All Comments on 'Going Goth'

Great love story. Well paced and written.

I enjoyed this one quite a bit. Can't wait for the next part :)

Amazing! I can't wait for the second part to this story!!!

This story has a very particular quality of wide-eyed innocence about it that's very affecting. Not just the newness, but the earnestness, the yearning for companionship, the romance.

Of course, it also has a playful edge of uninhibited lustiness which is very interesting! I hope our heroines will wind up very happy and together!

(just a note: did the younger sister change her name for a couple of sections? lol no biggie; this always happens! or maybe I missed something; there's a lot of material here which is very . . . distracting!)

This is a great story. 5 stars! Really hope something like this happens to me one day.

This story was both good and terrible. The story in general was good, but it had a couple of stinkers. Your language was repetitive; the word "lover" was grossly overused. Your choice of words could also have been better in that you use words like "pussy" a lot, and a wider vocabulary gives quality to the writing.

You also had the Brittany character fall in love with Teri too easily. The character had no depth, so strong emotions were out of character for her. Some back-story would have been good, providing the reader with some understanding of the character. All in all, the characters were unrealistic and unrelatable. You could probably rewrite it to be really good, which I would recommend.

You should check out http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2950544/7/Better-Late-Than-Never

It's a great example of how to write a good sex-scene, and the story as a whole is great!

The story overall was pretty good, but the delivery was all wrong. I enjoyed it.

A good start to the story. I too was disappointed at how quickly Brittany went from straight to jumping in with both feet. Seems like there could have been a somewhat more tense scene when they meet at the store, with a more gradual coming together. And that would have given a more realistic ramping up of Brit's love for Teri (going from barely friends to in love forever in less than 24 hours??)

I'm happy to see that there might some issues the two will need to deal with - I'm sure Nikki won't despise them but I hope the couple will at least have to deal with coming out to some of their community.

Don't listen to any of the posers, or haters that keep telling you that the delivery was wrong. The story is well written and what they whining about is what give the story the purity and innocence that it has. Keep up the good work.

That was frcikin awesome , you are totally spot on with this baby. Can't wait for part 2

Great to read a story that isn't just like all the others,full of drama and tear wrenching heart aches.Loved the pure fun of it.I hope you continue to create a series with this,because there is so many avenues you can follow it would be a shame to just end it here.

come up with another word besides ejaculate kind of kills the mood

Loved it. Felt like it had a natural build to it. Great story and is one of my Favorites.

You made me wet with your details. I wish I was there

Just finished chapter 1. Oh wow what a good start, if this were a movie. It would have all the makings of a edge of the seat . Entertainment.

The sex parts were great but the pacing of the relationship was too fast, as pointed out by others. In the beginning, Brittany thinks of her sister's friends as "creepy", and a few hours later, she's madly in love with one of them.

This aside, I liked the cliffhanger at the end, getting caught by Niki, but I don't think she would tell their parents. I also hope that Brittany and Teri eventually hook up with the salesgirl from the adult toy store in further chapters.

A really good concept. I like the idea of the sisters friend slowly seducing her and encouraging her to loosen up. But she fell of the cliff into LOVE territory way to quick for it to be believable. And jer sister already knew they were making out so it shouldn't have mattered if she caught them right? I'd call this a rough draft, and then re edit it it a little longer with the same concept and theme. Maybe make it a bit more ACTUALLY ROMANTIC since they kept saying LOVE

I really really liked this story, Looking forward to Part 2