by Samuelx
The writing in itself is not awfully bad but this would be better suited in the non-erotic department. In addition, your story doesn't make a lot of sense, it ends quite abruptly, will this chapter have a follow up?If not why mention he has been following that woman since the day she was born.....there's too much missing in this story.
I was able to follow this pretty well so I don't see anything wrong with how you formatted this story. One thing I would recommend though is I thought this was going to be a One shot due to how you titled this story. If you're going to make this a series, I would have recommend that you had placed Ch.1 in the title.