Folie à Deux Ch. 02

I caught up to her as we rounded the second corner, and she squealed happily as I scooped her up. Time rushed forward, drawing us along like the tide. Natalie twisted in my arms, reaching forward to slip the keycard into the slot and grabbing the door handle. I carried her across the threshold, and the way she stared at me made me so happy. Natalie slid down in front of me and turned, facing me with both hands pressed against my chest. Elbows tucked against her sides.

I felt full to bursting.

"No no," she whispered, when I moved my hands toward the zipper at the back of her dress. "They'll come around sooner than an hour. Keep the dress on."

"Okay," I said, nodding. I grabbed the hem of the skirt, lifting, and took a step forward for every step she took toward backwards toward the wall. She still wasn't wearing any panties, and her nimble fingers had little trouble unzipping the fly of my pants. Her knee was hooked into the crook of my elbow, with her heel dangling from the tips of her upturned toes. She grabbed hold of my shaft and guided me in.

"Oh God yes," she moaned, tilting her head forward until her forehead came to rest against my brow. "Oh god."

I widened my stance, knees bent slightly, with a gentle thrust that brought me very close to fully inside. Close to the hilt.

"Do you," she huffed, eyes fluttering. "Do you like my wedding dress?" In and out.

I groaned loudly, saying "Fucking hell, I love it." In and out.

"I want you to... I want you to..." In and out.

"Tell me," I said. In and out.

"Don't cum inside me. I want you to pull out and cum on this dress." In and out.

"Oh fuck."

As happened often between us, the longer we went the less I found myself able to speak. The lizard brain, the part of me that wanted to be fucking her at all times, took over more completely. I heard her, processed everything she said, but the urge to answer or engage lessened with every second and with every thrust. With every soft grunt from her. My nerves sang sweetly of the joy of being inside of her, and their call was overwhelming.

"I want to... fuck... I'm gonna put on this dress, every weekend, and oooh God. Put a new stain on it. Each week. Fuck." In and out. "Have you fucking me from behind," she moaned, "and then pull out and cum all over my back." In and out. "Never wash this dress again." In and out.

In and out.

"My own little—ahh!" Her eyes pinched shut, and her jaw clenched tightly. "Fuck! Don't... Don't stop!"

In and out.

"I know what I said! Don't stop!"

In and out.

Her arms wrapped around me tightly, clinging to me. Her leg curled around my arm, heel bouncing against my hip. Color exploded across her cheeks. I kept thrusting, slow and easy, as she tensed and squeezed around me. Her short brown hair fell over her face, obscuring her eyes and nose and leaving me with only the soft sounds she made under her breath to judge her.

"Never stop fucking me," she moaned, and with a guttural groan I filled her with seed.

***

I held her hand as we sat in the car, ambling down the highway toward home. The sun had long since given over to night, and the sky was clear.

"How are you doing?" she asked quietly, giving my hand a light squeeze to get my attention.

"I'm, uh..." I smiled. "I mean, today was..."

Natalie smiled softly and nodded.

"How are you doing?"

She licked her lips and looked down at our hands. "Thinking a lot."

I wanted to say 'me too'. If I'd been paying attention, I'd have noticed that Natalie had been quiet when we went back to Bill's reception. I might have noticed how small she was when she walked, taking short steps along a very narrow line, or the way her shoulders were tucked. I might have noticed the way she excused us from the ceremony with a complaint about a cramp.

I didn't notice those things, because I'd been too caught up in my own head. Too spun from the day to process anything else. I wasn't ready to say what was on my mind, so instead I pressed her.

"What are you thinking about?"

Natalie folded her arms tightly across her chest, hands both tucked under her upper arms. "I'm worried."

I was too, but I wasn't brave enough to say it. Or agree with her. So instead I waited.

"Every time we go a little further, I... I don't know." She shook her head and frowned. "I keep expecting this thing we're doing to run its course, and... and then we can go back to not talking to each other for years, like we used to. I keep thinking that... that every..."

"I'm listening," I said.

She took a deep breath to compose herself. "I was worried, in the beginning, that I was much deeper underwater with you than you were with me, and in a weird way that made it okay for me. I knew —I knew!— that sooner or later you were going to throw your hands up and say 'okay, this is too far', and that would be it."

"Nat, I—"

"Just... shut up and listen," she said, interrupting me. "Knowing that you were going to quit first made it okay for me to take the next step each time. To be the one that made the suggestions, and bought the toys. I was prepared for you to back out every time I did something new." She licked her lips and shook her head. "I wasn't prepared for this."

"For what?"

"For this," she shouted, gesturing wildly. "For us. You and me. I wasn't prepared to want this so badly."

My jaw hung slightly open, tongue pressed against the the inside of my lower lip, for quite a while.

"It's stupid," she said, almost under her breath. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm..." She made a sound in her throat halfway between a sigh and a grumble. "Every time you don't back down, thisthinggets more real."

"You mean us?"

"Yes," she snapped irritably. "The relationship I'm in with my brother."

"Okay," I said, voice lilting up at the end to phrase it as a question.

"Us ending, I'm prepared for. I can handle that. Uscontinuing is... scarier. You know?"

"Yeah," I croaked. My voice sounded horrible.

"I... you know, I put on this ring sometimes," she said, pulling out her left hand and extending her fingers, "when I'm alone and afraid. I put this on when I want to feel special."

"Nat, do I not make you feel special?"

She fixed me with a blood-shot stare. "That's not what I meant. I mean... I'm never going to have a day like that, you know? Where it's all about me, and us? And we're surrounded by people who love us and are happy for us and support us? Not me. Not you and I. Not like this.

"Every time you meet me halfway, you erase some of that doubt that I'm alone in my feelings, and that makes my fears about where we're going that much worse." Her voice broke at the end, and she sobbed a little. "I don't know what to do."

After a few moments of silence, she jammed her hand back into her armpit and grit her teeth. "I sound like a fucking lunatic."

"This isn't just a game to me, Nat."

"I'm not..." She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "I'm not doubting you, Jay! Fuck! Are you even listening to me?"

"I'm sorry," I said, wincing. "That wasn't how I meant it. I meant that... that I take this very seriously too."

Natalie groaned. "I'm not looking for you to just prop me up and blow smoke up my ass, Jay."

"I'm looking for a new job," I said quickly, trying to force it out so she would hear me. "Quietly."

"What?" she said. "Why?"

"One that's closer to Wilcox."

"What? Wilcox? That's like... five hours away!"

"Six," I said. "With no traffic."

"Wait, sothisis how you tell me you're moving out?"

"Nat," I said, reaching over to lay my hand on her thigh, "I wasn't wanting to go alone."

This time it was her turn to stare back open-mouthed. "Really?"

"I've been looking for months. I keep agonizing over how far away to look."

"Really?"

"I was looking at Springhouse for a while, but that's only an hour away and you know how Mom loves to make little day trips without notice.

"So then I started looking further out, at like Anapoli. That's like ten hours away, and then I started to worry that if we moved that far that one of them might move to be closer to us. It's not like Dad ever really liked it here. So then I started thinking about moving to Chicago, because that's only like six hours, but that started to make me worry that we'd run into someone we know."

"Really?"

"At first I thought a big city would be good because we would blend in and that would allow us to go out a little more openly, but then I started to worry that we'd see a thousand people every time we did. It only takes one person seeing us when we're out, acting like we want to, to ruin everything. In a week, that's 70,000 people, and the odds scared me.

"So then I started thinking about smaller cities, places that aren't as big but not too big. Far enough away, but not too far away."

"Really?"

"Yes," I said, looking sideways at her. "Why do you keep asking me that?"

"I didn't... I didn't know you thought about stuff like that."

I nodded. "I didn't know you were wearing a ring sometimes."

Natalie slowly unfolded her arms, and gently laid her hand over mine. "It was Grandmom's ring," she said softly. She merely looked at me when I pressed the brake and turned, pulling onto the side of the road.

"Natalie," I said, as I put the car in park and turned toward her, "I don't regret any part of this. Of us. Do you know that?"

"Yeah," she said, sobbing lightly.

"No regrets."

"No regrets," she repeated, nodding emphatically.

She turned in her seat, and took my hand in hers. We leaned in over the center console, first touching foreheads before her head came to rest on my shoulder.

"I hate hugging in cars," she said, words slightly muffled from her cheek being smushed.

I laughed. "Yeah. Me too."

She sat up and dabbed at her eyes, looking a little embarrassed. "Can we go home now?"

"Yeah," I said, turning back in my seat and shifting the car back into drive. She reached over and turned on the radio, but kept the volume down.

"God," she said, slouching in her chair and bringing her knees up to rest on the glove box. "I'm really lucky I hated you for so long."

"What?" I laughed. "Why?

"You're too good at making me feel... I don't even know, but if I hadn't been trying so hard to make you the bad guy I'd have done something stupid like throw myself at you when I was 14 or 15. We'd have gotten pregnant. It would have been a mess."

I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat. "Yeah, that... that would have been..."

"Can you imagine?" she said, smiling wider. "In that little yellow bikini?"

"Yes," I said, shifting again and smirking at her.

"Keep driving," she said, as she unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over into my lap.

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