by TE999
Loved it! Five stars! It was sexy and thrilling. Thanks for this wonderful ending to a great story.
These stories are so well written and paced. Loved it from the start, you really got the feeling of fear for the characters right. The only issue was names, they kept getting mixed up. Other than that an excellent story
Loved every minute of this story, from every page , the story kept getting me hotter and hotter.. Plus my gfs and I loved , all 4 of us enjoyed it..
Please can you continue writing more for this story.. What happens in the future etc
You can't be serious? A three year old could write better dialogue.
I read this story last year, so reading it again I understood a previous comment on proof reading mainly because of the name changes, but, I loved it, I kept saying to myself I will stop reading after this chapter but I just kept on going. I really liked it.
Before you can call yourself a writer, you need to get a basic education in English composition:
1 - A writer must learn to keep the names of his characters consistent. The sister who started in your story as Nicole (Nikki) suddenly became Keri. There are several times where the two names are used for this character within a few sntences. Veronica teeters between Veronica and Virginia.
2 - You should have better command of English vocabulary; You use "deformation for "defamation" Yet you knew enough to use (in the same paragraph, the word "defamed". "Prolly??? Really? The word is "probably"
3 - Get your locales straight. The store starts out as Pleasure Island. Then it becomes Lover's Island. Then Pleasure, then Lover's. Make up your mind.
The story line is very good. The story goes on a bit too long.
Good try! Get the basics right.
Aside from mixing up names, this series was well written and enjoyable. I really liked the way the sex was depicted. However, I didn't like the story arc.
The plot was tolerable as long as it involved the private investigator Mike Hutchins. But it really went downhill after Chapter 4, reaching levels of absurdity when the women got into a shoot-out with the police.
I had the distinct impression that the story was originally intended to end after the first three chapters, closing with the two families together as lovers, aiming for an easy-going story about lesbian incest without any drama.
But then the author came up with the idea to continue the adventure and add the "Legion of Decency" to add a little drama to make it interesting. Nothing wrong with that, but unfortunately they went overboard with the drama and ruined the mood of the original story.
As far as I'm concerned, drama and action of that caliber don't work well in sex stories. If you want to write a thriller, cut back on the sex. If you want to write erotic stories, don't get lost in blockbuster action scenes.
There are very few books, or in this case chapters of a very entertaining series. That I'm interested in rereading. Although this is definitely one. 5🌟's
Even though Mike was the one that got them found out, he did a lot after to show how sorry he was even going to jail for them. Also unlike Leslie's and Susan's husband he support Connie 120%. Therefore I found he should have been allowed into their circle, and if they didn't want to have sex with him and stay faithful to their new soulmates, they could have at least gotten him out of jail and find a nice women for him too. If it happened, it wasn' t mentioned very well. It's only fair right.
I read over ch. 7 and on the first page it stated that Mike did get out of jail. It still doesn't change the fact that after he supported Connie and the other ladies 120%, he is abandoned by the ladies and isn't mentioned again or thanked in any way. I understand a lot of men are dicks, but he isn't one of them. Even though this is a lesbian story I wish he didn't get shaffed like that. Other than that and the name issue a great story series indeed.
A bit hard to believe that there would be such a big shoot out just to keep some surveillance footage from being discovered. And there's no charges laid against any of the women for the men they killed and they can all go on with their lives as happy couples? I agree with another reader that this story should have ended after the 3rd or 4th chapter.
Man that was a great series I was kinda confused cuz u changed some of the characters names but other wise great series I would recommend.