All Comments on 'Gaming for Love'

Truely a great read.

Do intelligent people actually play this dumb thing?

I know nothing about Pokemon, and never thought I'd last seven pages including game descriptions. But you hooked me with appealing characters and solid diologue, as well as some really tender sex scenes. 5 stars, and thank you.

Five stars. auguy86 is one of my favorite authors for Romance on Lit. even though I don't play Pokemon. Good luck in the contest, man

but I did as there was some fine romance wrapped around it :-) Thank you for all the feels - I gave you five stars, but as one of them casual gamers I will not succumb to start catching them all :-)

As usual a well written story with good characters. I am not a gamer so it was all new to me. Good luck with the contest.

Absolutely loved it. The perfect Valentines Day romance. Was written well, flowed nicely, and loved the characters. Thanks you.

I'm a guy and a chess player. I don't know anything about Pokémon, but it sounds a lot like chess to me. And I am an incurable romantic and I loved this story. 5* and I don't give them very much.

I don't know what the gaming community is like where you are at, but I have never seen the type of behavior at any of the store run gaming groups I have encountered across the nation. Stories like this make gamers look like racist sexist bastards and that is simply not true for the overwhelming majority of the gaming community. Better luck with your next story but I can't finish reading this.

Good characters and plot line.

________________________

@Feonorx

Bullying and domineering behavior happens in every facet of life.

Your comment seems a bit defensive to me.

Love the banter and the interplay between them.

This was honestly by far my favorite story I have ever read on the entire site. The connection felt by the characters by itself would have made for a great story for me, but adding in the little bits of Pokemon (my favorite competitive game by the way, I'm on Showdown all the time) just put it over the top for me and made me have to comment on this.

I'm not a gamer, hell I know nothing really.

But I was so hooked..I loved it. It was so well written with nerdy yet cool characters. And they are all so genuine and caring too.

I've read so many romance stories on Lit and this was one of the best stories.

It's about regular people and the story is not overly gooey either.

Never played a computer game but had no problem following this story. The story was not about gaming. It is a great love story. Outstanding characters and really good editing. A pleasure to read.

Extremely well written. The length is perfect and you didn't leave us hanging at the end. Thank you very much for writing this.

Equal parts antisemitism and autism. A believable fantasy. 5/5

I enjoyed the romance, liked how they got to know each, but struggled a bit with the caricatures.

Thanks and good luck

Trite, stilted, incorrect... The gamer business was completely beyond me, but as another comment said, it wasn't really relevant. The characters were stiff and unreal. Michael the virgin had no hesitation about becoming involved with a self-admitted town pump. Antonio and Liz, as the roommates were just so all-knowing you wonder what they were doing with their naive roommates. The dialog was unreal.

As a side note the author who is probably Jewish himself, made several errors regarding Judaism. His casual disregard for his parents' probable disapproval of his connecting with a non-Jew was not real. Michael's thanking fate for Hitler's existance so that his parents could be born was so far off the wall as to be really offensive. No Jew would ever make such a statement. The author referred to "Reformed" Judaism when he should have said "Reform" Judaism, again showing ignorance of the whole movement.

When you get right down to it, the author spent 7 pages on this story and all that really happened is that Michael takes some pictures at a basketball game where he reiterates his passion for the trainer Ashley. Predictable when he goes to the Pokemon meeting, Ashley is a top notch player and they split a pair of games after which they agree to go to the dance where Michael turns out to be a skilled dancer. They fall in love instantly, go to bed and vow eternal love. There's the game sequences which are hardly of value to the story, but I could see that Pokemon lovers might disagree. Still not worth 7 pages. Not worth more than 2* also.

I wasn't sure how well the gaming theme would go over, but I'm glad to know that so many have found it interesting and engaging even if it's not the style of video game they'd normally be interested in.

Overcritical, I'm sorry this story wasn't your cup of tea. I try to appeal to as large a reader base as possible while still remaining true to my own style, but obviously, that won't please everyone. To your points about Judaism, I myself am Methodist, not Jewish, but I did do my research beforehand. In particular, the character Michael is based on one of my best friends from college, and most of the exchanges with his character in the story are actual conversations I've had with him. He, a Jew, did in fact call it Reformed Judaism. And the quote about Hitler is verbatim to what my actual friend has told me on multiple occasions. You're assertion that no Jew would ever say or think that is factually incorrect. It is also not offensive, because it is a statement of fact: if not for Hitler, evil as he was, my friend would never have been born. That was his point.

If you feel the story is only worth a 2 star vote, that is your prerogative, and I pray you will find more enjoyable ways to spend your time. Life is too short to read something that you don't find interesting or engaging. All the same, thank you for reading.

auguy86

Don’t worry about the haters dear author. Critical just happens to be a salty ass, bitch boy who shouldn’t have kept reading if he hated it so much. Finishing the story was his fault.

An easy five stars for this story.

I'd recommend working with some other people to improve the dialog. The communication doesn't read as dimensional characters as much as the author talking to a female version of themselves.

Personally I had to stop reading at the Scizor/date gamble. Obviously he wouldn't bet his most valuable Pokemon that he'd been playing with for ten years. This situation killed all plausibility for me.

In a shorter story, I might not mind these things, but I believe you have put in substantive effort on this and should continue striving to create something better.

Excellent character development right up to the first peak of the story. When Michael put his Scizor up as a bet he communicated to Ashley just how much a date with her meant to him. Dialog was good for two nerds. It was bumpy at times but that added to the nerd realism of the story. I knew people in college just like these two. The directness and honesty of Michael all the way through was a huge plus. A solid 5* contribution. Thank you.

A truly sweet read, thank you!

I found myself enjoying the game strategy & description, even though Pokèmon has never appealed to me. As a geek myself, I was charmed by the overall gamer/geek themes.

Well done!

Don’t know anything about Pokemon but the story was fine and enjoyable, so 5* without question for the quality of the dialogue and the characters.

...he should have read on so he would see how the sexist element was only one person and he got his in the end. To blame the whole club for Eric's attitude is called guilt by association and Feonorx should be ashamed.

As for Anonymous 1/28/18, it was explained up front that Michael could easily replace his Scizor in the event that he lost, so it would be no big risk to make the bet, the risk of possibly losing Ashley if he DIDN'T make it was by far the greater danger.

Great story! Keep up the good work...(but I do wish you would finish Gray Jedi).

and if 2 people can work together they will be the only winner, end game included, TK U MLJ LV NV

What a cute, lovely story. I am not gamer but was able to follow along and thoroughly enjoy the story... even the gaming parts! :-) And thanks so much! I personally like old fashion thrown in there! ;)

I am a Pokenerd... Sort of. I played Red when it first came out, 96. I was 9. 20 years later, Sun came out. So... If your college seniors "played Pokemon when it first came out" they'd have to either have been playing at around age 2, or nearly 30 as seniors.

Heh.

But yeah, cool story, I liked the way they meshed together. Eric seemed a bit clichéd though... Greasy loser scumbag gets humiliated by the "hero"...

It was totally worth it though.

Thanks for sharing!

Okay so I've got thoughts, starting with, uh, why would you mention Hitler in that context?

No seriously. I read your explanation in your previous comment, and I think I get it. Still, the whole "I'm glad for Hitler" thing is where I checked out because that's what I call *yikes* dude. But I'm not coming off as very constructive here; much as I agree with a lot of Overcritical's sentiments, I hate the way he phrased them. So bear with me while I try to unpack the problems I had with this story, starting with that moment.

You claim that you pulled that from your Jewish friend, which...first of all, I wish I could show that clip and your defense to my own Jewish friend because he'd have a fucking aneurysm. It's not that it's an invalid sentiment; I'd even say it's an interesting one. But it's a fringe school of thought at best and you're laying it out like it's a cute character detail in a romantic comedy. Yes, your friend told you that...but very likely, you knew that friend for quite a while, so he trusted you to understand that HITLER STILL HAD MILLIONS OF PEOPLE MURDERED AND/OR IMPRISONED AND SOME OF HIS OWN ANCESTORS MAY HAVE BEEN AMONG THEM. It just sounds *wrong,* like a dolphin speaking French or Tommy Wiseau speaking English.

Now I was going to say "If I was writing this, I'd at least have Michael pay lip service to what an evil bastard he was because in twenty-eight-goddamn-teen he's going to want to assure the girl he likes, the girl who is probably way too familiar with what a Nazi harassment campaign looks like post Gamergate, that he's not a fucking Nazi." But the amazing thing is, you do have Michael pay lip service at the top of the offending paragraph: "Evil man...hope there's never another like him." It's such a blasé, generic acknowledgement of his evil, though; it feels like the next sentence could be "But he did have some good ideas."

See, I don't think you're necessarily ill-informed, certainly not hateful. But you *are* bland. That paragraph came after a whole wall of dialogue that did nothing but dump exposition and character background. I know Michael's history. I know Ashley's history. I know nothing about who they are as people besides a shared love of video games, and I have no idea why I should root for them to get together. You need to make your dialogue work for you more—I don't say this dismissively, I have trouble with this too. Readers don't just want information, they want emotion. When they read dialogue scenes, they're subconsciously looking to see how the characters bounce off each other. Do they make each other laugh? Do they encourage each other? Do they choose their words a little more carefully because they're a little afraid of scaring the other off? This is the shit that demonstrates the chemistry between people, and in a romance, chemistry is everything.

Here's my impression of Michael and Ashley's chemistry:

Michael: I like this thing.

Ashley: I also like this thing. Here is why I like this thing.

Michael: I relate to that. Let's go to function.

Ashley: I won't go to function with you, you're a creep.

Michael: Okay, I'll leave.

Ashley: Actually, you're not a creep. I just have emotional baggage, half of which is as follows: blah blah blah blah.

Michael: I understand. Hitler was evil but I'm glad he existed.

Ashley: We're going to have sex later.

Liz: Hi, I'm the gay roommate who is gay.

Michael: My roommate's gay too, you can tell because he irons his clothes.

Me: ...the fuck?

I'm sure Michael busting Antonio's balls was meant to show some kind of brotherly closeness but none of it is funny and Michael just comes off like a douche. That might've been something else you pulled word-for-word from your life, but again: context is everything. Good dialogue is about more than what you hear on the street.

And when it comes to establishing character, a little bit goes a long way. Take Liz: Now I'm not thrilled to be critiquing a gay character for how she/you present her gayness—it's great that you've got her in there, and no, her queer identity doesn't need to be invisible for "realism." But you could communicate that identity so much more efficiently with just a few little descriptive details. Just for an example: put a pride flag in the living room. Maybe Michael sees it and gets a little confused, but Liz quickly realizes how that could be taken:

Liz: Oh, and don't worry; that's mine, not ours. Ash loves the D, it's kinda tragic.

Ashley: (from bathroom) WHAT THE SHIT, LIZ?

Liz: (with a wink) Right back!

Bam: we've established Liz is very openly gay and that Ashley definitively likes men. But we've also established Liz's general openness and contrasted it to Ashley's slightly more modest, cautious personality—which may or may not have come through before. We've needled Michael's fears that Ashley will be another in a long line of potential love interests that turn out to be unavailable. We've even *very quietly* established that Liz might be attracted to Ashley in a non-serious, "it'll never happen but I'm not gonna lie" way—and/or, she knows that Ashley's been around the block a few times (which judging by other comments is where you were apparently going with this). Why else would Liz call her situation "kinda tragic?" And Liz's casual reaction to Ashley's outburst suggests that either she's a bitch and Ashley's looking for a new place, or (more likely) that Ashley is ultimately comfortable with Liz busting her balls.

To be clear, my style isn't the only style, and it's by no means the most appropriate style; that all depends on how you see these characters and what you want to communicate about them. But look at how much work is being done just from those few lines of dialogue—and most importantly, it's a lot more fun to read!

Honestly, I wish I could say something positive about this, if only to stroke your ego a bit (again, not dismissive; the importance of the ego is grossly underappreciated) and show you what you can build on. I will say this: your opening hooked me, and I love the idea of a love story between two gamers. It's been done, but never done well; the gamer community is overstereotyped yet nevertheless infantilized, and it's stacked with a fair bit of social awkwardness. I think a well-written erotic story centered around a genuinely adult romance within that world could be interesting, affirming, and maybe even instructive. You're on to something here, and it helps that you've at least done some homework; while I think you got a *little* too detailed with the Pokémon battles you present, and while (as another comment pointed out) your leads were way too young to be into the Red/Blue era like you explicitly state, I like that you were able to demonstrate the appeal of it. If nothing else, I get why these two play, and it has nothing to do with their backgrounds; you just make it sound like their kind of fun!

Like, you're *so close* to getting it. These two aren't going to fall in love because they've learned everything about each other, they're going to fall in love because they want to be around each other, and none of that comes through in what I read. It's just a big long info dump hiding behind a love story.

The good news is that I seem to be an outlier. Plenty of people enjoyed this going by the score, and you've got a pretty big following. Whatever you're doing, it's working for you. If you ever want to push yourself, though, then I'd humbly suggest starting with this review. Practice saying more with less and consider how your characters are relating to each other, and if you're not reading books outside the SF/F genre, do that. Personally I dig crime fiction, and I'm a lot more casual as a reader than I should be, so I'll recommend some of the big dogs: Elmore Leonard, Carl Hiaasen, and Dennis Lehane. Leonard is particularly great if you wanna see what crackling dialogue looks like; the reason he gets adapted so often (Get Shorty, Jackie Brown / Rum Punch, Justified / Fire in the Hole) is because a lot of screenwriters wish they WERE him, and for good damn reason. The man's a master.

Whatever happens, keep at it; study and practice can only make you better.

You have a great strategy for the game of man vs woman, takinig them from boy vs girl to team members. Our hero defeated monsters and overcame obstacles, patiently making his moves. Well done.

Hey, auguy86. How've you been? Just read your story. I just have one thing to say. The first time I read your story, it stole my attention. As an aspiring writer myself, I now wished to know your writing style better. So I read it twice, thrice which landed me to a conclusion. This story hasn't been written. It has been crafted. Each word has been rightly placed at the right situation. This effectively brings out the extent of emotion in each word and helps in the better understanding for the reader. I could now tell that how much hard-work it took in editing this again and again. So, excellent job done pal. Wish me luck at = ARDADWAL46@GMAIL.COM

Nicely done with this story, couldn’t have been any better.

You're as long-winded as I am. :-)

Good story, makes me wish I had found a gamer girl to call my own. Well written

One of the best things about this story is that the author explains the game in lay terms. I've encountered other stories on this site about gamers in which the author more-or-less assumed familiarity with the game(s) in question. It's one thing for an author to include a humorous reference that not everyone will get. It's something else to make a series of references which are plot significant.

Great story!

I feel strange commenting on story where the author is a professional writer and has posted no stories or comments for nearly 5 years. As for rating, well it is in the high fours and close to a 5.

Two big commentators, one not a writer, the others averages about. 4.8 with his stuff on this site.

Both were quite critical! but in different ways. Part of my work is writing and I have produced over 20,000 pages at 1,000 words per page. I found hardly anything to criticize, but then I read for entertainment and the variety of characters authors create. 'nuff said.

This was great. Thank you.