High School Dates Ch. 01

Rape is a traumatic event. The idea that a girl who went through that would be open a sexual encounter with a man so quickly? Nonsense. She would probably end up being moved away and enrolled in an all girls Catholic school or something. Her parents would certainly react much more strongly.

First, tag your story better. Second, could barely get through the first chapter. It was terrible.

Meh she's just a typical high school slut although admittedly a bit more intelligent and not as vain as the usual ones portrayed in most of these stories. Evan is the typical asshole jock though he's now also apparently a criminal and rapist. And of course the geek is the typical geek that can't seem to do anything physical except get a lucky hit in as his new girlfriend is raped in front of him by the asshole jock. Honestly not really feeling this story. Doubt I'll read much beyond this.

I'm certainly arriving late to the party, seeing this premiered 4 months ago...

You capture the geek "angst" well and you establish a credible enough backstory, so we understand David didn't start helping Mandy just yesterday or a few weeks ago, but has helped her for a long time. Some would find it a bit convenient that you pair her (a cheerleader) and Evan (the quarterback), when in reality that's exactly what happens. I actually witnessed a cosmic breakup not unlike this in my high school back in the day, although it wasn't certain with whom the cheerleader went to prom with. I don't find it incredulous that a cheerleader could go for a geek that's helped her, as for someone to assume that means those stereotype cheerleaders as heartless witches that only do what they do for popularity and to hell with anything else. You employed the story details well enough to support Mandy wanting David and having the "pull" to tell her friends to leave Evan's friends hanging; all that can be believed, because it's clear you establish Mandy leading the group, and that's real life stuff.

Where the story stretches thin is when she treats David to everything immediately: more would buy her letting him cop feels and teach him how to kiss...but fully clothed. Certainly she might have cuddled with him and held hands. Most could have bought her teaching him how to have sex with her--but after prom--as you first posited it through David (and the other geeks) statement; I suspect you just overlooked that or had forgotten it. Sometimes the devil is in the details. In fact, the more logical breakdown could have been to set up the breakup, then possible fight in this chapter, then do something like have a detailed study session with David in Ch 2 (you stated Mandy was no airhead and got all the chemistry concepts except the chemical reaction equations), where you show how much of a mind she has, effectively cementing her "brains and beauty" background. Then she draws him in to help make the cookies, maybe throws **flour** at him, they fool around some, get the cookies ready to bake, then **Mister Asshole** breaks in, David gets pummeled but lands his lucky kick and blacks out. Ch 3 then begins with him in the hospital, David meets the parents, hears both sides, then gets to spend time with Mandy cuddling and snuggling with him, and them talking more.

You certainly invest and nail the details for the most part, although you had some oddly-missed capitalization and spelling errors that detracted from the reading. The other glaring issue is that while you may have intended the nurse to be a "comic relief" moment, if that nurse got caught doing that with a student by and administrator, she'd get fired for sure...that's where the narrative overwhelmed the verisimilitude. Very good start, however, and I'm looking forward to more! 4

Five**5**Stars...totally impractical, yet you write it so it is fun to read.

David is one lucky young man...I see LOTS of good things coming his way...maybe Mandy's mom is part of this...she is appreciative of his attempt to protect her daughter...in spite if husband.

Hero of the school...nurse is very forward...HHHHMMMM!!??