All Comments on 'Guess Who - Daughter's Sleep Over'

Sweaty when sweetie was what you intended to convey was a blatant mistake. Editor and taking the time to proof read your work after allowing it to sit a few days might help.

2 stars

That was very good for a first time writer . If you are going to write more it is always a good idea to get some one to edit your work . Never take reviews to hart some will be mean because they have no talent and some are just Trolls . Hope you do more stories you do good work .Keep writing and I'll keep reading .Thanks for the story...

Excellent first story. I never noticed any mistakes when reading, i just read it. Those who complain about misspelled words need to enjoy the story and stop analyzing it. Very well done. If you write a continuation or a new story I will read them. 5 stars

learn to spell and proofread! It's guessed not guest, and crotch not crouch!

Good story

is knocked up! now he knows who he came in

Sweaty instead of sweety and guest instead of guess among many others ruined the read for me. The wankers won't complain but for me it just wasn't erotic due to all the problems.

And, folks, it includes my personal favourite - substituting "shutter" for "shudder". A dead giveaway that the 'author' is barely literate.

Learn to speak, write, and spell English. Get yourself an editor if you're unable to do so.

Oh, and all the best for your upcoming 13th birthday.

An enjoyable read. Ignore the negativity!

Great story!

I do not mind any of the negative feedback. I need to know what I can do to get better at writing. This is the first time I have ever submitted a story. The only thing I ask is if you are going to leave negative feedback, please be specific. If you can not give an example of what can be improved, then don't bother leaving the comment.

Enjoyed your story look forward for more from you

Sleepover was an OK story except for the grammar. You changed tense throughout and made the story choppy and disjointed. Suggesting that you run your next story(ies) through an editor - many are available on this site. Good luck...

Stopped reading two lines in, when I came to, "Okay sweaty, I'm going to bed now."

Can't imagine many young girls being too keen on their father - or anyone at all, really - calling them "sweaty"!

The last line of the story may or may not be completely true.

He may have knocked her up and that's something that is very likely.

My father knocked me up after the first time that he ejaculated inside of me.

It only takes one time as everyone knows.

However if he did it would make a great second chapter

Awesome

I need an invite to their next game night!

Ass to pussy is not recommended.

A story has to be written in either past tense or present tense, not both. Go back to school or get an editor.