Good on Paper

"I think you know you enjoyed kissing me," he told her with a smile.

"Okay. I won't argue with you about that," she said very quietly. "But just to make sure, could you maybe kiss me again?"

During this second kiss, the tips of their tongues gently touched two or three times, and Taryn moaned softly as she kissed him back.

"Well?" Luke asked after their second kiss.

"Oh, yes. You were right. I definitely enjoyed that."

"Me, too," he told her.

"So...now what?" she asked.

"I want to see you again," he told her. "I'd like to take you on a proper date."

"I'd like that," she said very quietly.

"Me, too," he said again with a smile as he brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," she said, her heart still pounding inside her chest.

"I should probably be going now."

"Oh, right. Yes. That's probably a good idea," Taryn said as she sat up straight.

Luke stood up, offered his hand, then helped her stand, too.

He put his hands on her hips and said, "You really are beautiful."

This time she didn't argue with him or even with herself. She just quietly told him 'thank you', then hoped he'd kiss her again. When he did, she knew she could possibly fall for him no matter how old he was—or—wasn't. And that's when she realized she didn't know his age.

"Luke?" she asked.

"Uh-huh?"

"Well, you know I'm...my age. I was wondering, even though I'm afraid to ask, how..."

"I'm 24," he told her before she could ask.

"Twenty...four?" she repeated, only as a question.

"Yes. Twenty-four. Why? Are you reconsidering now?"

"Um...no. Well, I...don't think so," she said.

A second later she asked, "Are you really...twenty-four?"

He smiled and said, "Yes. Really."

"Oh...my...God," Taryn said quietly.

"Taryn?"

"Yes?"

"Don't give up on me—on...us... Okay? Give me a chance to prove to you I'm what you're looking for in spite of the age difference. Can you do that?"

She looked into his eyes for several seconds then said, "I don't know. I mean...twenty-four is.

"Twenty-four?" Luke said with a smile.

"Yes. Yes, it is," she told him as he bored holes into her soul.

"Well, I guess maybe I could do that. Give you a chance, that is."

Luke smiled then said, "You won't be disappointed. I promise."

"I'm gonna hold you to that, Luke," she said quietly, still looking into his eyes.

He kind of cocked his head then said rather playfully, "Well, as long as you...hold me."

Taryn made that snorting sound again and playfully slapped him on the chest.

"That was bad! Really bad!" she said with a laugh.

"I guess I should keep my day job, huh?" he said with a laugh before he realized what he'd just said.

Both of them stopped smiling and Luke said, "Sorry. Sore subject."

"No. It's okay," Taryn said, not sure if it really was okay. Between that and what seemed like an insurmountable difference in age, she wasn't actually sure it was okay.

She walked him to the door as her head swirled with all kinds of conflicting thoughts.

He stopped at the door, faced her, then took her hands again.

"I'm not sure if I should say this or not, but I'm going to say it," he told her.

Taryn stood there looking up into his eyes and waited.

"Taryn? I've had feelings for you since the first time I saw you," he told her with complete sincerity. "I know you have concerns...legitimate concerns...about our ages and about my...employment status. But if you'll keep an open mind to finding what you really want somewhere outside of where you've always expected to find it..."

"I'm willing to try, Luke. Or at least not dismiss this outright without trying. But you're right, my concerns are very real."

She smiled at him then said, "But I have to admit that you're quite possibly the most interesting and intriguing...man...I've even met before, so, in spite of those concerns, let's do give this a try, okay? I just need to make certain Matt doesn't get hurt. He really looks up to you, Luke. You know that, right?"

"Yes, and I like him, too. A lot. And I would never do anything to hurt him, Taryn."

"I know you wouldn't. But if you and I...you know..."

"I understand," he told her.

He looked at her for another second, smiled, kissed her softly, then said, "Goodnight, Taryn."

"Goodnight, Luke," she said quietly as he let go of her hands and opened the door.

Once he was gone, Taryn stood there for nearly a minute as she tried to stop her world from spinning out of control. Her long-held belief in resumes and checklists had come crashing down and lay in ruins. She'd also just kissed a...guy...who was more years younger than her than her son had been alive. He had no job and no resume. So why couldn't she stop thinking about him and wanting to be with him?

Panic began setting in as Taryn tried to unravel the mess she'd made. Perhaps it was time to call time out and give herself time to think. That made sense. This was happening too fast, and she needed to slow things down until she could see how foolish this was.

And with that thought, she felt better. Much better, in fact. Until she lay down in bed. And that's when she realized the only thing she wanted to think about was him kissing her and the way he looked at her and the way he made her feel.

Taryn had been wet many times that evening, and now, as she lay there thinking about him and his kiss, her hand slowly moved to a place it hadn't been for quite some time. She was only not not having sex, she rarely even...did this. But tonight, short of the house catching fire, she couldn't have stopped herself for any reason. She couldn't because she was on fire.

On those rare occasions when Taryn 'diddled herself', she loved to draw it out for up to an hour sometimes, bringing herself right to the edge then slowing things down over and over.

But this time, it was different. This time she needed to 'get there' and it only took the thought of that first kiss and then the second to push her beyond the limits of self control.

He body shuddered hard and kept shuddering and twitching for several more seconds even after she thought she was done.

Satisfied and yet more unsatisfied than she'd ever been, she lay there looking up at the ceiling wondering what to do. And more importantly, did she have the strength to do it once she knew what to do.

It was a little after 1am the last time she glanced at the clock. A few minutes later, sleep finally came, and for the next five hours, she was free from her all of her self-inflicted concerns about the handsome, younger man who'd captivated her thoughts until shortly before she woke up. And then, he appeared there, too, smiling and telling her...he loved her.

"I love you so much," she thought she heard herself saying as her arms reached out for him.

"Mom? Are you okay?"

Taryn opened one eye and then the other and there was Matthew standing next to her bed.

"You were talking and moaning really loud. I woke up and thought you were sick. Are you okay?" he asked again.

"Oh. Um...I...I don't know," she said. "What time is it?"

"It's almost seven-thirty, and I'm starving."

"Sorry, baby. I'll get up and make something for you, okay?" she said as she forced herself to sit up.

"You're not sick, right?" he asked again.

"No. I'm not sick," she said as she forced a smile.

"Okay. Cool," her son said.

She was too tired to smile but not too tired to think, "Maybe just...lovesick?"

Early the next morning Taryn called her sister.

"Hey. Any chance you can stop by today and talk?"

"Sure. Anything serious?" Becca asked.

"Maybe," her sister said quietly.

"Could it possibly involve a good-looking younger man?" Becca teased.

Taryn had only briefly mentioned that the 'helpful hand' Becca had recommended was quite handsome just once. Evidently, their father had been talking out of school.

"What did Dad say?" Taryn asked.

"We'll discuss that when I get there, okay?"

Taryn was physically and mentally worn out even after a second cup of coffee and a long, hot shower.

Becca showed up around noon, and the two of them had some lunch with Matt before sitting down to talk.

"So what's bothering you?" Becca asked.

"First tell me how much Dad told you," Taryn insisted.

"Oh, so there's a lot to tell, huh?" Becca said, toying with her sister.

"Beks! Please!"

"Okay, fine."

Her older sister explained how their dad mentioned Taryn couldn't see the forest for the trees; that she was missing out on a chance to find real love because of her 'checklist' thing.

"He makes me furious sometimes!" Taryn said in exasperation.

"Why? Because he's right?" Becca said directly.

Taryn was so confused and so frustrated, tears started welling up in her eyes, and that caused her sister to feel bad for her, so she moved over to the couch and sat next to her.

"Hey, it's okay. Just talk to me. One way or the other this thing will be over. Don't let it upset you like this. It just isn't worth it."

"That's easy for you to say," Taryn said as she choked back tears.

"Seriously? After being cheated on? We're barely holding on over here, Tee. That retreat was helpful, but it was only a first step. We have a LOT of ground to cover, and I have a lot of anger and resentment to bury. So while I'm not trying to minimize your situation, please don't minimize mine."

Now Taryn felt awful. She dried her eyes then turned toward her sister.

"I know. And I'm sorry. I just got so caught up in my own woes, I forgot how badly you're hurting. Can you forgive me?"

"Forgive you? Stop it! You're my sister. You got dumped, and Matt got left without a dad, so I'd say we're roughly equal. In terms of dealing with...shit...that is."

Becca rarely cursed and that she did made Taryn laugh.

"So what do I do?" Taryn asked. "I'm so confused I can't think straight."

"What's the most confusing part?" Becca asked.

"I don't know. I guess that I even have these feelings for him."

"What kind of feelings? Romantic? Motherly? What?"

"Motherly? Ewww. Gross!" Taryn said.

"So...romantic?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe or...probably?"

"Probably?" Taryn said making it more a question than an answer.

"Has he kissed you?" Becca asked.

When her sister looked away immediately, she knew.

"Oh, my God! He has, hasn't he? Was it nice?"

Taryn hesitated then said, "Yes. And...yes."

"Tell me everything!" Becca said.

"Becca!"

"Sorry. I'm not exactly 'livin' the dream' anymore. I guess I just wanted to live through you for a moment. But...tell me everything!"

Taryn couldn't help laughing, and Becca joined in, too. She told her older sister everything that had happened since the first time she saw him and how it all made her feel.

"So on the plus side...he's gorgeous. He's kind. He helps children and seniors for free. And on the negative he's unemployed and um...24. Wow."

"Yeah. Wow."

Taryn turned to her sister and said, "What do I do, Beks? Help me!"

"Follow your heart?" she suggested.

"Gee, thanks," Taryn said with a slightly sarcastic edge.

"Let me put it this way. If I had the choice of going back and marrying my husband, who's my age, and being cheated on and hurt like this or marrying a guy that much younger who was drop-dead handsome and romantic, it's be a no-brainer."

Just to be sure Taryn asked, "So you'd choose the younger man?"

"In a heartbeat!" Becca said. "There are no guarantees in life, Tee. None. Well, except for death and let's not get on that, okay?"

They both laughed briefly again before Becca finished her thoughts.

"Trying to map everything out might be okay for financial planning. But you can't map out your heart, Tee. It's impossible to use a checklist because the items you list also have to be weighted. And how to you assign a value to something like fidelity or having a job? How do you compare romance to financial stability? It's impossible. Therefore, we have to trust our instincts and follow our hearts. If it says the handsome, unemployed guy is what's best for you, stop worrying about money and go for it. But if you think he's really a...cad...underneath that beautiful exterior, then run for the hills as fast as you can. But only you can answer that for yourself."

Becca smiled then said, "That's my two cents worth. And remember, you get what you pay for."

Taryn laughed uneasily then hugged her sister.

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'm tempted to say something snarky here, but...back atcha, sis."

Taryn pulled back then asked, "So do you think Dad's right?"

"I don't know. But you said Luke is a college graduate, right. So he's not incapable of doing something difficult. Why don't you just ask him? Directly but politely, ask him why he doesn't have a job and what his plans are? It's a legitimate question, and if likes you as much as he says he does, he'll tell you why."

"It's just so...personal."

"Um...you're thinking about getting romantically involved with this guy, and this is your biggest sticking point. Personal or not, it needs to be asked. So...ask!"

Taryn sighed knowing Becca was right.

"Okay. I'll bring it up. Tactfully, of course."

"Good girl!" her sister said. "So...you got any dessert in the house?"

Taryn needed that laugh, and she needed something sweet.

"I have half a pint of chocolate ice cream left."

"That'll work!" Becca said as she nodded toward the kitchen.

As they were polishing off the last of the ice cream, Taryn's phone rang.

"Is it Luke?" Becca asked.

"Uh-huh."

"Then answer it!"

"Hello?" Taryn said, her heart rate already up.

"Hi. How did you sleep?" he asked.

She could 'hear' him smiling and told him she had a rough night.

"Because of me?" he asked knowing intuitively it was.

"Maybe, but my amazing sister came over and helped me work through some things."

"Oh. Okay. Does that mean you might want to see me again?" he asked hopefully.

Taryn smiled happily and said, "Maybe."

"Maybe. I'll take it," Luke told her just as playfully.

"I want to meet him!" Becca said mostly via facial expression and opening her mouth widely to say the words.

Taryn covered the receiver and said to Becca, "Now?"

"Yes. Now. Why not?"

Taryn shook her head then said, "Um...would you maybe want to come over and let my sister ogle...er...meet you?"

Taryn was trying not to laugh as her sister balled up a fist as though she was going to kill her.

"I've always like going to the zoo. I've just never been the animal in a cage before," Luke teased. "Is your phone on speaker?"

"No, but I'm sure Miss Nosy Pants can hear everything quite well."

Becca did a, "Who? Me?" kind of thing and that made Taryn smile, too.

"She really wants to meet you, and well, if we are going to see each other again, you need to see the good, the bad, and...my sister."

Luke laughed heartily and heard Becca say, "Oh, you are so gonna get it!"

"Sure. I'd love to stop by. Just tell me when."

Becca heard that, too, and mouthed, "Right now!"

"Becca says she can't wait to um...see you...so maybe...soon?"

"I can be there in about fifteen minutes. Will that work?"

Becca was nodding like crazy, and Taryn was laughing.

"Yes. That will be just fine."

"Okay. See you then," Luke told her.

"Bye. See you soon."

Evidently, the way she said it said a lot and it wasn't lost on Becca.

"Oh, you should hear the way you talk to him."

She exaggerated her impersonation of her sister she said, "Bye, Luke. I love you soooo much. Kissy, kiss, kiss!"

"I do not talk like that!" Taryn insisted.

"Oh, no? You need to sit over here and listen to yourself. You definitely like this guy, job or no job."

Taryn sat there for a few seconds then said, "I guess maybe I do."

"Oh, trust me, Tee. You do. No doubt about it."

No matter how badly Becca wanted to meet him, she knew she'd leave once she did as her sister needed time alone with Luke to discuss the things that were bothering her so much.

That didn't stop her from making a bit of a scene once he showed up, though.

Taryn let him in and Becca's jaw dropped when she saw him.

"Wow! You're even more gorgeous than Taryn said!"

Among his many virtues, Luke was a modest young man, and only said, "That's very kind of you to say."

"Oh. I'm Rebecca, by the way. Rebecca Shands. Taryn's older, but prettier sister."

"Well, you are very pretty," he said politely. "I'm just kind of partial to to Edwin's other daughter."

Taryn smiled happily then said, "Don't you have to get home and take care of that...thing?"

"Oh, right. Yes, I have a...thing...to attend to. At home," Becca said before grabbing her purse. "It was very nice meeting you, Luke."

"You, too, Rebecca," he said using the name she gave him.

"I go by Becca, but you can call me anything you like," she said.

It was over-the-top, and therefore meaningless, flirting, and both Luke and Taryn understood that.

Taryn walked her sister to the front door and thanked her for coming over. She, in turn, thanked her for letting her meet Luke.

"He is so hot!" Becca mouthed just before leaving. Luke saw it, smiled, then lowered his head in modestly again.

Becca hugged her sister then said, "Follow your heart, okay?"

Taryn promised she would, then turned toward Luke just as Matt came tearing around the corner.

"Luke!" he called out as he ran to him and shamelessly accepted a hug.

"Hey, big guy! How are you doin'?"

"Great! Do you wanna play Call of Duty?" Matt asked.

"Oh, sure. But I think your mom wants to talk for a bit first. Is that okay?"

"Oh, okay. I'll come back downstairs whenever you're ready. Just yell up to me, okay?"

Luke chuckled and said, "I don't think I'll actually yell, but I will let you know when we're finished."

"Okay! Cool!" Matt said before tearing back upstairs.

"He really likes you, Luke," Taryn said.

"Well, the feeling is mutual," he told her immediately.

She asked him to sit down and if she could get him anything. He told her 'no thank you' so she sat across from him and began talking.

"Luke, I wanted to talk to you, because...well, because I like you, too."

He was looking right at her but didn't speak when she added, "A lot."

"I like you a lot, too," he said sincerely.

"Becca and I were discussing how I feel, and I hope that's okay. She's my very best friend in the whole world, and we pretty much share everything."

"It's fine. I'm envious. I'm an only child, and I've often imagined having a brother I could talk to like that. So that doesn't bother me at all."

"I guess I should just come out and tell you what's really bothering me, and then maybe we can find a way to work through it."

"Sure," was all Luke said.

"Other than the obvious, very large difference in age, something I'm still struggling with, I guess the thing that's bothering me most is, well, why you don't, you know..."

"Have a job?" he said filling in the blank.

"In a word, yes," Taryn told him. "I know you graduated from college so I know you're intelligent, and I also know you can set and attain goals. And I love that you have such a big heart and do so much to help people in need. I guess I'm just not sure why you don't also work. Perhaps you still live with your parents, and if so, that's fine. I'm just not sure I'd be fine with that. That sounds terrible, I know, but I can't change how I feel about that. I know I have no right to demand an answer, but I really am attracted to you, and as I said, I like you a lot. So...at the risk of driving you away by being too direct too early, could we maybe discuss this?"

Luke smiled then quietly said, "Of course. You can ask me anything, Taryn. About anything at anytime. And I'll always answer you with complete honestly."

He smiled then said, "Unless it's a 'does this make my butt look big?' kind of question. I'm not above little white lies in that situation."