by BrettJ
This reads like an outline for a much better story. Too quick, too much telling rather than showing, too much in the characters' heads rather than their actions. I'd love to see this one fleshed out and rewritten to give us more.
"The story so far. . ."
It reads like a brief review of a decent story.
I think you rushed into the sex part almost as an afterthought to the story.
Do please write a little more detail.
HP
I was hoping Colette's little secret with Monique would've played out. Jay would've taken Colette off that pedastal he had her on with that reveal.
The venom and mongoose line was enough to get you a five. The rest of it was dessert. Thanks......
What the hell? The covers were pulled up to her shoulders, yet he sees her in a peignoir and slippers? When did he undress? I doesn't compute, man. Sentence structure sucks. Story was "sweet". Cheers!
Agree with Aries girl. Colette should come clean about Monique. She is doing a disservice to Jay by not being honest.
When Monique comes back to restake her claim, I can see the anger and anguish jay will have knowing that both betrayed him.
Four
Connoisseuer29, you must have missed this phrase abut the bed covers:
"she flashed a coy smile and let them drop."
So yes, he could see her peignoir.
What secret does Colette have with Monique? Some of you seem to know more about this couple than what is said in the story. Is there a prequel? Is there a back-story? Is Monique going to come back?
Its been a year since your comment, so perhaps you read back and figured it out, but if not:
"How could she ever stay mad at the person who had been her first lover? Neither of their husbands had known their closely-guarded secret"
That would be the secret.
Really great up until she rolled a condom over his cock. WTF, they have been good friends for 15 years they know that the other is disease free. She would have started taking he pill months earlier since she planned this. Also there is always the morning after pill. So why ruin their first time having sex with a condom?
TRASH!! WHORE COLETTE ENABLED HER HUSBAND'S WHORING, WAS MONIQUE'S LOVER, AND NOW THE WEAK WIMP CUCK JAY IS IN HER CLAWS!!
SIMPLY TRASH