All Comments on 'Game Time Pt. 03'

It appears that Lana spelled her own doom by her greed. Vasily probably wouldn't have bothered with her except he saw,what she was doing for Vanhoosen, filtering the cash away, sending it to Cayman banks, etc. She actually was filling her own coffers too. A lot of people got hurt and killed by her greed when she was captured. Lana nearly destroyed her family, bore two children by other men during her imprisonment, the sting against vanhoosen really cost big time. At least she is alive and will be able to reap the rewards. But again at what cost???

A lot of pain and suffering for 9 million. I know she couldn't have foreseen it, but still, many innocents died, along with the guilty. Was it worth it???? The world will never know.

Still,

*****

Wanted to wait until you finished the entire story before I commented. I was pleased to see how you used the minutiae of the septic tank system in the first chapter to come back into play at the finish. A very good story. Thank you.

great story. thanks for your effort!

but I need add some correction. in Russian patronymic in case of Lana should be sound like female patronymic - not Alexeivich (for man only) but Alexeevna.

she started out as a hero and ended up hoarding away money she "felt" she deserved--apparently doing it long before she was kidnapped.

Did she establish a fund to help locate and free sex slaves since she knew all too well what kind of lives they led? Nope. Got a new car and chuckled how she was fucking the feds out of funding by keeping most of her money offshore.

You know the feds... the ones who searched tirelessly for her, who risked their lives for her, who took care of her after they rescued her and who found her son for her. Fund those bastards? Here's some loose change boys... me and mine are rich now.

Murky morality at best.

Great tale but I'm a little put off about how she came across the extra money. You'd think, as one commenter already stated, she would do something to help others that were in the type of situation she survived. Oh well. Still a great tale.

A few swerves.

If I have a criticism, it is this: all we got in this tale was a man watching events happen around him over which he had no control and no participation. So it is, by removes, like watching a man on television reading a newspaper. He fecklessly wanders around, bumping into things saying 'okay dear' to everything that happens around him.

Wife uses him to forward criminal evidence without talking to him? Okay dear.

Wife decides to string along a known sexual predator and absolutely ignores the warnings and insecurities of her husband? Okay dear.

Wife drags two kids into the house, product of Russian gangsters, who may, MAY be alive and coming for their kids? Okay dear

Wife decides to squirrel away millions...which lead to this whole mess in the first place, and hid it from her husband for a long time? Okay dear!

Wife knows Gennady is coming to look for that money and get revenge, but doesn't warn her husband of the issues or dangers? Okay dear!

Fuck being like him! I want to be like the wife! Except she's an amoral decision maker who isn't a partner in her relationship; she is the dictator.

Please note, this isn't a critique of the quality of the story. My one ding at the story was as stated. All this guy did except for recording some stuff was watch things happen to him. That is a trifle slow.

I don't like our 'hero' much at all. He doesn't seem real to me. I like the wife even less. And when she gets a hankering for more excitement, what is she going to drag her family into next? She isn't a housewife; she's an action hero. She was willing to put up with multiple rapes and pregnancies in a hope she would get the money. (I don't think she feared losing the husband at all. He seemed...compliasant. The perfect word) If he had remarried, she could just kill the new woman and take her place back again.

Some men might be happy with that kind of situation. I could probably bear it for 9 million reasons. I just wish the man had been a touch more clever cause he seemed pretty dim to me, and I don't respect that either.

I can like a story without liking the characters. Good job.

Good story and good reading...

Creepy story. Who wants a greedy murderess for a wife? Or a mother of your children? This is one depressing fucked up tale. By the way, the author has a bizarre habit of being overly descriptive about mundane things. To wit: "the garden shed that I had had delivered, assembled, and leveled by the delivery team from Home Depot " Why?

Thanks Flavian for my morning enjoyment. I enjoyed your story.

I also enjoy reading the comments. I am not criticizing them, but for me this story is not so deep.

- She got the bad guy

- She got and prevented them from using their illicit funds. There is something satisfying using a criminal's money.

- The children are happy and safe

- The husband is not upset about her actions and loves her unconditionally.

- She is happy

- The story has a happy ending

Excellent - 5 stars

Fred

It trailed off in too many directions though. The Roundup and mud dauber episode being an example. The original wife is long dead. She was replaced by a creature with no remorse. The husband turned into a wuss when he accepted the two rape children. They'll always be a reminder of the abuse she suffered. After 3 years of getting screwed 6 times a day, her vagina has to be torn up.

... where's the story? To say that this story was written in a dry, "just the facts, m'am" sort of way would be an understatement. Even given this, a lot of "facts" were either overlooked or intentionally left out. When considering the potential fathers of Lana's daughters, it's hard to believe than genetic disposition wasn't, at least, discussed. Also, Lana's behavior at the end of the story left far more questions about her character and integrity than answers.

very well written story. some of it might be a little hard to believe (money) but that's what makes a story. as far as his wife goes, it shows she grew a very big back bone on her by protecting herself and family. keep on writing

I enjoyed the story for the most part though much of it was telegraphed in advance. I do have a point. Lay off the political shit. It is not a 'democrat' primary. It is a 'democratic' primary. Only the assholes at Fox use that term. Instead of enjoying the story, that stuff just pisses people off.

The score speaks for itself.

So she is a thief, whore (not by choice...perhaps), and murderer. She indirectly, if not directly responsible for her "trama" by siphoning funds for her job, then Van Horn and eventually herself. Interesting that she never came down with some type if STD. Interesting story but frankly, I really ended up not liking her character at all. I guess she is cured now because her arrogance and utter contempt of her husband, his opinions and decision making as a team is back to pre-abduction form. And, sadly, hubby will gladly let her. What happens when he does something she doesn't like...

Loved the suspense. 5* well done!

... because you have a great premise and I sense that you have put a lot of thought into plotting it out. But there is just too much wrong with it.

The big over-arching problem is, that it reads more like an "outline" of a 50-page novel that you wanted to write than a story in itself. You are telling what happens rather than showing, and there is no tension, no drama and no feelings in it. After having read all three instalments I don't feel any connection to any of your characters and I don't care what happens to them - the latter being a condition for invoking feelings in a reader. The husband is a robot or a very dense person, the wife is self-centred and ruthless and the rest of your cast doesn't get enough screen-time to give us any idea of what they are like.

FD45 has pretty much listed all the same inconsistencies that I bumped into so I wont repeat it all, but I would like to emphasise my the wife's appalling behaviour in not only letting her entire family live in mortal danger from a Russian gangster without at least warning her husband (if she had failed in her attempt to deal with him, everybody would likely have been killed because of that), and of course not mentioning the $10 right away. Which by the way read like an "tagged-on Disney ending".

And don't even get me started about the FBI promising to "notify the husband in due time" after she was rescued. It is the other way around: The family gets custody immediately and the FBI are allowed access "in due time". But of course Mr. Robot doesn't get angry or excited, because that would require feelings. And he ain't got any of those.

Ok, enough bashing. You are a talented writer, but I think you bit off more than you could chew this time. This story should have been much longer in order to spread out all the logistics and practicalities and allow for some character development. I really wanted to like it, but as it is, it's not a story - it's an outline.

I don't know too many men that would welcome bastards like this, even under these circumstances...

Sure it's far fetched; but so are the science fiction like I read or the Wheel of Time series I finished. I liked, no, loved the ending! Way to go. Those bastards got exactly what they deserved.

even though I acknowledge the skill and care that went into crafting the plot line and the story, reading it really felt like taking a bus tour through beautiful wine country: sure the views are quite striking, but you just keep wondering when you are finally going to be able to get off the bus.

Tiresome is the one word I would use to describe the writing style. Understand, I also applied this term to The Golden Bowl by James, so maybe it's just me.

Nice marriage, based on secrets and lies. Think she should have warned her loving hubby that she was being chased when he welcomed her back into the old homestead? Think he had a right to know that one little detail?

It must have been a lot of work but it was so poorly written that it was hard to understand what was going on. None of the characters were likeable and the premise and plot was totally devoid of reality.

Frankly ... It sucked.

Sorry but whoever wrote this has lost the fucking plot! I HATE....let me say again HATE stories where the hubby is too in love and dumb to even tie his own shoes. I barely made it through this and I wanted to quit about 8 different times. I have to ask what the purpose of all of this was? It was highly confusing with no drama and robots for characters. No MAN is his right mind would just go along with all of that. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to sit by and let them destroy everything. Also there is absolutely no way possible she gets to keep that money. As a matter of fact there is no way she could keep it hidden and stay out of jail just because some little agent (not director mind you) said oh it's ok you can just keep those millions you stole from a Russian mobster. Naïve indeed!

Credit for an original plot,this story definitely fits the genre and could be workable.I agree with others,it needs more emotion,it is too much like 'dragnet',deadpan to the facts....and the reconciliation would take prob 2 chapters to make it work.

The other comment is with details,ask yourself if they do something for the story,show something real.Detail like 'The shed I had dropped from home depot on land I leveled' doesn't do anything,whereas the detail about how he cleans his shivels is.The fact that they joined a church is relevant,that it is pca vs pcusa has nothing to do with the story or that the one they joined is the conservative oneone,what relevance does that have,other than giving the,authors personal views,if being conservative was relevant to the story it would make sense,here it makes the reader think wtf,along with details like the shed or the details of the yard or how much the cereal eaten at breakfast costs.The real deal isn't having a tractor that is better than a john deere, it is,in detail that makes you understand the story or the people,like the mud on the shovel was.Hemingway,prob one of the best writers in english,in terms of style and mechanics,kept it simple and to the point,and it works.

In some ways the story needed more detail,with emotions and the struggle,in others,it needs pruning down,to take it from being something of an outline to being full.

The comments, particularly, FD45 and the Anonymous one titled, "I really wanted to like this series" pretty much covered all of the relevant points I was going to mention.

So, I won't duplicate them. I am definitely with the readers who were taken in and surprised when we find out that the wife is just as big a liar, manipulator, thief and stone cold killer as her ancestral cousins the Russians. Wow, until that came out I was going to suggest that if you were considering a rewrite into a longer version that you might seriously consider making her the main viewpoint character as most of the most exciting action involves her and not her stay at home and cut the grass doofus of a hubby. The reason for this is - as I touched on in a previous chapter comment - it would allow scope to use more Showing the actual plot moving action rather than the newspaper reporting style Telling as it is currently written.

But, all-in-all, I liked it - particularly it's originality. I look forward to reading the rewrite if you decide to do one.

Maddux is married to a greedy money-driven sociopath.

Kidnapped and raped, son sold, two bastard children, gone from her husband and son for over three years, murdered her kidnapper, put her family in mortal danger, but it's all good because she got 9.2 million dollars.

Guess it's a good thing for him that he's such an apathetic drone, who knows what she'd do to him if he objected to anything she did.

Way too much extraneous detail; i.e. was it in any way important to the story that the shed was bought at and assembled and leveled by Home Depot?

Do you get paid for "product placement" in your stories like the movies and TV shows?

Not a five star effort, in my humble opinion. Some of the detail about the shovel and sod seemed interminable. It got boring in several places. The overall storyline was engaging. However, I'm not so sure I could be so nonchalant about a dead body behind my house. With all the detail, it doesn't seem to be hidden very well.

Thank you for the effort.

I didn't care for it however.

Between the pages and pages of sadism, bad Russian, giving her, a woman, a man's version & not a woman's version of the Russian patronymic "middle" name (-evna not -evich; Алексеевна (Alexeevna) not Алексеевич (Alexeevich)) and just too much other crap to mention (you do know that septic tanks have to be periodically emptied, right?) I just couldn't keep reading. Sorry.

Great story. Good read. Enjoyed it. 5 stars. More please. Nuff said.

It was a good read but totally unbelievable. You could have made it more believable, if you got some facts to be more realistic. From a govt agent to a breeding whore with two illegitimate kids ,a thief, a killer , a liar . And he know the facts without her telling him makes him a wimp. Let's see she must have been fuck over 2000 times during her captivity . And she is able to return to a normal life? And he accepts the bastard daughters one she could have aborted. It just doesn't add up. Plus we knew earlier she withheld telling her captor where the money was, he would have tortured here and eventually killed her. How many fucks could she have to make up the millions lost. And all those non protected males would have infected her with every disease known to man. Just too far out for my tastes . Sorry but rated it 3 stars good try thou.

I dislike of the plot. She stole money from a gangster, waited until the gangsters were mostly dead, killed the last one herself, and now is going to live happily ever after. Her imprisonment and sexual abuse seems almost like a side issue. Hubby seems OK with it all, as long as they aren't caught. Nice of them to pay the taxes on some of the money.

All in all it seems like the official crooks wiped out the illegal crooks and kept some of the ill gotten gains as payoff for work well done. How nice for them.

I found it amusing that the author was almost sanctimonious about sex trafficking but the theft of the money, that's OK. Um, where do you think some of the money came from???

The writing was pretty good although at some points the story seemed FAR too wordy. The moral murkiness was troublesome. As others have said, none of the characters are very likable.

Enjoyed it.

I enjoyed reading it. However I do think she would have had deeper psychological problems and need much more care. She would have been much more scared knowing that the Russian had been in the back yard. The husband is definitely not a wimp. It is his duty to care for his wife after what she had been through. He had no control over her abduction or her treatment by the abductors. The children she bore are innocent, they need a family to adopt them. Why not their mother and her husband?

didn't care for your story that much. probably a 3 over all.

One star

Though I admit that I never accepted the idea that robbing a thief brings a hundred years of pardon. I still feel that the father should have had more emotional problems with what happened. I guess that he was too busy worrying about his wife.

FD45 says that it is possible to like a story even if you don't like the plot OR the characters OR the way it was written. Sorry FD45.... but that is BULLSHIT . When all three of these important part of the story are badly done I don't see how anybody could possibly like any portion of a story.

What makes the story so awful is that the errors are so bad that they compound with each new page and each new chapter .

Yes the story is dry and poorly written and told with almost no emotion whatsoever. And that makes the husband's reaction to what the wife has been doing over the past few years even more impossible to accept.

Each new revelation from the wife brings absolutely no response from the husband other than a glorified YES DEAR. In fact we see almost no conversation from him that is focused about her vile twisted criminal acts and conspiracy. And this in turn makes the husband look weaker and weaker with each new paragraph in each to page.

This in turn increases the frustration from the reader especially when it is revealed that the wife is engaged in a massive criminal conspiracy even before she was was allegedly kidnapped. And given the wife's character and her psychopathic tendencies... It is quite possible that she was never actually kidnapped and at all and that the whole story was fake

A little long winded but very entertaining, Thanks for sharing.

"She was willing to put up with multiple rapes and pregnancies in a hope she would get the money."

Sure she did. Sure she could have walked out anytime she wanted.

The commenters who think she was a whore because she was raped repeatedly for 3 years are simply disgusting.

I give the story 4 stars, not 5 because it is a bit like Dragnet. Keep writing. Listen to legitimate critique and apply it. Ignore the stupid comments.

Thanks and because one ass called this a cuck story and even the dumbest of them hary had to comment i gave u a 5 Cuck story my ass. Annoying they are!

Anyhow thanks for ur work; I enjoy an adventure almost quit once these bdsm components get too heavy sometimes and I just dont want to hear about any more pain and suffering imposed by supposedly intelligent animals.

keep writing; more fbi adventures please :)

Jim

I didn't say all three elements were badly done. YOU may think all three elements were badly done, in which case, FOR YOU, that is a valid critique.

The plot had interesting elements to it. I liked the Russian mob elements, the fact the wife was so strongly insistent on baptizing the babies, the money trafficking and the sex trafficking issues.

It was written reasonably well. Multiple mis used words, a few clunky sentences. I can't throw stones. His most grievous sins were repetitiveness and lack of emotion. I am cutting him some slack on that. This is a skill. It takes time to develop it fully. If he still hasn't improved by story 10, I will cut him LESS slack. Compared to Slirpuff's early work or MM's latest, with rather horrible dialogue, this was almost a pleasure to read in comparison.

I found the wife's character INTERESTING. I did not LIKE her. I don't LIKE Darth Vader either. But I find him INTERESTING. The man I found somewhat contemptible. The feel I get is him chasing around behind his wife hoping for her to grant him an audience of two minutes so he can (in the most diplomatic tones possible) ask her why there is a body in the back yard without any sense of reproachment.

I like him less than the wife.

It was the situation which carried the story. It was morally murky and that made me think. It was certainly less straightforward than a JPB special where closing the accounts is the highlight of the drama in some cases. It had STORY to it besides the cheating.

But differ if you will.

If Lana is not going to retrieve the money until after Gennady is dead, more time and information needs to be spent on how he meets his demise. I though that the media and political comments were detractors and should not have been used unless you have factual documentation to the contrary. The reuniting Lana and Maddux is very plausible since both are strong minded and focused, a side effect of being very good in math. I though that you have a very good story but little things, some of which have been mentioned, prevent it from being a great story. I only gave it a three.

I will add as an aside that if I had gone through the stuff that the protagonist and the wife did, I'd be pretty "just the facts" as well.

If the wife found out about the gangster in the yard, and dealt with him quickly, then letting everyone else know would be counterproductive - both in terms of tipping her hand and making it harder to kill him, and to unnecessarily frighten her family.

As for the money - do you think that if she had given up the money things would have been any different?

Also - the protagonist was not suited for spies and violence and stuff. He was, however, willing to deal with the children-not-of-his-flesh. Are you able to do as much? If you did a gender flip on the leads of this story, does it make it easier for you to accept?

There is a fair amount of moral complexity here, which makes it interesting. There is a lot of drama that was not pursued, which is a pity.

YMMV

Green-something

I would like to have seen another chapter or at least a couple of pages on Lana getting rid of her tormentor. As it is, it seemed to me to be a little rushed in the end trying to include her capping the bad guy and getting access to the money. I did give it five stars however.

Now that being said, the Ruger Blackhawk would not be my first choice for a home defense weapon. Don't get me wrong, I love my .357 Blackhawk but the single action design makes it difficult for a followup shot. If you do expand the story for commercial use it might be better to think about it this way. Most anyone who had worked for the government would go with a .40 caliber in either a Glock, Sig or Smith & Wesson. Plus just about everyone in Coweta County is going to have a shotgun.

that there are some gems still being written among the normal cuckfare here. This is an epic story that once you set your mind to reading it will not disappoint. I loved it. Thank you. *****.

Just a minor comment about weapons chosen. A .357 revolver sounds good, but is exceedingly loud and over penetrates something awful. A nice semi auto in 9mm, or .40 cal is a much better choice for self defense because of greater capacity and ease of changing mags when the feces hits the oscillating device.

I agree that that comment is odious. She WAS kidnapped and raped. She could not walk out and if she told them about the money, they would take it and kill her immediately, most likely. The ONLY thing keeping her alive was probably the thought she might have the money.

However, by stealing all that money, she moved the moral dynamic from 'innocent Law Enforcement Officer' (not even that) kidnapped and raped for doing her job' to something like 'rival gangmember caught'.

One feels bad about a kid gunned down by a drive by. That is the senseless death of an innocent. One's sense of outrage is much less when you realize that the 'kid' was 17 years old and a dealer as well!

She put herself in that category even before she was raped. That is an important moral distinction.

with FD45. I liked the story, but I disliked both the main characters. The wife was narcissistic, completely amoral and contemptuous of her husband and the husband was passive and accepting to the point of being little more than a paper cut out of a man.

I think the husband (and his wife) found their common second sons was a big positive on the scale the husband decided to live together with Lena. Yes she was a little dangerouse to kill G(J)ennadi(j), but she saved her family............Sometime the interest of the kids is bigger to a selfdefence murder.

Somebody plays with the flames........Lana (Lena) burnt herself.

In my book this story is 5*****.

Wonderful story, nothing I could have written. As to the politics, one thing glared at me.

He thought not being allowed to build on wetlands was taking his land without compensation. In general, you can not add fill to a flood plain, nor divert water to or from your neighbors land. The former exacerbates flooding of properties up stream, and the latter helps you at the expense of your neighbor. Also wetlands absorb water, lessening flooding down stream, and wetlands remove pollutants such as lawn chemicals and bad septic tanks, thus reducing the damage your house and yard does to others.

Since nobody can research everything, AND it isn't relevant to the story, just don't go there.

However. I enjoyed the story, the plot was well thought out, and yes, I would take her back, you can't change the past.

Chilley

But story is just crap.

As a LW story only 1*. It got worse as the story progressed. I had no emotional connection to the characters, none at all.

As a crime drama- detective story, it was much better. I want to know more about the criminal investigation. The corrupt FBI agent was killed too soon and as an aside, like off- screen in a movie. That was a fail. Nevertheless 3*s for exposure of child and sex slavery in the U.S.

Hopefully this is a one-time failure of a story by you, Flavian.

Looking forward to your next posting as

AMerryMan

A couple of years ago I had a story in process about a "breeding operation" and found the concept so disturbing (because of the reality of it) that I couldn't continue and ended up scrapping the whole thing.

Reading your story was disturbing to me as well but I think your story was well done and brings to light a horrific problem. Thank you for your efforts.

Charleybear

it would have proly scored higher in the romance category .

especially if the Author had spent a chapter ( 3 or 4 pages ) detailing the courtship & developement of their relationship ... that would have also worked as a bigger buy in for the readers .. and resulted in much more depth to the protagonists,

another chapter (3 to 5 pages) detailing her progress through recovery & the hurdles faced by them both as a couple coming to terms with all that had happened would also have added much more depth to the tale.

this was a good story . decent plot , interesting ideas & concepts .

but it could have been one of the "epics" with some more work.

xxxhugsxxx

Sorry, I don't trust that theiving slut as far as I could throw her.

Her criminal activity put everyone she worked with at risk She was directly responsible for the deaths of the people at her office. She also put her family at risk. She is a reprehensible criminal. I wish she had been arrested and tried for her crimes. She as big a criminal as VanHorn. Interesting story, shallow characters.

One boring ass drawn out story.

I enjoyed this more than any other. It was very believable. I would like to see it continued with their life together raising the four children.

How many secrets does one couple keep from each other before it becomes unhealth?. How many times must she risk everything and carry a burden on her own before it destroys her? Didn't she learn from the first go around? Overall the story was good, but I didn't feel any tension in the story. I also felt a strange lack of emotions from Maddux. I just think that after all she went through, she would be more upfront with her actions. Especially when they affect so many people.

Just Me being generous I Suppose.

She does need to trust him enough to finish the story at some point down the road -

It is certainly no surprise she is peeling back the secrets a bit at a time -

Good people done a terrible wrong -

too much information. If in fact, the TMI didn't detract so much from the story continuity that it became boring to try to read. I still gave you 4*s just for the amount of effort you put into the writing.

Almost gave it a 4.

I don't give this family long term hope - too many "ugly" secrets and the specter of the Feds hanging.....

Too many secrets had helped nearly destroy them. He should tell her what he knows, and she needs to come clean also. The story had its good and bad but the decision to keep the secret was really poor writing.

What a horrible ending to a very good story.

Great writing but in the real world you just don't go back to being a happly married couple with a great sex life and a bunch of bastard kids.

ok

where does it all end. TK U MLJ LV NV

I don't care about the carving of Robert E. Lee or the neighboring communities to Atlanta or the numerous other irrelevant info that does not push the plot forward. We knew forn the start his leach field would play a part in the story but did I need to know about it's three section design and how it functions when in the end it added nothing to the story? you need someone to read your work and edit it. This story goes off on so many worthless tangents that do not add to the story that I was disgusted by the end because it could have been told much more concise manner and flowed more coherently. Someone used the Dragnet analogy and he was right to an extent. The only problem is he didn't just give "just the facts" he rambled on about them when most added nothing to the story or moved the plot along 2 stars at best.

Lana and Maddux are a really weird couple. I wonder how different the story could have been if they had actually fully communicated with each other - both before and after the abduction.

And I can't believe it but I actually go along with most of FD45 Comments. One exception - She was raped so many times that the fathers would have no idea who they are and wouldn't care anyway because they knew the babies were being sold off. So there is no chance they would come looking for her or the kids.

I cannot understand the negative comments some people make about him accepting the two girls. It is sad that they must lead such loveless lives to not understand. I will explain, and I am sorry that some words have more than 2 syllables. They were not the issue from a cheating wife but from rape over which she had no control. A woman will love her child even if the result of a rape. A man loves his wife despite circumstances beyond her control. A man can accept children his wife mothered and loves.

touched on here was the fact that it was her attitude and narcissism that kept her in the shit, so to speak and it was her theft of the money that caused the entire facility to be raided. I still think that she was the mistress of one of the Russians and just came up with the story of being a sex slave to cover that fact. I don't say she wasn't kidnapped but I also think that she was an opportunist and a sociopath of the first order. Might have been Vasily's or it might have been his number one's. Gennady did come back for her when she was home and he was the only one left who could blow her story. Too much smirking in her conversations and too little remorse for all the shit she gave her husband while she was undercover with Van Horn. Still think she was his mistress too. I don't think she gave any thought to her family when the weren't right in front of her. Might not have been the author's intent for her to be anything but the real victim in this piece, but she sure came across as a manipulator and hubby came across as kind of afraid of her. but it was readable and that's more than most of them on here.

I don't think either of them would go back to a marriage that had these kind of problems, she was more concerned about her other children than her first born, her husband would always have serious doubt about her life away from him and how she actually got into it in the first place. This marriage is dead he doesn't know her at all.

Something stinks here, and i´m not referring to the famous sewer system which seem to have become the focal point of this story. So how did Gennady know where she lives? How did he know that behind the property there was a trail that would bring him to the house? ¨I will do whatever it takes to protect my family¨ Well how long did she know he was prowling back there? I really think she went with them of her own accord and not a kidnapping. And I think Gennady was there to see his daughters. I don´t think we´ll ever know, and I hope the author wont attempt to follow with a continuation of this story as It was very hard to follow going to many ways that lead to nothing. To much information going on and just distracting from the story if there was a story line you wanted us to follow I couldn´t find it.

would not have anything to do with this cunt or her bastard children. i know it sounds cruel, but fuck her.

the characters in the story do not ring true, seem somewhat plastic.

Plotwise, I cannot see how these people could ever develop into any normalcy, even for the length of this novella.

To me it's a good story and the plot around 'Mom's Home' is fine by me, but even though I respect religious people, I think it shouldn't be in such a story, at least not as much as there is.

Please save me from dimwits who can't stand religion in any form. The Constitution guarantees freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion. If you don't want to worship, then don't. If others do and it offends you, turn away. If you feel that the author erred in juxtaposing religion and sex, don't read it. And have a bright, sparkly day, y'hear?

The people who push 10 commandment icons on public property, who insist this is a christian country, and who believe a serial adulterer who has made his money on gambling, booze, and fraud is a second coming are the ones who have shoved religion into politics. Disgusting.

Everything's cool as long as someone agrees with you. No tolerance of opinions and beliefs different than your own.

Back to the story... Not sure about it. I would have a rough time staying with Lana. She was fine with significant law breaking prior to her ordeal. She also is lying by omission about murder to her husband. What else is she OK doing? I don't think I would be able to trust her fully.

dreadful story as well as tedious and long winded.

I had a lot of the same problems others had with this story through the first two chapters. Specifically a robotic husband, wrong category and some issues with the wife. At the end of chapter two I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Yes with a small kid at home she should not have been working on the Russian Mob but I’d give her a pass. However now with what she revealed I have no sympathy. She was specifically taken cause she got cute and decided to rob a criminal organization known for its abject brutality and reprisals. Her abduction and torture are literally her fault. Further her husbands blase response to finding this out is mind boggling. Finally she finds out a hardened killer is hanging around her house. Forgetting her wanting to deal with it herself (fine I get that. Closure etc) did she not think to warn her husband of he danger? Maybe help protect the kids? Again he seems to not care at all. This woman seems care about herself first, her job then and her kids now second and her husband a distant third. The wife was unbelievable and the husbands responses made him unbelievable as well.

You did well to condense what could be a very good book into a relatively short story.

Ignore all the people who have criticised it and have picked holes in it - most of these issues could have been covered in a longer text.

Just enjoy it for what it is a good story that probably ( and disturbingly) is happening right now somewhere in the US and probably in most other countries around the world.

Wife had sex with Van Horn, a known sex addict. Wife had sex with Barney, we know has done this in the past and let her keep the stolen money. Wife steals money from Russian mob before she was abducted. Wife fucked, "game time" Gennady a lot while as sex slave. Gennady was coming his house at night, if he was such a bad ass, why not just kick in the door one evening and demand the stolen money. Because Lana liked Gennady's big dick. If the husband dug up Gennady and did a DNA test on him and the 2 girls he would discover they are father daughter.

After all that's finally come to light, this govt. worker/skeptic/ with a-bitch-for-a-wife husband must have started to realize that his wife really was fucking the guy she was investigating to keep him believing that she's his fully complicit whore. She didn't tell him about the Ape that she fucked a few times to keep him from taking her kids, before she killed and buried him in the back yard.

The only real flaw I found in the story was where Flavian wrote: ((( Lana did not really want to go back to work, ))) .... The statement is ludicrous because she was kidnapped from her place of employment, where 20 other people were murdered, then forced into three years of sex slavery that resulted in two unwanted pregnancies. Flavian evidently forgot to consider her three years of back salary and benefits plus workman's compensation coverage after her rescue. Along with that, I'm sure a good attorney would get her one hell of a settlement from her company's liability insurance. .... So, even if she hadn't stolen nine plus million dollars, why the hell would she want to go back to work?

Overall, an excellent story... Five Stars

I don't agree with him or her referring to the children as our children. They are not his.

While I sympathize with the situation I don't think I would be able to accept them unconditionally.

If he wants them to be his kids....so be it....

good story

bill..

Gennady: the first name in fertilizer and the only one with a lifetime guarantee! So if you're looking for a good long-term fertilizer, think Gennady. Gennady brand fertilizers are now available at your local Home Centers and garden stores. And don't forget to tell them that Maddux sent to you!😄😄😄😄😄😄

So his greedy arrogant bitch of a wife brought all this on herself. She was fucked constantly for 3 years, saddling the poor husband with a couple of bastards, but she effectively got paid 9 million dollars for it, which she seemed smug and delighted about.

Probably one of the most depressing stories I've read in months.

I would not of let Lana and “Her” two kids into “My” house after her being gone for three years. I’d of divorced her for abandonment after the first year she went missing.

Anon 11/22 is a blithering idiot. She was kidnapped and raped dipstick. His sons are involved and need their mother.

He DOES need to have a come to Jesus and repent your ways moment with her. Bitch still thinks the safety of her and the family is all on her. Big ego or she thinks she married a useless pussy. She treats him like a mushroom. Keeps him in the dark and feeds him bullshit. Again, should have walked when she bitched that she could take care of herself after the fight. Guess he better call her when anything happens that involves heavy lifting.

Wow, what a sweet little fairy tale. Well okay, maybe not. I do think it was an interesting story though. I also agree with another commentor who said it was tedious and too long. In my opinion, too many words and attention devoted to minute details that had little or no impact on the overall story. For instance, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about the geology around Atlanta, and about septic systems. I know the author worked all those details into the last part of the story to explain a few things, but that kind of stuff just made the story more tedious to me.

It has turned more or less into a tale after "gas explosion that killed 20 people" and then by adding more and more unbelievable elements but then again, it is a story so I can take it.

The bigger problem is the political disposition of the writer imposed on the main character. Why was that needed? Corrupted children of Democratic politicians, complaints about "liberal" elites, even a Democratic congressman buying children for adoption ...

If you want to taint your stories with your conservative political attitudes you should know there is a good deal of population that do not agree with your political proselytizing. Keep it for yourself. Or go and post stuff on non-erotic web sites since you could assume that a lot of porn generated on the internet is also related to abuse of women in those prostitution trafficking rings you were so explicitly describing. Did not think about that? I am always puzzled how people reading and watching pornography have no problem seeing themselves on high ground moralizing about marriage and human relations.

I like the stories in this section because of the emotions felt when reading. This story-line is unique, here. I don't think I'd like to read about sex slavery; it is too disgusting. Yet, the author was able to deal with its depravity without running me through it graphically.

All should hope, should their wife have to suffer such an atrocity, that they would welcome her back with open arms. However, as described, the problem is you don't get the same person back. That was dealt with realistically, too.

Finally, one villain had to escape and ultimately meet his fate. I was glad she was able to exact revenge and eternity in a septic field seems about right.

A few weeks before she couldn't bear to touch her husband, she could hug on Fife?

she experienced a sudden revulsion. But that can't be possible. She explained early on she had "the ability to look after herself". Walk away at that point and he would have saved himself a lifetime of pain with this bitch.

Wonder how many more secrets she hides from the husband she apparently doesn't trust worth a damn? That is one fucked up marriage but he appears to be a happy dumbass.

I can't believe HDK edited this. He's better than this!

This would happen so infrequently. Marriages do hot survive this much adversity in them.

I wanted to like kit but it was even worse than a RAAC story.

Sorry wish her well hope she can get near normal for the boy and move on. Shes damaged and the child doesnt deserve that nor he. not great but shoe on other foot id tell the female to do the same.

Like a REAL man.

About what the trail cam picked up? The only thing that surprised me that didn't happen on camera was Gennady getting popped. Her diverting he money thing was expected too. My only real complaint was the comment about John Deere's tipping over, I've owned several and never had that problem, now about those damned plastic hoods that crack...

There is also an advantage to using a 1911A1 .45 caliber pistol, having a spare barrel or two is handy for avoiding ballistic examination issues, spare ejectors and firing pins aren't a bad idea either. The thing in Russia a few years back with the dead hostages was a real fiasco of a real event. Was an entertaining story, perhaps over the top but enough truths from the real world made it hang together. One thing that I didn't understand, why didn't he just play the recording of the FBI agents he made at the restaurant for his wife? Since it's become an in thing to rename schools and remove statues of historical confederate figures I keep expecting to hear in the news about a movement to blast the them off of Stone Mountain. Signed: BTW