All Comments on 'For Past Transgressions'

I liked your use of a non-linear structure to build up the question of what Josh had done to hurt his wife so much. It created emotional tension from the beginning, which intertwined nicely with the building supernatural dread of the approaching All Hallows. The dialogue seemed stiff in some parts, probably because the conversations were short or needed to convey a lot of unfamiliar information to inform the readers about Obeah traditions as well as the characters. The parade section may be the thing I've read of yours I enjoyed the most, very evocative.

I may be reading way too much into it, but Josh's Chelsea raid issue and Ellie having her headphones in a "boombox" make me think this was set in the 1980s or early 90s? Is that right?

I wasn't locked into a time period for this one. The boom box is more for the visual effect of the daughter cutting herself off from the rest of the family (and world). But I don't keep up to date on listening equipment, and didn't go after something giving the same visual effect that was of more recent technology. The use of Chelsea was shorthand for my GM readers that the issue was of GM origin, as NYC's Chelsea district has a gay red-light sector. It was an index to Josh's demon. I don't like to tell my readers everything from the get go. I believe if they figure some things out for themselves, they'll be more engaged in the storyline.

Reminded me of "La Horla" by Guy de Maupassant. It had the same feeling of a nameless dread shadowing him. His thoughts being dominated and slowly disintegrating to madness and then hopeless despair was well done.

Rich in just about every way I can think of. Technically speaking, some of the paragraphs were long for my eyes. There was quite a bit of quick scene jumping that had me chasing to keep up with the pacing. But these are extremely minor compared to what is presented.

For one, the imagery is powerful, in both theme and mood. By this I mean the precise descriptions of the holiday you gave us and the backstory to support it. It's not really a secret that you can take people to exotic locales with ease. But you built upon that with this parade and the eerie/strange rituals of another culture. And made it relevant to Halloween as we know it. The resemblance of the origins of our holiday and theirs is actually closer than most readers will realize. I think you made use realize in a way. But really, it was the mood you established, and those fucking snakes.

True, much of the description is brief for me. But fuck it was a well thrown dart each time. That encounter at the parade in the alley? Pretty hot. Pretty unnerving too. I suspected as to his demons (forgive the informed assumption) but you delivered that scene well. What I respected and loved right there was the melding of the unnerving and the sexual. Or... horror and sex. Without straining to do so. The masks, the snakes being frightening and erotic, the rush of fucking in a dark alley. This sole encounter set the mood for much of the story, for each sex scene had this kind of dreadful, sinful, evil tone. Adulterous. Wickedly erotic. Our dreadlocked devil fit the role of darkness seductively well. Even before the horns and tail, he read like evil to me. Delicious evil. Your to-the-fucking-point descriptions of that man and his, er, large dark tool were awesome.

But theme? That kind of iced the cake. It all tied up well. The battle of these demons Josh has... it's a very welcome theme in the Second Circle. Fuck it's what drives me to write. So I relate there. The struggle was constant too. From the moment josh looked at that dark devil that way, I understood that struggle. He couldn't shake it. Constantly was he thinking lewd thoughts about that man. And there came a time when I was lost with him... wondering, "Okay, was that a fucking dream or what?" That's perfect. Fits the fight with inner demons. He's so turned on, so enthralled by this affliction, he actually cannot tell if he was just gloriously fucked or if it was an incredible wet dream. And just like Josh? Didn't matter to me. It was hot.

Then we have this demon affecting his family. In the story it was literal. His wife... his daughter... himself... and even his son? The symbolism seems effortless. That a man's inner lust, inner demons, are taking control of his life and his relationship to those he cares for the most. It's in the later stages of the story that the lines of fantasy dreams and reality blur. He fucked Josh's wife... but wait, a tail, horns... well, Ellie was surely a dream. No, he didn't get to Ellie... I think. This blur fit the theme very well.

Ah and our ending. Now, I could read this and practically hear people say "no ending blah blar". The ending was wonderful. Despair. He can't conquer this demon. Lust swarms him and devours him. His family. And he comes to that realization. "I could have ended it, and I didn't. Couldn't do it cuz i didn't really want to." That's powerful. It's not a happy ending. This is Erotic Horror. This story FITS erotic horror. Not GM, not NH, not the nonexistent bisexual category. Horror. Lust overtakes the character, tortures him, takes his family, and he can't be rid of it because he loves it too much. That, is appreciated any day in my circle.

I must admit no part of the story was incredibly horrifying, or scary, but it does qualify as realistically unnerving. Which qualifies. The element of Halloween was the driving back story, and set the stage. Sex was incredible. Actually, I didn't go for a minute without being shown something hot, so sexual element was strong, and probably my favorite sexual story in the contest thus far. Something about cumming and dark devils I guess. And to my pleasure, the horrific and erotic were blended well in a story that made perfect sense to do so. Kudos. Oh, and aye, kudos for planting this bisexually driven tale where it belongs... in EH.

Well done. Great story. Good luck in the contest.

Well, you've taught me something about Jamaican culture; and I just happen to be Jamaican.

Thank you for that.

I thought that this was a phenomenally well-written story. I am not a professional writer, so I can't speak with too much authority about your use of imagery, motifs and the structure of this tale, but I found the blurring of lines between reality and fantasy to be an apt mirror for the relationship between the shadowy world of Obeah and contemporary Jamaican life as reflected by the tourism sector. There is no one in Jamaica selling sex or obeah in any travel catalogue, but as you have shown here, to experience Jamaica fully, one must often leave the confines of the all-inclusive resort.

What impresses me most though, is that you have not descended into a crude caricature of a man having sex with a demon. This is a masterful portrayal of the inner torment of this man, and the delicious seduction to which he falls prey. It is a psychological thriller as much as it is an erotic horror story. It is at once horrifying and arresting.