All Comments on 'Flames of Necessity Pt. 08'

I am following this and it has been superb. Intense, but in a good way. Thank you for sharing your work with us.

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Her Human Fan

I can’t make up my mind as to whether I’d like the ladies in England or those in Germany to take me into their care. What I am certain of is that I’m enjoying another one of your series.

I’ve pointed out recently, to writers better than myself, that sometimes, and only sometimes, they don’t show an obvious break when moving time and/or location. It’s a trap I’ve fallen into and there was a particular example here. You ended a paragraph with “the pain just too much” and the next paragraph with “Bennett peered out of the mews window.” But there wasn’t a paragraph break. You jumped the location from Dorset to London in the blink of an eye. It took me a few moments to realise what had happened. I noticed that a lot of writers, including me, now use a line to denote there has been a change of time or that the location has moved. Personally I decided on:

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Other than that one thing I can’t think of anything, no matter how small, to criticise. I shall, as in your other very enjoyable stories, follow Horace, Barker and Bennett to the very end.

...I will endeavour to make the change of location a little more obvious in future, realising on reading back, that this is not always as obvious to the third party reader as it is to my mind, when relating the tale.

Thanks for the tip, and more of this story to follow shortly.