First Death Pt. 10

Even though she was still recovering from her previous injuries, she was very difficult to damage. Her flesh had a resilience to it, her bones hardened over the centuries, her being simply superior by natural design to that of a first generation; I, on the other hand, felt the bruises forming on my body, felt my bones give way to small fractures, felt tears in my skin. The primal, feral fighting caused a previously suppressed instinct within me to manifest—the most basic need that a creature has: survival. I felt my humanity torn away from me, I felt the longing and desire I held for her almost break and leave behind the urge to kill her, to kill everyone. I struggled to maintain control of my consciousness, the wickedness creeping in on my vision. As we tumbled and rolled about the mat, each fighting for dominance, I did the only thing that I knew would end it—I let her win even though I could have pinned her and drained her dry at any time.

It took a lot of effort to keep some minute measure of restraint over my body which was naturally responding to her attacks; when she finally got the upper hand, she pinned me down onto my stomach and wrapped her arms around my throat; I knew she could decapitate me if she wanted, I had seen her do as much in several of her memories. I felt her muscles begin to tighten and thought for sure that she had lost her humanity within the struggle just as I had almost lost mine.

"Enough!" Takeo roared so loudly that it made my ears ring.

Lily's arms immediately released me; she only paused a moment before I felt her weight vanish off of my back. I slowly got up to my knees, leaning back onto my heels, running my hands down my chest, across my abs to come to rest on my thighs as I had done many times over in the past week to remind me of one small fact: I am Matthew. I tried to shut out the darkness but it was like closing the front door on a tornado, a temporary fix that would soon cause devastation.

When I finally looked up, I saw Takeo and at least a dozen other wolves around the mat. I could feel the tension coming off of them, their muscles wound so tight they might attack at any moment. The Alpha's face was blank but I could see the small nuisances that told me the truth—he was afraid. I turned my head towards Kaito; my friend had his arms crossed over his chest and was casually leaning against the wall but I knew what his expression meant—I was a terrifying creature.

"That is enough for today," Takeo's firm voice drew my thoughts back to him. "Return to your quarters for now, there will be a meal waiting."

Despite the order, no one moved, not even Lily. She stood just a few feet away from me; when I caught her eyes, it was as if I read her mind—she was worried that she would have to take me out, right there, right then. I dropped my gaze, arbitrarily drawing in a deep breath. Slowly, so as not to startle any one, I rose to my feet. Offering a short bow to Takeo, I walked out of the room.

I heard Lily's almost silent footsteps behind me and Max behind her as I navigated my way up the stairs and down the hall; a young omega held the door of our quarters open for us before disappearing. Taking a seat on the couch, I carefully picked up the glass of warm blood and drank it down.

Both Max and Lily sat opposite me; while Lily's eyes remained locked on me, I evaded her gaze, glancing at Max before I decided not to look at either and stare at the table instead. In the quietness of my mind, the tornado of darkness grew louder.

"Can I ask what the fuck just happened?" Max broke our silence. "I've never seen anyone move that fast—I couldn't even track you two with my vision! It was just a fucking blur and loud growls and then when you stopped it sure as shit looked like Lily was going to kill you."

"She was," I said flatly, more harsh than I wanted to. "She made a mistake changing me and now she knows it for certain." I tried to remind myself that I loved her—but those sentiments felt hollow as if I no longer had the luxury of any feeling beyond hunger and survival.

Max startled at my admission; he opened his mouth to speak but I rose to my feet and left our chambers without another word.

Life was going on as usual in the pack compound, wolves walking around, carrying on conversations, living—as if they didn't realize their life hung by a thread. My entire body was jittery and I felt dangerous, like a spring coiled too tightly. It was a struggle keeping control over myself—every wolf that walked passed me had unknowingly been spared a gruesome death because my hunger, my thirst was insatiable. I barely rapped once on Hiro's door before I slipped inside and shut out all of those tantalizing heartbeats that had been calling to me.

The moment he looked up from his book, he tensed—though Lily and Max hadn't seen it because I did my best to keep it from them, my restraint was diminishing quickly. I knew that in a matter of minutes I would lose complete control over myself and turn feral—I would kill everything in my sights and it would be virtually impossible to stop me.

"Kill me," I begged through gritted teeth, "I—I can't hold back much longer. The darkness is consuming me."

In the flash of an eye, Hiro had tackled me to the ground. I knew in a second I'd be dead for a final time; my only regret was that Lily would be left to mourn my absence and that I wouldn't have a chance to tell her how much I truly loved her before today. I tried to push those thoughts from my head and stared up at his blank face, wanting to thank him but the darkness inside of me required all of my focus. It vaguely registered as Hiro bit down on his inner forearm and placed his bloody skin to my lips.

"Drink, Matthewsan," he commanded with more force than I thought capable of him, "read my memories and learn the Ōkami vampire way. I cannot guide you through it but you are capable of doing it yourself."

I tried to turn my head away from him, I wanted to yell at him to kill me before it was too late but in the struggle his blood trickled down my throat and his memories came pouring in before I could stop them; it was they that made the difference. In them I saw his own personal struggle with humanity and how he gave up on trying to retain it—instead, he fell back on the structure and honor taught to him by his parents, by wolves. The morality and ethics that the Ōkami had maintained since they first struck a deal with Death was ingrained in their blood, in their way of life, in their souls.

I felt my mind began to calm as the darkness dissipated; though I already had his benefactor's memories through Lily, they had almost lost something in the translation from her but seeing them through Hiro's eyes shed a whole new light on everything. As the learned lessons became my own I felt a tranquility sweep through me, a surprising amount of control. I relaxed back beneath him, my mind willingly slipping into his body as a specific memory came to the forefront.

Lilith Cain. The rumors were all true—her and her brother were the scourge of the land, power hungry creatures who killed without remorse and took as they pleased. It was all I could do to not attack her but remain tucked into the shadows of the cave as she killed members of the Ōkami and ran to the rescue of her brother. It was a commendable feat for a vampire, to save another at risk of their own death.

I watched as she crawled to my Alpha and begged. I should have been outraged, I should have demanded her head—she killed my benefactor. She had condemned me to a life as an untrained nuru, as a historian with the locked ability to learn secrets of the past but not the means to accomplish as much. Yet it was not our way to hold a grudge beyond repayment. Both her and her brother had suffered for what she had done and she had offered herself up for the remainder of the life debt. Though I viewed her actions as commendable, I was not sure how Alpha Nobu would feel about it. It appeared, however, that he would not get a say in the matter.

I never heard or saw him arrive even with my abilities, it seemed as if he simply appeared out of thin air; the Immortal picked up her unconscious body and fleeted into the shadows of the cave, barely a few feet from me. I was surprised for many reasons—surprised that she had managed to remain alive after that much exposure to sun, that I had just seen the Immortal for the first time and that he cared for her well being. All I felt was the gentle breeze of his fleet after he vanished, taking her deeper into the cave, deeper into darkness. After a moment he repeated the same with Lucas.

Nobu slowly walked into the cave and stood beside me as if he were contemplating what had just happened. With a mere flick of his head he summoned me to remain by his side, to witness what was to come so that I could keep an accurate account of what would be history for those to follow after him.

We found the Immortal in Nobu's chamber. He was perched on the edge of the bed, his gaze locked on Lilith's ashen face, his hand holding hers in a way that suggested familiarity. I had no idea what any of it meant.

"She will remain in your quarters and you will feed her until she is healed, Nobu," the Immortal said before gently placing her hand back down.

Nobu bowed slightly, "Of course, Ameersan. What of the other?"

Finally peeling his gaze off of Lilith, he turned around, his eyes meeting mine, "Hirosan will see to him. Keep him here for one week, then return him to his ship. Let him know he is to never set foot in Japan again."

He rose from his position and drifted over to the corner of the room, as if keeping sentry over her unconscious body. I saw the curiosity in Nobu's eyes when he turned and dismissed me with a wave of his hand.

The air about the pack was thick with tension. It took me longer to find a willing donor; while almost any wolf would agree to let me have their blood for my own personal consumption they were apprehensive about allowing foreigners to see into their lives. The nuru all vowed to not look through their memories unless specifically directed to do so, something the Cains most definitely would not abide by. Finally, one of the elder wolves, an old woman agreed to share her blood.

"I am not ashamed of anything," she said firmly after taking a seat in the small chamber that served as my benefactor's—though now my—library. "Perhaps he will learn a thing or two about why vampires do not cross the Ōkami."

I lowered my head, swiftly puncturing the vein in her arm with a thumb lancet, careful to catch all of the blood in a cup, "Your service is greatly appreciated." I watched the red fluid trickle out of her, trying to contain my own hunger for it. Though I had learned a lot in the short time I spent with my benefactor, I still struggled to control my thirst. He had told me ways to supplement it if necessary but ultimately I knew that I would have to find my own path of salvation through meditation and introspection.

When the cup was almost full I carefully set it aside before I leaned down and drew my tongue across her wrinkled skin, sealing the wound with my saliva. I thanked her again before making my way through the tunnels to the area where Lucas Cain was being held.

Standing just outside of it where he could not see me, I took a moment to gather my nerves. The Cains were an entirely different breed of vampire from the few that I knew—not only were they ruthless and vicious, they each held so much knowledge, so many skills that it was intimidating to lay eyes on them. The Immortal was the only vampire I knew who could step foot in the sun and not come to harm; while the Cains paid for their time in the daylight the mere fact that they could withstand as much as they did and not perish was a testament to their power.

I stilled myself and walked into the chamber.

"Where is my sister?" Lucas hissed viciously the moment he saw me. Though he was collared again, this time with a chain leading over to the wall and his once flawless porcelain skin was a sickly grey, he forced himself to his feet. He managed to maintain a threatening affect about him as he drew up to his full height, "I demand you tell me what happened! Where is she!"

To any other Ōkami, he would have come off as hostile but I saw the truth in his eyes—he was afraid. I held his gaze for a moment as the dynamic of their relationship unfolded in my mind; in a way, their bond was stronger than simply a pack. They were family. They were lovers. They were all the other one had left in this world. "She is alive," I said, not wanting to agitate him further but treating him with the respect and the dignity that should be afforded to such a formidable creature.

"You will take me to her at once," he stated. It was clear in his tone that he was used to getting his way.

"No. You are to remain here until you are well enough to travel, at which time you will be returned to your ship. You are not permitted to leave this room nor will you see anyone but I until then." I moved closer and pointed to the chair, waiting for him to sit.

"What have you done with her?" He remained standing though I could see the trembling of his body under the strain.

"I have done nothing with her," I narrowed my eyes, "she chose her path in order to save your life and as a result has suffered far more than you. It will take her longer to recover but when it is time, she will rejoin you on your ship."

Lucas defiantly stood for a moment long before he reluctantly sat down on the chair; he took the warm cup of blood that I handed to him and after tentatively dipping his tongue into it he recoiled backwards, "You would feed me wolf's blood? Is this the best you have to offer little nuru?" he spat out the last word as an insult.

I was displeased that he understood my relation to the pack; my entire existence was an error, as were those nurus before me and those yet to come. Though we served as a valuable asset to our family we were seen as little more than an indentured story teller, a keeper of the secrets. No doubt he saw this through the elder he found on the northern island, those vampires despised the Ōkami and everything we represented. I swallowed my pride and leveled my voice, "At the present time this is what we have. I will make a trip to the town to find you something more akin to your tastes."

He huffed and looked away, drinking down the blood regardless, "Tell me, little nuru, why we were spared."

I waited until he was finished to take the cup back from him; without another word in response, I turned and walked towards the gate. His words followed me down the hallway.

"It was the Immortal, wasn't it?"

I discovered immortal standing in the hall outside of Nobu's chamber. He was leaning against the stone, his arms crossed over his chest, his body completely still. I paused my movements to bow deeply to him. Keeping my head down, I began to walk past when he stopped me.

"You are Hirosan, yes?" his accent was detectable but not unpleasant when he spoke Japanese.

"Yes, Ameersan," I replied curtly.

"Mmm," he grunted, "Lilithsan has the most unfortunate timing. She and her brother have succeeded in wiping out all of the elders on our islands. It appears that you are without a teacher now. I will do my best to accommodate you but there will be things that I cannot teach you."

I bowed, truly appreciative, "Thank you, Ameersan. I will gladly learn what you will show me; if there are things you will not then I accept that Fate has chosen for them to remain a mystery to me."

"Fate is a cruel whore," he spat out. He saw my shock at his statement before he continued, "Fate has no interest in us beyond keeping the balance. If she did she would not make it so difficult for us to find our soul mates. Or have us perpetually suffer once they are gone." The bitterness and sorrow in his voice belied his first hand experience at what he spoke.

His words caused a juxtaposition within me, sorrow and relief—sorrow that I would never know the love of a soul mate and relief that I would never know the loss of her. It almost seemed as if Lilith reminded Ameersan of someone he lost long ago.

The week progressed quickly despite it all. My time was split between Ameersan teaching me what he could and seeing to the Cains. At Nobu's request, I remained nearby each time Lilith woke to be fed and though my Alpha did the task himself, Ameersan was always present. It was unclear as to why—for her safety or for Nobu's. When I was not witnessing my Alpha feed her, I was hunting for nourishment for Lucas and tending to him. His distaste for the wolf blood was evident, so I went out of my way to venture into the town, influence innocents, take their blood and bring it back. Though it was a lot of effort I appreciated getting the practice.

Lucas never thanked me for my endeavors; in fact, aside from our first interaction, he didn't speak a single word until his very last feeding.

"How long will my sister be retained here?" he asked.

"You will be taken back to your ship this afternoon while the sun is still out; I imagine she will be another two if not three weeks after that." I stood nearby, waiting for him to finish his nourishment but he was intentionally sipping it to delay my leave.

"He thinks he can make her stay," there was a displeased quality to his voice, like rough silk, "but she will not stay for him."

I hadn't the slightest notion as to what he was talking about, "Who do you think will make her stay?"

"The Immortal," he frowned. I had never confirmed nor denied the Immortal's presence so it was clear his knowledge was obtained elsewhere. "She does not belong to him, Lily belongs to me. We share a soul and to divide, to go against our true nature never ends well—he knows as much. It is impossible to live with only half a soul."

I felt there was a weight behind his words, a knowledge that he knew of yet kept from his sister and because of her, I would never have the skills to discover Lucas's secrets for myself.

"Matthewsan," Hiro's voice pulled me back from the memory.

It was unnerving to look up at his face, into his eyes and see a man that I had just lived through, like an out of body experience. I blinked slowly, running a hand over my chest to feel my body, to remind myself who I was.

Hiro must have seen a change in me because he slumped back off of my chest and leaned against his desk, legs splayed out in front of him, "You are back now."

"Yeah," I said, forcing my body upright, "you should have killed me though."

He smirked, "If you were any other vampire I would have but Ameersan forbade it. Thankfully, he also told me what to do should the situation ever arise."

"Thankfully," I grunted. I knew, in a way, that Ameer had covered his bases for selfish reasons—he was tired of being alive and ready to pass the immortal torch onto a descendant. I reached out and gently squeezed Hiro's arm, "Well I am thankful for you, my friend. I don't know how I can repay you."

"You don't need to," he shook his head, "I imagine when it is time for you to relieve Ameersan we will both look back at this moment with fondness. Knowing that I could help you is reward enough."

"I don't know if this will help," I said, drawing in a deep breath, "but I figured out how to read the memories on my own. It was purely an accident but in the beginning, I found that focusing on something specific was the key—a sound, an image, a smell. It might take you a while but try to narrow it down to something your benefactor knew in detail. Once you gain access to them it becomes easier to slip into their memories at a whim."

A smile broke out across Hiro's face, "Thank you, Matthewsan. I will devote all of my time to this technique until I master it."