Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 071

"Physical aggression by either party will result in forfeiture," Murray declared in a booming voice. Pressure from above forced Beth and the horsemen to their knees, then released them. The sword slammed into the ground, cracking the dirt. "You will never again attempt to attack the other party."

"Then what do we do?" Thick veins in War's neck appeared as his face twisted up in frustration. He picked his sword back up, careful to do so in a non-menacing way. "Would you have us quit? It isn't fair!"

"Brother." Famine put his hand on War's shoulder. "I have a better plan. We force mediation until this bitch dies, then let it go. That way, at least we don't stay trapped here forever, but she still gets to die for pissing us off."

"In that case..." Beth smiled and reached into Tick Tock to pull out the Grimoire. "What if I told you I had a way to become immortal using this book?" It was a deliberately vague statement. She didn't know if the Grimoire could do such a thing, but Mehkhkahrel couldn't call her out for lying. "This is perhaps the most powerful magical tome in existence. It contains Words of Creation."

"That is forbidden knowledge," Murray declared, his face going slack as his skull repositioned itself correctly.

"Not by the laws of my people," Beth responded.

"Is she correct? Does that book contain Words of Creation?" War's voice actually squeaked.

"It does." Murray sounded angry when he said this.

"How many?" This came from Famine.

Murray's forehead wrinkled up and a sneer formed on his face. "Enough to make me concerned."

The conversation was veering in an unexpected direction. Even though the Grimoire had no information on harming angels, Mehkhkahrel was clearly concerned that Beth had such a thing. The last thing she wanted was for the angel to decide to take away the book, so Beth stuffed it back inside Tick Tock. The horsemen were off-balance, so it was time for her next ploy.

"So it looks like we are at an impasse. We will never settle. If you had taken the time to make an actual list of demands, something like 'we want to be on Earth, only not as the horsemen of the Apocalypse,' we might have played ball with you."

"We are forces of nature," Famine hissed. "We do not 'play ball'."

"What if I offered you a way around this impasse?" Beth tilted her head in a conspiratorial manner toward War.

War chewed his bottom lip so hard that it split and bled. His muscles tensed for several moments before he let out a disgusted sigh. "I'll hear your idea, but we won't back down on our demands."

"Perish the thought." Satisfied that she had their attention, she grinned smugly. "I want to challenge you to a game of war. Winner takes all. If we win, you go back to wherever Mehkhkahrel summoned you from and will not return until the gods themselves decree that it's Apocalypse time. But if you win, you all get a one-way trip straight to Earth to do whatever the fuck you want."

"Heh. You assume you can challenge us to a game you can win?" War flexed his massive chest. "What game?"

Beth held up the Risk box.

"I'm not playing a fucking board game!" War tossed his sword onto the ground and groaned. "I demand a real challenge! I want my heart to race, to feel the blood of my enemies splash against my skin, to see the dying light fade from their eyes! You don't get that from a board game!"

She took a deep breath, then let it out. This had been an expected reaction, and she was properly prepared. "What if I told you that you could have all those things with this game?"

War rolled his eyes. "It's a cardboard box full of paper and plastic. Maybe, if things get really exciting, someone will choke to death on a piece."

Beth looked up at Mehkhkahrel. She hated looking at Murray. "As the mediator, it is your job to facilitate any sort of discussion or agreements we wish to pursue. Therefore, what I am about to suggest is dependent upon your abilities."

"I am listening," Murray replied.

"Some months back, I underwent an experience where myself and the people I live with were pulled into a board game much like this one." She shivered as a few memories immediately surfaced, but chased them away in case the angel was trying to read her mind. "From our perspective, the game was real. In fact, our memories had been wiped and we were stuck in the roles assigned by the game. After multiple days, we finally beat the game, only to discover that we had been sitting around and playing it for about an hour in the real world. It was very similar to the Dreamscape in this manner."

What she didn't say was that Jenny had taken over the game completely, filling the house with Eldritch horrors. While everyone had been trapped inside the game, Jenny had been able to move in and out of it at will while manipulating events from the outside. She had added pieces from other games, and shifted characters around for her own amusement. It had been a flare-up of the magic Jenny had absorbed from Yuki's emerald months past, one final blast of Jenny/Janey insanity that had led to the destruction of the game and a vow to never discuss the events that had occurred while inside it.

She definitely didn't need to bring up the fact that their memories had also been messed up. For most of the game, she had been under the firm belief that she was, in fact, Professor Plum.

"Why would I even care?" asked War. "What makes this game so special?"

"It's a game of strategy. Here." Beth handed over the rules. "We each command our own armies in hopes of achieving global domination--"

"Ah!" War snatched the rules and looked them over. "Global domination, you say!"

Famine looked uncertain. "You are challenging us, actual horsemen of the Apocalypse, to a game of global conquest?"

"Six people can play. Since the three of you would be playing, we would get to have three players as well. Of course, this really only works if Mehkhkahrel is willing to essentially construct a parallel universe for us to destroy. The key to making this work, though, is that the board's condition determines what happens inside. We roll dice out here, but see soldiers slaughter each other in there."

Murray's eyelid twitched. "This could be arranged, if all parties agree to it. You would also have to agree to a set of rules."

Pestilence waved their hands around, and the air filled with buzzing.

"Good point. Who would your three players be?" asked Famine. "I assume our brother is one?"

Death narrowed his eyes. "I am no good with games. You know this."

"Who does that leave?"

Beth hid the smile from her face as she pointed to Reggie. "Our players will be me, the rat, and Jenny." She held up the doll for everyone to see. "These two have played more board games than anyone else and are quite good at it."

War laughed so hard that the others stepped away from him. Large tears formed in the corners of his eyes as he pointed at Beth.

"You challenge...us...with a rat and a child's toy?" He held his belly and crouched down as if holding in his mirth. "Oh, this is rich!"

Reggie closed the distance between the two of them until he stood at War's feet. The horseman laughed again when the rat put his hands on his waist.

"I will have you know that I am no mere rat," Reggie declared. "I am a king. You would be nothing without the greed of monarchs like myself. So if you think my diminutive stature is equivalent to my abilities, then you have already lost."

Play with me! Jenny's voice was distorted as if playing through an old speaker.

War wiped a tear from his cheek. "I'm sorry, this is too much. I can't wait to crush all of you! So how do we do this?"

"Simple. We agree on the rules first." Beth pulled them out. "What happens out here translates to in there. You get to choose what your troops look like and how they act. You are free to make alliances. Whoever wins the game decides the fate of the world. It will be just like a real war."

War rolled his eyes. "And that is why you will lose. While we are inside the game, it will feel real. The first time you see a man's skull explode, you'll forget how to play this game. You will freeze as we take everything from you, one by one. Your mind isn't strong enough, little girl. And once we are finished, we will do it on your planet, with everyone you've ever loved."

"All is fair in love and war. That's something that we can all agree on, yes?"

War's smile faltered. It was almost as though he sensed the trap. He looked at his siblings, who both nodded their assent. With a shrug, he looked up at Mehkhkahrel.

"On behalf of my party, we agree to these terms."

Murray's eyes flashed, and a large table appeared. The board was already set up, and thick chairs made of stone appeared. Runes burned themselves into the stone, and fiery symbols now glowed.

"Here." Beth handed Tick Tock to Death, who grabbed hold of the bag. "Make sure nothing weird happens to us out here." She didn't want her body blindsided while her mind was inside the game.

"It's a little late for that," the Grim Reaper muttered. He held Tick Tock as if the mimic were dirty. "This business is already weird enough. Also, one cannot wear a backpack properly in robes."

"You'll figure it out." Her palms were sweaty as she took her place at the table. Reggie sat on her left, and she set Jenny on her right. The mists swirled around Mehkhkahrel as if trying to consume the angel, and Murray's eyes drifted apart so that he wasn't looking at anyone in particular.

"You guys ready for family game night?" she asked.

Reggie nodded, his eyes focused on the horsemen as they sat. Famine's big gut pressed against the table, so he had to sit further away. War's massive torso looked out of place as well, and he had the appearance of a meat dreidel that was ready to topple forward any moment. Only Pestilence fit into their seat, their hazmat suit sagging noticeably when they sat forward.

"Let's see what you've got," War sneered.

"And so, we begin," Murray declared, and a bright light enveloped the players. The world swirled violently around Beth and she felt like she was falling as the light took her. Terror filled her body, and she bit her lip to hold back a scream.

She hoped she hadn't just fucked everything up.

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I really hoped you enjoyed that! I love being able to put down words for you to read, so please don't forget to drop me some stars and help others find my story.

Next chapter will heat up as Beth battles the horsemen for the fate of the world while Mike...goes for a walk in the woods with Abella. It'll be a different kind of heat.

Until next time! Stay awesome, be kind to each other, and eat yer damn veggies! They're good for you!

~Annabelle Hawthorne