybe he's the world's greatest seducer, or maybe he drugged her. No matter, if he hadn't been there and targeted Linda, we wouldn't be in this situation."

Jim finished washing his hands as he thought about what Charles had just said. Jim had been so busy feeling hurt and betrayed that he forgot what his role, what his purpose in life was. What was his part of this? Like Helen always said (and Linda too now that he thought about it) 'there are two sides to every pancake'. Did he bear some responsibility? Could he have prevented Friday night's events? Maybe he should have objected and prevented even that first dance. And if necessary come to blows with Lavalliere and his bodyguards. Had he let his guard down, had all this happened because he wasn't paying attention and acted accordingly?

Just as they were about to enter the house for lunch a car pulled up. Out stepped two men who were clearly Charles age, and soon they were pounding each other on the back Jim realized they were good friends.

"Jim I'd like you to meet Steve Swartz and Jim Jeffries. I took the liberty of asking them to join us today."

Strong handshakes followed and they all trooped into the kitchen.

"Steve, JJ, did you bring your gear?"

"Yup, trunk is full of just about anything we'll need," said Steve.

Then JJ piped up, "All I need is my laptop, although I did bring my vest and a change of clothes for later."

As Charles was making sandwiches for them, Jim went to the refrigerator for beverages. "Would anybody like a beer?"

"No alcohol today, waters all around." Charles said in a stern voice.

Once they were seated and a few bites had gone down Steve asked "Captain, did you call Gary and Ken?"

"Yes, Gary will be here around six. Ken will be landing at the municipal airport in town around 7:30. So we've got plenty of time to prep. We'll sit down after supper then bring GG and KK up to speed when they get in."

A light went off in Jim's head. "Dad you're Charles Castro, JJ here, then Steve Swartz, Gary G something, and Ken K something. You guys are like some Jeopardy clue about alliterative names."

"Gary's last name is Graton, and Ken's is Kantor. We were called the 'Alphabets' in the service."

"But you had better not bet against us!" Both Steve and JJ said in unison. Good natured chuckles all around and they settled into small talk for the rest of the lunch.

Finishing their lunch Charles said, "Steve, Jim, let's go see if Ted needs any help with anything."

JJ piped up, "Good, that will give me plenty of time to do my background work. The guys back at the office should be well into their tasks and we should have their intel by dinner time. This is costing a bunch in overtime." The last was said with a smile, showing that he didn't mind the extra expense.

Jim was still puzzled as to what exactly was going on. It seemed like an ever wider circle of people had been brought into his life by his father, but he didn't have an overall picture of what the point of it all was.

Charles words earlier were still bouncing around in his head. It didn't help much, but his feeling sorry for himself had lessened. And if he was honest, his anger towards Linda had cooled a bit too. He was still a long way from forgiving her, but he was beginning to think that maybe a little forgiveness would help him find a way to move forward.

Saturday - car ride

"You know Linda that your dad and I got married right out of high school. Your father had enlisted in the Marine's and I was deathly afraid that he would get hurt or worse. I was not going to let him go until we'd shared a bed as husband and wife."

"Mother! Too much information."

"I'm afraid you're going to hear a whole bunch more in that category before we're done."

"As I was saying, we graduated from high school, Charles enlisted, and we got married - all in about a month. He shipped out for boot camp and I wasn't going to be able to see him for four months. I made sure he'd be thinking about what was waiting for him back home when he got that first leave. I probably wore two layers of skin off his cock before he left."

"Mother! I really don't need this right now. I've never heard you talk like that before. Oh my god!"

"Forty years ago, seems like it was only yesterday. Anyway, we hadn't done anything up until that point; we were each other's firsts. Sure we had gotten our hands under each other clothes, but I hadn't seen him naked until our wedding night. I had been a flirty thing in those days, I was definitely your dad's girl, but that didn't stop me from teasing the boys a bit. And then there was Lester Holmes, captain of the football team. Handsome, tall, and muscular - all the girls wanted him. I guess I did a bit too, because he got more than his fair share of teasing from me.

"But now I was a married woman, a 19 year old married woman! I had a job at the bank in town and Lester would make a point of coming in to chat with me a couple of times a week. When I looked back later I could see clearly what he was trying to do, but at the time I was too naïve, not experienced enough to recognize his game plan.

"Then he moved up the pressure a bit and I let him take me out to lunch. Just friends you know, he was working at his dad's store before he was going off to college in the fall. We got to be comfortable around each other, like any other high school friends would. But we started talking about more intimate things; I shared how much I was afraid for Charles being in the Marines. Lester was a good listener, and never said a bad word about your dad. He was playing the long game you see. He told me what he wanted to study in school and what he wanted to do after he graduated. We shared our hopes and plans.

"Towards the end of summer there was a dance and we agreed to go together, as just friends. We had a great time; lots of other young people we knew were there. Lester was a pretty good dancer, he asked several other girls there to dance. And he was a total gentleman with me. He never held me too close or anything that wouldn't pass the husband test.

"Then September rolled around and Lester was off to college. I remember we had a very nice last lunch and he promised to keep in touch. Now I was lonely again, your dad had been writing me weekly so I had him in my thoughts. And I had had Lester actually present to help keep me occupied. The two men in my life were now gone and I was alone.

"But it also meant that Charles would soon be home, his months of basic training were almost up and he wrote that he'd be home around the first of October. I was beside myself with happiness; my husband would soon be home even if it was only for a short time before his deployment. I made a plan that while he was home he would be getting me pregnant, which is how we got your older sister Tracy."

"But what does all this have to do with my current problems!? I don't see how your strolling down memory lane is going to help me make things right with Jim. Oh god mother, what am I going to do!?" Linda's anguish was thick in the car.

"I'm getting to that, have some patience. Anyway, October meant the Harvest Dance. Your dad would be home and we could go together. I heard from Lester too, he said he'd be in town for the dance. Things were going great for him at school he said and he could afford to come home for the weekend of the dance.

"What I didn't know until later was that Lester hated your dad for two reasons. First, your dad had gotten me - apparently Lester had carried a crush for me all through high school and thought that he could steal me away from your dad. And he misinterpreted my flirting as a green light to give it a try. When your dad and I got married that made Lester jealous of your dad and he had determined to get me anyway.

"The second reason that Lester hated your father was because Charles had enlisted in the Marines. It seems Lester had an inflated opinion of his manhood, and his father's insistence that Lester go to college instead of enlisting prevented him from proving just what kind of man he was.

"And that was why he had been keeping me company during the summer. He had been hoping to steal me away from your father while Charles was away. He figured he would sweet talk me, get into my good graces and I'd run away with him. I'll admit he had wormed his way into my affections, but I never would have gone with him. I was married to your father, I was his for life.

"So the Harvest Dance was to be the coming weekend and your father called to say he was going to be delayed for some reason. He said he'd only be late by a day or so, and that I shouldn't worry. I wasn't worried, he was coming home and a couple of days wouldn't matter too much. I decided to go to the dance anyway, what harm would it do?

"I bumped into Lester when he'd gotten in from college and we agreed to meet at the dance, like we had done before. I mentioned your father's delay and he was sympathetic. Unfortunately for me, that played right into his plans.

"Everybody was at the dance and again Lester played the perfect gentlemen. He danced with other girls but always kept coming back to where I was sitting. I felt like the bell of the ball! I did think about being married, but it was for tomorrow. That night was going to be my last as kinda single. Your father would be back in a few days and we could start a family. I definitely had way too much punch.

"Towards the end of the evening he brought me another punch and the band struck up a slow song. Thinking nothing about it I got up to dance with Lester for this slow song. And that turned into two slow numbers and then three. I was feeling the heat coming off Lester's body as he held me close and my head started to swoon. I told him I needed some air so he escorted me outside. But the fresh air didn't seem to be helping.

"Lester suggested that maybe we could find a spot to sit down and we found a bench out back of the hall. I don't know how it happened but before I knew it we were kissing. And not long after that Lester had his hand on my breast. It seemed like I was on fire.

"I don't remember much about what happened next except for flashes. Lester's hand up my skirt, then my panties gone, then him entering me as I lay back on the bench. Then Lester being yanked off of me, and then your father and Lester fighting. Basic training had really hardened you father, Lester never stood a chance.

"My next memory is of your father carrying me over his shoulder and dumping me in a car. Getting to my parent's house and your father yelling and arguing with my father, your Grampa Jack. That's all I really remember of that horrible night.

"Oh my god mother, you never told me. I never knew! You've kept this to yourself all these years. You and dad are the most loving couple; you've set such a great example for Tracy and me. Mother! Is Tracy Lester's?"

"No honey, Tracy is your fathers. We made her later that same week. Let me finish the story." Helen dabbed at her eyes, she had promised herself that she wouldn't show weakness that she would tell her daughter the story so she could learn from it. Learn from it as she had, the hard way.

"The next morning I woke up to find your father and Grampa Jack at the kitchen table looking pretty grim. Grampa Jack turned to Charles and told him he needed to take me to the doctor to get checked over for any damage, and to get a blood test in case Lester had given me anything.

"That car ride to the doctor's office was the worst thing I'd ever had to endure; your father didn't say a word the whole time; even when he came around to open the car door for me. He ushered me into the office and I went into the back by myself. Luckily our family doctor had an old nurse who'd been around since Moses, and she was the one who took care of me. She didn't find that I had been harmed, and later the blood test came back clean.

"Charles drove me home to my father's house and he and Grandpa Jack went for a walk. They were gone all afternoon and didn't come back until supper. Let me tell you that was the quietest dinner ever. After the dishes were put away, Grams said that we should stay in the kitchen and talk, and that they were going to retire for the night and see us for breakfast.

"I had expected your father's homecoming to be us upstairs making a baby. Instead I was sitting at the table having to explain how I had been caught like some street whore fucking a guy on a park bench." Now the tears did come, Helen had held it in as long as she could. She sobbed quietly for about ten minutes until she regained her composure.

Linda meanwhile was trying to keep her attention on the road ahead. That her mother and she were sharing a parallel hellish Saturday together was almost too much to bear.

"I threw myself at your father's feet; I grabbed him around the legs like a drowning man to a log. I begged him to forgive me, that I hadn't planned for anything to happen with Lester, that he must have slipped something into my punch. I really was babbling at that point, I think I must have been hysterical.

"Your father had tears streaming down his face as he asked me how I had gotten into a position where I could be taken advantage of. Did I not see Lester for what he was, what he was trying to do over the summer? He asked me if I had been blinded by Lester's good guy act and let him get too close.

"I begged him not to leave me; I was actually on my knees at that point. I promised him I'd be the best wife he could ever imagine, I would spend the rest of my life showing him how faithful I could be. He would never have occasion to doubt me.

"Your father is a good man, maybe better that I deserve. He told me about then that we should get some sleep and talk more in the morning. He said he'd sleep on the couch that night; he needed some time to think.

"The next morning Grams woke me early and told me I should get ready for Church. And so I got cleaned up and when I got downstairs I found your father dressed in his uniform, shaved and ready to go. So to Church we went, Grampa Jack, Grams, Charles and me - one big happy family. After the service Grampa Jack hung back to talk to a couple of the other men he knew and then we all went out to breakfast.

"Grampa Jack said that maybe we could all use some fresh air, to get away from town for a bit. Grams and I packed a lunch and we headed to the ranch. As we drove up to the big house we could see that Grampa Jack had been getting ready to plant a tree next to the entrance gate. I guess my little adventure had ruined his project for that weekend.

"Your father and I took a walk across the fields and just talked. I don't even remember what it was we talked about. I do remember thinking that this is where I belonged, with my Charles. Nothing else mattered, no one else mattered. Just being with him was all I would ever need. I must have tried to tell him that. By the end of the walk we were holding hands. Just as we came back to the house he pulled me into a hug and buried his face in my shoulder. He whispered in my ear 'I can't lose you, I can't live without you.' When he pulled back I could see he'd been crying into my shoulder. My man needed me; he needed me to be there for him. To provide him the comfort and support he needed.