Fool Me Twice

"What I didn't know was that Sebastian had heard some of the women around the office talking about me. He had the wrong idea. It was all just a joke. Everyone who knew us always talked about how much you loved me Danny. They always said that I was worth a million dollars to you. Over time that got shortened and they'd just say, "She's worth a million dollars." Sebastian heard a couple of people say it and didn't understand the context. He thought that I had a million dollars and decided to steal me away from you."

"As soon as he got into my bank accounts he discovered that I didn't have anywhere near that much money. It didn't bother him. He just stole everything I had and forged my signature co-signing for a car and some other things and left me with the bills. He also stole the passwords I had from the computer and stole money from some of my accounts at work. That's why I can't get a job in any facet of banking ever again. Anyway, he didn't even leave a note, he just disappeared. I never wanted to hurt you Danny. That's why when I left; I left you everything we had. I figured that since Sebastian was rich I didn't need anything. It even turned out that we were squatting in the luxury apartment we lived in. He knew the manager of the building and had lifted the keys. When they found out I was in the apartment I was arrested and now I have a criminal record." I couldn't think of anything to say.

"You know what the worst part of it all was Danny?" she asked. "The worst part wasn't that he took all of my money and ruined my career. Screw the money and the job. The worst part was that I was stupid enough to let him come between us. There's something else that you really need to know about all of this, but I'll save it for another time. There are two other things that I want to tell you right now." She looked me straight in the eyes and just said it.

"The first thing I want you to know is that you shouldn't be upset about what you said because right now I do want to go and fuck a strange guy but you won't let me."

"Lena, I don't care who you fuck," I spat. "Just don't do it in my house."

"Danny, you care," she smirked. "Because the strange guy I want to fuck is you. The thing that makes you strange is that you've been around me for six God damned weeks and haven't realized it."

"The second thing I want to tell you is what I was really talking about in the car. The thing I really want to do is to get into that fucking pool," she smiled. "You'll have to watch the baby. I've been looking forward to this since I first saw it."

"Lena, it's not going to happen," I said.

"So wait a minute, you're telling me that I can't use your pool, or are you telling me that you won't watch the baby while I do it?" she snapped. "Let me guess, now that I can get around a little bit you've decided that I can watch my own child?"

"Lena, if we're going to make this work, we really have to learn to speak to each other and to listen. Kim once told me that she thought I needed counseling to help me get over you. Maybe we both need counseling to try to get over the terrible things that happened to us. If we decide to do it, I'll pay for it," I said.

"Then why can't I get in the pool?" she asked calmly.

"First because I'm worried about you pushing your ankle too far the first day," I said. That made her face soften a little bit. "And the second reason is because there's no water in it. I drained it. I have nightmares about Ella falling into it."

Lena just started laughing. "Danny, how's she going to crawl into it when she can't even crawl? She can't even roll or sit up yet. Will you watch her while I use your hot tub then?" I nodded while she used her crutches to limp away from me mumbling and laughing under her breath.

The next year rolled by quickly. Ella grew like a weed. She was a tiny little thing but she was healthy and smarter than most kids her age. For the first couple of months, Lena and I didn't argue much, we had too much to concentrate on. Mrs. Hayes retired and Lena took care of the house and watching Ella while I worked. She went to her counselor and I went to mine. We didn't talk about that very much. We had our incidents and made it through them. After she'd started cleaning the house, Lena cornered me angrily and handed me a package. "I never realized how much sex you need," she snapped.

"Lena, what are you talking about?" I asked.

"Danny, you probably don't know this but I have a collection. My collection is getting on my fucking nerves. Here, I'm done collecting them. Give these back to my sister." I opened the box and there were at least seven or eight pairs of panties.

"Why are you giving these to Kim?" I asked.

"Because they're hers," she snapped. "I've found these in almost every room in the fucking house. What was she doing marking her territory? I can see her doing that, just walking around like dogs do, pissing on every tree in the neighborhood. Am I supposed to start leaving my panties in all of the places I found hers or do we have to just fuck in those rooms to give me the right to do it? Mrs. Hayes must have been a terrible housekeeper if she didn't find these or maybe you've been sneaking Kim in here every once in a while. I told you I didn't mind if she visited. I mean it is your house, but damn..."

As much as she was trying not to, Lena burst into tears and started crying. I grabbed her and hugged her. I let her cry her-self out.

"Lena, I haven't had anyone over here for any purpose since you came to live here," I said. "I think that like you said Mrs. Hayes...well she probably didn't know how to bring those up to me. So she just left them where she found them. I have a feeling that you knew that anyway. So why are you making such a big deal about this?"

"Because I hate it," she screamed loudly. She screamed so loudly that she woke Ella. At the first sound of Ella's voice, I was gone. I left her standing there. I came back holding Ella and rocking her. She was smiling again and holding her favorite toy. I got a bottle and held it for her as Lena followed behind us. "We're not done," said Lena.

"Danny, there are some things we really need to talk about and hiding behind Ella isn't helping," she said.

Ella at that moment was very happy. Both of the two people in her life were with her. She had her favorite chewed up stuffed toy and a bottle of juice. She picked that moment to say her first word, "Da da," she blurted. I saw Lena smiling even as I felt the dagger plunging into my heart. I very gently handed Ella to Lena and turned to walk away.

"Danny, where are you going?" asked Lena.

"Maybe I should get a PI," I said. "I'll hire someone to find her Dada and then all of our problems will be over. The three of you can be a nice tight little family and Kim can leave her panties all over the house."

Lena quickly came after me with fire in her eyes. "Danny, she's a baby. She doesn't know any better. All she knows is that you're the one she wants. You make her feel loved and cared for and despite all of this bullshit even this baby knows that you love her..."

"It didn't make any difference with her mother did it?" I snapped. She froze and just stood there. "Her mother knew I loved her and cared for her too, but she still ran off with another man. Why should Ella be any different?"

After a tense moment she came right back. "Danny, I deserved that, but she doesn't. What difference does it matter what she calls you? You've been there for her every moment of her life. You're the only Daddy she knows. Don't take that away from her because of something stupid that I did. I'm already paying for it. Don't make Ella pay for it too."

"Lena, you walked out on me and threw our marriage away, with no warning at all. You never even told me what I did wrong," I snapped. "You told me that you'd met someone and you wanted to be with him. That was it. Forget about everything we'd been through together. Forget about the way I felt about you, that was it."

"I run into you six months later and pull you out of the path of a car. I got you treated in a hospital and nursed you and your baby back to health and gave you a place to live. How exactly are you being punished?" I asked. "Nobody got punished except me Lena. Not you, not Magic Dick, only me."

She didn't have an answer for that so I walked away.

Over the next few months, every time I got itchy or irritable Lena went after me. "What's wrong Danny?" she'd ask. "Are you and Kim having trouble hooking up? There's an easy answer to that you know."

"Please don't start Lena," I'd say.

"Danny, why can't you just have sex with me?" she'd ask. "I'm a grown woman. I have needs too. And at least with me you wouldn't have to worry about whoever else I'm sleeping with."

"At least with Kim, I don't have to worry about being blindsided," I'd return.

"I made one mistake Danny," she'd say. "One mistake and I never get another chance. Kim has probably fucked twenty other guys since you two got together. I had sex twice with one guy and I'm out of your heart forever. And Danny, despite what everyone seems to think, I'm not a whore. I came to you and told you about Sebastian before I had sex with him. So I never cheated on you. I loved you too much for that."

"Yep, you loved me enough to just walk out on me. You didn't even give me the chance to fight for you. It was just Danny I'm outta here, I've found a better guy," I quipped.

One good thing that happened was that I actually took Ella to visit her grandparents and as I figured they melted. When I walked into their house carrying her, Lena's mom took one look at her and just started crying. I put Ella on the floor and let her toddle over to her grandmother and that was all it took. "Ella, can you say grandma?" I asked her.

"Gama," she said smiling and showing her sparse baby teeth.

By Christmas the entire family had gathered at my house for a very tense family dinner. The exchange of gifts was extremely weird. Lena's parents bought Ella a lot of presents. I did too and even her aunt Kim bought her a giant stuffed bear that terrified her at first and soon became her best friend.

Kim also tried to break the ice a bit by buying Lena a bottle of her favorite perfume. But that was as far as it got. Lena and Kim didn't speak very much and Lena's parents were still very angry at her, but it was a start.

After they left, I gave Lena a present of my own. As she started to clean up the table she smiled at me and told me that her mom had hugged her before she left and her dad had told her goodbye.

"That's progress," she said. "In a couple of years, we may be friends again."

"Would you like to open your presents yet?" I asked.

"I didn't get any," she said. "But as long as my baby is fine, I'm happy."

"You got several from me," I said. She looked under the tree and began tearing into things. I got her an iPhone, a couple of outfits and a gold necklace.

"Thanks Danny," she beamed.

"There's two more," I said, handing her a box and an envelope.

She opened the envelope and pulled out a check. "Danny, why are you giving me money? This is ten thousand dollars."

"Lena, everyone needs to have money in case of emergency or maybe to start their life over," I told her.

She opened the box and there was a little house in it. She looked at me strangely. It was like she couldn't process what was happening.

"Danny, I don't understand," she said.

"Lena, a few months ago you asked me how long you were going to be punished," I said. "I thought about it. I'm going to help you find a house and pay your rent for a year. In that time you should be able to get a great start on building a new life."

"Danny, you're the biggest moron in the world," she said. She dropped the house and ran out of the room crying.

I sat down and watched Ella playing with her new bear. She was really fun to watch. She seemed to play with the wrapping and the packages more than some of the toys. She picked up one of the empty boxes and dropped it in the bear's lap and jumped back as if she expected the bear to move.

After a while spent watching Ella and playing with her I noticed that Lena had come back into the room and was watching me watch Ella.

"Danny, I've decided to accept your gifts," she said.

I smiled at her and said, "You're actually going to accept the gifts from a moron."

"Yes," she smiled. "I've picked the house I'd like to rent already. Here's the address." She handed me a strip of paper. I looked at it.

"Lena, this is the house we're standing in," I snapped.

"I'll rent it for a year if you'll live in it with me and Ella," she said. "And I tore up the check because I don't have a bank account so you keep it in your account for me until I leave."

"Now," she said. "I have a present for you too. It's something you used to really like."

"Is it Turtle wax?" I asked. "Because, I only use Turtle Wax products on my car. I tried the Meguire's stuff, but I just wasn't happy with it. Some of the Armor All products are okay too. I really like their tire gel. Even I have to admit that it's even better than the Turtle Wax Ice ultra-shine tire gel..."

"Um, all of that is fine, Danny," she said. "But I had something else in mind. Like something we'd have to wait for Ella to go to sleep for."

I was feeling uncomfortable at that moment and it showed. I don't know why I didn't just tell her that but I didn't. Women have this way of just sensing things and all of a sudden she got pissed. "So you can fuck my sister all over the house but I'm not good enough for you huh?" she said. "What is it? All of a sudden you're picking her because her tits are bigger. Or is it that she just lets you do any nasty thing you want to her? I thought that sex was the way that people expressed love for each other at least that was what you used to tell me when we were married. I didn't know that it was about just pounding each other like a couple of monkeys."

"Well, since you started this," I said. "Maybe it's because Kim and I don't love each other the way you and I were supposed to, Lena. Kim and I get together just to take care of our physical needs. You and I were magic, Lena. I got off just from being with you, because I loved you so fucking much that it was painful to be separated from you. I actually felt like we were a part of each other. Then out of nowhere, "Danny, I've met someone else and I want to be with him."

"Do you have any idea how badly that hurts? Do you have any idea of how fucked up that is or what it makes me feel like? So forgive me if the thought of bedding down with you doesn't appeal to me, but I have my reasons."

"Danny, my therapist, that you're paying all of that money for, has a few opinions about why I did what I did and some of them are physical. She also says that we need to try to return to normal relations. She told me that the first few times will be awful and you probably won't be able to get it up, but that we have to keep trying. She said that if we want this to work..."

"And there's where she fucked up," I interjected. "Who said that we want this to work? Who said anything about returning to 'normal relations'? When did that become one of our goals? What exactly are our goals? Do we even have the same goals?"

"Danny, what do you think we're doing?" she snapped. "Of course we want this to work. You and I are supposed to be together. We're going to raise our family and do all of the things we've always planned. Our goal is to get back to the way we used to be. I admit that I fucked us up. I was wrong Danny. I was out of my mind and didn't realize it until it was too late to turn back. Even when I realized it, I figured that I had to make the best of it, but after having sex with him even once I knew I was screwed. I knew that it would never work and it didn't. In a way, his leaving me was a blessing, but that's all the past. A new year is coming, Danny. We have to put the past behind us."

"Okay," I said. "Now I know what your goals are. Mine are different. I just want to make the best of a truly fucked up situation. Just like the shit with your shrink, I don't want to go into how I see the situation but I see things different from the way you do. I just want to feel normal again. I'd really like to get you out of my head and out of my heart. Since we broke up, or since you dumped me, I've had all kinds of issues. For a while I doubted myself, then I, thanks to a lot of friends, including Kimmie; I got my confidence back and started to move on with my life."

"One of the biggest things that I haven't been able to move on from, Lena is US. I just have you in my mind and my heart as something special. Even though you weren't, my mind and my heart seem to think that you are. I still have all kinds of warm and fuzzy feeling about the way things were with us and I can't seem to break them. "

"I guess to truly break them, I'd have to expose them for how flawed they really were but at this point, I think it would do more damage than good. I'm taking it a step at a time. It's like when you fall off of a horse. There are only two ways to get over it. One way is to avoid horses for the rest of your life. Shit, I know people who won't even watch the Kentucky derby or cowboy movies because they're too afraid of horses."

"The other technique is to get your ass right back on a horse and stay there until you're not afraid any more. That's the one I'm doing. Instead of walking around, afraid of someday running into you, I'm making myself see you and be around you and talk to you until you're just like any other person. I still think that sex with you was somehow magical and it meant so much more than doing it with other people. I guess, in my mind, I built it up too much. Except for the last time that we were together when it seemed like you weren't into it, my mind seems to think that sex with you was some miraculous thing." She snorted.

"Lena, on a purely physical level, I don't think it was, but I'm basing that purely on the facts. It's the emotional thing that confuses me," I said. "Our minds and emotions really fuck us up sometimes."

"Don't they?" she said. "You don't even know how stupid you sound. You gussied what you said up. You gave me a bunch of analogies and horseshit, but what you really meant came through clearly. What you said is that you still love me. You don't want to though and you're afraid that I'll hurt you again. You're trying to get over me though and you think that if we have sex, either it will be special and magical, which would mean that you're really fucked. Because then you'd be stuck. You'd have to put up with the whore and keep her around. Or there's the possibility that if we have sex and it wasn't very good, it would seem like you'd been stupid all of your life and you'd wasted it on a whore who wasn't worthy of you in the first place."

"It's more complicated than that," I said.

"Is it really?" she asked. "Maybe you just want it to be. Maybe you're just afraid to find out. Maybe you're just so afraid that you've decided to spend the rest of your life fucking women that you don't care about because you're terrified of what will happen when you get back where you belong."

"Maybe I'm just afraid of the long term effects of undiagnosed venereal diseases," I spat. "Besides, you once told me that your sister was marking her territory by leaving her panties all over the house. It seemed to piss you off royally. It's the same way dogs behave. When they smell another dog's piss on their trees, what do dogs do? They piss on the same trees and leave their own scent on them don't they? Well I'm not territorial like a dog is. I'm a human being. I think that when something is mine, it's mine because it belongs to me. I don't need to go around pissing on other dog's trees. When I see that something belongs to someone else, I don't need to mark it. I simply get my own."