Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 044

Hi all, here is the next chapter of Book 4!

New readers, this story is written chapter/book style. The start of this book was Ch. 43. I would recommend starting at Ch. 01 so you get the whole story, but I'm not your boss, so you do you.

Returning readers, so good to see you again! I've appreciated all of your feedback the last two years (it's been two years now!) and I'm working hard to keep bringing you the story you deserve. So make sure you leave stars, comments, and/or feedback, cause I seriously do read them all. Make sure to follow me to get post notifications, or check my bio (cause I do update it when I hit submit) to get an idea for when the next chapter will release.

Much love to you all, let's learn some more about the Radley home's latest guest!

Long Nights

"A dullahan?" Mike frowned. "I'm afraid I don't know the term."

"I'm yer friendly headless horseman, lad." The dullahan still held his own head in one hand, and was now swinging it back and forth like a macabre pendulum. "My job is similar to a banshees in that I deal with dead spirits, though I usually cut a more dashing figure on my horse. So I guess I'm technically just headless." The grin on his face was impossibly wide, his lips stretched nearly to his ears.

"I want to speak to the faerie queen, right now, please." Mike crossed his arms and stared down the dullahan. "How do I make that happen?"

"You certainly are an anxious sort." Sulyvahn swung his head in a circle and released it into the air. His body stepped forward and his head landed on his shoulders with a thud, scattering the inky mist in a perfect circle, much like a smoke ring. "In regards to Her Majesty, I can say without reasonable doubt that she has no interest in speaking with ye."

"Oh, really?" Mike stepped closer. "And how do you know that?"

Sulyvahn's grin faded. "Not puttin' yer best foot forward now, are ye lad? The queen has very little liking for your lot, humans to be specific, but she's a particular dislike of you. Says you sullied one of her own, and she sent me 'cause she has it on good authority you have no interest in seducing menfolk. Believes ye used some kinda dark magic to seduce our Cecilia. But no disrespect meant, just telling you what I've been told."

"Wait, hold up." Beth stepped forward, a grin plastered on her face. "The reason she sent you was so that Mike wouldn't sleep with you?"

"There's no shortage of banshees in the fae realm looking for work, lass, and many would be happy to come here. The mortal world isn't a friendly place for our kind these days, so when I was offered the position, I gladly accepted. Thought it could be fun to visit with the living and do something different for a bit, I'm less shy than my sisters are. As for an audience with the queen, I'm afraid my abilities are limited to patrolling the grounds and making sure you are sent proper to your final rewards."

"So you won't help me?" Mike lowered his arms.

"I see no desire to anger the queen on account of a man I just met, nothing personal. I've only been here a minute, and already yer asking me to bend the rules." Sulyvahn tilted his head to one side, causing the skin on his neck to split and spill out some more black smoke. "Not that I mind a little rule bending, but the queen is not one to be trifled with, and I'd like to be allowed to stick around."

Mike let out a sigh. He needed a different approach. "You know what? You're right. Feel free to have a look around. Don't mind the centaurs if they show up, they're friendly and tend to the grounds. Oh, and don't sit on the swing. It might break under you." It was a lie, but he couldn't bear to see Cecilia's replacement in her favorite spot.

"There's a lad." Sulyvahn patted Mike on the shoulder. "I appreciate the hospitality."

"You're welcome. Good night, Sulyvahn." Mike walked past the others and into the house. The others took a moment to greet the dullahan one at a time before filing back into the living room where Mike waited.

"So what's the plan?" Beth asked. "There's no way you would have backed down so easily unless you had one."

Mike smirked. The lawyer knew him all too well. "I don't trust the dullahan, not yet, anyway, but we don't need him. He's already given us the most important piece of information that he can."

"Like that Cecilia is with the faerie queen?" Beth raised an eyebrow.

"You got it." Mike looked at Reggie. "Odds that your rats can chew a portal into the faerie realm?"

"Hmm." Reggie's whiskers twitched. "We would need more information about where we were going, but perhaps."

"Okay, then, information is good, and I think I know a place." He winked at Sofia. "But we need to keep in mind that Sulyvahn may be an agent of the faerie queen. I don't get the impression he's here to harm us, but I also don't want to clue him in on what we might be doing. For now, the plan is to gain an audience with the queen and negotiate Cecilia's release. Until then, can I get someone to keep an eye on our guest?"

"I'd be happy to," Beth volunteered. "I have a way with people."

"I know you do." Mike fought the grin on his face. "However, make sure you're ready to go when we find a way to... whatever it is we're going to do. I would like your help with the queen. You're a much better diplomat than I am."

"I can do that." She winked and walked outside.

"Well, then." Mike turned to look at the others. "What do you say? Who wants to look through some books with me?"

--

Death looked up at them when they came into the office. Sofia stood behind Mike, and Tink had joined them. Reggie scampered in a few seconds later after speaking with one of his lieutenants.

"Mike Radley. You have brought odd company this night." Death sipped his tea.

"Sorry, Death, we aren't here for a visit. Got some house business, we're just passing through." Mike looked at the bookshelf behind the specter and grabbed the red book from the bottom. "Are we all ready?"

The others crowded in, and he searched for the right location on the shelf. Spotting the magic symbol, he slid the book home and the world transformed like a turning page. They now stood in a large chamber with impossibly high ceilings supported by massive columns. Not only did the columns contain entire rooms full of books, but each column was connected to the others with an intricate set of multi-story bridges that also doubled as book storage. Access to these stacks was nearly impossible from the ground without magical assistance of some sort, and Sofia had once warned Mike that she would occasionally find the skeleton of some poor soul who had snuck in and gotten lost before starving to death.

Sofia picked up her staff and tapped it on the ground. "I have a few reference sections we can check, but a lot of it is written in other languages."

"We'll make it work."

"Indeed." When Death spoke, Mike jumped. He turned around to see that Death had come with them into the Library. The reaper held a long tube that undoubtedly held the map he had been looking at earlier.

"Here." Sofia pulled the tube out of Death's hands. "I'll get this put back."

"Thank you, Sofia."

"He says thanks," Mike repeated, knowing she couldn't see or hear him. Once she had taken the tube from his hands, she had no idea where he was.

"Anytime." Sofia stared into the distance, waiting. Eventually a large floating carpet arrived, and they all climbed on. It lifted them up into the air and proceeded through the Library on a preset course.

"It would be best if we split up," Sofia explained several minutes later when the carpet landed on a platform four stories in the air. There was a hanging lantern by the entrance, and Sofia tapped it with her staff. The lantern filled with light, and she lifted it up and handed it to Tink.

"Follow the light," she told the goblin. "It will lead you to a group of books about the fae."

"Tink got it." The goblin slid her goggles over her eyes and took the lantern. The ball of light flew out of it and hovered several feet ahead of the goblin, leading her into the stacks. Reggie followed behind her, and their shadows disappeared between a pair of shelves just as the carpet lifted off again.

"You okay?" Sofia asked.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah." Mike realized that he stood with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. "I'm just ready to go get her back is all. I've been so worried, and now I'm concerned about this faerie queen person. I'm wondering how much ass we're going to have to kick, and I'll admit that I'm kind of working myself up." It also didn't help that he was tired. He had been planning to go to bed early and catch up on some sleep.

"Yeah, well, you need to keep a clear head and really think this situation through. How many times has everything gone to hell because you've jumped before looking?"

"I mean... I don't keep count." Mike frowned. "If it was you being held captive, I'd still approach it the same way."

"Maybe." Sofia turned away from him, her gaze on the distant columns. Her thick braid bounced around on her shoulders. "But I would still want the same thing from you. Don't just rush in. Think before you do, or speak. In the span of half an hour, you're now ready to take on a being of immense power, the queen of the fae, because you aren't happy with a decision she's made regarding one of her subjects. This isn't a problem you can just fuck or blow up."

He shrugged. "We don't know that."

"Well, I do. I'm no expert on the faerie queen, but I've heard plenty of stories. Fae music alone is greatly feared, and do you know why? You hear it once and it gets stuck in your ear forever, or you wander into their realm and never return. What if you go to the queen's court, and decide you never want to come back?"

"Is that what you're afraid of? That I may never come back?" A smirk crossed his lips. "Would you miss me?"

"You're not funny, Caretaker, nor are you taking this as seriously as you should be. There's a reason mortals have few stories about faerie kind that end well, and I don't want you joining that other number." The carpet came to a stop and she tapped on the lantern there. "These are books about dealings with the fae. Feel free to skim through them to get a better understanding of what I'm telling you. I know that you're doing this to help a friend, but think of the friends you might leave behind when you do so." She passed the glowing lantern to Mike. "Actually have a plan this time. Your usual tactics won't work here."

"You mean getting lucky at the last second?" He wanted to hear her response, but the ball of light burst out of the lantern and he had to chase it to keep up. The Library wasn't intended for casual browsing by visitors, and he was soon buried deep within the stacks, his eyes on the little glowing ball of light. It finally settled at the end of one of the rows, and then leapt back into his lantern.

"Hmm." He held up the lamp and scrutinized the covers of the books. They were written in another language, but under the lamp's light, the words swam in front of him and reformed into English. Sofia alone could activate the lamps, it was just one of her many abilities as the Librarian, and he was grateful for the magical translation. The moving letters did make him feel a little motion sick though.

"There are no maps here," Death said, and Mike jumped, nearly banging his head on the shelf above.

"Shit, I didn't realize you followed me!" He put a hand on his chest and tried to catch his breath. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

"I did no such thing. I didn't wish to get left behind, so I rode with you." Death knelt down and gazed at one of the books. "I must admit I have contemplated learning to read."

"You don't know how to read?"

"The grim reaper has no need for books." Death slid a large tome out and opened it up. "Nor has there been any time for it."

"What is being the grim reaper like?" Mike spotted a book that looked promising and opened it. The letters lifted off the page and reformed into English, so he scanned the contents.

"That is not a question I can answer." Death stared at him. "Other than a few rare moments in history, I have no recollection of ever having thoughts or desires of my own."

"That makes sense." Mike tucked the book under one arm. "You've been with us for a couple of months now, though. Surely you have some thoughts on the matter?"

Death nodded. "I only exist on this plane when a creature dies. Though it happens constantly, each moment is but the blink of an eye. Rarely do I even walk among you. Rather, I simply come and go."

"Really? Then what?"

"I reap, but do not sow. The souls I collect upon, they do get passed on, but to where they go, I do not know." Death put the book away, then flashed a toothy grin. "It was only recently that I was able to even contemplate the creatures I am sworn to collect."

"You mean humans?" Mike pulled out another book.

"Indeed, Mike Radley. I was not created to experience your human emotions, only to serve. I have witnessed the best and worst of humanity in their final moments, but I do not judge. However, I have become curious about your kind, and found my attention lingering on more than one occasion. Think of it as a professional courtesy." Death held up the book he was holding. "Imagine that every letter in this book is a single soul. I flip the book to a random page, read my letter, then leave. I have gained very little."

"Okay." Mike held onto his current book, now giving his full attention to Death. "So do you get to read the book when all the souls are collected?"

"No. The letters keep moving." Death flipped to a different page. "In the course of human events, I will often find that I must collect many souls in the same area in a short amount of time. It is during these times that I was able to briefly walk the earth and know you, to see the whole page as I pluck some letters from it."

Mike paused, deep in thought. "Are you talking about wars?" he asked.

"A bit. War is a brother of mine, and thanks to him, I have seen much of this world." Death closed the book. "Natural disasters, plagues, acts of gods, I am there to reap, to collect my bounty and move on. It is those moments that linger with me as I walk this plane of existence with you. I have a chance to think about what I've seen and to process it."

"That sounds like a lot. Is that why you've been looking at old maps? Is that when a bunch of people died?"

"It helps to put my thoughts in order, yes. I am no mortal being, Mike Radley, and my memory is infallible. However, my sense of time is very distorted, and I find comfort in being able to organize those thoughts much like this library, to put order to my collection. It also allows me to put imagery to locations, to see the world proper, though I never leave this house."

"So you remember everybody that's ever died?"

"I don't reap everybody. There are other entities similar to me, like your dear Cecilia. Unlike her, I have had very little chance to interact directly with mankind, and I am trying to properly appreciate the opportunity while it lasts. To do this, I am trying to better understand myself."

MIke frowned. "That's... pretty deep, to be honest. So you stare at these maps and remember stuff? It sounds like kind of a bummer, really."

"It is no bummer, Mike Radley, to offer relief to those who are ready to cross over. Grief and pain exist only for those who are left behind." Death winked, a process that involved one of his eye sockets temporarily folding shut. "As for what comes next? That is the true mystery."

Mike shivered. "That's a mystery I'm willing to put off for as long as possible, if you don't mind."

Death stared at Mike for nearly a minute, then nodded. "That is appropriate."

"You know what though?" Mike held up his book. "I'm glad you're getting this chance to hang around and explore, but don't focus too much on the past. You can enjoy looking at your maps and such, but take the opportunity to see how humans live. Quit staying in the office all day, and instead get involved somehow. By contemplating all these lives you've seen while they're ending, all you are doing is looking at a story from the final few pages. That's no way to read a book, you know."

"I see." Death stroked the spine of a nearby book that was gilded with gold letters. "Perhaps that is the first thing I should know about reading."

"It's one of many things. Never skip to the end, often the journey makes it even sweeter."

"I do enjoy our chats, Mike Radley."

"When I'm not so busy, I'd be happy to help you learn how to read." Mike took a peek inside the book in his hands and nodded to himself. It had a few mentions of faeries in it. "Until then, you can help me carry some of these."

"I can do that." Death held out his bony hands to accept the book from Mike. They perused the row they were in, and Mike pulled a few more books from the shelves and handed them to Death. When it was time to move to the next row, they stopped to set the books down on a nearby rolling cart.

The light of the lantern left many times, and each time, Mike followed. He collected dozens of books, piling them onto the cart as the hour grew even later, fighting off the occasional yawn.

Death said very little, content to observe.

--

Dana frowned at the gathering on the front yard. While everybody else had been curious to see what Mike had been hollering about, she was currently distracted by the processed semen running through her body.

As a zombie, her hunger could become quite dangerous. She needed to consume the brains of the living in order to have enough life force to sate her hunger, but it had been discovered that Mike's biology had been significantly altered by magic to the point that his semen was capable of giving her the boost she needed to not only maintain her own sanity, but kept her from decomposing as well. The sperm shooters in the fridge weren't nearly as potent as consuming it directly from the source, but they were good enough to keep her from cracking into the nearest living creature for a quick bite.

Unfortunately, his semen had the odd side effect of making her horny. It was almost like her nervous system returned to life after feeding, but focused all of its energy on her erogenous zones. Earlier that morning, she had simply gone back to her shop and masturbated quickly, just to take the edge off. However, being forced to eat again after slashing up her hand meant that the satisfaction from her fingers wasn't going to be anywhere near good enough to get her through the night.

While Mike and the others were speaking with the headless man out front, all Dana could think about was the sexy nymph out back. Always a willing participant, Naia was always there for her when she needed to get off. Biting her lower lip, she had left the others in front of the house and made her way to the backyard instead. Whatever the issue was, she could be filled in later.

Naia's fountain was gushing enough water that she was tumbling around at the top like a skydiver, laughing quietly to herself. The fairies were dive bombing her, trying to grab a small crystal from her hand that she kept tossing to her other hand, or dropping it into the fountain and making the water carry it back up on a jet of water. The air smelled of rain and mint, causing Dana to inhale deeply.

She sat on the edge of the fountain and watched. With every turn, Naia's slender legs slid free of her skirt, revealing her upper thighs and the runes on her torso glowed brightly through her gown. Eventually, a blue ball of light swooped in and grabbed the crystal, taking off over the roof of the house while the others followed.

Laughing, Naia stabilized to a sitting position, her eyes on the fairy lights. Once the fairies were gone, she tilted her head down toward Dana and winked.