Forgiveness

It was signed "Mistress Violence," and under the signature was another note saying, "That is what you call me from now on."

The hair remover cream stung a little, especially on my balls, but I left it on the full time it said on the package. Then I took a warm shower and all of my hair just washed off. My skin felt especially slick, but it didn't turn red or hurt or anything. There was a slight smell for a while. I don't know if it went away after a few hours or I just couldn't smell it anymore.

I tried putting on the makeup, but it came out really bad. I wiped it off and put it back on two more times, and it was a little better, but it still looked crooked and smudged. I wiped it off the third time and decided it was time to go home and get the dress.

The dress and panties and shoes were right where I had left them in a box in the corner of my closet. Mom hadn't changed anything in my room or in Tony's. I guess she thought that she had lost both her sons when Tony got killed. She kept telling me I was always welcome, but she always added, "If you aren't drunk."

I wasn't drunk and Mom wanted me to stay, but I told her I had a job opportunity and if it worked out I might get a better apartment. She again told me I was welcome to stay there. I ended up staying for supper, but left as soon as it started getting dark. She asked what was in the box, and I told her it was just some clothes I might need for the new job.

As soon as I got back to the apartment, I stripped and put on the dress and panties. They still fit. I didn't try on the shoes since Violet had told me to come barefoot on Saturday. I really wanted to lay down on the bed and jack off like I did that night it happened, but I was afraid that I would get the panties dirty, so I took them off. I kept the dress on, but bunched up way above my waist. Mistress Violence said I could pump myself dry, and I did. I kept imagining myself between her legs with the two naked whores whipping my ass and I just kept getting hard and coming and coming and coming. Finally I was too sore or tired or whatever to even get it back up, and I fell asleep on top of the bed still wearing the dress.

I had to work Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night, so rather than taking the medicine Thursday night, I took it Thursday morning. It cleaned me out good. I wasn't sure I would be able to go into work, but by five o'clock I stopped having to go to the bathroom, and by six I was able to work. I was running late, though, and forgot that I still had the makeup on. Jamie, one of the cooks who had always treated me well, greeted me with, "You switching sides?"

I didn't know what he meant at first, but then suddenly realized that I was still wearing the lipstick and eye makeup. "Oh," I said, "Little Tracy in 2B wanted to practice being a beautician and I let her work on me. I just forgot to wipe it off."

"Pretty good job for a twelve-year-old," he replied.

That made me feel good. It meant that I was getting the hang of it.

Then he added with a smile, "But if you every want to step over to the other side, I've been dying to find out what that cute little ass of yours looks like."

I hadn't realized he was gay, and I hadn't realized that people were looking at my ass while I worked. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but since I was going to be showing more than my cute little ass at Violet's on Saturday night, I didn't say anything.

The next night, I used the hair remover again. I didn't see any hair anywhere, but Mistress Violence said to do it twice, so I did. My skin got all soft again, and my ball sack was smoother than it was, so maybe there was a little bit of hair still on there.

When things got slack around ten, Jamie came over to me and said, "I know you said you aren't interested, but yesterday you had on makeup, and today you smell of hair remover. Who are you getting yourself all dolled up for, honey?"

I turned bright red and stammered out, "Mistress Violence." I don't know why I said it, but I didn't know what else to say.

"Ahh!" he replied. "Playing slave for a femdom. You be careful, honey, or this Violet person will eat you alive." He made a pouting face and said, "And I won't ever get to play with that cute little ass of yours."

Then he smiled at me and said, "If you ever need to get away from your Mistress, just tell me. I knew Violet before she became Little Violence. We came up out of the gutter together- well as far as we could get, anyway. I'm going to have my own restaurant some day, but I will always have a room and bed for you. Of course, the bed will be mine, but I think you would like that." He laughed and went back to preparing food for a new order.

As I stood there washing pots and pans and feeding dishes into the dishwasher, I kept hearing his words go through my head, "this Violet person will eat you alive." Maybe she would, but if that was the price for forgiveness then so be it.

Saturday morning I gave myself the five enemas like Mistress Violence had ordered. There were two packets of powder with a note that said I was supposed to use them in the first two enemas. They caused me to cramp really bad and I expelled some dirty looking water that looked liked it had mucus floating in it. The last three were plain water and they flushed everything back out and the cramping stopped. By the last enema, there was nothing but clear water coming out.

I started getting ready around five. I knew that was way early, but I wanted to have time to redo my makeup if I got it wrong. I didn't. The eye liner was thin and straight. My eyebrows were highlighted, but not smudged. The eye shadow blended slowly to nothing just beneath my eyebrow ridge. When I looked into the mirror, a rather pretty girl was looking back at me.

I took off my pants and underwear and put on the panties. I'm not very big, but panties are not really made for a penis. I ended up tucking it back between my legs so it wouldn't stick out of one of the leg holes. I hoped it would stay there, but I didn't know how to keep it in place. I found out later there is a special sling for that- or you can use surgical tape. I just tucked and hoped. I very carefully pulled the dress on over my head, making sure that I didn't smear any of my makeup, and I was ready- at least physically- for what would happen at Violet's later in the evening.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

END CHAPTER FOUR OF FIVE

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

CHAPTER FIVE OF FIVE

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Baby Brother relives that fateful night from Violet's perspective and at last finds forgiveness.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

I parked where Mistress Violence told me to park, on the eighth level of the main parking deck downtown. I didn't know why she insisted that I walk down the ramp rather than taking the stairs, but after several different cars slowed and whistled and hooted at me and made various lewd suggestions, I got the idea. She wanted me to know what it felt like to have people seeing you as a sex object. By the time I got to the bottom of the ramp, I felt dirty, and I don't mean the grease and muck that was sticking to the bottoms of my feet.

I walked up the hill to the street called Aiken Alley and down the true alley that ran behind Violet's. I knocked on the back door and said, "Mistress Violence, your humble slave, Baby Brother, begs to be punished by you."

A voice from behind the door said, "I didn't hear you, and I don't see you on your knees."

I got down on my knees and said loudly, "Mistress Violence, your humble slave, Baby Brother, begs to be punished by you."

The door opened. Tina was standing there as well as a blond, white girl. Tina was wearing a nice-looking dress. The white girl was naked. Tina said, "Useless here will wash your feet and knees so you are presentable."

The naked girl knelt down and began washing my knees and then lifted up my foot and put it in the pan of water she was carrying. She thoroughly cleaned both feet and dried them. Then she turned and bowed even lower while looking up at Tina. "Good enough, Useless," Tina spat out the words at her. Then she said, "Show Baby Brother why we call you 'Useless.'"

The girl rocked back so that she was more or less sitting down and the grabbed her knees and spread them wide. The space between her legs was blank. There was no pussy or slit or anything. There was just a small round hole where her ureter should be. Tina laughed. "Useless is a eunuch. She used to be a he 'til Violet had everything cut off. With no prick and no balls, the female hormone pills work pretty well. She's got curves and tits and everything now. Everything, that is, but a cunt, and around here, that makes her 'Useless.'"

Leaving Useless sitting on the floor with her legs splayed, Tina said abruptly, "Come with me."

I followed her up the steps, but we didn't go all the way up to Violet's room like we did the first night. About half way up there was a large landing and a doorway in the wall. Tina pushed a button on the wall and the door opened. "Violet invited a rather large crowd for this special performance tonight," she said.

I had no idea what she meant until we stepped through the doorway into a short hallway that led to the building next door. The building next door was an old theater and we entered just in front of the stage. If we had turned right and gone down a set of stairs, we would have been in the audience. But we turned left through a doorway and ended up backstage. Tina looked at me and said, "We put on some rather special shows here from time to time. Violet's invited all of our regular customers." Then she took me over to one corner of the stage. It was rather dim, but I could see that there were fake trees on the stage with fake grass covering most of the floor. There was a path painted down the center.

"When the curtain opens and the applause finishes," she explained. "You just saunter slowly down that path. You don't need a script because you ain't controlling anything tonight, not even your own body."

After she walked away, the lights dimmed further on stage. I stood there in the darkness waiting. Even without a script I knew what was going to happen. This was the path through the park where Tony and Rocky and Chuck and Dave and I had raped Violet ten years ago, and tonight, it was going to happen to me.

I could hear some sort of introduction from in front of the curtains, and then they were quickly pulled open. The lights came up on stage as the applause died down and I started walking down the path. I had only gotten about half way when suddenly five people jumped from the trees and grabbed me. Four of them were very huge, very black men. The fifth was Violet.

Violet looked at me and said very loudly, "Looks like we found ourselves a cracker whore, boys." I knew those words. I could hear them in my nightmares about that night. Violet had turned and run when Tony said that, so I turned and tried to run back upstage. "Hey, white cunt, where are you going in such a hurry?" she said, laughing just like Chuck had laughed when he said it.

Violet lifted my chin so she could look me straight in the eyes and said, "I think she wants to have some fun." Then she added, "Get naked, cunt... unless you want this to get really rough." I wasn't the only one who remembered every word that had been said that night.

I lifted the black dress over my head. Everyone in the audience laughed at my tiny purple panties. I slipped them down my body and stood there naked. Now I knew why she had insisted that I have no hair below my neck. That was how she was that night.

She pushed me to my knees and one of the black men stood before me. "First stop, France. Let's see how fast you can make him pop, cunt," She said in a voice filled with contempt. Then she added, "Don't tell me you have never sucked a black cock before!"

Like she had done that night, I just bowed my head and sagged my shoulders and reached forward to kiss the penis that was in front of me. Unlike me on that night, however, this man was rock hard and ready when my lips closed over his cock. He grabbed the back of my head and thrust himself into me. It wasn't really a blow job. He was face fucking me and driving his prick to the very back of my mouth. When he spurted, it didn't even touch my tongue, but went straight down my throat.

The next man lay down on his back with his prick sticking straight up into the air. As I crawled toward him, I could hear Violet sneer, "Listen, little cracker cunt, me and my friends are going to whip your ass until you can show us his cum dripping from your mouth." With that she and two of the black men started swinging their belts and whipping me as I tried desperately to make the man cum.

"After France comes Greece" she said with a laugh. "You know the position cunt. Let's see that brown eye winking at us from between those lily white cheeks." I put my head down almost to the ground so that my ass was high and open. One of the black men smeared something on my ass and then worked it in with his finger. Then he knelt behind me and impaled me with a single, hard thrust.

I cried out in pain and Violet said, "I think we need to keep you quiet. We are going to put your mouth to use until you get him off." One of the naked, black whores ran on stage with a thick, flat pillow and dropped it just above my head. Violet lowered herself down to sit on it and pulled her dress up to expose her naked cunt. "You keep sucking and licking until he comes in your ass, Baby Brother. And then keep on sucking and licking while the rest of them have their turn."

I did. I don't know how Violet kept from cumming. She was pouring juices all over my face, but her voice remained as calm as if we were sitting at her desk having a normal conversation. Finally the fourth black man came in my ass, and Violet said, "It's time. Get ready for this, Baby Brother, because it might be the last thing you ever do." With that she suddenly clamped her thighs around my head and pulled me tightly to her cunt so that I couldn't breathe. I could feel her quaking and thrashing beneath me as everything slowly faded out.

When I came to, I was in her office. I was lying on a couch, naked, and she was sitting at her desk as if nothing had happened. "You didn't know about that last part, did you, Baby Brother?"

I looked over at her with no idea what she meant.

"You didn't even feel LeRoy nail you in the ass with that hypo because you didn't know it was coming."

She looked at me like I was a sick puppy or something. "That's why your are still alive. You never knew that while Tony was putting you in that dress, Chuck and Rocky were wacking me up with a couple of hypos that Blue-eyes had given them. One was a sedative to knock me out. The other was a hotshot of almost pure heroin to OD me."

I stared at her wide-eyed. "The only problem," she continued, "was that Rocky was dumber than a rock, and he mixed up the needles. They gave me the hot shot in my ass and mainlined the sedative. The sedative didn't quite kill me, and my fat ass saved me from the heroin because it slowed how fast it went into my system. I was out until morning, and I felt like shit, but I wasn't dead like Blue-eyes wanted me to be.

"I laid low because I knew that Blue-eyes had to have set it up. He knew that the cops in your town wouldn't bother to investigate the death of an OD'd black whore. They would chalk it up to a stupid black bitch getting hold of some of the good stuff.

"I saw your brother's car a couple nights later, and took off after it. I had a gun and was going to use it, but when they saw me, they thought I was a ghost come back from hell to get them and raced away. We were doing almost 90 when I pulled up along side of them and sort of pushed them off the road into that overpass. I didn't know until the next day that your brother wasn't in the car."

"The cops never knew what happened, but Blue-eyes did. He knew I had to be alive and he wanted his money back. Tony and Rocky had gone to him to hire me to give you your first time with a woman. Instead, Blue-eyes hired them to kill me. He gave them $500 and said they could have whatever fun they wanted with me before they did it. But I was alive, and he wanted his money back. That's why your brother and Rocky were there. Blue-eyes had said they were dead unless he got his $500 back.

"Like I said, Rocky was as dumb as a rock. He tried to muscle his way out of it, and Blue-eyes pulled a knife and stabbed him. They didn't see me coming up behind them as they were fighting. I put two bullets in Blue-eyes before he could turn around. Your brother knew he was a dead man. He just stood there and waited for me to do it.

"Just before I fired, though, he said something to me. He said, 'Don't hurt Baby Brother. He didn't know about any of it.' That is probably the only good thing your brother ever did in his life, and it is part of the reason why you are still alive. If it wasn't for that, I'd have killed you that same day. It wasn't until after I had taken over Blue-eyes operation that I found out for sure that you knew nothin' about nothin'."

She smiled at me. She looked like a totally different person sitting there. Then she said softly, "I forgave you a long time ago, Baby Brother. I did all this tonight so that you would forgive yourself... and so that you would recognize what you truly are."

I just looked at her with a blank face. I still didn't understand.

She sighed. "Both of us learned a lot about ourselves that night. I realized that I was a lot stronger than anyone- including me- thought I was. And I realized that you were a submissive sissy boy. You got stiff when your brother beat your ass. And when Dave said he wanted to fuck your ass, you grew at least an inch inside me. I also realized that night that I like being in control. I knew that I had to take out Blue-eyes and take over his operation. Actually, I probably would have eventually taken out Blue-eyes sooner or later, regardless of what else happened that night."

She walked over to me and held my face in her hands. "Life beats you by trying to make you be something you aren't. That's how the shit in this life destroys you. You are what you are, Baby Brother, but you can still find happiness in your life. Jamie is here to take you home. He loves you, or at least he lusts after you. He will treat you right and give you what you need."

I started to get up off the couch. Violet held out the dress and panties. "These fit you in more ways than one, Baby Brother. Wear them with pride."

As I started to pull the panties up over my legs, she swatted my ass lightly and said, "And if you and Jamie ever get tired of each other, I can always find a place for you here. Some of my customers like a cute, white ass once in a while."

I had just pulled the dress over my head when Jamie came into the room and said simply, "Let's go home, Baby Brother."

It was finally over. I was forgiven.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

END CHAPTER FIVE OF FIVE

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

EPILOGUE

Two years later, Jamie and I moved to San Francisco so he could open his own restaurant. Miss Violet was a silent partner for the first ten years until Jamie got the loan from her paid off. By then, times were changing. A new breed of politicians had taken over in the city and were cleaning it up. Most of the old houses on Aiken Alley were torn down. I heard that Violet retired and moved away.

Jamie and I had 42 wonderful years together. My only regret was that we were never able to officially marry. A local reporter once asked us how we had stayed together for so long. I smiled at him and said, "I think it was because we both learned early on, the value of forgiveness."