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All Comments on 'Happy Valentines!'

by freejack

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  • 3 Comments
CharlieZhCharlieZhabout 15 years ago
It was very intense...

Unfortunately, the dialogue seemed a bit off...

Maybe you could use more power verbs and break up the dialogue into smaller pieces for great effect.

More visual aids and better usage/placement of adjectives can make the story significantly better.

But all-in-all, it was a great story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
erotic

that girl cums alot

26thNC26thNCabout 2 years ago

Lesbians are not LW.

Anonymous
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userfreejack@freejack
12 Stories
213 Followers
10/28/21 - Should have a new story posted in a couple days. Let me know what you think and maybe i'll write another. Enjoy!