All Comments on 'Hayley's Party Ch. 07'

Chloe, Wow. What a fun story! Hayley is the perfect girl!

Love this story. Thanks!

That was one amazingly good chapter, Chloe. Loved every word. And that fight scene at the end - I was on the edge of my seat reading that, and that's not something that usually happens to me. Hayley's Dad is obviously some kind of gang boss? Chinese Triad one assumes? I love where you're taking this. Great writing. Can't wait for the next chapter now. Five stars from me.

Five stars from me, and if I could add a sixth for Modesty ("Burns"? Yeah, right...) And Willie I would.

Hayley reminds me of my niece, minus the martial arts skill and being Asian. But she is a total little badass when it comes to guns or people touching her without permission. Good thing her dad is a cop and her mom's a nurse.

Ok, this is a bit of a stretch, but it is good to remember Prince. He refused to let people put him into boxes, and he refused to conform, and he put his passion out front and center. Chloe T is to be commended for creating a free-spirited, atypical, powerful female protagonist who worries little about being an 'appropriate' young woman. I hope and expect Chloe T will continue to allow her imagination and passions free reign in her future writings.

Wow! I have to agree. This is the best chapter to date. Haley's character development is terrific...nice to read a strong female protagonist. And, the fight scene was almost as good as the sex scenes.

Pages 3 and 4 were so damned exciting, and so well-written. I love you ChloeTzang!

One thing that's been bothering me about this story pretty much all along: why was Hayley ever dating Steve in the first place?

She says several times that she loves him, but she doesn't really say anything positive *about* him, and almost every time his name comes up seems to turn into another reason why he's disappointing at best.

The fact that he turned out to actually be a jerk in the end seems almost redundant.

Why was Hayley dating Steve in the first place? - Yes, a weak point, I totally agree.

All I'll say is, keep in mind this was my first story and originally it was written as a "one-off." I didn't mean to grow it into anything longer but I ended up liking Hayley so much I just kept writing her. There's a LOT of flaws in this one for sure, and Steve's whole character and his role as Hayley's boyfriend is only one of them. I fully intend to come back and rewrite Hayley, as well as continue the story from where it is now, so all I'll say is - you're right.

I signed up and started posting on Literotica to gain some writing experience on a live audience who would willingly point out flaws - now that was a plan that worked :) - and I think everyone reading my stories would agree there's a world of difference between my first Hayley story from a year ago and this last chapter.

He's just a high school kid who folded under peer pressure and testosterone poisoning. Don't worry, he'll bounce back with another girl, and he'll handle that better. Guys are weird about sex - he wasn't mature enough to be the alpha. It would be interesting to see if he grows into the alpha role with another girl. First love's can be tough - remember?

I think you wrote him just about right. Looking forward to 8.

Please more Hayley!

Ok,

You warned me. Haley is not someone to screw with.I do not know the Far Eastern personalities so I am in no position to comment on the reality of the situation/story. But to me and my western personality, I really didn't see that coming any more than a blind sided roundhouse to the back of my head. It hit about as hard also.

Still!

I am enjoying the story. I just need to adjust/expand my western perceptions a bit.

Thanks for the story,

so far...

:-)

Well written, but just like all promiscuous women, her future is bleak no matter how strong her character is. Eventually the word gets around and doors start closing. Sad and unfair but limiting just the same.

Chole Tzang, many times I feel uneasy about rating a story that I feel is written well, but that is not the type of story I enjoy. This is one of those. I feel you are a good writer, in that the story didn’t seem forced and flowed nicely from event to another. Also, you present your characters well. But, because of the violence it is not the type of story I enjoy.

I did like that it was about a woman and her thoughts and feelings. Also you showed those feelings well. One other thing I liked is that Hayley was visually attracted to Andrew – “I thought, yes, he'd probably be up to it. He looked in really good shape. Like, REALLY. The girls at school were gonna die!” Thank you for recommending it.

Moonlight and Roses,

The story is excellent. Highly erotic and going in a new direction with reviting action at the Emerald Garden. I hope you will continue Haley's Party with more action that puts the reader on the edge of their seat. Thanks!!!

Didn't know how else to wish you, so just writing this as a comment here. Congratulations on your publication!

Also, I kind of liked this series. Hope you get around to writing more about Haley. I really enjoy reading all your stories.

I hate to see a pretty good writer lose her way and follow all these soda jerk-would-be-writers into the weeds of contorting a good short story into a serial. It is a shame when that happens.

The best stories always have a beginning, a middle and an end. What we have here is a beginning, a long rambling middle and no end in sight with a boat-load of revisions along the way. This story is premature, Chloe. Also, it looks like the party is no longer what this story is going to be about. If you have had a greater vision, revise it again. All the great authors throw away more material than they eventually use in the finished manuscript. Cut away everything that doesn't contribute meaningfully to the story, otherwise it is just distraction.

I also advise a little writers trivial pursuit: Collect all the all the words that sound alike but are spelled differently IE: (to, too, two), (of, off), etc. Write them down in a little file.somewhere. I mention this only as a hint for a way to grow, a trivial afterthought.

You write well Ms. Tzang. Be courageous and cold-hearted with your own work.

Your comment nailed that one. This was the first story I started on Literotica and I had no idea what I was doing. Plotting? What's that? Beginning, middle and end? Huh? So yes, I love Hayley as a character but this needs a rewrite from start to finish. It'll happen in time.

I want to read chapter 8!

Hoping to see you get back to Hayley soon. I loved every word.and really would like to read more

This is the 4th story by you I've read. Your writing is amazing and I hope you find time to finish this.

This and Chinese Takeout would both sell online if they were complete.

So Chloe, both Hayley’s Party and Chinese Take Out promised further episodes. Gonna give us one soon? We’d love it!

But, please pretty please complete the great stories that you've posted.

Please allow us to read the stories to finish the series. Love all of them so far.

Willie and Modesty? Her Dad moves in high circles!

High Circles? I’m so happy someone made the connection? I’ve been waiting so long... ❤️

Ms. Blaise, as it were?!?

Please, other story left unfinished. This one reason I only read completed stories. Thank you

Six years, Chloe. Six. Long. Years since you promised us “Chapter 8 - Working Out at Master Kim’s”. We don’t really need perfection, you know. Art with minor flaws is always better, anyway. Once Chapter 8 has satisfied our lusts, you can get on with “Chapter 9 - Haley vs The Triad.”

Didn’t realize I hadn’t logged in, Chloe. The “Triad” post was mine. I really like this thread, though. Hope you’ll come back to Haley. The cuck story was good, but not nearly as all around entertaining.

"libtards"

Unnecessary injection of 2nd grade level MAGA political discourse.

Oh good god. Another series to finish!!!!

Any chance that April's dad knows Hayley's dad?

This is such a good story line. Please keep it up.

Hayleys party ch 5 has dissapeased Can we get it back?

Was finally getting into more plot outside of the great sex, then poof. No completion!

Now i know how Hayley felt when with Steve!

Please, finish this now old but new to some us story,

I’d love to see this finished someday. Hayley is a great character and I’ve been a fan of Modesty and Willie for many years - I like this much better than the Cobra Trap!

Loved it, but again another story that could go alot further. Atleaste with this one the main gist of the story is complete.

I hope to see a part 8, 9 and 10. Very well written!

Having done lots of editing and some writing myself, I do understand how hard any good story (and you have one of the best writing styles here) is to write and then proofread. Kudos!

I also like it that you realize, unlike a lot of other writers, that sex can lead to pregnancy. As I infer that Hayley does get a bit turned on, like a lot of women do, to preg risk sex (sort of like extreme sports, a real adrenaline rush) I urge you to develop this theme a bit more in your future stories - write how a hot woman would react to the danger of an unwanted pregnancy, and be a bit more specific on how close to her O day the sex is. The closer the scarier and thus hotter the rush is.

Several commented on Steve, so here is my 2 cents.

From his desire to give up virgin sex with Haykey it can be assumed Steve has a cuckold personality (AKA male masochist, submissive, gamma {beta is not necessarily a sub}) but is way too young and inexperienced to know what he is. Lifestyle BDSM is something one discovers about themselves, not what one chooses to be. He will eventually meet a female submissive and they can both give themselves to a Bull and find fulfillment.

Steve was probably a very good fit for Hayley at the beginning as she is definitely a female Alpha who prefers to be in control, though like most who control she finds a bit of voluntary submission to be relaxing at times. He let her be in control until he really messed things up.