All Comments on 'Fifteen Hours'

Thats a neat story, Kinda corny, But I liked it all the same

But I loved it. Thank you x

5 stars

Well it sure is a lil corny, I loved the adventure, thought most of it was well structured, some errors but can overlook that too. In all it was a fun read and I enjoyed it.

Thanks

You are a breath of fresh air. Keep them coming.

The first half where he is getting chased and had to hide was very amusing. The internal dialogue was hilarious. However the second half when he romances Mia was a bit dull and, as others have said, corny. I think the problem is that it is one of those quick love at first sight type romances. May not have seem so corny if you had been able to develop their relationship. I don't know. Still a nice story.

Than your reform prostitute story-gave you a 2,the other one a 1

I really liked it; 5*

There are so MANY ways to use corn!

Cereal, startch, bread, moonshine, bio-fuel.....etc.

Best of all, freshly shucked, wrapped in foil and grilled while swimming in butter....

So the "Pretty Woman" aspects of this story might be a "little" too saccharine sweet. But mixing in the well rendered chase scene up front, and right from the start, brought more to this version than even Richard Gere could have hoped for. Sure, while I don't think folks are exactly wrong to say "oh, maybe not the BEST story ever...."

But , really. Give Stev some credit here. This was actually "pretty" damn good!

I mean, it really could have been SO MUCH WORSE.....so, there you go.

If we take it at face value, accept it for what it was intended to be, and understand that there isn't only ONE way to enjoy these stories. I say KUDOS and THANKYOU, for a pleasent diversion, and a little escapist fantasy. Really, no harm in that!

Next time, though, may be we'll just go in for the popCORN ( STIILL, with plenty of MOVIE THEATRE style butter drizzled on top).......

I challenge any of the naysayers to tell me that they simple can't enjoy a little corn from time to time. No, never as a steady diet. But no denying it as a fun little treat, from time to time!

Thanks again, and PLEASE keep writing. We NEED you here! Having read all of your entries, I really do appreciate the VARIETY you have attempted in your writing. Keep it up!

So she saved his life , is or was a prostitue,fucked thousands of guy. They know each other for 24 hours, she is beautiful living in some country road trailer park. He fall in love with her , why for saving his life. He rescues her Takes her home and proposes marriage. All in a few days time. What a wild , unbelievable feel good story.

It remembered me "Pretty woman", too, but with a twist...with an policial story behind it...much better this way...Good reading...4*

a lot of marriages between prostitutes and land owner, cow boys was all the rage. TK U MLJ LV NV

VERY entertaining. Look forward to more in the same vein.

5*

The language and the actions were a little too simplistic. Some of the dialogue was childish. I'm guessing that English isn't your first language. Watch the movie "Pretty Woman" and learn.

vary nice keep it up hard a can be

Amusing, then exciting. I really got into this story.

It got too sentimental for me after that. He seemed to be a pretty sensible guy, and used to being rich. Such a man might rush into marriage a little more slowly.

What is with this phrase in these stories: "I love only you, always only you"? I love only you? WTF what language are you translating? It is: "I ONLY love you"! This phrase is getting irritating! If you are English speaking, then write like it. If you are not, then get a better translator.

"If you're looking for willing cuckolds,.........,,,,,,,,, you're wasting your time with this story. Like with my other stories. "- Thank you.

Five stars from me. This story put a smile upon my otherwise ugly countenance.

The humor was excellent. The English was pretty good for a second language. The first two pages were really funny. Good imagination. Thanks for all of the work for us readers!

a good read and just enough sex. Please continue.

Entertaining, funny, good dialogue . The plot grabbed my attention and didn't let me go. 3*s

Please, write again soon,lol.

AMerryman

she was already a whore and quit

other became one while

all the difference in the world

So I gave it 4*. Thank you.

I loved the story but the ex really needs to die. What a bitch of a slut. Mia was a whore, but neither a bitch nor a slut. She didn't cheat on a husband or boyfriend, and didn't spread her legs other than to do a job to earn money to live on. That is the difference between a whore and a slut. Still, I have to admit that this story falls into the fantasy category, but in the nicest of ways.

It was a good reading experience. Good action, humor, suspense - all around a good reading experience. Worth the time to read.

Thanks for sharing will have to see what else you have written. Encourage you to continue writing.

"You know, I'm evil, but not that evil."

Keep in mind, I realize this is a short story. But more could have been done with it, instead of getting rid of one wife and proposing to another woman within a space of a few hours. The sentence I copied from above, ruined the entire story for me though.

I'm a writer by trade and admittedly, my novels are all very long, a short one would be 110,000 words, a long one about 225,000 words. I have little to no experience writing something as short as this story, although I used to write magazine articles and 'think' I could write one of these. However, you get a three from me, mostly because I like your style more than content.

Also, I suggest you get a good editor who can translate you scribbling into English.

"Only" modifies the word that follows it. So "I love only you" means that you are the only person I love.

"I only love you" means something like "I love you but I don't like you. I love you but have no other feeling for you."

I try not to be a grammar nazi, but when someone gives the wrong way as the right one, I can't stand it.

I think that this could be a great beginning to a real story arc.

This is a nice story, but not your best.

There is some very awkward phrasing here.

Sentences that if the words were German would flow well, but in English not so much.

Really worthy of our attention because it is pleasurable.

It was short and sweet.

A real feel good story, that doesn't take long to appreciate.

Are you writing a novel or a sex story? I got bored -- very bored

And he was bored from an asshole which makes him a real to life asshole. Just ask his ex wife. I gave you a 5!!!

Liked the fact that wifey thought she could con her way back into the $$ . only to tell him the same thing Mia did. You are far to trusting and Naïve.

Yeah, you got me there. Of course, all of my stories are autobiographic. I mean who could make such stuff up? Impossible. It just HAS be be autobiographic.

So I´m immensely rich, have evaded some professional killers, have married a hooker. Of course I have. I wanted to keep it secret, but you have brilliantly deducted this. Unfortunately, if you keep my other stories in mind (which are of course autobiographic as well), I´m travelling the third world for mining licenses and have freed a slave. And, unfortunately, my wife ran away with a rock star, became a prostitute and dominated me through my time as a gardener.

Well, it seems I´ve had a very exciting life so far.

And sometimes I´m questionning my audience.

Reading the comments is sometimes entertaining, sometimes it´s just nice, sometimes it´s downright appalling. I have even received feedback mails for some story with advice how to handle my wife. Seriously?

I would love to see this fleshed out into a book-sized version. I was almost on my feet cheering when he returned to the trailer park and found her crying over him. And the way he handled his ex when they got back to his mansion was priceless. Writers, listen up, THIS is my kind of erotic fiction.

And thanks for all the other encouraging comments.

Your story was really fun. I loved protagonist - clueless but very smart. And Mia is terrific, every bit as smart and much more worldly. While it all came together very fast, intense experiences can bond people very quickly, so that hangs together too. First rate!

DG Hear "Finding The Right Woman" is a mile better (in the Romance hub) in the pro genre than is. But in LW this is 5*****.

The Hungarian way of saying works here "The best whore will be the best wife, but not every whore only the BEST."

....with a "happily ever after" ending.

Sort of a Pretty Woman kind of thing.

But, while you generally do quite well with English, there are plentiful phrasing so, sentence fragments and complete blunders that only an experienced EFL editor could fix. Through the collaboration, your mastery of this second language might reduce or even eliminate the difficulties you have.

But thanks for an intriguing story.

I could read your stories forever. Thanks for sharing your talent with me.

My title is not meant to be snarky. This is a wonderful "feel good" story. It is a welcome relief from the standard "strange car in the driveway, hidden cameras and cancelled credit cards. Looking forward to your next effort.

the uncertainty of waiting out the clock had tension

all the self analysis was revealing of his weakness as a social creature

but the rush to marriage only reinforces his immaturity.

perhaps a mandatory waiting period for them to get to know each other should have been imposed. a few hours behind a wall listening to her "work" doesn't really add much to their character building. nor do they get to know about who they are.

pretty shallow.

Then I saw the story was written in present tense which makes no sense so I decided to take a pass. I obviously will not vote on it since I didn't read it but if I did I would probably vote one. How do you explain something happening in present tense over a period of time? It makes no sense.

Have only read a couple of your stories but have really enjoyed them. Some people are born to nit pic. You may have a few errors along the way but your stories are entertaining. Keep writing and ignore the comments until you are making money on your stories.

the execution of the story is poor and the author has a weak grasp of the English language.

Hated your raac stories, but this one was nice. 4*

with all his wealth i still think its sad that he did not offer those girls school educations ore something i would be the least he could do

corny! Sort of maudlin! Kind of fairy'tail'ish. And an absolutely fun read. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Take a five

Jedd Clampett

with Carvohi's comment.

Just two MINOR quibbles:

One, I doubt that she has a passport, so Place Vendome in Paris isn't likely for a while.

Two, I know it was needed for the plot, but even not suspecting her hiring killers, why would she get the $100,000 before the divorce is final? And why woul HIS lawyer suggest it? I could see HE asking for it.

for finally giving us a hero with the guts to say, "No, I will not forgive your intentional cruelty and mistreatment of me." And then he had enough spine to stick to it. Good on ya, mate.

I just don't understand how it is that she is drop dead gorgeous but the lawmen are steady with other women at the trailer park. Is it because she has trained so hard and so long at giving away nothing of herself they find the other girls more sincere?

Just curious

Thanks for the enjoyable story.

Except for a couple of things...

The ex-wife and her boyfriend just walk away smiling after she tries to have him killed? I don't think so... and

I'm sure Mia has her passport up to date from all her trips from her palatial trailer to all the worldwide hot spots that she regularly visits.

re:

?

A prostiute in rural Louisiana has a passport.

Yeah, that is a pretty common European misunderstanding.

They think everyone has a passport, because so many of their countries are smaller than a lot of our US states.

No, less than half of the German population has a passport. It´s amazing that so many readers think that this detail is important.

In europe only people who travell outside the EU have passports and not for all countries,i'm belgian and don't need a passport to travel to the US

Don't care about the passport thing. Just sayin'...

I´m not working on a sequel but I´m planning to submit a story that´s been written in a similar mood as soon as I manage to find an editor to proof-read it.

A rollickin' fun read!

Thx

...in too many ways to count.

I came here from a much, much more recent story.

You've improved. Your tense and verb usages more than any other things.

Keep it up. It seems you have a helper. That's great!

I'd only suggest that you review your stories for enough location information and human behavior information to make them more believable.

When people do this completely out of character....with anyone, it kinda kills a story.

Anyway, this one was fun and somewhat believable.....that is, you provided a mean for readers to suspend incredulity long enough to tell your story.

Thank you.

He should have given the "girls" a new car or two, maybe some cash?

Nice light story. Enjoyable reading.

I like the characters you developed and would like to see them in other stories.

I must say you've done well for someone using English as a second language. You haven't even found an infinitive to boldly split (sic). Your phraseology seems very British at times as well as your sense of humor.

As to the story: The beginning was interesting, if somewhat boring. It quickly switched to "what in the world is the author doing now." It read like the beginning of many 007 spy movies. The plot device (survive 'til midnight) was original. The rest is somewhat whimsical. As was the first of your offerings I read, the "Groupie Wife" story. With your protagonists I'm put in mind of the epigram "Here's a fellow who can fall into a barrel of shit and come out sucking a teat."

Well, on to the next story. I am somewhat apprehensive though, that this may be a style of stories that tends to real boredom; not just literary.

A fun read, whimsical and amusing.

....very enjoyable !!

Yup - didn't faze me at all - my feet are firmly planted in mid-air !! HAHAHAHA

Seriously - Thank You.

Great story, very well written. I notice from your bio that you're German; I'm a Brit (ein Waliser) and I can tell you that your English is the equal of anything I've read on Literotica. Better than most, in fact. Five stars.

I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

how can a story be written in present tense that takes place over a period of time? By seeing it through the eyes, and voice, of the person as he experiences it. Being there in the moment with him. You really should have taken the time to read before making a negative comment.

Kudos on knocking on the right trailer and getting the whore with the heart of gold. I like how life just sort of happens to this guy... some guys are shooting at me, oh well. My only criticism of this wish fulfillment story is the lame excuse she ga e for becoming a prostitute, ina dumpy trailer park, no less: she was too lazy to work?? Seems like a hug character flaw, if you ask me. I'd like a woman with little more motivation and drive than that.

Thanks for the offering.

So the guys shot at him, cops had the guns and they just let them go. Tnese are things that ruin a decent story.

Don't agree with others I liked this story.Its not meant to be real its called FICTION so get over yourselves

Nicely done but far too short stops too soon

it is fun to have a fantasy sometimes. great story and fun loving. no so serious which makes it funny as well.

Absolutely fantastic from the opening sentence to the final paragraph. Well written by a great writer. Don't stop here, give us more.

Love that little whore, she's a hoot.

No anony here, I'm not afraid to say what I feel, like some just behind me here.

This was an enjoyable and fun read.

His comments are not worth dog shit! This was a great story and it is well written. You shouldn't worry about these negative American anonymous' comments. They can't help their below 100 IQ. They were just born with it! These are the same guys who were on the USA news networks supporting Trump's pussy grabs as normal American etiquette to women, lol! What a bunch of idiots!

very enjoyable. was expecting them to go get her friends.

There probably aren't a hundred people in Louisiana will valid passports. I had one when I was in the military, but not since then. I don't know anyone in Louisiana who has one, including my mother and her dad was a Representative. Excellent story. I especially liked Mia. My main qualm with the story was I wish they could have hired a few of the girls from the trailer park to work in various capacities at his mansion. Get some of them into college or help them get reputable jobs. Also his ex-wife got off with almost no consequences.

a 5 star highly amusing story.

The anonymous on 9-9-15 with long comments on corn said it best and humorously. Many good comments on 9-9-15. Stev2244 comment on 9-11-15 is more of his great (outstanding) humor. All the comments about the unrealism (eg passport) just miss the point: it is intended to be unrealistic and over the top. That's part of the fun. And fun it was. Well, at first I was taking it too seriously, but when I realized it was fun, the, well, it was fun! The story itself was fun, but stev2244, your humor engendered lots of fun comments -- you sparked others' humor. Kudos.

A language problem? Not to me. I had no idea his native language was not English or that he used it poorly. Found that out in the comments. So....who really has the problem here? Improve if you want, but it's OK with me as is.

The only criticism I agreed with was not giving her former colleagues a surprise boost. I just think stev2244 would have turned that into more of the feel-good (and humor) already the fabric of this great story.

Paul in Oklahoma

It will take them less than a week to figure out they have nothing in common.

Great story and very well written. Five Stars.

Thanks for sharing.

realism! Loved that. Great fun! Five stars and I'm going to log in anonymously and give more five star votes. Absolutely hysterical and fun fantasy.

add this more than makes up for that fart during church you titled My Wife Became a Groupie.

And no doubt rich boy went back and saved all his new wife's old friends. It's my imagination that gets to fill in anything you leave blank so there you go. It happened.

COMMOM THEME WELL WRITTEN VERY ENJOYABLE,JUST 5*****.

tongue in cheek. I love it!

I really enjoyed this, although I think you made it seemed rushed at the end. keep up the good work.

It would have been nice to have a final little twist, Like his doing something special for the girls in her camp. They will have bonded like family and sisters, so she would have been sad to leave them.

I am curious, how much of that was research and how much based on seeing such a place? If you never were present, you did pull it off. It was convincing. Kudos to you for selling that. If you actually are basing this on life experiences, I want photos. Tattoos a plus.

Nice little fairy tale. I really enjoyed it. The only less than believable part for me was how quickly the evil ex wife turn contrite and wished them well. The rest was totally believable.

This is supposed to be a site for SEX stories. Not high school writing class

Very cheesey

Muenster.

Cinderella cross of Pretty Woman almost a Hallmark movie..... Fun, interesting and predictable - good entertainment, well written, a keeper in Favorites. 5*

Only thing missing was a good sound revenge on the EX for what she did - maybe the money could be traced getting her busted for conspiracy to commit murder.

Up to the point where they get to his house I was right on-board. Unrealistic of course but fun and it's fiction.

The epiphany of his ex going from scheming bitch from hell to you're-better-for-him-take-care was so totally unrealistic that it just blew it for me. Yes people change but not like that. From contracting his death to wishing he is happy with the new chick... um, no. Another page of torment for her might see a way to that ending but not like this.

No wonder so many bad people walking streets with wimps like him

Shot car rounds can be traced didn't go through car windows and disappear

Sally hires pros and suddenly switches 180 degrees. Ryv

Story not reality but really

Sorry felt over to give you 1 star

...having noted they only had a clunker to share. Would have been nice gesture.

You are the man! it was a read *****!