All Comments on 'Game of Chance'

Extremely well written, but I wish she didn't have to die in his hands. Everything he felt for her earlier rings hollow at the end. If she had to die...would have been better if it was in a confrontation with her husband etc..

Doctor,

this story has all the marks of a master raconteur.

As far as I can tell, you know the rules of poker and the skills needed to play the game well.

The messages are transmitted from one character to another verbally or physically or mentally, or even visibly.

Obviously, you are well read - Shakespeare for sure, Hemingway, the Brontes and, doubtless, lots more.

Your knowledge of anatomy is professional, and you use it well.

Goddamn that was good, dr_m.

You did such a fine job of describing that dark, horrid world.

And the ending! It made me shiver.

I can't say enough good things about this. Too good to be described.

Really well done.

And a great character in Jeffrey.

Initially, I had my reservations about the ending you chose. Yet upon going away and pondering it, I recognise it for the masterpiece that it is. Simply haunting.

Dear Docter,

Look this has to be the best by far! but why the Hell did she have to die like that? I mean its one thing if she gets killed but a diffrent one if you killed her...

But still Bravo!!! Bravo!!!

Shows what evil is all about--

and serve it with fresh berries.

I feel emptied-out.

This is one of your best, and certainly your riskiest story in my view. It won't be your most popular, but I'm sure you knew that.

Jeffrey is such a flawed man that I found myself almost too eager for the ending I expected: the redemptive power of love, etc. I was prepared to complain about his poor character and to point out that as a couple, they couldn't possibly be happy together.

I never had a clue what you were leading up to. You bastard!

This story is disturbing because it rings true. It's like one of those news stories that seem to crop up every year, involving a missing wife, a blood-soaked mattress, and disbelieving neighbors who insist they were the perfect couple. Telling the story from Jeffrey's POV, with the murder treated almost as an afterthought - like the inevitable consequence of her letting down her guard with him - makes it seem like a page from Scott Petersen's diary.

"Changed oil. Picked up dry cleaning. Killed Laci."

Game of Chance reminds us of the scariest aspect of evil: it's ordinariness; the familiar face that allows evil to hide in plain sight.

It's disturbing on another, more commonplace level, also: Alena holds up a mirror to anyone who ever been in a mutually loving relationship - and struggled with the slow realization that it wasn't mutual at all. In a way, she's fortunate that she never had to know.

Yes, but one really lousy ending!! Put in a slightly different ending and it's a great story!

So well titled; Alena's game, Bodgan's game, Jeffrey's game... loved every angle and detail.

Ah yes, love. Scum in love is still scum.

Your mind works in strange ways sir but still it is an excellant story. The very ordinary way it ended shows the brilliance of your writing. Congratulations

Writing skill: 5. How I felt after reading the story: 1. I guess that averages out to 3.

I was expecting Alena was going to get away with the money, or at least that's what I was hoping. This was better. Much better. Perfect even.

The world isn't flowers and puppies... why should erotica be? I loved it.

Wtf?! That ending came out of nowhere! I found the whole story rather disturbing so the brutality of it doesn't bother me as much as its jarring unexpectedness. It just didn't fit. However, other than the ending, I have to admire your writing, which is superb. As I said, the content is not at all to my taste, but I kept reading simply because it is a joy to read something that well-written.

Playing poker with drug users, dealers, and smugglers, it is something original. I would have used something different to restrain her, perhaps his own belt? The conclusion was not so shocking.

The ending sure surprised me, I thought for sure she was going to go with him "and live happily ever after." What you did was better, you did the unexpected, and some people might think it's bad and that it ruined the story, but I think it made it all the better. It should have been expected, he couldn't let her go, she knew too much about him, besides the fact she didn't have a place to go, and keeping her probably would have been hazzardous in some way or another. Still, I found the ending perfect. Your work is amazing, minus the few grammar errors that are probably from typing non-stop or too fast to notice. Keep writing, you have the talent to get publish if you aren't already.

-Brittany.

This story was amazing overall, but the ending was a big turnoff.

Great ending... I mean it wouldn't have been right to have a happily ever after since this was his job along. Wow what a shocker. Great writing. Tender and tragic, it's so poignant! JUST GREAT!!

I so did not expect the ending. I loved that. And the ending fits. I was like, no, he can't take her to effing Paris. Your writing is superb. Have you written professionally? You should; definitely.

I review many stories on this site... only 100 I've ever given.

this story is most likely my favourite so far. very well written. shall be recommending it to many, and reading more from the doc. thanks for a very enjoyable night.

did not care for the surprise ending!

Powerful writing. Warning people, not the same old stuff you're used to.

Can't say what I think without giving it away.

I was sooo with them...

It was a good read and I loved the ending. All the way through the story I was thinking you could be writing a novellette. You should think about that.

You're such a fantastic writer. Which is why you could make me cry at the end of this story. But I did cry, and I don't like the feeling of emptiness that I get from that. I use these stories to escape sadness, and this just brought it back inside.

The writing was great, and the ending fit better than a perfect happy one would have, but... I still want to complain that it's not fair. I know life's not fair, but I still wanted a happy ending for Alena. I like this story, and I like it a lot, but my heart just aches. Well done sir.

So unexpected. I literally had to reread the ending , just to make sure I was reading it right. At first , I was mad. Terribly angry that she had to die , that she didn't get her happy ending . Then I realized that I actually predicted what would happen in the end , which is why this is a great story . Because it didn't meet my expectation , it went beyond it . You are the only author who was able to do that. You made it real. Because in real life there is no happy ending. There is just an ending. I love it. And you're right... At least she didn't suffer (: Please , keep righting. I love you already. And I love your stories even more . You are incredible.

You're an artist.

A great read and so well written. Loved the unexpected ending. It was probably the happiest Alena had been in a long time.

What a crappy ending... he loved her? Not even... she wasn't the one scamming, it was her husband!!! You have a great skill with words, but truly, someone with your talent and imagination could have come up with a better ending!!!

Not happy. But poetic.

3.....bill

Kill your enemy not your lover...

You got me. I just knew there would be a twist. I just didn't know how hard it would affect me. I am making my way through all your stories and this particular one shows the brilliance of your words.

the ending was not a surprise, how could it be, people like that in that world.

the ending was not a surprise, how could it be, people like that in that world.

What a twisted tale. Five stars.

With a surprise ending like that, it would be better to offer more of an explanation for why he had to kill her. Otherwise, it seems like you wrote the ending more for its shock value and merely to avoid a cliché'd happy ending. Instead, we get a cliché sad ending. She wasn't a threat to him and it didn't seem like he was out of other options. So why kill her if he really loved her? It doesn't make sense.

Still, another great story by one of my favorite authors on this site.

So he turned out to be a cold blooded limp dick of a psychopath--sooo sexy!

..... that have the skill to get readers so absorbed and then write such hateful endings. 👎

A cacophony of images, colors, nuances - so artfully done. Storytelling at its best keeping the reader riveted through twists and turns to an unexpected yet feasible conclusion.

The closest writing comparison I can think of is John D. MacDonald, who is one of the most successful mystery writers of all time. The plot and writing are superb and I will read a lot more of his stories. Some commentators didn't like the ending. I disagree. It puzzles me how many people on this site don't understand the essence of a short story. It isn't supposed to answer all questions, or necessarily provide a happy ending. If it disturbed some readers, the author did his job.

Another plus is that it is not formulaic.

Five all the way.

I was expecting a dark twisted ending but still you completely caught me off guard with who lost their life and how. Sublime writing, I hope you do this professionally too as you skill at imagery and putting life into words is wonderful.

I had such a nice feeling about the love that came about and I was hoping they would elope somewhere. Hated that you ended that in such bad taste. This your first story where you had to kill a woman. Horrible. You can be such a bastard and this not BDSM. You are out of you mind to murder the heroine. I hate you for that. This is the only story on literotica where a woman dies. Shame on you to do this. I suggest you edit the story and make it a happy ending so other readers do not go in shock.

So full of very good details, I did like the character build up odd plot but very good ending

I wonder how it feels writing about such soulless people.

Really you think murder is a good ending?

How disappointing you are as an author, no class at all.

Scores 1/5, and deservedly so.