Freshman Ch. 01: He Loves Me

She rotated her body automatically as Steph stepped past her and made her way to her desk. Swallowing and deciding to fight awkwardness with kindness, she smiled as brightly as she could and spoke out in a friendly tone.

"Hey! Just get done with class?"

Steph didn't react immediately. She set her bag down on her chair and rubbed the back of her neck. Exhaling and turning back to face Rachel, she again hesitated momentarily before she responded.

"Yeah. Tuesday's my long day."

She once again let her eyes run over Rachel's body before nodded inquisitively.

"You look nice. Going out?"

Rachel's senses tingled as she took in the response. She was now forced to overanalyze everything Steph said, mining each word and inflection for some hidden meaning. Was she judging her for looking nice? Was she being condescending with her implication that Rachel might be going out on a day so early in the week? Why had she paused again before she spoke? Was everything some sort of calculation?

The questions made Rachel's brain spin and she suddenly felt embarrassed for devoting so much energy to the task. Maybe she was just being paranoid. Maybe she was projecting motivations onto Steph based on the insecurities of her own past. Maybe Steph was just like this with everyone and it had nothing to do with her. Maybe maybe maybe...

"Um, thanks! Yeah, I think I'm going to see Josh and maybe watch a movie or someth-."

Rachel cut off as she sensed a slight reaction in Steph's expression. Not quite a smirk. Just a subtle tightening of her face and pursing of her lips. Almost imperceptible, and perhaps even undetectable had Rachel's radar not already been whizzing out of control.

Before Rachel could regain her footing, Steph turned back towards her desk and cut her off, reaching into her bag to retrieve some books as she spoke.

"Uh huh. How's that going? Are you guys like, a couple yet?"

Rachel's jaw tightened slightly and she pulled in a quick breath. There it was again. That last word. Yet. Why 'yet'? What did that imply? That she'd been hooking up with him for too long to still not be his girlfriend? That an exclusive relationship was the only endgame? That a girl who simply enjoyed having fun with no strings attached was a slut? Is that what Steph was getting at?

Rachel cut off her own thoughts before they could get their claws in her further. She was definitely being paranoid now. She had to stop doing this or she'd end up in a padded room. She scoffed amusingly to herself at the thought. At least it would probably be a single...

"Uh, I mean, it's good. We're-. We're not really like, dating or whatever. Just kind of, you know..."

She shrugged and trailed off. She felt like she was being cross-examined on a witness stand. Like she was being tricked into admitting that she was in fact some sort of shameless whore. She didn't need to justify her choices to anyone. Certainly not someone who was seemingly predisposed to looking down on them.

Deciding once again to change tacks entirely, she smiled and cleared her throat. She'd give it one more try.

"Actually, you know what? I don't need to go see him tonight. Fuck it. What are you doing?"

She paused and grinned playfully as Steph looked back at her.

"How about we kill that bottle of vodka and go bang on a few doors? There's gotta be someone around here doing something!"

She smiled brightly at her roommate as a little bubble of excitement rose in her belly. She knew Steph wasn't some teetotaler, nor was she adverse to the party scene. Yeah it wasn't a Friday night but so what? This was fucking college! The time to live and be free!

But her momentary buzz dissipated just as quickly as it had come on as she watched Stephanie's confused expression turn to one of smiling dismissal. She rolled her eyes gently and smirked. She spoke, a hint of condescension clinging to her otherwise friendly tone.

"Rachel, it's a Tuesday. I have class in the morning. Don't you?"

Rachel stiffened slightly at the implication. Smiling defensively, she nodded and spoke in a bit of a stutter.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I-. Of course I do. But like, so what? We can still have some fun, right?"

Stephanie watched her for a moment before sweetening her smile even further. Shaking her head, she sighed and began to sit down at her desk.

"You can. But I can't. Honestly, I'm jealous of how you balance everything. I don't know how you do it."

Rachel tilted her head automatically. Jealous? She didn't follow.

"What do you mean? Balance...?"

Steph had placed a book on her desk and opened it up. Stopping to turn back towards Rachel, she smiled again.

"Like, school, and sports, and, you know, just everything."

Rachel felt the hair on her arms rise as she tried to process her roommate's meaning. She wasn't quite sure what "just everything" implied but she had a pretty good idea.

Before she could respond, Steph cut her off again. Turning back to her book, she spoke in a casual tone.

"Seriously, don't let me stop you though. Go do your thing. Go see whatshisname and have fun!"

She turned back briefly to offer Rachel a final smile and nod before settling into her book and communicating that study time was about to begin. Keeping her eyes on the words, she pulled a pen out from her drawer and began to scribble notes.

Rachel stood frozen for a few seconds, entirely unsure of what to do or how to feel. Objectively, nothing Stephanie had said to her had been overly offensive or mean. Read a certain way, their conversation could've been interpreted as a simple and polite exchange between roommates. One suggesting they go do something and one apologetically declining in favor of her studies. It could've been nothing more than that.

But Rachel had felt more. She'd heard the subtle tones and picked up on the expressions and body language. Steph's words had carried more than their simple meaning. Just how much more was up for debate. And Rachel realized that there was no way to accurately analyze them now. Just as a disinterested third party might've seen nothing untoward at all, Rachel was now entirely geared towards paranoia. It was still very possible that she was making a mountain out of a few microaggressive molehills.

Regardless, it did reinforce her initial desire to spend her evening elsewhere. Whether Steph secretly despised her in every way or she just came across awkwardly, it was making Rachel crazy sitting there and thinking about it all. She needed to be somewhere else. She smiled subtly. And a pleasurable distraction wouldn't be so bad either...

Swallowing her last bit of residual ire, Rachel nodded in Steph's direction. Her roommate was now quite obviously focused on her work so she cleared her throat and summoned the friendliest tone she could muster.

"Okay. Um, well I guess I'll go. Good luck with your reading!"

Stephanie smirked distractedly and nodded without looking up.

"Mmm-hmm. Have fun."

Rachel accepted the farewell and turned towards the door. Deciding to clear her mind of the entire annoying conversation, she focused on Josh's handsome face and smiled to herself as she slipped out the door. In a few minutes she'd be in a better place with a better someone. There was no need to fret.

Stephanie stayed hunched over her open book until the sound of the door shutting bounced through the space. Looking up, she paused and turned back to face the door. She held her stare onto the plain wooden panel with the cheap rectangular mirror tacked to it. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply and let the breath out through her nose. Shaking her head and forcing her thoughts away, she bit her lip and turned to her book once more.

***

Tap tap tap.

The gentle noise of Rachel's knuckles knocking on the door sounded out softly in the warm night air. Stepping back, she pressed her palms together before moving them to her hair to smooth out any fly-aways. She shifted her weight between her legs and bit down on her lower lip. She wasn't sure why she was fidgety but she had a nervous energy to her that evening as she stood on Josh's front step and awaited his presence. There was a tiny spark inside her that was a bit louder than usual.

Thankfully her tingly wait was short-lived and she smiled brightly as the door suddenly opened and Josh appeared in the threshold. Pins shot through her fingertips and her eyes widened reflexively.

Josh was wearing only a pair of red athletic shorts with the school's name written across them. He was shirtless and without shoes and the image made Rachel's thighs squeeze together. As opposed to the moderately done-up version of herself she was presenting, he looked like he'd just gotten off the couch after a long nap. But she liked it. His chiseled frame was not a sight she minded seeing exposed.

"Hey hey!"

His cheerful voice slipped smoothly out with a matching smile and Rachel grinned wider as the sound hit her ears. Josh's casual confidence and warmth was exactly what she'd needed in the wake of her confusing encounter with Steph. While her roommate seemed to make most conversations a laborious endeavor, Josh made everything so breezy and light. Being with him was like slipping into a pool where the water was at the perfect temperature. It was easy from the jump and just so hard to leave.

Rachel returned the greeting and stepped into his apartment. She'd been there several times by now and it was almost more familiar to her than her own dorm. She let her eyes fall over the white walls of the hallway that led to the living room. There was an L-shaped couch and a large television. The door to Josh's room was located on the far left wall, while his roommate's was on the right.

Rachel reached the edge of the couch and instinctively looked back towards the kitchen that shared a wall with the hallway entrance. Moving her eyes past the TV to the door behind it and then back to Josh, she turned and smiled curiously.

"You just hanging by yourself? Chris around?"

Josh smiled and rolled his eyes as he ambled his way over to greet her. Picking up a half-empty bottle of sweet tea he'd left on the counter, he took a big swig and shook his head.

"Fuck no. Dude's with the wife. Where else?"

Rachel grinned back and shook her head. Josh's roommate, Chris, was a good friend of his from the football team, but Rachel had only met him once or twice. He spent approximately ninety-five percent of his time at his girlfriend's place in a different complex. Initially, Josh had been irritated with his buddy's decision to become a ghost during their first year living together, but he'd quickly grown accustomed to the solo-lifestyle and all the advantages it brought (one advantage of which was standing just a few feet in front of him).

Rachel was pretty much the only girl he'd been hooking up with since the summer (although there had been a few other one-offs) and while having a roommate around likely wouldn't have interfered, it was much easier to have the place all to himself. Rachel had given him blowjobs right in the middle of the living room where they were standing and he'd fucked an old semi-regular hookup of his on the couch a few weeks back. The freedom was fun and exciting. So if Chris wanted to play house somewhere else, he wasn't going to complain.

The thoughts forced a mild stirring in his shorts and he narrowed his eyes as he looked Rachel up and down. She looked hot, as usual, but in such an effortless way. His gaze crept from the enticingly half-covered expanse of her chest down over the diminutive shorts that stopped a solid foot above her knee. Her skin was smooth and tanned and the athletic cut of her legs was delightful. He'd been with more than his share of good looking girls over the years (some perhaps more attractive than Rachel), but very few had been the full package she was. Her sharp wit and tangible sexual aura just added something special. He was very happy to have found her.

Deciding to move forward, Josh put the bottle down and stepped smoothly closer to Rachel's body. He reached out and brought a hand to her side, running it tenderly over the soft cotton of her top. As it slipped downward to her shorts, he cupped her ass playfully and squeezed in.

"But I'm glad he's gone anyway. Would rather hang out with you."

Rachel felt the air rush into her lungs and her chest swelled as she took in his words and meaningful touch. She could see the desire in his eyes and it made her arousal soar. They each seemed to be so physically attracted to each other that more times than not they couldn't help but get right to it when they met up. But as Rachel was about to lean up into him and signal her reciprocal desire, a sudden urge stopped her in her tracks.

She still very much wanted to hook up with him, but she still couldn't quite get Steph out of her head. She realized that she didn't want to go back to her room anytime soon. She wanted to extend her time with Josh where the air was light and easy to breathe. So she decided to change course slightly.

Smiling teasingly, she placed her hand over his on her butt and held him there.

"Glad to hear it. I think I like you more than my roommate, too."

She frowned momentarily as her voice got a little more serious.

"Since we have some time and I'm really in no hurry to get back, you think we could just chill for a little bit first? Maybe watch a movie or something?"

Josh leaned back and looked down at her inquisitively. He could already feel himself rising to the occasion and a sizable part of him really preferred to get to the action immediately. But, he too enjoyed Rachel's company. Unlike a good portion of the girls he'd been with, he actually didn't mind just sitting around with her and chatting or watching a flick. She wasn't a clinger and she'd done not a single thing to alert him that she was working some plot to become his girlfriend or something. She seemed to want the same thing he did and she was plenty fun to hang out with in the meantime.

Shooting her a mock-pout, he removed his hand from her ass and slumped his shoulders. He grinned as she rolled her eyes and he cleared his throat with a nod of his head.

"Yeah, of course. Chris will probably be gone for a while so we can chill. Whatever you want."

Rachel smiled with relief and flashed a toothy grin. She made her way over to the couch with him and plopped down on the soft cushion. As Josh joined her, he fidgeted with the remote and scrolled through some movie choices.

"So what's wrong with your roommate? She a bitch or what?"

Rachel shrugged and sniffed her nose as she leaned her body into his shoulder. She wasn't sure if Josh really cared or if he was just being polite. But he'd asked so...

"I dunno. I mean, she's not a bitch but-. I just don't think she likes me or something."

Josh nodded without looking at her, his eyes focused on the menus on the screen.

"Well why the fuck not? You're awesome."

Rachel smirked and giggled at his complimentary response. Sighing, she shrugged again.

"It-. I just feel like she thinks she's better than me or something. Like she judges me. She says all these things that like, maybe she doesn't mean anything but like, maybe she's being passive aggressive."

Josh nodded again.

"That's lame. Like, y'all just met, right? What does she know about you?"

Rachel twisted her lips pensively. She was surprised Josh was being this engaging on the subject. Since it sounded like he was actually listening, she sat up and spoke more clearly.

"Well, like, you for instance."

Josh finally turned to her and squinted his eyes in confusion.

"Me? What about me?"

Rachel smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Like, I think she thinks I'm some big whore because of how we met over the summer and have been, you know, hanging out and stuff. She gets weird whenever I leave to come see you."

Josh kept his squinted glare on her for a second before rolling his eyes and turning back to the TV. He scoffed.

"Whatever. She sounds like a loser. I wouldn't worry about-."

Rachel cut him off in mid-sentence. She was beginning to get worked up. Her voice came out louder and more high-pitched as she fired off again.

"And I mean, it's not like she's some saint either. I've gone to parties with her and she drinks a ton! And-!"

Rachel's eyes widened as a thought popped into her head. Poking Josh in the chest, she kept going.

"And wait! Didn't she hook up with one of your friends? It was at that blockparty, um, you know, like, last Friday. Remember? We saw each other there. Who was that guy? Vince? Is that his name? Vince?"

Josh again turned back to face her. He furrowed his brow in thought. Vince was a teammate of his. He was a year younger but they were pretty good friends because he started on the offensive line and Josh was the quarterback. He was kind of an obnoxious dude but usually a good time.

He focused his memory further. Vince had gotten with Rachel's roommate? Josh wasn't even sure her name. He'd only met her once or twice in passing with Rachel. He tried to remember back to the party she was talking about. Had they been togeth-?

His eyes lit up as he suddenly remembered. Yes. He'd seen them together. He hadn't seen them getting intimate and he couldn't recall Vince talking about it. But he definitely remembered now.

Nodding casually, he shrugged.

"Yeah, I remember that now. I don't know if they got together or whatever. But I remember seeing her with him. Vince hasn't said shit about it. Or maybe he has and I forgot."

He shrugged again. He'd had no problem letting Rachel vent a little (he'd initiated the conversation after all) but he was quickly losing interest.

Rachel smiled triumphantly. While Josh hadn't confirmed it entirely, she was pretty sure that it had happened. She scoffed and verbalized her point.

"And see?? Like, she judges me for what I'm doing and meanwhile she's off partying and meeting guys and-!"

She cut off suddenly as she saw Josh shoot her a meaningful eyebrow. Her cheeks reddened and she grinned sheepishly. She'd practically been shouting. She hadn't meant to get back into all this. It really was affecting her more than she thought. She needed to let it go.

Giggling a bit, she leaned over and settled back into Josh's shoulder. Her voice returned to its prior level of calm.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to come here and bitch about that. I'll shut up."

Josh smiled playfully and nodded for effect.

"Thank God."

Rachel scoffed incredulously and elbowed him in the ribs. Smiling up at him, she shook her head and stuck out her tongue.

"Oh sorry! Like you've never once bored me with some ridiculous sports thing where you go on and on about-!"

Her words cut off as Josh suddenly sat up tall and shushed her with a dismissive wave. His face stretching into a bright, boyish grin, he shook his head like whatever she'd been saying was done.

"Oh shit! Hold up!"

He grinned brighter as Rachel's eyes widened in complete confusion. Shaking his head in playful admonishment, he continued.

"Your stupid-ass story almost made me forget! I got you a little present!"

Rachel's wide eyes widened further as she took in the surprise of his words. She sat upright and cocked her head. A present? Grinning happily, she shrugged.

"A present? What? Why'd you-?"

Her words cut off again as Josh hopped up from the couch and disappeared into his room.

"Hang on a sec. It's in here!"

Rachel stared at his door with curious excitement. She certainly hadn't expected this. What had he gotten her? And why? Shit. Should she get him something? She had no idea what was-.