First Death Pt. 10

I nodded and got to my feet, wiping his blood off of my lips as I made my way to the door. I paused for a moment after I opened it, "Oh and just don't do it while running. It doesn't end well."

...

I slipped into my room entirely unnoticed and flopped down on the bed, still fully clothed. I stared up at the off white ceiling and let my mind go completely blank, focusing in on the endless sea of nothingness, forcing myself to breathe in long, slow, deep breaths. The meditation helped relax the remaining stress that wore on me, it helped to solidify the knowledge I had learned from Hiro.

I rose before it was time and met Kaito in the garden. He looked surprised to see me; as was his way, all he did was stare into my eyes for a few moments to assess my demeanor. He nodded approvingly before turning with the pack and running, me falling in line at his side. While before I never felt fully comfortable within the pack, this morning it seemed as if I had found my niche within them. I felt at peace.

My body responded naturally, moving with the wolves as though I had done it thousands of times before; the freedom of it gave me an opportunity to ponder over Hiro's memories of Lucas. That week they spent together was the only time they ever saw each other though Lucas's words never sat quite right with Hiro and they ate away at me as well. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew that they were something more than a random comment.

By the time I made my way down to the sparring room, Kaito had gathered several other wolves. The group was about half in human form casually stretching, half in animal form sitting or laying around. I joined them and had just began my stretches when Lily and Max walked in.

Lily immediately locked her eyes on mine and I saw the surprise in them. I knew she expected me to seem a monster but the change in my demeanor was obvious. She no longer seemed frightened or worried that she would have to kill me, instead, she seemed wary.

Max sat down in front of me, doing the stretches to the best of his ability, "So you figured out how to not be a twat."

I laughed, "Well, no guarantees on that."

The rest of the day was spent sparring—vampires against wolves. Lily and I fell into step along side each other naturally, as if we had been doing it for eternity. Max struggled with it but by the end of the day he had improved greatly.

We settled into this new routine for a few days. After sparring, we sat around the living room drinking blood, casually discussing techniques and plans for attacking Ian. Lily slowly began to treat me like she had before, though after we ate I bid her a good evening and retreated to my empty room for meditation.

I think we all could sense that our time with the Ōkami was coming to an end; each day we spent training was one more day that Ian could collect more fodder. On our final evening in the pack house, I was laying on my bed in just sweatpants, staring at the ceiling when I overheard Lily make a call to our pilot, letting him know that we'd be leaving the following night. I heard her quiet footsteps retreat back across our quarters to her room.

It felt wrong to leave this place in so many ways but the one that stood out the most was the damage that I had caused to my relationship with Lily. I knew she needed time but I wanted my final memory of our stay here to be a positive one.

Before I had thought about it, I found myself outside of her door. I raised my hand and quietly rapped a knuckle against the wood; when it opened, she was standing inside wearing a dark blue silk robe. I could tell from the way it clung to her body, barely stretching to her mid thighs, that she didn't have anything on underneath it.

"Can we talk?" I asked softly.

There was hesitation in her eyes for a mere moment before she stepped aside and let me in. The instant she shut the door, I got down on my knees, bent at the waist and rested my forehead on the floor at her feet. I knew through the collected memories in our heads that she would understand the meaning of the dogeza and that while the gesture should be enough, I added words to it regardless, "I will do whatever I can to show you how sorry I truly am. You are the only thing that matters to me, Lily. I want you to know that your intentions weren't misplaced. I will do all within my power to prove to be worthy of you."

I heard her sigh, "Sit up, Matthew."

"Not until I am forgiven," I whispered to the floor.

She was silent for a long while. I tried not to let my mind read too much into it, as she had chosen to remain still instead of moving away from me. When her gentle voice reached my ears, I felt my anxiety dissipate, "I forgive you, Matthew."

I was slow to rise, keeping my eyes focused on her pale white feet, "Thank you, Lily."

When she stepped closer I rested my cheek against her thighs, wrapping my arms around her legs. Her fingers ran through my hair and it was as if my soul relaxed at her touch—I had missed just being close to her.

"I need you to understand, Matthew, that while you have the capacity to be unstoppable, I have to be in charge. You will do what I say."

I tilted my head back so that I could look up into her eyes, "I understand." I nestled my face into her crotch. I wanted her, badly, but I knew that I had to let her lead, at least this time.

She shifted away from me and I was reluctant to let her go yet thankful when she reached for my hand. I followed her to the bed, laying down beside her; I was content to have my mate back and when she leaned into me, pressing her lips to mine I finally felt whole again. I followed her guidance, paid attention to her cues when she shifted closer; I tucked my arm underneath her and pulled her to my chest while rolling onto my back so that she straddled me.

Her soft, cold hands trailed down my bare torso and between her legs as she reached into my pants; I was beyond ready for her, my cock hard in her grasp while she guided it out. Lily hovered above me as she lined herself up before gently easing down. The slow, antagonizing hug of her cunt on my dick made me moan out.

As she began to rock back and forth, she braced herself on my chest while I rested my hands on her smooth thighs. I watched her as she used me to sate her need and in a strange way, it was fulfilling in itself, to know I could please her in a way that Evan, that Ian, that even Lucas couldn't. She slowly fucked me in a way that was drastically different from our previous encounters; when her body tensed and she mewled, I felt her cunt clamp down on me. I pulled her close to my chest and rolled her onto her back. Brushing the hair from her face I stared into her eyes and slowly, tenderly thrust into her, fucking her through her orgasm until she built up and writhed beneath me; when she came again I came with her, offering my neck.

The gesture didn't go unnoticed and she took it, her teeth piercing my skin, her mouth suckling the blood from my body. It was the first time since I had become a vampire that she fed from me; I missed it from before but this was an entirely different experience—we were connected in such an intimate way, the shared rapture was heightened to a new level by my submission to her, by allowing her to see my struggles over the past few weeks despite how ashamed of them I was.

When she had her fill, I slipped off of her but held her close, not wanting the moment to end. We laid like that for a long time, perhaps hours even, before she finally spoke.

"I'm sorry I was not here to teach you, Matthew. I'm thankful that Hiro was able to help you the way that he did."

"As am I," I said softly. I was tempted to peek into her memories of her absence but it felt imprudent to do so at such a tender moment and without her consent. I knew that she must have seen Ameer's visit and while I would have preferred to keep it a secret as he wished, I would never keep anything from Lily ever again.

...

My final pack run with Kaito was bittersweet. I had come to enjoy his company, his bluntness and his understanding yet knowing that it could potentially be the last time we were together hit me with a tinge of sadness. As the rest of the pack jogged ahead of us back to the compound, Kaito and I walked side by side.

"You will come back when I find my mate and be a part of our induction ceremony?" he asked, glancing at me sideways.

Now that I had Hiro's memories, I knew what the induction ceremony entailed: under a full moon, his mate would submit to Takeo and be bitten so that she would undergo the change. After Takeo was finished, Kaito would take her on the same alter. They'd get a brief rest through the night and the rest of the day would be one big party to celebrate the new pack member. While the idea would have bothered me before, having Hiro's thoughts and memories changed my view on the Ōkami way. Everything they did, each tradition they held fast to was out of loyalty and honor.

"Yes, I would like that very much. You know how to reach me," I smirked, "just find some mangy stray to pass a message along."

"I could also just call you," Kaito pointed out when we reached the house.

"Were would be the fun in that?" I laughed as he shook his head and walked off.

In our quarters, Max and Lily sitting on the sofas just as I had found they every day since she returned. I smiled gently to Lily, taking a seat beside her while she spoke.

"There are only half a dozen of Death's vampires in Russia. While I highly doubt any of them would be stupid enough to cross me, stranger things have happened. He most likely managed to recruit a first gen but I think we need to go in prepared for an elder," Lily slowly spun the half empty glass of blood in her hands.

"All right, so we take him and Ian out," Max said.

"No," Lily shifted in her seat.

I finished her thought for her, "We take them all out." Max looked surprised but I continued, even drawing Lily's attention, "We kill every last one of them. It is the only way to ensure that they don't come after us and, frankly, it is about population control. Each successive generation lacks the qualities of the original."

"You're talking about genocide?" Max asked curiously.

Lily frowned, "While he didn't really put it eloquently, I think what Matthew is alluding at would be akin to pruning a tree. It is necessary to cut off many branches in order for the remaining ones to thrive."

"I guess I can see that," Max scratched his head, "but it seems like you're talking more long term than just Ian and the Russian. And how do we decide who dies again, do we base it off of generation? You know I stand with the pair of you from here on out though I can't imagine Lucas would have a problem with cutting down the numbers."

I tensed at the mention of Lucas and I knew that Lily noticed. She redirected the conversation back to the plan of tactics but I was only able to partially focus on it; my mind still itched with the unresolved idea that hovered on the edge of my knowledge. Lucas's words echoed in my head, She does not belong to him, Lily belongs to me. We share a soul and to divide, to go against our true nature never ends well—he knows as much. It is impossible to live with only half a soul.

"Meow," Jinx howled, jarring me from my thoughts. When I glanced around, I saw Max and Lily standing by the open door, holding their bags.

"Are you coming, Matthew?" Max asked curiously, "Or would you rather stay here with the dogs?"

I glanced at Lily, somehow I realized she knew what had been on my mind. In that one brief look, I sensed that she had a deeper understanding of it but no matter how much I focused on her memories I couldn't access any of it. Perhaps it was for the best—maybe at some point she would tell me but what I needed to focus my attention on was the here and now, was how to end Ian. "I'm coming," I said half heartedly while rising. I grabbed my bags and took one last look around the room, committing the place to my own memory.

Just as when we arrived, each of us got into a separate black SUV with an Ōkami guard detail. I sat in the back seat with Takeo.

"Though he did not share with me the reason, I am pleased that Hiro offered up his blood to you. It puts me at ease to know that the Ōkami way is now a part of you, Matthewsan. I am sure Ameersan shares the same sentiments," his smooth rhythmic voice spoke to me.

"Thank you for your hospitality and patience, Alpha Takeo. It has been a privilege to learn from the Ōkami and I hope to return in the future."

"You will always be welcomed within us, Matthewsan."

Lily's plane was sitting in the same hangar as when we first arrived; the door was open and the stairs led into the darkness of its belly. When the caravan came to a halt and we poured out of the vehicles, Jinx was the first to bound up the stairs, no doubt wanting to see this through as much as the rest of us. Max and Lily weren't one to drag on their farewells, each of them offering a quaint bow to Takeo before following the cat.

I was the last one to walk up the stairs; I couldn't help but look back over my shoulder at the Ōkami that came to see us off, at Takeo, Kaito, Hiro. I had learned so much in my time here and I would be forever grateful to the wolves for it. I bowed one last time before retreating into the plane, a mixed feeling of the sadness of goodbye and the anticipation of a new adventure settling over me.

I sat down across from Lily, staring at her beautiful ivory face, her ample black curls. Her red eyes lingered on mine, studying me acutely. Having fed off of each other, she knew me intimately just as well as I knew her and her words were the ones that offered me solace, "We will come back some day. The Ōkami are the one constant in an ever changing Japan. They will always be here."

I nodded; she was right in a sense but I still felt a pang of sorrow knowing that we would outlive them, that the friendships I had made would someday become a distant memory to me after they were long gone. It was a sentiment echoed in the vastness of all the memories in my mind, to know that someday every person I knew would eventually be gone, every place I visited would never remain the same for long and while that also led to the possibility of an eternity filled with mystery, as Ameer had put it, Fate was a cruel whore.