All Comments on 'Helping Mum Ch. 01'

Highly enjoyable reading. Please carry on with all sub-story lines. I look forward to many more episodes.

I liked the premise of the story, but the rhythm of your words was lacking. There was no flow. Every character sounded stiff and stilted in my head, even with an accent (I'm from the U.S., but I hear a lot of various foreign and domestic accents in my daily life). It felt like I reading the equivalent of a nervous new driver behind the wheel of a car. Constant jerking with the brakes. If you can improve the rhythm of your words, this can be a 5 star story.

The times are not as they should be as I see it. You may want to check it over and watch that in the future. I really enjoyed the read. Keep humping and let the whole family of women get off over the long haul .Just remember the Swede has a huge hunk to work with. Last measurement was 10and half inches soft and as thick as your wrist.

BUT I AGREE WITH LT_BOOKWORM. IT ALL SOUNDED SO MECHANICAL. BY THE WAY, YEAH I KNOW IT'S A FANTASY / STORY. DID YA KNOW THAT H.I.V. FEEDS ON THE LUBE OR RECTAL MUCUS? IT'S LIKE A SUPER FOOD TO FEED THE H.I.V.! KINDA TAKES THE JOY OUTTA ASS FUCKING AND JUST SHOVING IT INTO A LOVED ONE CUNT, ESPECIALLY YOUR MOTHER OR SISTER, UNLESS SHE'S PREPARED HERSELF WITH A GENEROUS ENEMA. I KNOW ONCE I READ THE STUDY, I WASN'T SO LIBERAL WITH ASS PLAY. SOME WOMEN LOVE A MAN GIVING HER AN ENEMA!

like one of the other commentators, I think this story has potential, but needs polishing a bit. it has too many short, choppy sentences, and even some fragmented sentences. take care of those and you have an excellent story idea here

You have an interesting premise but you may have expanded the story too quickly. Now you have to balance at least 4 relationships which can be tricky. I might hold off on introducing more female partners for a bit and expand on Viv and her mother. The castrating of the father should also take some time. Don't worry too much about the critics. If they want pulitzer prize writing they should look elsewhere. You do need an editor to help with a few problems. For example the law lecture starts at 11 and will be over at 10:30. Easy to fix for an editor. Another avenue you want to explore is how far to go with the dom/sub issue. Keep writing, I like what you have done.

I love the story you have written so far,but I have some criticisms. You jumped around with the time. I mean the Prof got there at 11, but would stop at 10:30.

You had a lovely setup, but then things unfolded too quickly. A good incest story isn’t about who is fucking whom, but about the yearning and desire that pushes them over the line. Having the mom know about his escort activities was a good reason for her to desire him, but you never took the time to explore it, instead they just started French kissing the moment he walked thru the door, without ever telling the reader why. I actually stopped reading at that point. Keep writing, but try to delve deeper into the emotions and motivations of the characters, which makes the story hotter.

You will only get better. Thanks for sharing.

Great story with a lot of potential. You jumped ahead in your story with not much build up. You need to build on the suspense and naughtiness of a incestuous relationship. Also you introduced to many characters to soon. This would be better as multiple part series.

I think a little build up is order instead of him pretty much jumping straight into bed with mom and then pounding his aunt in her office or home.

I think him falling in love with one of his clients daughter's would good because I tjinkvshe would be willing to share him with her mom, his mom, his aunt, and a few select others they consider to be very close to them.

I think maybe getting a few of the women pregnant could add to your story line.

Need to really build this up but slow it down some. Get the attorney daughter and him toward marriage with lots of love in both families.

Interesting beginning! Your first story?

An arousing beginning - good thing that Viagra is available, Maybe!!!

Getting sort of confused as some bits are all over the place....... "Lecture was at eleven, but he was with May at eleven, then lecturer states lecture will finish at ten thirty as he has a funeral to attend..................???????