All Comments on 'Her Brother Turns 18 Ch. 01'

Keep going

And Asim isn't sexy name.....

Your chapters need to be longer to keep the reader intrest

I agree that it needs to be a little longer, Don't be afraid to flesh out your characters a little more, like her hair, is she petite or sporty? What's he look like? Don't worry about the name not being sexy, after all a person's name doesn't make them sexy does it.

For the most part make your chapters a little longer, and be careful not to mix your his and hers, he's and she's and so on. Many people make that mistake and while not really big. Those are the kinds of mistakes the will break a stories flow, and the readers experience. I like the idea you got working here, so I look forward to seeing another chapter.

Fell asleep halfway through it.

The previous comments covered most of the bases so no need being repetitious. I found it refreshing to read the work of someone who is new at this. It's not the old tired language and situations. I enjoy paying attention to what the author finds to be erotic. The farther away from ones early work and the more polished it becomes the less raw and forthcoming it seems. I enjoyed your work and thank you for sharing this bit of you.

That is a story?