All Comments on 'Helen: Sometimes, Dreams Come True'

There seem to be so many possibilities for continuing this story line. Please do carry on with next segments. One small criticizism, though. The descriptions of the sex with the mother's friends and the sister's friend were too brief and seemed rushed. Try to expound future laisons. Overall this has been an excellent read. Please continue with new submissions.

The high amount of fantasy is okay, the tale is a bit over the top. I would suggest reading your work aloud, you have a tendency to use the same phrases over and the repetiveness is distracting. THere are minor editing issues that should have been taken care of.

Good story line, but lots of missing or inappropriate words (like sink instead of sync). A good editor could help you improve your language skills and make your stories easier to read.

The sex is red hot, juicy, and clearly all the fun that the characters can stand without hospital rest. I mean HOT SEX. But the writing, often very clever indeed, needs editing: You MUST reread and check yourself before publishing. As advertised, this is an exhausting sex fantasy of a young man in desperate full rut -- and therefore perhaps logical in being over the top. Are they going to marry? If he keeps up this frenetic pace, "the resale value" of his life, to paraphrase W.C. Fields, "is going to be nil."

It would have been better for me if you had gone into more detail with each sex scene, especially with Mom and Sis. Mom's especially did not go on long enough, about three paragraphs of more detail would have been appreciated as well with the other women. Thank you for writing.