Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 100

"You're up," he said. "I'm surprised. And a little impressed."

Lily waved him off. "You know how it goes. After the fourth time puking, you're pretty much good to go."

"You look like shit." He stepped to the side, trying to draw her attention. She didn't fall for it, and went for the cleaning crew's cart.

"Oh, yeah, we're out of toilet paper already." She started pulling stuff from the cart, which caused the crew to immediately return. "You know how it is when you travel. It's like a mud faucet back there, and--"

With a yank, she pulled a towel out that had been concealing equipment to replace the video cameras and listening devices that Quetzalli had destroyed. One fell to the floor. Dropping all the toilet paper, she crouched down and picked the device up.

"What the fuck is this?" she demanded, shoving it in the nearest person's face. "This looks suspicious."

"They carry stuff like that just in case." Wallace kept his tone light and playful as he grabbed her by the elbow and gently led her away. "They're not just cleaners, but electricians and plumbers. It's like a whole service industry."

"Really?" Lily held up the wires with the camera on one end. "And that's what this is?"

"That's not for this room, obviously. We have security devices everywhere." Wallace took the camera from her and tucked it in his pocket. "Did you see the merfolk came? That's pretty interesting, right?"

"I guess." Lily flopped on the nearest couch, allowing the front of her robe to slide open. Other than a pair of stockings, she was naked underneath. She had even covered her pubes in fake cum to distract Wallace. "Boss left me up here with nobody to play with."

"Er...um..." Wallace suddenly looked uncomfortable. "So, hey, if you're hungry, maybe we could go down and get you some breakfast. I know a big meal helps me when I'm hung over."

"I've already had a big meal." Lily dipped her finger in some of the cum stuck to her pubes and raised it to her mouth. "I'm sorry. I'm being rude. Want some?"

She made eye contact with the knight as she licked her finger clean. Wallace made a face and looked at the cleaning crew, who were all standing horrified behind him.

"Say. You all are pretty good looking people." She rose and walked toward Wallace. "Three men and two women. Everyone is guaranteed a hole to fuck, if they're willing. What do you guys say? I'm feeling a bit...hungry for more, if you catch my drift."

There was an awkward moment where the crew and Wallace exchanged wary glances.

"You look like you've got a sturdy back." Lily gazed at the woman like a hungry dog eyeing a steak. "I'll let you have first dibs at big man here with my strap-on. Wallace here looks like he could use a proper attitude adjustment and the only way to do it is from the inside."

The crew was already packing up the cart and moving toward the door. Wallace scrunched up his face like he wanted to say something, but decided against it and left. Once the door latched shut, Lily snorted.

"Cowards." She reached into her chest and pulled out her cellphone. She took Eulalie off hold. "It was the Order, come to fix their toys and put in a few more, I'm sure."

"You didn't happen to snag any, did you?" Eulalie's voice was hopeful.

"We did not have that spy movie marathon without picking up a few pointers." Lily held up one of the tiny electronic bugs she had stolen from the cart. "I'll toss it through for you. Any luck on your end?"

Eulalie chuckled. "As a matter of fact, yes. Half of your 'lost luggage' is being purchased from me as we speak."

"And?" Lily sat on the couch and kicked her legs up on the table.

"I'm looking at some bank accounts right now, actually. It's like I've cracked open the first page of a good book and can't wait to see where the plot goes."

"Well, don't spoil it for the rest of us." Lily felt a sense of unease and rose from the couch. She walked outside and stared at the congregation below. She could feel Mike's anxiety as if he stood right next to her. "I think Romeo might be getting the runaround from the fish people."

The Arachne snickered. "Wanna place a bet on how long it is until he fucks one?"

Lily altered the shape of her eye until her vision sharpened, allowing her to get a better look at the merfolk. To anybody watching, that eye was now significantly larger than the other. "Three days at least, but no earlier."

"Really? Why is that?"

The succubus frowned. "They don't seem too happy with him. And I'm getting a bad vibe from all of this. Usually takes Romeo at least three days to grow on someone."

"You guys need help, just send the word. We can have anyone you need there within minutes." There was a loud noise, followed by the sound of someone shrieking. "Shit, Grace just strung up some rats, I've got to go."

The phone went silent and Lily tucked it away, her eyes on the merfolk. She scanned the waters first, and then the beach. The uneasy feeling wasn't budging, and she couldn't figure out why. Wondering if something outside the resort was causing it, she moved around the edge of the deck and frowned at a building in the distance.

It could only be seen from the very corner of the deck. The Black Palace lurked in the distance, visible adjacent to a nest of fancy estates, rising tall on the promontory. Lily frowned at the sight of the building and the ensuing memories it brought. The property was built on a rocky outcropping that gave the structure a magnificent three-hundred degree view of the ocean. The place was usually rented out to celebrities or for massive parties, and she wished it had burned to the ground. Sadly, somebody had put money into fixing it up, and now she would have to look at the fucking thing.

Throwing one more disgusted look at the merfolk below, she walked back into the room and turned on the TV. Letting out a disgruntled sigh, she found herself wishing that somebody else had stayed behind.

Mike leaned back in his seat, taking a moment to answer. Though the merfolk seemed at ease, he could sense a heaviness in the air that hadn't been there before. It wasn't lost on him that the princess reminded him of a shark, and these were unfamiliar waters.

The princess seemed content to watch him squirm, but it wouldn't last forever. He tapped his hand on the table, looking at his empty cup. Even now, the residual effects of the ceremonial wine lingered, but just enough that he was able to keep his cool. There had been something else in there, too, but thanks to Tink, he was resistant to poisons of any kind.

His magic had been able to burn off the alcohol, but it still had made him tired. Drinking the entire cup had been a power play on his part, and he suspected it might be why Kailani was grinning so broadly. Beth was staring blankly at a merman whose penis kept smacking the top of his thigh as if trying to scratch an itch. In truth, it was hard even for Mike to ignore such a sight. The thing looked ridiculous. It wasn't just distracting, it was also a little silly.

"Your Majesty," he said, stretching the words a bit to buy himself a bit more time to think of what to say next. "In regards to your people, I just want to say that I was horrified to learn of their fate. I'm afraid that your presence and this event are relatively new information and we are still in the investigative stage.

"As such, promising you a direct line of action would be, uh, premature." He glanced over at Beth, wondering what she might say in his place. She was currently pointing a finger in the merman's direction and twitching it from side to side, as if moving the merman's dick with her mind. "We must be open to any possibility, and that starts with learning what exactly happened to your people."

"That sounds like a lot of words that simply mean you don't have a plan." Kailani shook her head and looked at Ingrid. "When I last spoke with your Director, he seemed quite adamant that the Caretaker would bring us the answers we need."

"And he will," said Ratu, her voice cool. "Even the biggest mountain is worn down by the wind. He needs time."

Kailani made a clicking sound, then looked to the men at her side. "These are my advisors," she said. "Though we are a monarchy, we do depend on a council of elders. Prior to this meeting, we agreed that the Order's lack of progress meant that we had to take matters into our own hands. I was hoping to be more...impressed by the answer they promised us. The fact that the Director has eschewed this meeting is further evidence that there is a lack of foresight in this matter."

"I tend to impress people over long periods of time," Mike countered. "I'm not sure what you expected to happen in one day, but I do intend to solve this mystery and help your people."

"And you would use any means necessary?" There was a glint in Kailani's eye, and Mike recognized that a trap had been sprung. He would have to ask Cyrus about the merfolk next time they met.

"Any means I'm familiar with, yes." He leaned back in his seat, trying to appear calm. His magic wasn't warning him of danger, but he knew that something was up.

"We wish to send a representative with you on your investigation. Someone who will see what you see, and report back to us so that we know that your intentions serve our purpose." Kailani tilted her head to one side. "Unless you see a problem with that?"

"None that I can think of." Actually, there were several. The original plan was to ditch the Order once they got close to his property, but now he would have to sneak away from a merman or merwoman. Not impossible, but it would provide an extra degree of difficulty.

"Good. We have a tradition among my people that I hope you would honor. As you can see, the ability to walk on land as a human is not common." Kailani gestured to her own body. "The ability to do so lies exclusively in the royal lineage. In fact, a merfolk who can demonstrate this property is immediately adopted into the royal family, as it is a powerful ability."

Please don't come with me, please don't come with me. Mike kept the smile on his face as he pondered the nature of bringing this woman along. His senses screamed that she was dangerous, and that deceiving her would be seen as some sort of direct attack against the merfolk. Naturally, this would piss off the Order, who may decide to take more direct action against him while he was here.

"So I offer up the services of my daughter, Princess Leilani."

Nooooooooo! Mike really hoped that his face didn't register his thoughts, because this was somehow even worse. By the predatory grin on Kailani's face, it probably didn't matter.

"We would be honored to escort your daughter," Ratu said from the side. Mike realized that he had forgotten to respond. "Out of curiosity, her title is the same as yours. Does that mean she holds the same rank that you do?"

Keilani nodded. "She does. In our kingdom, the royal family has its own hierarchy, but we are like the reef. We all have our part to play, and only the queen is above us. When the queen passes, one princess shall be elevated to her position by the council based on many factors. The same goes for the king and our princes."

"Then we shall protect her like one of our own." Ratu spoke with authority, and Mike almost sighed audibly.

"I would certainly hope so." Keilani's grin reappeared. "Because per the tradition of the kingdom, we cannot simply hand over a member of the royal family without something in exchange."

"Excuse me, what?" Mike almost stood, his hands balled up beneath the table in anger.

Keilani licked her lips again. "While my daughter is with you, you must leave one of your own with me."

"I volunteer as tribute!" Beth rose with one hand in the air, slapping the other against the table. Her cheeks were the color of roses, and her pupils had dilated. "Me, me, me!"

"Your majesty," Mike said, trying not to grind his teeth. "I, uh..." He wasn't even entirely certain what he wanted to say, but leaving Beth with the merfolk while actively trying to slip his leash had completely derailed his plans. When he looked at Ingrid, he saw the shadow of a grin behind her stony facade.

This had been planned. Either the Order knew he was going to pull a fast one, or they were hedging their bets. Damn.

"I have some concerns." Ratu shook her head slowly. "As a family and a team, we are very knowledgeable in terms of each other's strengths and weaknesses. We had intended on tackling this with the help of everyone here--"

"I fail to see how a lawyer with water magic would help you better than a member of the royal family with a lifetime of experience. This is a fair trade." Keilani spoke softly, but there was iron in her voice.

"You could always leave your intern," Ingrid offered.

"No, we probably shouldn't do that," Mike said. The room needed to be guarded at all times. "If they don't like Wallace, they will hate Lily."

At the mention of Wallace, several merfolk frowned. Mike really wanted to know what the guy had done to piss everybody off so much. At the same time, he had only known him a few days and couldn't blame the merfolk.

"It doesn't have to be your attorney. Should you encounter an obstacle requiring her specific assistance, simply leave someone else behind." Keilani's face turned grim. "But this is non-negotiable. If you cannot agree to something so simple, then I worry that you may have other intentions and will withdraw our assistance."

"We can work with this, it's just..." Mike licked his lips, trying to think about how to put the next part delicately. "During my time as Caretaker, I have often found myself in great danger. Others with me have been injured, even killed. My concern is that your daughter will find herself in similar danger."

"She can handle herself." The mermaid paused. "But you fear that any harm that befalls her may be passed upon our guest?"

"I do." Mike gestured toward the island behind them. "While we are up there, we don't know what might happen. And should your daughter be harmed, or gods forbid..."

"Killed." Ratu said, staring hard at the princess. "We fear that her death may be attributed to carelessness or duplicity on our part, and we shall be unfairly punished."

"I see." Kailani pondered Ratu's words, but Mike saw through the act. She had planned for this as well, but how? What trick was up her metaphorical sleeve? "Perhaps it would behoove us to send along a guardian to assist?"

"That sounds agreeable." Ratu looked over at Mike. "Unless that means we must leave another member of our family?"

"You would not. It would be someone outside the royal family with extensive knowledge of the island who would be able to vouch for your efforts, as well as whoever the Order sends with you."

"Oh, good." One more asshole to keep track of. Mike looked at Ratu, then to Quetzalli. The dragon was staring mournfully at her cup, and didn't seem to be paying attention. The merfolk had refused to give her another refill, though she seemed fine. He made a mental note to never accept drinks from the merfolk again. "That sounds more than fair."

"Excellent. Then allow me to introduce my daughter." Kailani's silver eyes shimmered, and she clapped her hands.

Through the veil of water, dark shadows appeared, growing larger by the second. It was a pair of whales with a solitary figure between them. The whales stopped short of the boundary as the mermaid shot ahead, bursting from the aquatic wall at an angle that launched her skyward. Her shimmering tail split in mid-air, forming into a pair of toned legs that allowed the mermaid to land in a crouch. She held a silver trident in one hand and a conch shell in the other.

"That's a bit dramatic," Ratu muttered.

"But points for style." Mike added. He no longer believed anything the merfolk did was last moment. Every second of this was planned, and he felt there was more to come.

"Princess Leilani of the Kingdom of Nalu. At your service." The newly arrived princess rose, then bowed her head. Streaks of silver had been woven into her hair, and she wore a green bikini top with a matching sarong around her waist. Her whole body was toned like an athlete, and the way she held the trident revealed that she was comfortable with the weapon.

"A pleasure to meet you." Mike rose and formally introduced the others. Leilani seemed less intense than her mother, but her keen eyes swept over them in appraisal. In truth, it was clear that the princess was disappointed, but Mike didn't care. They had been disappointing on purpose.

"My mother informed me that I will be joining your quest to track the beast who killed our people in order to destroy it." The princess stood tall, clutching the shell and spear firmly. "I look forward to enacting our vengeance."

This was definitely not the attitude he had been hoping for. Ratu maintained a placid expression while Beth giggled and leaned across the table. Quetzalli set down her cup with a sigh. Ingrid wore the biggest smile he had ever seen. Looking back at the princess, he realized he was going to have to up his game. He couldn't wait to get back to the room and discuss how to proceed with the others.

"Paradise shall become my new home. Where you go, I shall go. Whenever we leave this property, one of your own shall stay behind in the care of my people." Leilani gave a cursory glance to the group. "May the tides rise in our favor."

Everyone repeated the mantra. Princess Kailani cleared her throat, getting everyone's attention. "You're forgetting something."

"Right." Leilani held the conch shell to her mouth and blew. Instead of the low sound of a distant foghorn, the shell emitted a soft note that permeated the air and sent a ripple of light out into the sea. The merfolk turned and stared at the water, waiting.

A syrupy mist rose up from the water, about a hundred yards from shore. It rolled itself into a spherical cloud and a tall shape appeared within. The prow of a large wooden ship pierced the fog, and a galleon manifested before them. Large sails flapped in the breeze as the ship drew near. Standing on the prow was a man in a black canvas doublet wearing white breeches. The ship showed no sign of stopping, but came to a standstill about thirty feet out from the wall of water.

The man leapt off the prow, and the waves rose to greet him. He slid down the curved surface of the water and then ran along the top of the waves until he reached the wall. He jumped down in much the same manner that Leilani had appeared, landing in a crouch with one hand on the hilt of a sword to keep the sheath from sticking in the sand.

When he rose, Mike got a good look at sand colored hair and azure eyes that looked right through him. He felt his magic pulse, and the world briefly dimmed as they locked eyes on one another. Though the man was a stranger, Mike was struck by an intimate recognition that nearly left him breathless.

At his side, Ingrid's smile had vanished. This was clearly a surprise to her as well, and it was the only consolation Mike felt in the moment.

"Allow me to introduce my escort." Leilani moved to the man's side. "Sir Francois Lapérouse. Master navigator and friend of the ocean."

Francois did a little bow. Though he didn't look a day over twenty five, his eyes told a different story. This was a man far wiser than his years, and he made Mike's skin crawl.

"My friends call me Frankie," he said with a faint accent, throwing a wink at Beth. But when he turned to face Mike, the smile on his face no longer reached his eyes. The merfolk seemed oblivious to the sudden chill in the air, and it was almost like the sky dimmed as the two men looked at each other.

"Nice to meet you, Frankie." Mike held up his hand in greeting. "I'm Mike. I'm the Caretaker."