All Comments on 'Holy Shit Ch. 01'

Very hot story. Please make a part 2.

Loved it keep it going

when dads not home mum showes what she can really do!!!

xxxxx

"To be continued?"

Hell yes! *****

This story was HOT!

I am really looking forward to the next chapter.

PLEASE don't leave us hanging.

In part 2, recommend you reduce the use if this phrase from, I think I counted, 117 times in Part 1.

tom anon

I am sure that Mom will need to verify this "boy" can really act like a "Man"...don't you think??

Get the gf back and break her in too...and maybe give them both their first 3 some??

Thanks

Thank you Anonymous for taking the time (maybe?) to count the number of times I used that phrase. I do believe that you need to re-check your math as you are grossly over stating its use! That being said, I know several people who use this, or some similar phrase as if it is the word 'a'. In this instance it was being used by several different characters so I don't see what your problem is. However, part two is forthcoming and should meet with your approval. Enjoy, and thanks for commenting.

EIGHT Mighty Cumshots after just getting the First Blowjob .....BULLSHIT!!! The story was OK till you Broke the Bullshit Meter

hilarious ending. please continue.

1) ignore the 'bullshit' guy... it's a story. fictitious as you stated in the preface. and fiction is make-believe. your world your rules.

2) awsome ending, still laughing.

slightly unbelievable but funny ending. please continue :D

Well written, good description, and the ending... lol ... why is that so funny? I was laughing for a few minutes ... so ludicrous :) Good job, and keep up the good work!

this is one hot story

Great story EROTIC Well written Want more!!!!!!!!

But some of the dialogue was corny and unrealistic. I would have preferred a more drawn out and realistic coming together of brother and sister.

But I gave it 5 stars because it had some great moments.

If I were to rewrite this story, and I might since it has got great bones, I would make Mandy a truly experienced slut. His sister knows it but brother does not.

I would have had sis then slowly come around to the fact that she had his cum in her mouth, which would make her look at him differently and slowly that would have worked on her mind. Add in that Mandy and her would argue about what she did, putting the sucker in her mouth, but Mandy would keep teasing her saying that she has already had his cum in her mouth but didn't get to enjoy his cock in her mouth. Telling her that since she already had his cum in her mouth, she might as well try his cock in her mouth. This would cause Becky to think about having his cock in her mouth and she would play with her self at night thinking about it. Eventually she would admit that to Mandy who would then be even more adamant that she needs to suck his cock. Mandy would also keep reminding Becky that Ron has the best cock of all of the guys they know and that if she misses her chance to try it, she may never get a chance with a cock that nice. All of this would slowly break her resolve and she would start wanting it.

Mandy would also work on Ron, teasing him about Becky tasting his cum. At first he would act shocked and put off about it but Mandy would keep pressing the issue telling him he should let her suck his cock.

Many would know she has them when both of them have basically just resorted to saying that the other wouldn't go through with it. So Mandy convinces Ron by having him hide in his closet and then making an excuse to bring his sis in and getting on the subject of his cock. She gets his sister to admit that she plays with her self thinking about his cock, but that she can never tell him because it would freak him out and she would be too embarrassed. Then she has the plan to have him in just his cut offs, no boxers. Mandy calls him into his sister's bedroom after she has been working on his sister by talking about his cock which has gotten her worked up a good bit.

Mandy then challenges him to show them his cock. He knows this is going to happen and is ready, and already starting to get hard. He drops his cutoffs and his sister's eyes bug out. She acts shy but doesn't bolt from the room. Mandy then tells him to step forward and starts sucking his dick. She then puts her finger where her lips are when she has taken him the deepest she can take him. She then tells Becky to try, and to see if she can take him deeper. Becky's eyes get big and she looks up at Ron who looks at her, waiting. Mandy then says to Ron, "is it OK with you if Becky sees if she can do better than me by taking it deeper?" He says, "It's OK with me but I don't think she will be able to because she isn't experienced like you." This is by plan because while they are friends, Mandy knows that while Becky is inexperienced, she is ultra competitive and once she crosses the line, she will have serious competition. She knows this because Becky tries to outdo her in everything, but just hasn't crossed the line and started having sex. Mandy doesn't know that Becky just recently tried the neighbor's dick, though. But it works. It is just enough to nudge Becky to try her brother's dick.

So Becky starts, and soon she has gone past that mark. She is going to pull off shortly after beating it, but Ron pulls her back on and asks her to keep going. Mandy smiles real big and kisses Becky on the cheek while she is sucking Ron's dick and tells her to enjoy herself. She says that she is going to leave them alone and let them have fun and tells Becky to call her later.

After Mandy leave, Becky does ask him if she is doing it better than Mandy and Ron uses that to his advantage getting her to go nuts on his dick. He then returns the favor. Becky's competitiveness gets her again as she asks if he has gone all the way with Mandy. He says yes but admits that he wishes he could have taken her virginity. Becky sees this immediately as something she can one-up Mandy on, knowing that she can give it to her brother and Mandy will never be able to top that.

Just as they are both about to cum, Becky for the 2nd time from his cock, mom walks into the room, but they never look at her thinking it is Mandy returning and are too wrapped up in the fact that they are just crashing over the edge at that moment to care. Mom is speechless but also sees how big Ron's cock is, which causes her to pause in shock as she had no idea he was that big. I would have added that while he was 8 1/2 inches long, he was also very thick, which does get a woman's attention. From the time she walks in to the time that she speaks is only about 30 to 45 seconds, it was enough time for them to cum and then say something to each other, and for mom to think of something to say.

Thank you first of all for the 5!

After reading your comment I was thinking that you had already re-written my story! Got no problem with that, just remember that the results will be YOUR story. As to your ideas: since I wrote it in the first person none of the interaction between Becky and Mandy would have been known to Ron. Personally, I like the idea of the unknown action as it lets EACH reader figure that out for him or herself.

Just so you know, I too look at the stories on here and mentally add things to them to fill in where needed. Thanks again for taking the time to comment.

S... by the nice comments. Thought you started very strong, but ran out of gas on page 2. Your writing is best when there is an element of sensitivity.

Didn't vote because I think you are capable of earning 5s.

sequal!!!!! yes make one!!!

Time to fuck mom now

And it is your own. I do not advocate using the suggestions. I agree with the other poster, that the story lost a little of it's force on the second page, and the dialog became a little weak and cliched. All in all it was a good story and I gave it a 4. I am looking forward to reading the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey would say.

I gave you 5 Stars and will look for the sequel.

This story has got to be one of the funniest I have read so far, I almost fell out of my chair when the mom caught them at the end.

Mandy's my hero!

That was so awesome XD

HOLY SHIT!!!! This was the best freaking story i have ever had the privilege to read.

The best I ever read also!!!

Best story? Naw.. it's the type of story you read when you need a quick wank.. The story itself sucked ass. They're like; oh lets suck my bro's dick like its nothing! :D Sigh..

Holy shit... What a waste of time. Horrible dialogue, unbelievable story line, and lame characters. I can't believe this story got ANY good votes.

The guys ragin on your story are obviously in the wrong website. This is a wank story site, Not a site for high literature. Anyway great story, got me worked up fast. Keep going man.

Just damn !!

you did say be a man.......

Absolutely terrible. Poorly written, ridiculous story and stupid dialogue. This is a great example of everything that it's possible to do badly with erotic writing. One of the worst I've ever read.

Gary I liked the ending of Holy. Shit( my pick Dad leaves for good)

Coming. Home I really enjoyed and kinda had Heather pegged as Amy when she made the comment( Holy. Moly) My thinking there is more story there of course dad is burnt toast. Do Paul and Amy/Heather make a life together and does mom come along for the ride? I had to say that because he took care of sis and mom.

Ron/ cowboyridecc@yahoo.com

Tried to send direct to you but my tablet had other ideas. lol

I would have responded sooner but lost lots stuff off of tablet

Not even in a million years are you getting deep throated twice by novice girls giving you head .... try to make this shit a little more realistic ffs !!

Oh yea 8 1/2” dick.... you wish !!

There are too many that demand humiliation for the hubby of a shared wife. their logic is that if he's willing to watch her serviced,.. he must not be a man. kick dirt in his face.

If you don't agree with their formula, you're a bigger pervert than they are.

Getting a carpenter to build a deck, is hiring a pro to get professional results. But,

Arranging for a couple well-hung, young studs to fuck the wife (or daughter), till she can't walk, makes you a wuss.

S sucking fucking hot. My live in fuck buddy and I fucked each other’s brains out, after reading this till my number 2 fuck buddy, number 1s best friend joined us. I absolutely adore cunt in every way. More and more like this and soon please. Cunt lapping sex maniac Lanc’s U.K.

AWESOME story!

Fantastic brother and sister action.

What happened to Mandy!

Now Mom and Dad surprise.

Can’t wait for the next chapter.

Almost a 5 star effort. The love for his sister still seems hollow in the end. I'm convinced that Becky started out just wanting to have sex with her brother because she caught other girls watching him, especially her best friend Mandy. But she eventually found the emotional connection with him after he made her cum when screwing her.

I'm only going to give you a 4/5 because the love should have come first. The love gives rise to desire and then they confirm their love for each other with sex.

Good job! 5 stars.

Bill S.

I can’t believe that I commented 6 months ago & I was the last to read this!

Still a 5

Bill S.

Fun, sexy, has potential for a great sequel(s,).

Too much stupid sucker. That was unnecessary. Too much emphasis on ooooh god, fuuuuuk, yessssss, just say the word don’t exaggerate the letters. Use capital letters to emphasize.

It was way too long and pretty hard to read.

Where the hell did Mandy go. They should have double teamed him.