All Comments on 'Having Fun with Dycke and Payne Ch. 05'

It would seem to flow better if Dycke was uber intelligent from the start of the story. His decisions after the inheritance at 18 would be somewhat more acceptable.

Great reads as I have also enjoyed your other works:)

The story is excellent. Sorry for not commenting on the previous chapters, but I've been hooked on these submissions.... You're really good but I would ask you to be careful where you accidentally change from third person to first person... I makes it a bit confusing.... Still... A really good one....

Agree completely with previous critic - storyline, characters and pace are perfect 5 stars- for heavens sake don't change anything. BUT grammar needs a little work re the first and third person switching

Each one of your series is a chart topper...well done...funny...entertaining! I don't comment on every one because I would be saying the same things...really like the way you write...I am surprised that tongue is not sticking right out of your cheek...but then again, maybe it is...LOL!!!!!

So far, have nothing to complain about. I am just a reader and not a writer, so have very little to add about 1st, 2nd, or 3rd person. I just read, and if I like the story, I continue enjoying it. I suppose I could mention that there is a bit more descriptive sex than I really care about...but then I am older and take Estrogen shots to retard my prostate cancer from spreading. Sorry...just giving a reason for my remark about the abundance of sex in the story. I just skim through it, so continue for those that love the erotic sex parts of the story. I am a romantic, and I do love the relationships, and all the beautiful and highly sexual women. The constant humor is nice too, exercised even to the point it resulted in Payne being put to sleep for a month. I look forward to reading a story that is without cheating and disrespect for loving men and women so far. Thank you

P.S. This story is fun to read...somewhat like HDK's current ongoing Novel! OldMarineVet - Ron Wood

This has to do with all your writing. You are very good, but you habitually overdo things. The humor is sometimes heavy handed. (Example: Payne throwing things at the doctor, and the warnings leading up to it.) You too often gild the lily. A light touch would work better.

Love the story, but, Payne's CONSTANT agressive BS is a real pain. Any man or young guy with half a brain would dump her cold and not look back. So she is ugly, that isn't a license to be an abusive tyrant to those who care about her.

Being that way SOMETIMES is fine, but EVERY interaction makes her just plain dysfunctional and dislikable. Everyone in her life deserves better! Yeah I get that it is a defense mechanism, but enough is enough !!!

Your style here is very Anime with the over the top humor and violent reactions, and I'm not sure some of the readers are looking at it from that point of view. But I'm enjoying it, I can just see the scenes in my head when Payne was throwing stuff at the Dr, or wailing on Dycke, or steam shooting out ears or smoke rising from them.

Is there a sequence to reading your works? Because I understand they all eventually at least partially tie together or cross into each other.

Please fix the voice shifts.

Please use an ellipsis or some sort of mark to indicate a time and scene change.

Please learn that when a noun is plural with an -s marker at the end that it indicates a plural. You have so many plural nouns with possessive apostrophes that it is jarring.

I agree with others that you gild the lily. You might make yourself laugh, but you should be more concerned with your readers.

I just recently started reading the novels/ novellas section and I am delighted with the skill and imagination of the writers.You have captured my attention and provided hours of enjoyable reading.