All Comments on 'Her Best Smile'

There's the bones of a decent story here but it's really hard to follow. Please try using an editor next time.

C'mon...

Superstar athlete Marc decided to keep the nobody Linda instead of moving on to his next conquest?

And then a much older Linda managed to hook a richer man than Marc?

I get Linda's motivations. But superstar Marc's actions never made sense beyond the first few pages. His character didn't fit at all. His motivation is to seduce other men's wife, not steal their families.

It was an effort reading %%... so lost the thread many times! please get an editor so we can actually enjoy the story

Not a bad tale. Thanks for posting it!

Your adopted son can still get his lazy eye corrected with vision therapy. It worked for me after living with a lazy eye for over forty-six years. Having a full field of vision and true depth perception is absolutely amazing after missing out for so long. Best wishes! lnranger

Good story!!!! A bit confusing for me the last part..., many names/people doing things... Maybe a bit more structured info would have helped... at least to me... :)

I enjoyed it, but there were editing errors that disputed the flow. I think sometimes you swapped Linda and Lydia. These FS sequels probably get more scrutiny that any other types of stories here in the LW menu. It is hard to write the perfect sequel. However, introducing Polly as the gentle person that said the things that needed to be said was a clever touch.

Very difficult to understand and hold interest.

Needs to be more fluid and less complex

Wow, I almost don`t know how to comment as the story started off slowly but gained momentum once it broke away from the standard February sucks content. The precious core of this story is the morality tales told by Miss Polly. They had the same impact as the three ghosts in a Christmas Carol or what life would have been if the MC had not been in the lives of others in It's a Wonderful Life. That was some powerful writing, but I wound up disappointed in the ending with that weird battle royaIe ending. I'll still give it 5* because Miss Polly needs to be heard!

The best continuation story I’ve read lately, well done!

Well done. I enjoyed your story.

Ms Polly’s character was well developed and credible. Liked that she ended up with LW. However, parts of the story weren’t credible and the night club scene at the end was weird, unnecessary, and hard to follow.

The concept was pretty good. The complications trying to work in characters and attitudes from the previous stories were a stretch at best. Overall, that part worked fairly well until the laughable club scene. That was poorly done.

From your notes you obviously don't care about the missing words, mixed up names, wrong words, punctuation or grammar. That attitude confirms the story is worth exactly what I paid for it.

Great story and ending. Finally Marc got what he deserved, Thanks for the story.

Not too shabby but if you’re bored just go through the story again, only this time remove and save all the duplicate words, merge them with the wrongly spelled words add the incorrect context errors and voila it’s a whole new story about satanic rites. Honestly it’s true it’s like playing Stairway to Heaven backwards.

Oh come on you gotta see the funny side.

OK, not great. Linda should have received much worse.

Loved the introduction of Polly along with the LW angle. Some of the other early plot points were a little too out there and/or overplayed. Regardless, I found the story really entertaining. Hell, you even through in a '70 Chevelle (even though I would have made it the LS6 version)! 4* overall

Incredibly boring - and pretentious

Really nice job on a genre that has been done to death... Enjoyed it immensely...

5 stars

Thank you for this wonderful gift. You skillfully wove the original storyline into a masterpiece. You presented insight into virtue, honour, loyalty and love in effective manners. The ending was perfect. The title said it all. Only true love can have the "best smile". K

Was going great till the resolution scene. That was completely unrealistic to such a degree as to be disturbing. 5 till the ending; last few paragraphs 2 sorry but ruined what was till then an interesting adaptation.

The fight scene was very confusing.

Very good story. There were a number of mistakes but overall I still liked it.

You can pretend that you put in all the errors intentionally, but when they are in virtually every line, that's unlikely at best. It's more likely that you won't, or can't, be bothered to put in the effort and make a story more enjoyable. Either way, not worth the time to slog through and basically translate the whole thing to actual English.

Not what I was expecting, better - a marvelous, well written story. I believe it is the best continuation story yet. Thank you.

A really great idea to merge these "classic" stories and reasonably well executed. And echoing Numbnutz49, Ms. Polly stole the show.

Well done it worked out well deserved a 5 as l gave but please get an editor, the spelling and misplaced wording was hard to follow some times. But a good story, and a good mention of how to treat others.

too many characters... started losing interest at the laundry list of people involved on the first page. Kind of a hot mess. Plus, anything influenced by the February Sucks idiocy is an immediate warning flag for me.

I started reading but then on first page Jim still living the incident from 5 years earlier. I don't want to read about sniveling wimps who still can't restart their lives five year later. Maybe that was a mistake, but I did not want to start a 7-pge story that would just get me pissed at a lead character.

Thanks to Polly, this earned a five.

That final scene at Madison's is a true mess: wrong names and wrong genders at various times so everything is unclear

The name changes at the club threw me off but otherwise a pretty good version. Always the best outcome when someone like Jim rises from the ashes to have a good life. Only thing I didn't care for was the ex who should've wallowed in misery.

Excellent follow up. Lost 1 star due to grammar and punctuation; sorry but they do matter.

Great story, however, mature adults would not begin a bar room fight. Lydia's decision to dance with Marc would have ruined Jim's respect, for Lydia. Lydia showed very little respect to Jim, by going dancing with Marc. I was disappointed with the ending.

Would have been a great story I think, if only I could figure out who was doing what with whom, and who was saying whatever they were saying.

Editing could turn this 3 star into a 5 star. If you don’t have the desire to do it yourself, please get someone to help you.

“When I hit me in her face she would of wanted me too”

Sentences like that don’t tell a story, they just confuse people. Edit and tell a story and you could easily be a 5 star writer here.

- K. menby

Great concept but the execution was flawed. I can't say I really care about the misspellings and other trivial grammatical errors. The story went along really well until after Polly's cupcake spiel. After that it went downhill, and by the time the rumble at the Madison was reached, it was just a confusing mess. Could have been a strong 5 star story but as it stands now a 3 star rating is all I can give it. You have real talent. A little more effort and you will be in the top rank of contributors.

From JusteenK, "There's the bones of a decent story here but it's really hard to follow. Please try using an editor next time." Couldn't have said it better, myself. Those mistakes you seem so proud of? way too many, and spoil the story.

Your attitude about your piss poor grammar and confusing players names is disrespectful to your readers. I think

you have an attitude problem. You took a potential 5* story and made it into a 2* story. I guess my attitude is saying _uck you! Such good possibilities........

faex

would need a dozen free stars just to make it up to zero

I liked the premise story, in fact it may be one of my favorite February Sucks. As far a the minor editing errors are concerned… so what!

An extremely poorly written story... hard to follow.... is the author a bum? Unfortunately even 1* is too much.

A promising, enjoyable story, up until the height of it and the author’s mind turned to shit and allowed his enthusiasm to ruin it. The best laid plans……. 2 stars for being a douche.

The mash up.of the 2 stories is genius and well done. This became my favorite version of this FS series.

too many typos make this a difficult read despite the plain language and storyline.

Linda got away with her beauty and got lifestyle from billionaire. Her face should have burned or disfigured.

Jim promised if Steven went home from school with him then he would not go around them anymore except to attend Marie’s ballgames because he had already promised to do that. Every time Jim made a promise, he declared that he always keeps his promise.

I stopped reading at page 5 when Jim broke his promise to Steven and spent the night screwing Lydia. Jim broke his promise to Steven so he was really not worthy of being trusted or respected any more. Jim just became another self righteous asshole.

1 star because of Jim breaking a promise to a troubled child in need of help so he could screw an overly horny woman.

Sorry author

Couldn't "bear" to start a story based on something from the Lawrence Taylor wannabe egomaniac.

Interesting read.

This is a good plot line. I'm sure you've heard about grammar and name and gender confusions and all that. It's a good story still, and this is an AMATEUR site, people. It could and will be a GREAT story once you get a feel for writing a bit more in depth. If anything, it's too short; probably should have a bit more background and introspection from each of the several "main" characters. Marie is actually the protagonist in this one if no one else saw that. Don't stop writing because of the autonegators, just keep at it until it's polished and shiny for them.

Such potential.

Kinda sad - this really awesome story was often very difficult to read and confusing at times due to the

lack of proof read. Please try to do a better job of purifying your finished product. It takes away from

the excellent writer you are. :)

Just like I originally told ya, IT'S EXCELLENT. To hell with the naysayers

Pretty good until the last two pages, the fight scene I had no idea who was doing what. The number of errors in names and genders was confusing and made the story more difficult to read than it needed to be. I had this on a 5* level until those last two pages.

The constant name change mistakes and poor punctuation, and poor grammar, just made this too hard to enjoy.

Even if you just reread your own writing, you would catch mistakes that would make your stories less painful to read.

Wow, that was a real hit. I liked that very much. Thanks for the good work!

Awful writing! Spelling, grammar, and punctuation all need attention! Come on it's not rocket science - 10-year-old kids can write better than this.

the most confusing and hard to follow story I've tried to read

I enjoyed your story alot. Mistakes and all. I liked the merging if the two stories and that you were able to bring it to a satisfactory conclusion

5stars

I can put up with a lot of sloppy, careless writing, but "Yogi Barrera" is a bridge too far.

A great story.

But, man, it was a hard read.

Another couple of rounds of proofreading and editing would have sent it out of the field.

I liked your twists, except for how Lydia left the table without a word to Jim. A word and a wink would have been great in that situation.

You claim to be mixing two stories, but the Jim you used wasn't in February Sucks. Somebody like him was in a lot of the attempts to fix the flaws in the original, but that's not the same thing. Not that it really matters which one, as you took two pathetic stories and combined them into a worse one.

As somebody who generally enjoys the various takes on February Sucks, even when they suck, I expected to be able to read your entire story. However, I didn't even make it through the first page before I started skimming.

Congratulations, as you may have set a new record low for a February Sucks variant!

On the negative side, this was at times somewhat hard to follow. Part of the reason- your punctuation either totally missing or just damned wrong. Not as often, but there's spelling mistakes. The length of the story was also another minus (well, that's me- I don't like these type stories going for 5+ pages).

On the positive side, the novel blending of the Feb. Sucks story with your adaptation was good, minusing the above. And for that attempt, an overall 4 stars. Bob

Great co-joining of story lines, with an excellent conclusion, but the lack of basic editing makes getting through it a slog. Great story; get an editor. The story telling is the hard part — you’ve got that. Now execute the easy part, EDIT it.

10 stars,even with the grammar and typos. You released the original, and it's excellent. Hope Lydia and Jim are happy and Linda gets a hole in her boat and somebody throws the whore an anchor. Maybe Marc and the billionaire will get their just due, the billonaire sharing "Linda the whore"'s anchor. Maybe after Lydia has the twins, Jim will put love pee in her again and she'll give him a third baby, after Steven pees in his wife Emma and give them a grandchild...

Out of all the sequels yours is one of the best. It needed solid editing though some of the story got lost in the translation trust me.

If you have an editor, get another too many errors were missed.

But that aside l liked the story and thoroughly enjoyed it.you took a road not taken before and that was refreshing to say the least. Thank you for your efforts.

Despite all of the above you still get 5/5 from me, we’ll done

5*s. I love it when The Good Guys win.

I don’t really understand why you reused Anderson’s character names, if not the actual characters themselves, instead of writing an entirely new tale. Which you almost did anyway. Virtually nothing remains of the original, except some of the names.

Your contributions are cartoonish, and consist mostly of adolescent male puffery and bravado. Exhausting.

Enjoyed this merging of stories, being taken in a new direction. Thanks for your writing.

I didn't hate it, but I was very close to disliking it. I finally settled on average. It could have been 4-stars or maybe 5-stars if it wasn't for the fact that you insisted on including or it appeared to me you prefer to misspell or use poor grammar. From your statement in the beginning, it was obvious that you were taking pride in your mistakes. That makes no sense to me but that was the impression I got. I have to tell you that it really takes away from your story. Think about it. I wish you luck in the future.

I finally finished reading it. The Misses and I both loved it. not exactly as she had thought it out, but she said it filled the bill. she counts better than I do, though, so you only get 5 stars. Still, the Bears approve. Thank you.

The BEAR/Carolyn, too.

Good story.

should get an editor that was a bit hard to read

Needs an editor but this is a very good story. One of my favorites.

You really need an editor...it spoilt the story at times

4 stars. It was a REALLY REALLY good story; easily worth 10 points almost throughout, but you lost a major point when Lydia slapped him unprovoked, repeatedly. That's assault, and abuse, and both her and you the author acted like that was perfectly OK. The bitch didn't even apologize.

Also, he had indirect revenge on Marc, but Linda basically won (billionaire boyfriend, no kids undeerfoot). Couldn't you have thrown some bad karma her way instead of letting her win at life?

"I don't want their help unless I need it." is that in lieu of getting help when you don't need it? Plus I'll follow your directions and not point out the misspellings, etc. I'm not going to vote as I gave up early.

Potentially a great story, but jeez get a proof reader. It got very confusing.

From great pain to great happiness. Great read even if I almost left the story at the beginning.

However, there's punctuation errors throughout (mostly quotation marks) & some parts me needing to reread the sentence to understand what you tried to write. Towards the end, same for the action in the club. I wasn't sure who was hitting who. As stated above, a proof reader would help.

At the softball game, Lydia smacked Jim before saying he's taking her out to dinner or whatever. Why the hell did she smack him? Story doesn't indicate why.

Without the above, this could be 5 stars. But the writing dictates only 4. Bob

Ok the original Linda was an entitled one time wanton slut. And I thought the reconciliation in the original was hackneyed and rang hollow. But here Linda was some vengeful X screaming, scheming harpy. Wtf?

And there were so many name flips in thr last page fight, it was hard to tell which was Lydia and which was Linda. Uggh.

great story 5*****

"Can I ask you what happened to my mom?" Just the ol' Martian Slut Ray, I'm afraid. Happens to the best (or worst?) of them. Of course, the upside is that anyone vulnerable to its effects are not worth keeping around anyway, so in a way it's a good thing.

I love how the old gal Ms. Polly, after hearing the story about Linda, just says, "foolish woman." No calling her a slut or anything. Somehow cuts deeper. I bet if Linda was there to hear it from her herself she'd probably break down crying. Oh and as it turns out she ended up doing that when she spoke with her not soon after. If only she had remembered her virtue cupcake perhaps things could be different. Actually, never mind that, turns out she's just a slut. Too bad. This version of Linda is a bit crazy, vindictive, and eventually seems to just slut about and forget about her kids for the most part. Sad.

I was into the story until Lydia slapped Jim. Why did she do that? The story seemed to go off the rails after that. Men aren't supposed to buy dinner with women ust to demand sex with him. That's exactly what Lydia did, though. How is she better than Linda, a spoiled self entitled brat? Did she forget that Jim was an ex-con? No, she didn't seem to care.

10 stars!! Jim got his, a REAL wife, and he put love pee in her and her belly is swelled with twins. I was talking to some of the dealers, and we're gonna give Linda, the whore, 2 UNFUCK machines, because she'd probably wear the first one out...

Not a bad story. But, the name swaps through out really should be cleaned up.

"Marc whispered to Lydia who nodded"???? That makes no sense. The whole last page was a total mess. I couldn't understand who was doing what to whom. Who is the Marine from Afghanistan with his own security company? I mean, come on man, you had me in the palm of your hand and then just blew it! Couldn't you just have read before you sent. That makes it 2* instead of 4.

One of the best version of this story. Not sure what happened but the last chapter was confusing with all the name mix ups.