Forlorn Point Love

Kent returned in the late afternoon thoroughly pleased with himself, and spouting the names of specimens he had found that Janice had no hope of understanding. Stuart opened his mouth to make a sarcastic remark, thought better of it, and shut it again.

Out of the effective range of television, the evening was spent listening to music on the radio, while Kent wrote up his notes for the day, Janice read and Stuart dozed.

After Janice had bedded down Stuart, she and Kent spent another near silent hour and a half together, each engaged in their own activity, yet in a companionable way. Janice had never experienced this before, and wondered at the peace and warmth of such togetherness.

Just before Kent went off for his bath, Janice asked, "Where do you live, Kent?" He mentioned a suburb in the city, but said his work meant he spent little time there.

He went on to say, "That's the trouble you see…" Then he stopped and went for his bath.

Kent finished his bath, and Janice had hers. After her bath, passing through the living room, this time she found Kent still awake. The day had been warm and the warmth had continued into the evening. Kent was only partially covered by a sheet, which was lowered down to just above his pubic area. He was obviously naked, and beneath the sheet, Janice could see the bulge of his partially erect penis. She felt a shiver of desire run through her, and her vagina began to lubricate.

The thin nightdress she was wearing allowed some vision of her breasts, and she could see Kent looking at them. She noticed that the bulge under the sheet growing larger.

She bade him goodnight and went to her room. Unable to sleep she had to masturbate twice before there was some partial relief from her tormenting appetite.

Kent was equally sleepless. The sight of Janice's large breasts had aroused him. Like her, he had to relieve himself before he could finally drop off to sleep.

During the following days the fact of their being present to each other added constantly to their mutual craving, yet neither had the audacity to approach the other for what they both yearned for.

Each day Kent went out, mainly to Outlaw's Cove, and returned to the cottage for lunch. In the evening, after Stuart had gone to bed, they were together for an hour – two hours, even longer.

It was about the middle of the second week when Janice, now beginning to feel positively unwell so great was her sexual frustration, took the initiative. After her bath, she as usual went to pass through the living room to her own room. She was about to say goodnight to Kent when she saw the now familiar bulge beneath the sheet.

Kent looked up at her in her translucent nightdress. Janice had deliberately chosen this nightdress to try to expedite what she felt must happen between them. Looking down at Kent, she could see the unmistakable fire of sexual desire in his eyes.

Her own sexual lubricants were starting to run down her thighs. She knew that this was the moment, and if they let it pass, it might never happen again. One of them must have the courage to break the sexual impasse, to overcome the fear of rejection for the sake of all that might be.

Janice said very quietly, "It's been a very long time for me."

Kent said nothing for a moment then, extending his hand to her said, "For me too."

He drew her down to him and placing his hands on either side of her head, he kissed her tenderly, flicking his tongue over her lips.

Janice kissed her way slowly down his chest and over his belly. As she pulled the sheet covering him away, his shaft sprang upright like a strong tower.

Janice took the beautiful organ into her hand and explored it with her fingers, gently pressing the crown before she took it into her mouth. As she began to suck, tasting his precum discharge, Kent stroked her hair, as he groaned with rapture.

Kent was physically strong, and after a few minutes of Janice's ministrations, he almost picked her up bodily and pulled her vagina to his lips. His tongue sought her opening first, then as her fluid ran over his face, he circled her clitoris with his tongue.

Janice felt her orgasm approaching like something approaching from afar off. She wanted it but feared it. She began protest; "No Kent, no. Don't make me, please. I can't stand it, it's too much." Her body began to quiver and as the orgasm burst upon her, she cried out, "Yes, oh yes. Darling…yes…yes."

The orgasm went through her like a hot fire, shaking her whole body with the pain and anguish of long hunger being at last ministered to. She ground her sex organ against Kent's lips, crying out she knew not what of love and desire, all her long dammed up libido exploding in a crescendo of wanton lust.

Her climax passed, Janice bowed over Kent for a few minutes, her vulva still pressed against his mouth as Kent held her firmly round the thighs. She felt at peace and strangely in love. She wanted to give this man what he had just given her.

She pulled away from him and brought a nipple to his lips. He took it into his mouth and suckled her. Janice whispered, "Yes, love me there, love my breasts."

As Kent sucked her nipple his hand found her other breast, and stroked it from the base to the nipple, ending with a gentle squeeze on the nipple. Each time he squeezed Janice gave a little whimper saying, "Yes, darling, again."

So fascinated was Kent with the beauty of Janice's breasts, he might have stayed with them all night, but Janice had other plans.

Now recovered from her climax she centred her vagina over the crown of Kent's penis, then slowly lowering herself she let him slide into her.

Kent raised his head to look at the lovely sight of his penis being plunged into Janice. He felt her moist warmth enclosing his manhood, and he groaned with delight.

She would not be hurried, and tortured him with her slow sliding up and down on his shaft, but this very torment in fact exacerbated the situation. Kent could not hold out indefinitely, and seizing her hips, he dragged her down onto him, releasing a flood of semen into her.

Again Janice was crying out, "Oh God yes, in me, all of it darling, please all of it, deeper…deeper."

For the first time in years, both of them had found sexual solace. Janice continued with Kent's slackening penis inside her. There was no desire to separate, and Kent caressed Janice's breast saying, "You're very lovely."

Both knew they had begun something that would not be easily stopped. They had words they longed to say to each other, but dared not. To say, "I love you," after a few days of acquaintanceship and one sexual intercourse, might sound ridiculous, yet both ached to say it. There was that sense within that each had found someone to love him or her, and someone to whom they could give love.

Their sexual act had not abated the hunger that was within; it had only made them long for more of this nourishment. This is so often the tragedy of these situations. Finding the source of sustenance, it is so easily lost again.

Janice wanted to cry out, "Stay with me always."

Kent wanted to say, "Don't leave me now."

Instead of this declaration of their true feelings, Janice came out rather lamely with, "Thank you, Kent."

Kent responded, "It was lovely, Janice."

Janice departed for her bedroom. Both may had gained some relaxation from their long stored sexual stresses, but their thoughts were anything but relaxed. In plainest terms, the question going through both their minds was, "Where to from here?"

The following day was one in which a new start had to be made. It might have been a joyful morning for both Kent and Janice, but instead it was one of awkwardness, of avoiding each other's eyes, and Kent hastening off to his task.

Stuart was watchful. Janice and Kent might think they had sheltered him from knowledge of their night activity, but he knew the sound of sexual intercourse. He had heard the cries and groans, and knew what they meant. He said nothing.

Kent was not going to Outlaw's Cove that day, but to a little bay called "Cave Bay," so-called because there is a cave in the cliffs that enclose the bay.

Janice, having got Stuart settled at his painting, announced that she was going for a walk.

Stuart knew where she was going, but still said nothing.

Janice, of course, headed for Cave Bay. She was and is not the sort of person who can live long in uncertainty. She has to confront issues, and what might or might not be between her and Kent, had to be met head on.

Janice came to the cliff top overlooking Cave Bay, and looking down saw Kent tapping with his hammer below. She negotiated the rough track down the cliff, coming up behind Kent who had still not heard her.

"Hello Kent," she said.

He swung round in surprise. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I've come to see you," she answered. "I think we have some things to talk about, don't you?"

"Yes," he said, "I think we have. Let's go down to the cave."

They descended the rest of the cliff and making for the cave, they sat down at its entrance.

They sat for a long time saying nothing, just looking at the breakers rolling in to the shore. Each sought a way to ask the vital question. It was Janice who broke the silence between them.

"Last night was my first time with man for nearly four years. I might have had other men but I haven't. What I did last night with you, was done because it was with you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes. I understand. You're saying that the sex wasn't just sex, but the outcome of something more than the act itself."

"How was it for you, Kent? And no nonsense please. Let's be as honest as we can be with each other."

Kent drew a deep breath. What he wanted to say was both simple and profound, and he knew that much hung upon Janice's response to what he was going to say.

"I love you, Janice."

Janice did not move or speak, and Kent wondered if she had heard. Looking at her sitting beside him on the sand, he saw her immobile, as if frozen in time and space. He reached out to touch her, to try to wake her from whatever dream or nightmare she had gone into, but before his hand reached her she seemed to tremble all over.

Suddenly she fell against him, pressing and curling herself into him. Sobs shook her frame. She was like a terrified child seeking reassurance and protection from a strong parent. She tried to speak through her weeping with little success.

"Oh Kent. I…I…love…I…I've hurt…it's hurt so…"

Since the time of Stuart's accident, she had wept with no one. Her tears were always hidden. Now it came surging out; all the pain and misery, all the abuse and insults, the day after day burden of care, and the profound loneliness.

Someone had said, "I love you," and in those three words was freedom; freedom to return that love, freedom to grieve and freedom to live.

Kent held her saying nothing. She had not echoed his words of commitment to her, but it seemed no words were needed. It was enough that she clung to him, letting the gathered poisons of years pour out. The best of him was being exercised. The male urge to protect the loved one - these days much derided – inflamed him. He would have held and sheltered her forever if she wished it.

As Janice's weeping ceased and her sobs diminished, she recalled her next crucial question.

"Is there anyone else? A wife? Children?"

"There was a wife once. There are no children," was Kent's short answer. His longer answer explained in more detail.

He had been married for twelve years, but two years ago his wife, Joan, had left him.

The reason was clear. "My work takes me out into the field a great deal. This means I am away from home a good deal. Often I could have arranged for Joan to come with me. Even if she didn't want to live rough, I could have found some place for her to live where we would have been closer together. She wouldn't hear of it. It's not as if we had children to worry about. Anyway, I came home from one field trip to find she'd gone off with some chap ten years younger than she is. And that was that. I filed for divorce and it came through six months ago."

"Last night was the first time I had been with a woman since Joan left me. I've buried myself in work, even on vacation, like now. That, in a nut shell, is my story, Janice."

"My God," thought Janice, "I'd go to the ends of the earth with this man. I'd live in a ditch just to be with him."

She said aloud, "You know my situation. Stuart can't be left alone for any length of time. I'll be perfectly frank with you. I don't know whether you would ask me to go with you – to live with you – be…"

Kent cut in. "Yes I would ask you to go with me, but I understand your circumstances, and I'm not going to make things more difficult or frustrating for either of us by pressing you to be with me."

Janice rose saying; "I'd better be going. Stuart will be wondering where I've got to."

Both of them realised that those words somehow symbolised their situation. Janice would always have to be "going" to attend to Stuart's needs.

By his behaviour, Stuart had alienated everyone else who had been part of his life. Even those who had tried to understand and accept his bitterness eventually gave up. There was no one to take over Janice's role in Stuart's life, unless he went into an institution. This he rejected, and Janice could not bring herself to force the issue. If she forced it now, it would be, as she saw it, for her own selfish gratification. Every night for the rest of Kent's stay at the cottage, he and Janice made love.

Every night Stuart heard the sounds of their loving. Torment him as this might, he knew that he could never love Janice in that way again. Beneath the darkness of his festering anger, there was still a genuine love for Janice that he did not dare to show. To do so would, as he saw it, be weakness.

Janice and Kent talked of how they would meet in the times to come - where they would make love. But they knew this was all fantasy.

On the morning of Kent's departure, Janice walked with him across The Strand. Kent's car had been garaged in one of the houses. Being in public view, they shook hands. Kent got into the car and drove away.

Janice, feeling she was carrying a great weight, walked wearily back to the cottage.

Stuart sat reading a book in the living room. Janice stood and looked at him for a moment – the man she had just sacrificed love for – the went on into the kitchen to prepare lunch.

Three weeks passed after Kent's departure. Stuart had observed Janice closely. He had for once come out of his world of self-pity, and tried to connect with Janice again. She wondered what had inspired this new softness in his dealing with her.

Stuart had conjectured that the whole thing might have been a passing affair, a brief fling. As he now saw Janice seemingly wilting daily, he understood that this had been much more than a passing affair.

On Janice's side, it was during the third week after Kent had gone that she discovered she was pregnant. This was hardly surprising given that they had used no contraceptives, and Janice's feelings were twofold.

In the first place, she rejoiced in her condition. "I shall have something of him to love," she said to herself.

In the second place, she would have to tell Stuart. Nothing short of a secret abortion that nothing would make her have, could avoid the confrontation.

She waited until lunch time one day, and began, "I've got something to tell you, Stuart."

"You're pregnant!"

Janice was confounded. "How did you know?"

"My dear Janice, I may be a cripple but I'm not blind and deaf as well. Every night Kent was here, I could hear what you were doing, and in the morning, I caught an occasional glimpse of his semen on the sheets."

"But you said nothing."

"What was there to say? I couldn't do for you what he could. It's agony enough to know that, but for once – and I'm not sure why – I decided not to put my miserable self first. Do you love him, Janice?

"Yes."

"Does he love you?"

"Yes."

"Then why don't you go to him, or why doesn't he come to you?"

"You must know the answer to that, Stuart."

"Yes, I do. 'Until death parts us'?"

"Those were the words I said, Stuart."

That ended the conversation.

Janice was amazed. She had anticipated an almighty row, recrimination, and spiteful insults. This quiet, almost polite response left her completely bewildered.

For the next two days nothing further was said, then at breakfast on the third day Stuart asked, "Have you told Kent about the baby?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"What's the point. The only thing he could provide would be money, and unless you say we need that, I have no intention of asking him for it."

"I see."

Janice went on, "I have to go into town today, we need some more supplies."

"Right."

Janice went to the mainland and drove into the town. She was away from the cottage about two hours, and on her return, there was no sign of Stuart.

Knowing how limited he was in the distance he could travel, she scoured the immediate area round the cottage. She did not find him.

Panic set in and she rang the police. At first, they did not take her call for help seriously, but when she told the officer that Stuart was a chair bound cripple, he changed his tune.

"There'll be a car there within half an hour, madam."

The police arrived and briefly surveyed the scene. They called in reinforcements including the state rescue squad, and began to comb the peninsular.

It was mid afternoon when they found him in Outlaw's Cove. They first saw his wheelchair smashed at the bottom of the cliff then looking further out they saw his body being washed back and forth between two rocks.

Janice was distraught. She felt she was responsible for his death. How he had managed to get that far unaided in the wheelchair was beyond her. It must have been some desperate sort of energy.

She had had nearly four years of misery with Stuart, but she could not forget the happy, loving days, early in their marriage. She tried to picture how it all might have been different. Her thoughts were full of "If only…" "There surely must have been other ways, if only…"

Stuart now left her with the burden of guilt.

After the funeral, Janice came back to the cottage. She had been unable to bring herself to enter Stuart's room, but now decided to clear it up.

It was when she pulled off the top sheet that she found it – a letter addressed to her.

Opening it she read: Darling, this is the last act of love I can perform for you. Thank you for your love and loyalty. When you can, be with the man you love and let him have his child. You are worthy of the best. May he be worthy of you. Stuart.

This time Janice wept alone.

For the next few days, Janice worked round the cottage sorting out Stuart's things, deciding what she would keep in memory of him. At the same time, she weighed what she would do about Kent.

Stuart's death had been in all the newspapers, on radio and television. "He must have known," she thought, "Yet he never even contacted me."

Eventually she decided that she must at least tell him of the coming child. She telephoned and got an answering machine. She left a message.

"Kent, would you come to see me at the cottage as soon as convenient?"

Six days passed and there was no response.

"So, it was all nonsense, the talk of love! I was just a handy fuck while he played with his fossils. More fool me for falling for it!"

On the seventh day, Janice spotted a man wading across The Strand. The tide was running in and he was up to his knees in water.

"The fool," she said to her self, "get him self drowned."

Then she recognised him. "Oh my God, its Kent."

She felt the blood drain from her face and her legs could hardly support her. Her hands began to tremble and she wanted to flee.