by LT56linebacker
Stopped reading when it become evident this was a Disney story for beta dudes. You know, a story where the perfect guy gets cheated on by the wicked witch and yet he succeeds and gets a younger, hotter woman and becomes richer then god.
Excellent... as always. Loved how you worked in the backstory without resorting to the usual Literotica 50K word flashback (e.g. "On our first date, we at chicken at the Luby's on Main at Western. Our second date...."). No, you kept the past in the present, moved it along, and presented the relevant parts. Love your storytelling!! Keep it up. I'll reread part 1, too... 5+++/5!!!
and then your stories would be perfect
While I fully enjoyed Pt 01, Pt 02 was an outstanding follow-up ☆☆☆☆☆.
This story was one that I like reading. This included the original, your Pt 01 and the wrap-up with Pt 02. Yes I enjoy Hallmark movies and this is like one for my twisted mind.
I enjoy reading all of your stories and the variations within that you create. You are quite good, Please continue to write.
Keep Writing
JH4Fun
Well, that was fun; very interesting, a lot of feel good moments, never could figure out just where those moments were coming from.... Could easily say it was a tangled mess, with the writer knowing what was going on, and the reader playing catch-up-character development being non-existent. Believability quotient: zero; beautiful and warm women just don't enter into strange men's lives and throw themselves at them, with their mom's blessing. Still, it was a fun read.
I've enjoyed a number of your stories, but this one (both sections) is rather overwritten and hyperbolic, really more of a cartoon than something with believable characters.
Really great conclusion to your story. Texas has a way of messing with everyone,s internet connection. Do not take so long with the next story
Loved it, woooorth the Long wait. Solid 5 stars. I have read most of your stuff here and I like your style. Almost as much as my friends, Kalimaxos and Saddletramp. We speak daily on Twitter
The entire story is convenient. Why am I supposed to care about the protagonists? What I see is a man child who kills people when they play with his toys. How is he sympathetic?
As another commenter pointed out after the first part, using organized crime is just cheap. It's deus ex machina garbage.
Your story may rate well but that says far more about the people voting than it does about an obvious 20k word plot.
Confusing since the first part was not available for background. Therefore unable to comment except that--interpreting the little data available--the immediate skip from "just introduced" to "married & taking sloppy seconds on her breasts after the expected kids"...had too little character development to justify it. And all the "family" relatives? What?
Sorry. I'd like to give it more than 3 stars just on principle...but afraid I can't see it.
Write it again and either elaborate (a lot)...or have the first chapter available for slow learners like me.
You wrote a great series. Thank you. I do wish, however, that you had cleared up the loose end involving Louse's husband's murder and the cartel as I don't want to read a sequel that involves a threat to Roger and the whole family.
Lacked a sufficient explanation as to the past happenings! Need some more detail if you want this to be "stand alone"! Too much left in the dark, just assumes a lot of suppositions by the reader. Too much without rereading the other story or the preceding Part 01!!!!!! Glad you built a happy ending but again too much left out!!!!!!
Well done LT. That was a little lighter finish to finish up your great story. Much appreciated.
240+ people FROZE to death in Texas, the people who run have made it the worst shithole State in the nation and it has been for decades. Take a shit in San Antonio and it would improve the place immensely.
Story wasn't bad and you didnt freeze to death, so be happy.
I'm sorry but I couldn't connect with the story no matter how I tried but I really got lost to the point I wanted to stop mid-pafe 2 but instead I gritted my teeth and read on. Finished it and still have this feeling of being lost Maybe I should read again the first story.
Sorry The Bear.
Liked this story and endings better than the original stories ending. At least in these he wasn't a wimp.
I really enjoyed the story. it was Frustrating, Entertaining esp. when he told the ass that his friend was dead then shot him in the Ball's. before shooting him in the Head.
A good ending for this story.
Keep on writing and thank you.
@iammweasel, You are an IDIOT! Shitting down your throat would feed you better than you ever have been and give you a better out look on your basement lifestyle. So enjoy it while you can.
OK, so I am a sap. This just works for me. Painful, meaningless death to the scum bags and the hero gets the super hot woman who wants to have his babies.
A heartwarmingly well-told story. I'm happy to forgive the break-down of your internet, the compensation was excellent. Our world is so full of suffering and injustice that it simply does my soul good when the one who suffers is the winner in the end. Thank you for your work! 5*!!!
I usually disdain a sappy ending, but this one was perfect, especially when you think about the story being almost a Godfather reflection. This was not a Disney ending either, more like people picking up their shattered lives, so yeah... I like it. Well done!
Being an ex-Catholic and having been married to a 'Jersey Girl' (from Redbank) for 25+ years and residing in 'Sin City' for 30 years...I appreciated those elements of the story.
Great story!
11/10!!!!!
Really enjoyed reading this, yes a little sappy, but a fun read. I like the style that the story is written in, the banter between the characters and the behind the scenes kind of thinking that goes on. I'm also for happy endings and this one sure was. Five stars for sure.
As a kid who hung out in Deep South pool halls in the 1950s, you had me at R/C Cola.
Around 14 year old level. Somewhat of a comedy. Could be great if it was written in a more mature vein.
5 Stars on a Great Story . I agree that a naked redhead does take all of the blood from one head to another .
A simple but OK story, nice character design, as you say it has problems with grammar and some words are not in the right order but good read
Great love story ending for this part of the story. Thanks for your writing.
Louise fell in love with Roger from his file. Oh, really? What does a file tell her, except dry facts. And it seemed like it was only 3 days before they were banging in her hotel room. What is she going to *really* learn in 3 days? Not much, to be honest. Far too much of a rush to replace the cheating, deceased Helen. Who, apparently, cared nothing for her children when she offed herself to be with her slime-ball lover (in Hell, natch). I get that she snapped at the end, but seriously? NO thoughts of them whatsoever? She loved him that much?
Extremely well-done short series. The plot was dynamic, and the characters were vivid and lifelike. This would translate well into a longer fiction work. I loved it, so I'm forced to give it five stars. Thanks for the pleasurable read!
There are huge gaps in this story. Who was running the business in the past and how did they screw its up. There is a missing backstory pertaining to his wife’s behavior.
Had to smile. I think I would have added a part about her asking him why he hadn't made a pass at her yet, and him saying he was waiting for her to give him a chance to win her son over as thoroughly as she had won over his kids first.
Great story, “Bear”. thanks much for sharing.
10 stars. 5 for the first chapter, 5 for the second.
Very good, much better than the original story. My second marriage lasted almost forty years before she passed and she truly loved me but could never figure out why. My wife never appreciated sarcasm and i ever did it it was a real mood killer. You just don't joke about love or sex with her. She was a great wife though. She was something like your female MC, shy but strong of character but not shy when it came to sex. Excellent story telling with a few mistakes here and there, I'll send them. Thanks for very good story. 5 stars
Bear, Compared to "Svetlana.. or the first part of this story, this second portion was a major disappointment. At times I wondered if I had a different writer. You made the MC literally, stupidly obtuse. A whole story that keeps revealing what an idiot he is despite EVERYONE around him showing him what is real. I wish I had stopped at part 1.
I have really liked your stories, save one other, and would like to see more. That appears unlikely because writers here stop publishing not later than 2021 and many 5-10 years ago. Begs the question, why are there any new writers. If the majority of offering, seem apparent, involve primarily Gay, Trans, S&M or incest I'm out of this site for good.
For me this is saddening because I've encountered such great writers as The Bear, DTIVERSON, Todd 172, Black Randi, and Saddletramp. 90% of the rest is not worth reading. That said, I do applaud tye effort but the product, to me is not satisfactory..