Fossil Hills

He was very self assured to the point of arrogance but had that strange attractiveness such men seem to have for women. He was clearly smitten with Karina and within a week of their meeting he was occupying her bed.

He brought to the relationship the sophistication of a well practiced lover and for a time Karina was well content with his ardour and the expert way in which her gave her oral sex.

He began by spending several nights each week with her but with time this began to fall away. He was no less zealous in the sexual act itself, but once he had ejaculated he seemed to have an increasing number of reasons why he could not stay the night.

“Sorry sweetheart, got come essays to mark,” or “Got to do some preparations for the tutorial tomorrow.” There was always some reason why he could not stay. Karina began to get the idea that sex was all he wanted from her.

Now as she told him what had happened to her two things became obvious; first, a look of horror came over Robert’s face; second, they had been lying on top of the bed naked and his erection was obvious. Now she saw that organ becoming flaccid.

Karina had looked for Robert to make gentle love with her to help restore her confidence and show that he cared. Instead he moved away from her, removing the hand that had been fondling her breast. His manner became cold and she sensed his physical revulsion even before he spoke.

He got off the bed and began to dress. “What are you doing? Where are you going?” pleaded Karina.

“Sorry lady,” he said nastily, “I don’t have sex with women who let cretins fuck them.”

“Robert, I didn’t let them, they raped me.”

“Oh yes, and I suppose you didn’t lead them on?”

“No, I bloody well didn’t,” Karina almost screamed. She had suspected that this was the sort of thing a lot of people would think and that was why she hadn’t spoken of rape outside her therapy sessions.

“Whether you did or not, I’m not getting into that thing of yours now those guys have been in there.”

“Then clear out and don’t ever come back,” Karina had yelled.

“You won’t need to worry on that score,” Robert sneered, “You’d better find some more apes to fuck you.”

With that he slammed out of the flat.

Karina had sought comfort and consolation from her lover, and had received rejection in the vilest way possible. She had felt dirty and defiled when she recalled what the men had done to her, and now Robert had reinforced that feeling, adding to the downward path and the collapse of self-respect and a worthy self-image.

No doubt Karina could have found another lover, one who would understand and heal her with his loving, but now Karina shut herself off from men. Even if they had never raped anyone they were potential rapists and just plain uncaring.

Normally a very clean and organised person, over the following weeks and months Karina continued on the downward spiral. She resigned from her work; the flat became dirty and chaotic; her personal hygiene left much to be desired.

Prior to her rape life had gone along easily – some might say too easily – for Karina. She had loving parents and her high intelligence combined with a pleasure in working had made studies easy for her. She had many friends and financial independence, but now it all seemed to her worthless.

She cut herself off from all her old friends and acquaintances and those who tried to keep up their friendship with her, calling at her flat, found them selves frozen out.

Karina thought of returning home to her parents, but a last vestige or pride would not let them see what had become of their clever and beautiful daughter. She stayed on at her flat almost like a recluse, nursing her misery and self loathing as if it was some beloved thing.

She made the effort, on the recommendation of her psychiatrist, to join a therapy group consisting of other people who had been traumatised by some shocking event in their lives. Guided by a psychiatrist they told their stories – they told them repeatedly - but Karina felt no relief. It only seemed to reinforce her negative feelings about herself and the world around her.

Normally Karina was what in common parlance was referred to as “Well stacked.” Now she stopped eating properly and began to lose weight. Her normally neatly cut chestnut coloured hair became lank and uncared for. Her eyes, once so alive with health and eagerness had dark rings under them and took on a mournful look.

Karina reached the nadir of her life. She lived from day to day in a tranquillised haze and nursing deep inside her a fierce anger and self loathing.

Chapter 8.The Samaritan Again.

Normally taking no interest in what was happening in the world around her, one day she ventured out to a nearby park. She sat down to find someone had left a newspaper lying there. She picked it up and was idly scanning it when her eye was caught by an article in the arts section of the paper.

“Second exhibition by the brilliant young artist Hull Charters. His work has taken the art world by storm. This is a must for all those who are captured by the romance of the inland.”

Karina read no further. Something had sparked in the midst of her dreary existence. “Hull, my good Samaritan,” she thought. She looked for the address of the exhibition; “Arch Gallery, Eyre Street.”

“Hull!” Something good and clean in a world that seemed to Karina soiled. “I’ll go and see his exhibition,” she decided. “Perhaps I shall see something positive, something to drag me out of this dark hell I’m living in.”

Karina prepared herself carefully for her visit to Arch Gallery. She knew she was ravaged by her wretchedness; that she had neglected herself even to the point of failing to wash or shower herself properly. “If I’m a filthy unclean woman,” she had thought, “I might as well behave like one.” But for her Samaritan she made an effort.

On the day of her visit Karina had made herself look as neat and tidy as she could. She wanted her Good Samaritan to be proud of having saved her. “He might not be there,” she thought, “but just in case…”

She entered the gallery in the early afternoon. She was given a brochure that described the works on show. Two other artists were exhibiting, but almost instinctively, and without reference to the brochure, she knew Hull’s work. There was…what? Compassion? Love? What was it?

The arid plains and distant blue grey hills gave her an insight, a new perspective on that harsh environment. There was beauty where she had seen only desolation; vibrant life where she had seen only barrenness. There was love here; love of a land that kept its secrets from the eyes of the casual observer.

A wedged tailed eagle soared high above a red plain; in the far distance a group of kangaroos looked curiously at the artist. The interminable line of old gums following a creek beds marched from horizon to horizon just as she had seen them from Fossil Hills. “They were old when the world was young,” she thought.

Karina could have wept with remorse for all that had been there before her that she had never seen. The artist, her Good Samaritan, showed her what she could not have seen without him.

She moved to another room, and there he was. He was talking to a woman. The woman was standing in profile to Karina. She was almost as tall as Hull and the outline of her features showed her to be very attractive, perhaps even beautiful.

For a moment she turned to face in Karina’s direction. Her beauty was confirmed. Her dark hair fell in waves to her shoulders and framed her face. Karina tried to determine her age but in appearance she seemed almost ageless. “Anywhere between thirty five and forty five,” conjectured Karina. The woman was in fact fifty one, but Karina was not to know this until much later.

As she and Hull talked she constantly touched him giving the impression that they were intimate. Given her state of mind it came as a surprise to Karina that she felt a pang of envy spear through her. She wanted to touch her Samaritan like that, and she recalled the gentle kiss he had given her in the hospital.

Karina held back; wanting to speak to him, yet fearful of interrupting this apparently affectionate and private conversation.

The woman moved away for a moment idly looking at a painting. Hull glanced in Karina’s direction. “Can I help you?” he asked her.

“Hello Hull,” she said.

He looked at her blankly as if trying to recall. Finally he gave up and said, “I’m awfully sorry, but do I know you?”

Karina felt her heart sink. “In hospital…Fossil Hills…!”

He looked hard at her. “My God, Karina! You look so…so…”

“Different?” she completed his sentence.

“You were…your face was so…”

“Battered?”

“Yes. Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“That’s all right.”

They stared at each other for a few moments. Hull could see the misery etched upon Karina’s face. “She’s living with that nightmare at Fossil Hills,” he thought.

The woman came back to Hull and smiled at Karina.

“Mother, I’d like you to meet Karina Hart, the girl…”

“You’re the Fossil Hills girl, aren’t you?” Said the woman, “I’ve heard so much about you from Hull; how delightful to meet you.” She extended her hand and as she shook Karina’s said, “Please, call me Jane.”

There was something about Jane that was warm and embracing, and now, standing there with her and Hull, she felt…she struggled to find the word, and finally said to herself, “Safe.”

“How are you now?” Jane asked, “Fully recovered?”

“All right I suppose.”

Jane could in fact see, or perhaps sensed, that Karina was not “all right.”

“I hear you’re a palaeontologist,” Jane said, trying to provoke some conversation.

“Yes…or at least…I was,” said Karina.

“Was?”

“I don’t do much these days, I’ve not been well.”

“Oh…er…you and Hull must have things you’d like to talk about. He’s often wondered what happened to you. I suppose we could have found your address, but thought that hearing from him might remind you of something you’d rather forget.”

Hull said, “Well, since you’re here why don’t we go into the office, we can be more private.

They went into a small room and sat down.

They had not seen each other for over a year and there now began an awkward silence between them, each striving to find something to say.

Finally Karina said, “I…er…love your work.”

“Oh, I’m glad, but I’m sorry to hear that your’s is not going ahead.

“It’s not that I… I can’t…can’t…I don’t….” Her voice trailed away.

“You haven’t gone back to Fo…to that place?”

Karina shrugged pathetically and muttered, “I can’t go back there.”

“Too many unpleasant memories?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve never been back there either. It’s strange isn’t it, how events and thoughts can mar beauty?” I mean, the landscape around Fossil Hills is arid and harsh, yet it has a beauty and…and the rocks rearing up out of that flat plain are so dramatic, but things happen and you see it differently.”

“Yes,” whispered Karina, “it’s odd but the more beautiful something is, the uglier it can become. Things that are good and wholesome can turn into the worst kinds of evil and filth.”

“I still want to go back there,” said Hull; “I want to paint there, but I’ve been avoiding going there.”

“Because of what you found there?”

“Yes, but of course, my experience was nowhere near as terrible as your’s. In a way I’m glad I was there to find you. If I hadn’t I don’t think we’d be sitting here talking now.”

“Yes, I’d probably be dead.”

Hull seemed to come to a decision and said, “Don’t you think that if you went back there you might exorcise those memories?”

“I...I...couldn’t.”

“My grandmother had a saying; ‘Always look your dragons in the face’. She said that when you did your dragons were not nearly as fearsome as you imagined them to be.”

“Perhaps your grandmother hadn’t been beaten and multiple raped.”

“No, she hadn’t been, but that doesn’t make what she said any the less true.”

Suddenly the whole weight of her misery; what had been done to her; the injuries and pain; the horrific nightmares and drugs, seemed to bear down on her. She burst into tears.

“Oh God, Hull, I want to die. Those bastards have ruined my life, there’s nothing left.”

“They’ll only ruin your life if you let them, Karina. Go back to Fossil Hills; look it straight in the eye; don’t let it haunt you for the rest of your life.”

Karina became angry. “That’s all very well for you to say, Hull, but you’ve admitted that you haven’t been back there, and with far less reason than I have.”

Hull did not react to her anger. He was sensitive enough to understand what Karina had gone through and what she was still going through. “Enough,” he thought, “another time, perhaps.”

There was a soft tap on the door and Hull called, “Come in.” It was Jane.

“Hull, I didn’t want to disturb you but there are some people out here wanting a word with you, I think you should see them.”

“Excuse me, Karina, I’ll be back shortly. Mother, you talk to Karina.”

Chapter 9.A Little Light in the Dark

He left and Jane came to sit in his chair.

“We did wonder about you, Karina. Hull seems to feel a special bond with you and often talks of you.”

“I suppose I feel that bond too,” said Karina slowly. “When someone’s saved your life there’s part of you that seems to belong to them.”

Jane smiled; “In some societies, if you save someone’s life then that life you’ve saved belongs to the rescuer.” She laughed and went on, “I don’t think Hull feels like that, but he has been concerned for you.”

As far as Karina was concerned the truth was, that in the depths of her misery she had hardly thought of Hull at all. It was not until she had read the article in the newspaper that his image had stood out in her mind clearly again.

Now, having been once more in his physical presence, Karina felt something she had not experienced for a long time. She tried to define how she felt. “Is it gratitude?” she asked herself, “Or a kind of love?” She couldn’t answer her questions, but the experience was one of warmth.

Jane too was having an effect on her. Jane seemed to have an aura of compassion about her. Karina found this strange since in her experience women as beautiful as Jane often lacked the more sensitive aspects of humanity. She had a vague feeling that she would like Jane to put her arms round her and comfort her as a mother would a hurt child.

Jane had been talking but Karina had been so lost in her own thoughts she had not heard, until Jane said, “Perhaps you’d like to visit us? Why not come for lunch one day? Hull won’t be going to the inland for a few weeks, so let’s make a time.”

This came to Karina like a little light in a dark world. She had not wanted to be with friends or relatives, but now she felt she wanted to be with these two people. The time was made and the address given, and there now began a continuing relationship between Hull, Jane and Karina.

Chapter 10.Facing the Dragon.

As Karina spent more and more time with Jane and Hull life seemed to flow back into her. She began to eat properly, though this in part was due to the excellent meals Jane prepared. She began to take greater care of her personal appearance and her mind began to turn back to thoughts of work.

The relationship with Jane and Hull she told herself was like that of a mother and a brother, and she still longed to be held by Jane.

Sometimes when Hull was working or gone to the bush she would be alone with Jane. Jane never raised the matter of the events at Fossil Hills, or even made those overly sentimental enquiries about Karina’s health and welfare. She accepted Karina just as she was, and was astute enough to work out for herself how the girl was physically and mentally.

Jane often accompanied Hull on his inland trips, as she said, “To act as cook and tidier-up for him.” At those times Karina missed them dreadfully.

There was in Karina a battle going on. She had felt secure behind the defences of her wretchedness. It had protected her from, as she saw it, an evil world. Now the presence of Jane and Hull in her life was challenging her to finally step away from those defences. It was her casually mentioning to Jane that she had thought about starting work again that brought matters to a head.

“You know, my dear,” Jane said, “There might be something you’ll need to face before you can get back onto and even keel.”

Karina knew exactly to what Jane referred. “Fossil Hills,” she whispered. She remembered what Hull had said about facing your dragons, and she went on, “I can’t…I just can’t go back there.”

“If Hull and I went with you, could you risk it? I know Hull wants to go back there but has been holding off. If he knew you wanted to go I’m sure he’d agree.”

“I don’t think…”

“Look my love, you’ve come along very well these last few months, but unless you go back to Fossil Hills, face the place and what happened to you, it will probably haunt you for the rest of your life.”

“Perhaps if you were there, Jane, I…”

“I’ll be there, darling, you won’t be alone I promise you.”

Karina took a deep breath and said, “All right, I’ll face the dragon.”

Jane laughed and said, “My mother used to say that.”

“Hull told me,” Karina replied.

Chapter 10.Journey to the Dragon’s Lair.

It was agreed that they would travel in two vehicles, Hull’s and Karina’s. The drive would take two days and they would stop overnight at the motel in the small township of Bungawilli. This was a little over half way to Fossil Hills. They equipped themselves for a two week stay at Fossil Hills. Hull would start work on preliminary sketches of scenes he might want to make paintings of, and Karina, provided she came through the ordeal well, would commence the search she had been carrying out at the time of her rape.

At the motel Hull and Jane occupied one room and Karina another. Karina noted that Hull signed the motel register for him and his mother as Mr. and Mrs. Charters. While this was in fact true, Karina did think it odd that he had signed this way and that he shared a room with his mother. She thought it would have been more seemly if Jane had shared a room with her, but finally shrugged it off as “family.”

On the first day of the trip Karina had driven alone in her vehicle, but on the second day Jane asked if Karina would like her to be with her. Karina agreed, and they set out on the last leg of the journey.

They passed through a small town called Stornway and soon after the bitumen ended to become a dirt road. It was in fairly good condition, having been recently graded, but Hull, who was driving behind Karina, had to drop back to try and avoid the worst of the dust that swirled up from the vehicles leaving a fog of particles hanging in the hot air.

In mid-afternoon they came to the faint track that branched away from the road and leading to Fossil Hills. Karina felt sick and had to stop. She got out of the vehicle and began to vomit. Jane came to her, holding Karina’s forehead as she vomited.

Hull pulled up behind them and taking in the situation and seeing Jane now wiping Karina’s face with a damp clothe, said, “Look, it’s not too late, we can still turn back.”

Karina looked at him and said, “I’ve come here to face the dragon in its lair, I’m not turning back now.”

Hull looked at Jane who nodded, and finishing cleaning Karina she said to her, “I’ll drive the rest of the way, dear.”

Karina said weakly, “Thank you.”

They started off again, Hull letting the women get well ahead before he started. The vehicles bumped and heaved their way over the rough track that was often barely visible. The tops of Fossil Hills came into sight still many kilometres away, gradually rising from the plain as they drew nearer.

Karina lay back in the corner of the seat trying to stop her self quivering. The events that had taken place; the physical abuse, the humiliation and the feeling of helplessness, came pouring into her mind. She felt sick again but fought down her heaving stomach.