All Comments on 'Her Next Suitor'

.... and?!

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ah i see

one of those stories where

the reader has to fill in the ending

great

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it was well-written though

at least the cuck husband had grown some balls

thanks arsawyer.

and??

Still weak to write that letter...just let him experience it, don't warn him, wait til she cheats on him then approach him.

Well done. If there's a next time, I'll be tempted to do it just that way.

Fucking rubbish

Nice but lacks pathos

4 stars

Love it,

Ed

Liked the ending!

5

A sad ending for a Cock hold.

Short, unedited and a plot with too little going for it.

I thank you for the effort.

Scores 2/5

'Conversation with the man that is seducing my wife.' A conversation is usually spoken (nowadays IM or text too) what this was was a letter to the man...

'I pulled out the photographs of them in compromising situations' 'They may have had sex, they may not have' so not hugely compromising?? Or are we talking Clinton's idea of not having sex? Not a big deal really as most of the US doesn't need a reason.

'I stress that you marry my soon-to-be ex wife as soon as our divorce is final. If you do not, I may not be responsible for what happens to you.' Not very sensible to put this in writing, restraining order material right there, if not worse.

About 1/2 way down you shift from past to present tense, not totally possible when a year later you write in the present tense too...

The trouble with short stories, and my attempt blew up in my face, there is little time to flesh stuff out. Equally there's no excuse not to read they through thoroughly.

Well done

A good start but could have been a bit longer.

Nope

This type of story has been done a few times much better. This was a poor attempt

It may be reasonably good when it is finished.

Well, this is simply an emotional response to a sad situation. Giving the guy that type of letter means nothing, other than venting. Perhaps if you'd been more direct and taken positive steps the first time you realised she had been cheating, you might have been in a stronger position much, much earlier.

Oh, that is NOT a formal serving of Divorce Papers. Yes, you can hand them to her but from a legal perspective she needs to be formally served. Or she can simply deny having received them or that there was nothing inside the envelope.

Who is allowed to live in the marital house will depend on the custody arrangements. Again, that crap about the AP moving in is just that: crap.

Terrific story until the last line - to me that added line meant the story was incomplete. Gave it a 3* - coulda been a 4

Did you read this before you posted? Many OBVIOUS editing errors.

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Pick a tense, ideally past, and stick to it.

Really REALLY needed at least a short interchange between hubby and wife.

.

Or….”A year later. I am with a GORGEOUS date entering a restaurant when I glanced into the bar and see my ex, looking very high mileage, collecting used glasses from the patrons.”

.

4 ****

Decent plot idea, but too little action; all words. Thanks for the effort.

Thomas was probably nursing a drink by himself later that night. Good, quick-hitting story.

Some awkward narrative and a bare-bones plot setup leaves me lacking. 3*

It has potential but cut short. That's why 2 stars.

Lol. Good start like to see it fleshed out a bit more.

Good story, could clean up some missing words and punctuations.

And then what? Thomas cannot be forced into marriage. In fact, the letter gives him every reason to walk away. The unnamed wife was just a cum dump for him anyway. Good start to the story, shot to shit by the letter.

and...? that wasn't a conversation. it was a note in an envelope.

unfinished

I just barely made it through this story. The grammar is awful, your grammar teacher must be rolling over in their grave, that's even if you had one. Did you even run it through a grammar check site?

Story premise was good, I'll give you that, but it felt unfinished too.

Better luck next time.

PS. I'm usually not this critical, but!

Just average typical fare, almost identical to many other stories previously published in LW.

Too much left hanging.

The reason I gave the story a 4 instead of a five, is because of the end. Is there another piece coming? If not, I don't get the ending. Hope there's more. Would like to hear about what happened with the slut and her boy.

Nice story although I hope there is more.

NO! You are not getting away with this ending! FTDS! This was on it's way to 5☆ but then...!? Arrrgh!

Not generally a fan of BTB, but this is classic

The letter to Next Kickstand should be saved in a fire-resistant safe by every newly-wed hubby upon return from the honeymoon. Granted, a few additions and a few deletions may be needed, along with re-prioritizing the more egregious complaints. But this ‘boilerplate’ will save the eventual Spent Cartridge a lot of time.

Even better, if men get the letter done in neon and mounted as a night-light in the Master Bath before a New Sweetie moves in her ‘kit & gear’ after accepting your cohabit invitation, you may never need to get an ‘envelope copy’ made!

5*. A Saver!

A bit like a preview of some coming attraction. And a good start, but just that. 1*

I will give you *** the idea was not bad.

I know the category is 'Loving Wives', but that really does not mean LOVING and TRUE wives. It is sorta a play on words and really means wives who once were true and loving and now are just sneaks (or openly), who have affairs. There are some quite hot ones on here. Especially hot are the BTB's where they get their due. So the anons on here who protest that there is no LOVING in this category can just get a life.

You enter the bar and see him. You talk and find out they have spilt. You rush to her. Fall to your knees and clutch her legs as you beg her to take you back. You tell her you will do anything she wants even fluffing her fucks and cleaning their cum from both of them if she will only give you another chance. You tell.her you know how selfish you were and promis to become a limp clit sissy for her and her boyfriends

You had a decent start and even a premise, but you got in a hurry to post. You left out details in your haste or trying to write a short story.

And where is the rest of the first draft…….

It was a good read.

He tried to warn him about the bitch.

Wow, this story really seemed to set of the complete clown who posted down below. I think his “!” Key is stuck on his keyboard. He must not only be feeble minded, but also hard of hearing as he shouts everything.

He is also an idiot because while he is berating the author for not posting a “Loving Wives” story, it’s he himself that hasn’t bothered to read the category description. I think his tastes would lie more in the Romance category. Too funny.

Not the least bit entertaining. It’s not the best attempt.

Yes, it was rushed and there were numerous errors, however, it was a good story. The ending was true justice!

Hey, anon dude, you know if you push the Caps Lock key again, it turns off caps? Betcha didn't know that, huh? And I'm sorry about whatever is making your exclamation point key stick. You can probably fix it yourself with a Qtip moistened with rubbing alcohol. Hope this helps.

Dead, solid, perfect! Zap!!! 5+++/5!

Actually - I liked it !

Incomplete story, incompetant writer,

Unrealistic storyline unfathomable circumstances.Think harder before you write. Setup the characters. Hire an editor. Then Throw it all out before you publish it

why the last line? guess it wasnt meant to be one but this story would have been good with aftermath. anon all caps guy go see a shrink please

That there will be more to the story.

Better than most. Only problem is her scream.

During my creative writing class, I made the mistake of writing a story where the protagonist screamed out a sentence and my prof asked me to reenact that.

I tried. I learned that it is is EXTREMELY difficult to scream anything comprehensible and all that happens is you look stupid trying.

Other than that common mistake and the ubiquitous all knowing cuckold, , I enjoyed your story. 4 stars.

Why would he tolerate her cheating on him? Was he a cuck?

Did he just get mad at the end because she stopped bring him cream pies to slurp up?

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Any man with a spine would've divorced her immediately when he caught her cheating the first time.

.... What is this new tendency of LW writers to not FINISH THEIR DAMN STORY?

Not sure about the rest of you, but, from where I stand.... there has been no conversation between the ex-husband and the new one. Hell, I don't even know why the boytoy ended up marrying her! Why the hell would he? The fuck did the MC had on him that would force him to do so?

Sorry, but this is not good... it COULD have been if the author cared about giving us a full story. Since he did, why should anyone cared about what he gave us here? I certainly don't...

Too often we the work types get cleaned up , dressed up and go to work. Our fellow employees only see the good side of us. At home were not so pretty and that what we show our spouses. This story does an excellent job of touching on that aspect of being married.

Way to go!! Spread a little more gloom. We need it, there's so much love and compassion in the world. Wjish I could give you negative starts. That's what all these stories deserve.

Well it's a decent 33% complete story.

Methinks a soliloquy does not a story make.

I actually LOVED the ending.

Yes!

The one spreading the gloom (among other things) is the whore/slut.

I liked it, but it either needs to have a part 2 or at least Finish The Damn story. I too keep wondering what the deal is with new authors who write a decent short story, in this case very short. And never bother to write a real ending for it. You started the next part with the last sentence, but never followed up on it. I gave it 4 stars, mainly because it didn't really have an expanded ending (one sentence isn't going to cut it).

I do have to agree that we do get to see wives in their normal "at home" attire, and it's 100% on target that others have mentioned. Once married, women seem to think they don't have to "dress up" or "look good" for their husbands. I know I'm not the only who sees this, as 2 of my friends deal with it as well. One friends wife will change clothes as soon as she gets home into more comfortable stuff like loose fitting jeans and a hockey jersey, rather than staying in her nice looking work clothes. The other will change out of her uniform, and put on a pair of loose fitting sweat pants and a large "T" shirt. In my case my wife changes into jeans and an insulated pull over that she seems to wear year round (she has 2 of them and changes them out regularly) claiming she is cold. What she forgets is that when we were dating, she'd wear tight fitting jeans and tight tops, or short shorts and a halter top, and I think it's been over 12 years now since I last saw her wear a dress, and forget seeing her in shorts, let alone a swim suit, so I could look at her legs (I'm a leg man myself). I've mentioned it many times to her, but I think it just falls on def ears, as she's just not listening to me any more about things like that. It's really a shame, as I love to see her body.

Sure would like to read about the having a drink conversation.

A total waste of a very pathetic story intro with no ending, so that is, potential fanbase, just got dropped into the black hole of nothingness!!!!!

Incomplete story & not that good at all. Everything glanced over. The end, where he sees him with a drink, but nothing as to why. 2 stars, & I'm being somewhat generous. Bob

Good story, but good lord, the commenters that didn’t get the ending? Geez….. (here’s a hint for the clueless - reread the letter to Thomas…)

Good story- short, simple, novel... & funny as hell in the end. 4 stars Bob

Great story. The comments are a perfect illustration of why no one should lets anons comment.

And?

Exactly right